Will I ever find someone?

LegacyUser

Feel kinda down. I'm 22, never had a girlfriend and a virgin. I've only ever kissed two girls, and that was when I was 18. I've become closeish to people but they always seem to turn out to be generic and vain. I'm a shy, sensitive sort who reads a lot and enjoys spending a lot of time on my own. But I would like to meet a soulmate. I know there has to be another odd sock like me out there but how do I find them? I'm bored around most people, only a few close friends stimulate my interest, mainly because we have such good conversations. The world seems to be full of airheads and vain people and its really getting to me.

Is it so much to ask to find a woman who reads the newspapers (Not trashy tabloid nonsense), thinks about their own existance, and wonders about the limitless possibilities of mankind? I think most seem to live in their own box, worrying about irrelevant crap (like hairstyles and how other people perceive them - I genuinely couldn't care less what others think about me. I just try to be kind and decent in my interactions and if people don't like me fair enough. Friends are over-rated anyway)

Sorry for the rambling style, I don't know what I'm trying to express really.

PhysiologyRocks

Your original post sounds very much like you look down on other people. It's always going to be difficult to meet people you find interesting if you go out there expecting people to be "vain" or "airheads".

Nobody likes to feel looked down on. If you do this, people will be less well disposed to you from the beginning.

It sounds like you need to give people a chance.

Bear in mind that not reading the papers and thinking about the fate of mankind doesn't make someone stupid. People have different interests. Even in very academic circles, some prefer scientific theory, others prefer its application and others like philosophy/literature/the arts. Some like all. Some don't like any.

I may have the wrong impression of you. If so, I apologise.

fghijkl

Bear in mind that not reading the papers and thinking about the fate of mankind doesn't make someone stupid. People have different interests. Even in very academic circles, some prefer scientific theory, others prefer its application and others like philosophy/literature/the arts. Some like all. Some don't like any.

+1

I think the mistake you're making OP is that you are hoping that there is a woman out there who is a carbon copy of yourself, a female version of you. You're never going to find someone who is an exact replica of you. I'm afraid that will never happen OP, we are all individuals, the point of a relationship is that both partners bring certain qualities to the table, teach the other person, make them see things differently, challenge them, challenge their opinions, You won't get that from a woman who is the female version of you and you would find a relationship with such a woman would be incredibly dull and unfullfilling because you would learn nothing from each other, it would be like living with a twin sister, You sound like you have very little life experience OP, you couldn't be more wrong friends are THE most important thing in life. I'm not saying you have to have 100 friends, but ONE good friend is worth gold.

thinks about their own existance, and wonders about the limitless possibilities of mankind? I think most seem to live in their own box, worrying about irrelevant crap

irrelevant to you OP just as your wondering about the limitless possibilities of mankind is irrelevant to them. Again do you have life experience OP, i was like you when i was younger fascinated by science and space and existance, you know what OP, one day you have to grow up, and putting food on the table, and earning a wage, and paying your car insurance/rent/phone bills becomes far far more relevant. How do you ever expect to find anyone, if you judge people, and look down on them because of their inferior priorities/views?

But I would like to meet a soulmate.

I firmly believe your soulmate does not have to be your partner/gf, my soulmate is my male best friend, we are so alike it's scary, i know exactly what he's thinking and i can talk to him about anything, we'd be a terrible couple though for all the reasons i've listed above, we are too alike we don't challenge each other. The best advice i can give you OP is don't surround yourself with people who think the same way as you, life is about learning, accepting other people for what they are, life doesn't always have to be an angsy, constant meaning of life debating, introspective thing, its about embracing people who are different from you and learning from them, occasionaly letting your hair down and having fun and one day you'll find a woman who lights a spark in you, who challenges you because she is different.

Peanut2011

Sorry OP but with that attitude you are highly unlikely to encounter someone like you until you are in your 40's.. Seriously, you are 22 and yet you go on like you are 42.

Live a little, enjoy life and worry free life at this stage. Stop judging others based on what they read but rather the people they are.

If you let loose a little instead of being self absorbed and stuck in some book you might also enjoy it a bit too. At the age you are at, it would be the only way to meet someone.

Also at 22 it is hardly unlikely you will meet a soul-mate and they are usually met when not looking for one.

karaokeman

Go to college.

If you do that you will get a chance to study something you're really interested in and meet lots of new people.

You may also join some clubs & societies to find people with similar hobbies to you and then go on nights out with them.

Try to enjoy life for now and build up your confidence.

Then if you stop thinking about how to find a girlfriend, one will just walk into your life when you least expect it to.

Distorted

lonelymale wrote: »

Feel kinda down. I'm 22, never had a girlfriend and a virgin. I've only ever kissed two girls, and that was when I was 18. I've become closeish to people but they always seem to turn out to be generic and vain. I'm a shy, sensitive sort who reads a lot and enjoys spending a lot of time on my own. But I would like to meet a soulmate. I know there has to be another odd sock like me out there but how do I find them? I'm bored around most people, only a few close friends stimulate my interest, mainly because we have such good conversations. The world seems to be full of airheads and vain people and its really getting to me.

Is it so much to ask to find a woman who reads the newspapers (Not trashy tabloid nonsense), thinks about their own existance, and wonders about the limitless possibilities of mankind? I think most seem to live in their own box, worrying about irrelevant crap (like hairstyles and how other people perceive them - I genuinely couldn't care less what others think about me. I just try to be kind and decent in my interactions and if people don't like me fair enough. Friends are over-rated anyway)

Sorry for the rambling style, I don't know what I'm trying to express really.

I don't think its unreasonable to want a girlfriend who reads newspapers but to find one who has an interest in philosophy and science, you would have a better chance at university. Maybe you are already at university? If you aren't, then I guess most girls you meet will be interested in clubbing, appearance, etc.. My apologies if this doesn't apply to you, but you have less chance of meeting this sort of intelligent girl in a small town in a dead end job (not saying its impossible but the chances are less). Such a girl is going to be out doing things with her life and challenging herself.

And then those sort of girls are also going to want a boyfriend who makes use of his interest in science, rather than having an untrained, unacademic casual interest. So if you don't find your current environment stimulates you, and neither do the people in it, think about changing it.

Its much easier to meet potential girlfriends\boyfriends through friends, so don't underestimate the value in making good friends. They often have single friends of a similar nature whom they can introduce you to.

Finally, chill, you are only 22 and theres plenty of time to meet people yet! Probably best to concentrate on becoming happy and fulfilled in yourself just now.