Think hubby is having affair - itemised phone bill?

daniels sister

I think my hubby is having an affair.
Just get a feeling.....
its the constant texting, home late, and when he does go to 'work' nothing is done
he is self employed plumber and goes off to his workshop about 10 miles from home even though he has little work on but he still goes off everyday

He has a pre-paid phone but i'd like to see what calls he's making exactly.
I've asked him, but he makes out that I'm dreaming it up and don't trust him which in turn makes me feel bad, but I just can't help this constant doubt I'm feeling.
Sometimes I ring him and it says 'Call waiting' and then he denies even getting a call from me!
Just don't know what to do .... how do I get a copy of the calls he's been making?

Ickle Magoo

You need to speak to your husband - trying to procure an itemised bill from a phone you do not own sounds neither legit nor a very wise way to approach an issue in your marriage.

All the best.

Oryx

You dont, it isnt your phone, so please dont ask that here.

But hopefully people can advise you generally on your dilemma over your trust of your husband.

ilovefridays

you poor thing:( it's a horrible feeling , feeling that way.

has he ever had an affair before on you? this could be the reason your having suspicions?

how do yo know nothing is getting done in work? does he have a landline work number, you could call when he's 'in work'?

seamus

Talk to him.

It wouldn't be uncommon for him to go off to work every day at the same time because he doesn't want to appear like he's not working. We've heard stories on here of men who've gone and sat in cafés all day because they didn't want their wives to find out that they had no work.

You'll have to ask him not what the story is with his phone, but what is the story with his work.

Also, it wouldn't be uncommon for you to get the "call waiting" message on his phone, but for him to not know about it.

You can't get a copy of his call history.

daniels sister

Yeah he did it before - was with another woman about 4 years ago.
The tension at home wasn't good.
He just has his mobile phone that I can contact him on
I have tried to discuss with him how i'm feeling and it just escalates in to
a row which isn't good when kids are listening.
Sorry for posting, just don't know where else to go - my friends are tired of me going on about him and think i should leave him.
He's the love of my life and just not sure what else to do!!!

moco

Does his mobile have any kind of online account you could get into?

I know people will say you shouldn't be trying to get hold of his call info, but if he's had an affair before, then I wouldn't blame you.

Neyite

OP, think this through - say you get hold of his bill, say you even see a number that seems more frequent than the others, say you even ring it. And then what? You wll never be able to find out if that is a work colleague that he is discussing work issues with, a client that is a problem customer. Both of those situations could be female, and innocent, or as guilty as sin. But you wont find out this way. Say if it was his mistress - do you think she will confess all when you call her? More likely she will just hang up and screen further calls.
I understand your pain, I really do, I had an ex who called his bit on the side from my phone, so I did get the bills, and I did see her number. The one time I dialled it, when she heard a woman speak she just said 'wrong number' and hung up, and never answered the next time I tried. In short, it still told me nothing. And it will be the same for you.

It was still no proof of anything, and he still turned it on me, telling me I was paranoid and wrong. About a year after we split we bumped into each other and went for coffee. He admitted then that he lied, and every single suspicion I had was spot on. You may be right in this instance, or you might be very wrong.

Have you decided what you will do if he is cheating? You say he is the love of your life, but are you going to leave him? throw him out? forgive him? What if he is just pretending to work to save face?

Why not hire a private investigator to check it out. Just be aware that whatever the outcome, it could still spell the end of your marriage.

All the best

wildlifeman

there is a simple solution to this. why dont you wait until he is drunk..or get him drunk and when he falls asleep go through his phone..it works for my partner so it should work for you.

Peanut2011

OP, I don't agree with wildlifeman above. The issue here is not if he is cheating or not, the issue is that you don't trust him. The reason you don't trust him is obvious due to the past problem, however unless you two can sort the trust out, this relationship will fail weather he is cheating or not.

Let's say he is not right now. Constant questioning, checking up and so on will drive him emotionally away from you. Guess what happens than. He gets attention elsewhere and he is gone.

If he is cheating right now and you find out, what would you do? Would you forgive him again?

Sorry to say OP but I do not believe any relationship can last after one has cheating without the trust getting built up again and obviously in your case it has not been.

Personally, once a cheater always a cheater. I would have been gone after the first time.

mimi7365

OP, sorry that you have to deal with this. I had a similar situation a long time ago with an ex, we were living together but not married. He was constantly on the phone and missing from home with little or no explanations when he did come home. I followed him one evening and it confirmed that he had been having an affair - I was furious/hurt/walking out the door but we tried to sort it out and I eventually gave him a second chance.

Bad mistake - he cheated again. You know that saying "fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me" - well that was so true for my situation. I felt I had allowed him to disrespect me - I walked and haven't looked back.

Staying in a relationship without trust is soul destroying. It destroys your self respect, self esteem and your ability to trust other people.

My advice is to do whatever you have to in order to find out the truth and if that means snoop through his phone/car/pockets then do that.

You cannot control how he behaves, only how you react to his behaviour and your reaction will give you the outcome, whether that is positive or negative is up to you.

Good luck.

fungun

does he treat your questions with respect or just make you feel bad for feeling it?

If its the latter Id be worried. Firstly you cannot be in a reln without trust and you sound like you dont trust him. Secondly if he has caused that lack of trust by an affair then he owes you some understanding of your lack of trust so to belittle it is disrespectful and not good enough in a proper reln. Dont underestimate your instincts