Broken hearted, is it possible to stay friends?

LegacyUser

So there is someone with whom I have shared a sexual relationship and close friendship for years. We're best friends actually. Anyway my feelings got to be serious, and his didn't. We decided last year to end the sexual relationship and stay friends. Is this possible?

We spent some time together and ended up falling right back into the sexual side of things. It was his suggestion, but (being an idiot) I couldn't (didn't) say no. It's been a few months now and I've only recently ended the sexual things for the second time. He ended them the first time. It hurts so much worse this time. My heart is completely shattered. And I'm angry with him, even though I could have said no. I guess I'm more angry with him because he's not in love with me, and it's only now looking back that it's upsetting me that he even suggested that we indulge in that kind of thing again.

Anyway, I just don't know what to do. I've never felt this way about anyone else before in my life. He is my best friend and my anger at him and my sadness over the situation are eating me up inside. I don't know if I need some time away from him (we talk every day) or if I need to just wait it out... I don't even really know what I'm asking. I'm just hurting so much, and I don't know what to do. I don't have any girlfriends. I have asked my sister and she just listens, she's not big on suggestions. So if anyone here has any suggestions, I would love to hear them. I feel so lost.

MsHolloway

Hi op,

I think its best you walk away, and cut him out of your life. Until you get over him at least.
You can't work as friends, twice now its ended up in the bedroom. Even if you swear this time to just be friends, its way too hard to be friends with someone you have feelings for. How will you feel when he finds someone, starts a relationship with someone else?
Its only going to hurt you in the end. Its funny really how much we're willing to hurt and torture ourselves when it comes to these sorts of things.
Sure it will hurt not having him in your life, but no where near as much it will hurt continuing being around feeling the way you do about him and knowing he doesn't reciprocate those feelings.

IrishEyes19

I think you need to walk away from him for a while, OP, its a horrible situation, but from what you've written it sounds like he's only ever going to want a sexual relationship with no strings attached and you sounds like you would really value a proper relationship with him. However I dont think he will ever want this and thats why I think no contact might be your only option for a while, otherwise you'll fall back into the same routine and you'll be miserable. Can you confide in any other male friends if you haven't many female friends.

tiaxxx

No it's just not possible to stay friends with somebody that you've had a sexual Relationship with... One person always wants more than the other:mad:

LegacyUser

What a coincidence that this should be bumped so long after I posted it.

I didn't cut him out. We're back to friends plus now, I guess.

I can't quit him. I just can't. I know he doesn't love me. I guess for the time being, I don't care.

tiaxxx

I know..I find myself in the exact same position as you it's going on for months now:( too long.....

IrishEyes19

tiaxxx wrote: »

I know..I find myself in the exact same position as you it's going on for months now:( too long.....

I think you both, OP and tiaxx here deserve someone who loves you and earns your respect, as well as you theres. Both of you are settling for less and I dont mean to burst the bubble, but how will you feel when these guys settle down, which they often eventually do when they meet the girl they are prepared to change even slightly for. Just warning you both. I had to do it as well before where you're seeing someone you've really fallen for, but they dont want the relationship side of things. I ended it, after he broke the no contact rule 2 times, but I ended it finally, and I havent looked back. I urge you both to do the same. The recovery is hard, but the consequences are painful.

Skuxx

I know its going to hurt but everyone here is right, you need to walk away, for a while anyway!! I was in a similar situation to yours, was head over heels in love with a girl, her feelings for me didn't extend past good friends!! I knew I couldn't watch her date other people etc as it would tear me up inside so I cut contact with her for a while! It was helped by the fact she went travelling and I was busy with work! Anyway I've moved on since, found an amazing girl and am recently back in contact with her after about a year without any! We are good friends now and everything seems to be working out fine! I think cutting contact is the only thing for you OP!!