Will he text or should I?

scarymoon1

mods can you create my post as a new thread as im in work and it wont let me create a new thread -sorry for the inconvenience and to the OP for posting here. But anyway my problem is I met a really lovely guy saturday night and he seemed intested in me too. We had a great night. He said would I like to meet up Wednesday and I said ok. He said he'd text me Monday - which he did and we exchanged a few texts about what a good night we had etc - they were short exchanges. However, he didnt mention meeting up tonight and I have not heard from him since. Maybe he will text me tonight? Or is it a bad sign he didnt ask me Monday when we were texting???? thanks.

Colonel_McCoy

ring him and confirm tonight

scarymoon1

Colonel - do you think I should? Would that seem desperate or something??

ilovefridays

Scarymoon1 , he may be just busy or something. if i were you I would take colonels advise and either text him or ring him , if he doesnt reply or answer, leave it, the ball is in his court then.

Good Luck

OP - DO Not bring flowers on a first date....No way.....Good luck with your date though.

Colonel_McCoy

Not desparate at all. Ring him to confirm tonight after all ye agreed to meet, if he doesnt answer forget about him...he is not worth it

LegacyUser

If you go ahead and text him you'll find out if he's interested or not. If he is who cares if it seems desperate, you've got your date. If he isn't interested who cares if it seems desperate you'll never see him again. Win win as far as I can see.

Fittle

Sorry, but if hes interested, he would have mentioned it again and arranged a date for tonight is my guess!

scarymoon1

i text him and we met up can i ask if you met someone a second time and you said to them your not looking for only sex - you want a relationship. Would you run scared or what???

Beruthiel

scarymoon1 wrote: »

can i ask if you met someone a second time and you said to them your not looking for only sex - you want a relationship. Would you run scared or what???

Nothing wrong with being straight up with what you are looking for.
It cuts out the crap and if he's interested in the same thing, you'll know sooner rather than later.

scarymoon1

by text i said this and he then said that hes not interested in a relationship. I said fair enough cya. He said when he saw that text with cya he was gutted and knew he wanted more. So he said to me last night then when we met up hes not only interested in sex and wants to see me again. I guess il have to see if hes lying or not.

Cheeky_gal

scarymoon1 wrote: »

i text him and we met up can i ask if you met someone a second time and you said to them your not looking for only sex - you want a relationship. Would you run scared or what???

Beruthiel wrote: »

Nothing wrong with being straight up with what you are looking for.
It cuts out the crap and if he's interested in the same thing, you'll know sooner rather than later.

For the love of God don't take the advice above.
Telling someone the second/third time meeting them you're looking for a relationship? I'm no expert but I'd assume that would be a major turn off to a guy. Seems very full on imo! I'd wait til after a few more dates and then say it, but definately not this early on.

IrishEyes19

Am inclined to agree after second or third date its a bit full on, having said that, stating you dont want a casual relationship based on sex is not wrong either. As another poster said, it cuts out the messy bits when the topic does come up, it also weeds out whose suited you and isnt.

I dont know, OP, Id give it time. I expect he didnt expect you to say bye bye, so Id just be careful with this one. Id say his ego was bruised.

Colonel_McCoy

I dont see anything wrong with saying your are looking for a relationship.......you have told him what you want....................if it does not work because you are not compatible fair enough.

zxcvbnm1

Cheeky_gal wrote: »

For the love of God don't take the advice above.
Telling someone the second/third time meeting them you're looking for a relationship? I'm no expert but I'd assume that would be a major turn off to a guy. Seems very full on imo! I'd wait til after a few more dates and then say it, but definately not this early on.

Have to say, coming out with this line on a second date unprompted is definitely unnecessary and would not be appealing to me personally.

scarymoon1

i totally regretted bringing it up after saying it. I think i frightened him - at this stage i dont even know if i want a relationship with him as i dont even know him - but my friend influenced me. my sister said what was i playing at - I was way too intense - yet my friend said he should be buying me presents, drinks, dinner if he's interested in me. She is the friend who sleeps with a man the first time she meets me and she was lecturing me saying dont sleep wiith him, let him buy me stuff etc.He did buy drinks tho. But I agree in 50/50 and my friend said no he should pay.

ilovefridays

yes he may have got scared when you said you want a relationship , he may have pictured wedding bells are a clingy bird or something.

the best thing to do is, dont mention it again, go out with him a few more times and see how you's get on, get to know him first before jumping into a relationship.
who knows, you may end up not suited.

Cheeky_gal

scarymoon1 wrote: »

my sister said what was i playing at - I was way too intense

Your sister is right I'm afraid. At least you'll know now not to ask that question so early on. I'd imagine that question so early on would be a deal breaker for most men.

scarymoon1 wrote: »

Imy friend said he should be buying me presents, drinks, dinner if he's interested in me. She is the friend who sleeps with a man the first time she meets me and she was lecturing me saying dont sleep wiith him, let him buy me stuff etc.He did buy drinks tho. But I agree in 50/50 and my friend said no he should pay.

You're dead right. Why should he have to pay? You're friend is living in cookooland. Obviously the odd treat would be nice but it goes both ways as you said, 50/50. Don't listen to your friend she's talking nonsense.

Cheeky_gal

Cheeky_gal wrote: »

Your sister is right I'm afraid. At least you'll know now not to ask that question so early on. I'd imagine that question so early on would be a deal breaker for most men.



You're dead right. Why should he have to pay? You're friend is living in cookooland. Obviously the odd treat would be nice but it goes both ways as you said, 50/50. Don't listen to your friend she's talking nonsense.

Spot on on both counts listen to this poster OP and to be honest, I wouldn't go leaving down your intentions too early. Go with the flow. If you are uncomfortable about sex too early then that's fine. Don't feel pressured. It should be something you both want 100% at same time not to suit one or the other party. Normally when two people like each other it happens naturally at the right time for both without the need for ground rules being laid down prior. if he does proposition you the next night then if you dont feel ready id show him the gate.

scarymoon1

yeah my friend is living is cuckooland, she does the 3 days rule and all that crap. I do feel ready to sleep with him but my friend has warned me not to - let him buy me stuff first! That sounds like prostitution to me! Plus when he asked me to his for coffe as he was too tired to go out ( he was back from the gym and it was a horrible night ) I told this to my friend and she said hes a creep - to say il meet him then stand him up!!! But then when he came to the pub he said he was glad he came. Plus he said if he was only after sex he wouldnt have bothered going to meet me in the pub - he would have said feck it I cant be bothered and stayed at home.

ilovefridays

scarymoon1 wrote: »

yeah my friend is living is cuckooland, she does the 3 days rule and all that crap. I do feel ready to sleep with him but my friend has warned me not to - let him buy me stuff first! That sounds like prostitution to me! Plus when he asked me to his for coffe as he was too tired to go out ( he was back from the gym and it was a horrible night ) I told this to my friend and she said hes a creep - to say il meet him then stand him up!!! But then when he came to the pub he said he was glad he came. Plus he said if he was only after sex he wouldnt have bothered going to meet me in the pub - he would have said feck it I cant be bothered and stayed at home.

TBH, you seem to have more sense and cop-on than your friend. don't be listening to her.

Cheeky_gal

scarymoon1 wrote: »

yeah my friend is living is cuckooland, she does the 3 days rule and all that crap. I do feel ready to sleep with him but my friend has warned me not to - let him buy me stuff first! That sounds like prostitution to me! Plus when he asked me to his for coffe as he was too tired to go out ( he was back from the gym and it was a horrible night ) I told this to my friend and she said hes a creep - to say il meet him then stand him up!!! But then when he came to the pub he said he was glad he came. Plus he said if he was only after sex he wouldnt have bothered going to meet me in the pub - he would have said feck it I cant be bothered and stayed at home.

Your friend is mistaking Jersey Shore for reality

scarymoon1

i hate the wat she says men have to pay for everything - its so old fashioned. and then if i say i bought a drink myself shes looks at me as if to say he's playing you. And because he asked me to his on a first date i cant convince her he's not only after sex ( so he says - il have to judge that with time )

omega666

scarymoon1 wrote: »

i hate the wat she says men have to pay for everything - its so old fashioned. and then if i say i bought a drink myself shes looks at me as if to say he's playing you. And because he asked me to his on a first date i cant convince her he's not only after sex ( so he says - il have to judge that with time )

i hate to say it but his reply to your text and then sudden change of heart when you said see ya. And then asks you back to his for coffee for the first date!
This dosent sound like a guy who really interested in a relationship with you.

The only part ill agree with your friend with is he's looking for sex.

scarymoon1

i know he prob should have asked me to the cinema or something but he said he asked me saturday night to come to his wednesday for coffe and i agreed - i cant remember this as i was kinda drink. but in the end he did come to the pub to see me.

Maple

Folks, can we stick to the topic at hand or we'll have to close the thread. As skewed as "the friend's views" are around her rules of dating, it's not the topic the thread originally started with.

Maple.

scarymoon1

scarymoon1 wrote: »

yeah my friend is living is cuckooland, she does the 3 days rule and all that crap. I do feel ready to sleep with him but my friend has warned me not to - let him buy me stuff first! That sounds like prostitution to me! Plus when he asked me to his for coffe as he was too tired to go out ( he was back from the gym and it was a horrible night ) I told this to my friend and she said hes a creep - to say il meet him then stand him up!!! But then when he came to the pub he said he was glad he came. Plus he said if he was only after sex he wouldnt have bothered going to meet me in the pub - he would have said feck it I cant be bothered and stayed at home.

Ah the curse of the jealous friend.

To be honest the real personal issue here is that you are torn between your relationship with the guy and your 'advice' of immature friend which is on another planet. maybe she is more well meaning then i give her credit for but i very much doubt it.


EDIT: Sorry mod just seen your post now

scarymoon1

maybe she is well meaning but i know she is wrong - everyone ive told has agreed. but back to my main issue - i guess il just wait and see what happens. he said he will text at weekend - but im not so sure, i dont know why i think he wont. but anyways - if he does great - if not oh well - just forget it

booboo88

omega666 wrote: »

i hate to say it but his reply to your text and then sudden change of heart when you said see ya. And then asks you back to his for coffee for the first date!
This dosent sound like a guy who really interested in a relationship with you.

The only part ill agree with your friend with is he's looking for sex.

Im with omega666 on this one, any time a guy asks you back to his so soon he wants to get you into bed.
and for him to realise he wanted more when you said cya, it shouldnt take that for him to know. sounds like hes telling you want you want to hear.
Esp with his line "oh if i just wanted sex i wouldnt have bothered" oh ffs

scarymoon1

but would you know what you want after meeting a person only once??? Does this not have to develop over time? and then see what we both want.

scarymoon1

actaully mods can you lock this thread or something - its pointless trying to figure out what does this mean - what does that mean when i dont even know the guy and only met him twice. What will be will be! Thanks