Another problematic ex thread

LegacyUser

Extremely similar situation to a few threads that have already been posted here and reading through two of them today, I said I'll make my own thread instead of posting a reply in those threads.

I have not posted before, this just happens to be a near identical situation as to another thread, but not quite as advanced YET. I want advice before this goes any further.



I treated my ex quite badly, ended the relationship a few years ago. It was always very casual anyway but she saw it as much more serious than it was. I didn't know this until I ended it.

At no point had she any anger for how I treated her, just hung in there hoping to get back, begging.

I found this very unhealthy, after a couple of months of a lot of contact from her I cut contact off. I ignored her from then on.




I grew up, moved on, found a girlfriend, fell in love, got very serious. We live together now and have a very honest relationship, NO secrets.


The ex got a boyfriend but still contacted me from time to time, she never pulled back or found her own circle to hang out with. I always ignored her texts.

She is always in my local pub on the nights I go there. She made friends with a friend's girlfriend while we were together years ago and now she is ALWAYS there on any night out or any group events.

She is not from my area so I thought she would get bored of always travelling to my town but years have passed and she hasn't.

She says she is there to see her friend but there are nights the friend isn't there that the ex is still there. The friend is happy to meet my ex elsewhere but the ex chooses to be in the same pub that I'm in.


The ex's lifelong best friend has fallen out with her over her behaviour, and they no longer speak. The friend came to me and told me that she finds my ex's behaviour inappropriate and very unfair to my current girlfriend.



The ex and I were friends on facebook from before the breakup and I never use it, so I just left her there, forgot about it, had no reason to delete her. Just like I had no reason to tell her to **** off up to now.




For the past 18 months or so my girlfriend has been getting a huge amount of hits on her website from my ex [we investigated this and proved it]. This has caused my girlfirend to have to remove a lot of info from the website as she feels creeped out by it, which I completely understand.


Ex is very interested in both of us when we are out, one night recently she started taking photos of us together in the pub. We were in the opposite corner of the pub on our own, she was sitting with her bf, she took out her camera and started taking photos of us together, just the two of us. I thought I was imagining it first but my gf also saw it. Every time we looked at the camera flash she would quickly hide the camera away.

She has lots of generally odd behaviour.

She stares constantly.




My girlfriend has had to quit facebook because of my ex stalking her page. My gf had changed her privacy settings first but my ex guessed my old facebook password (I used to use one password a lot years ago) and gained info from my girlfriend's page that way. So my gf has now chosen to have no presence on social networking and I feel bad that she has to do this.


Christmas came and I got a message from ex out of the blue on facebook [no texts or emails or messages for several months up to that] wondering how I was, etc.

I don't want friendship or anything to do with this woman. Any reply to her and she would keep texting "but why can't we be friends," why why why. I learned this when we first broke up. She would keep calling me to get answers as to why I was ending it and it is not something I want to go through again.


I ignored her christmas facebook message hoping she would understand that my lack of response speaks volumes.



Nothing again [apart from loads of website views] until last night at 8 pm when I was with my gf [celebrating valentines] and I get a text from ex asking how I am, stating that I haven't made contact with her in a long time, and lots of other questions about what I'm up to and so on.

I've read the content as **** stirring and sly. I have NEVER made contact with her, she instigated all past contact.

I believe she sent this message with the hopes that my gf would see it while we were out for Valentines dinner and assume that I have been in regular contact with my ex behind her back.

My ex doesn't realise that I have an extremely honest and excellent relationship with my gf and I tell her everything, I told her about the facebook message and the text message.

Going by general behaviour and knowing her, I believe the ex would like to have started a text conversation with me going by some of the details in this text and that she would then have copied it onto my girlfriend to try and break us up, or something along those lines.

I logged onto facebook this morning [to block my ex] to see she has dumped her boyfriend of well over a year and is now single, and texting me immediately.. She seemed to be more interested in keeping in with my family than her boyfriend throughout their relationship anyway.

I blocked her on facebook as I do not want her to see anything about my life or have the ability to message me through there.

It's bad enough that I'm hindered from doing stuff with my friends to avoid unfairly bringing my gf into a situation where we are stared at all night. I don't think any woman would want to be left feeling uncomfortable like that so it's easier to just avoid running into her.


The ex has never moved on at all. She is in very frequent contact with my family and always with my friends. The friends find it odd but most of them don't seem to think she's doing anything wrong other than not moving on, and they just don't care either way.


We know she is still completely hung up on me.


I have spoken to my family today and they are concerned about her behaviour [were totally unaware of me having issues with this up to now as I didn't want to make a fuss] and agree texting me on valentines is not fair/right/normal, particularly as she has just dumped her boyfriend (We now know this from other sources, not just facebook). They were much more concerned when hearing about her taking pictures of us and always being where we are.

This is some form of stalking, but very subtle. I don't think it's enough to kick up a fuss. There's no law about being in the same pub or making my gf and I feel uncomfortable. Afterall, we can just leave. She can go wherever she likes.

She will come up and say hi to me if I am on my own, I say hi and nothing more, never make conversation, but she is always nearby when my girlfriend is there.

From now on I will just avoid going anywhere she may be.

She told my family she wants us to be friends, doesn't see why we can't be. But also said elsewhere that she is still interested in me. I have nothing to gain from being friends with her, I do not want friendship, I know her and I know she will want more. I can't hang out with my friends as it is because of this woman.


Now here's the problem; I'm not sure how best to deal with this.

I have so far ignored her and I'm happy to continue. She can text all she wants and I won't be replying to her. Texts have been infrequent up to now, but the fact she has made contact out of the blue makes me wonder if she's on some sort of mission, given she is single now.

My gf reckons that as ignoring her hasn't worked up to now, I need to tell her that I'm not interested in her.

We are both concerned from reading those other very similar threads that this may escalate further. It's been years and she's still hanging around.

I don't like the I have to change my routine and particularly my girlfriend's to avoid the ex, i.e like go to a different town or my gf not be able to enjoy facebook, having to remove certain content from her website all because of this person who should no longer be involved in my life.

I'm happy to text her back and tell her to stop holding out hopes and leave me alone but I know this person and I know she will keep asking why and be unable to see the problem. Perhaps I should text her telling her to go away, then ignore any replies she may make?

Perhaps we're overreacting, but being in this situation is uncomfortable and I find I'm losing contact with my friends and spending more nights in with my gf to avoid this situation. My family now fully support me and are upset that I am spending more alone and with my gf to avoid running into the ex.

My gf and I have decided to keep a diary of all this, and we're willing to go to the Gardai if it escalates any further, but I don't think we have anything to report yet.

On the other hand, if I ignore her, perhaps she will think that I've just left facebook and changed my phone number, and she won't grasp the concept that I am ignoring her.



I know what people think of situations like this from reading the other very similar thread, and so I'm not really looking for advice on all of the above, I'm just providing back story.

I'm looking for advice on what I should do now. Do I continue ignoring and hope she gets bored for another few months or tell her to put a stop to this now and risk her getting annoyed and becoming more troublesome?




We're both really paranoid after reading all of these other threads where exes can't let go. We shouldn't have to be thinking about this stuff on Valentines Day when we're in a very happy relationship.

LegacyUser

She needs to be told where to go. No question.

If she hasn't worked out by now that your ignoring her she never will.

astra2000

Send her a letter from both of you saying ye wish for no further contact and will never again be responding to any messages ect from her. Change your number also block your phone from accepting calls and texts from her. You can block her on facebook if you decide to keep an account you can also choose for your name and info not to appear to anybody except your friends. If you bump into her ignore her. I doubt that this will escalate as much for you as previous posters as she has not managed to infiltrate your family and friends. Put her out of your minds for the rest of this eve and enjoy valentines.

fungun

There are advantages to the internet as well as disadvantages - tbh I cant see how your gf has had to quit fb when she can just set it up so only friends see her personal stuff and then block this person. Additionally, if you look at the IP addresses of who is accessing her webpage and know which is hers (as you suggest you have) then you can block them too. You can also block her number from your phone.

Now Im not underestimating what she is doing but as I understand it the only harassment is over the internet, text and the pub. You ex guessed your password? - change it and make sure that can never happen again! I guess in this case I am feeling there is a lot you can do to help yourselves - so if you contacted her and told her you wanted no more contact and that you had blocked her number from contacting you, blocked her fb and blocked her IP address from your gfs webpage then all thats left is the pub? If so, then Im not sure thats such a big deal, could you just ignore her as best you can and see how that goes?

Distorted

Well the pussy footing around hasn't worked so what have you got to lose by just telling her outright to keep away and stay away and that you have no interest in her romantically whatsoever and never will? Surprised you have let it go so long and let it affect both your behaviour. If it does escalate, you will then have something to go to the Guards with.

Obviously, there is something socially lacking in your ex somewhere. From her conduct, she would seem to harbour hopes that you will get back together as long as she keeps herself in the picture and doesn't allow you to forget about her, and from her interest in your girlfriend, seems to see her as the obstacle. If you continue to tolerate her, one of the implications that could be drawn from it is that you and your girlfriend are almost slightly enjoying being the victims somehow.

I wouldn't write her a letter (bit wierd) but next time you see her, tell her the above. And back it up with a final message on FB. Thereafter block her (why haven't you done so before and why didn't your girlfriend just do that on FB?)

panda100

I'm not sure about many of these ex 'stalking' threads, If they are actual harrassment or if the op's are making it into a bigger thing in their heads for an ego boost. But thats just my opinion.

So she stares at you a bit in the pub and checks out your girlfriends website? I really cannot see how this will seriously affect your quality of life? What does it matter if your girlfriends getting a few more hits on her website? Your ex hasn't actually done anything towards you or your girlfriend, except a few isolated texts every now and again. I've been in a similar situations with troublesome ex's and I just ignored them, there is no way I would have wasted my time checking IP addresses and checking out their facebook.What does it matter to you that she's in a relationship or not?

I dont really understand your slow reaction to blocking your ex on facebook. If she really logged on to your facebook using your password, surely this is a gross invasion of your privavcy and you would have acted as soon as possible?If she has access to this password then what other passwords may she have access to? Why did you not at act at this stage, threaten police intervention, when you has a sound basis to do so?

LegacyUser

Op here.

I've been ignoring the behaviour up to now but texting me on valentines is an absolute no no for me. I can leave a pub to avoid her but she imposed on my evening with my girlfriend by texting me.

I have a company phone so can't go changing numbers, I'm with vodafone, don't know about blocking numbers?
Gf suggested we look into that but in some ways it's best for me to know when she texts so I can see she's still lurking, if she's blocked what happens when she texts? Will she know I have blocked her? I would like her to know, rather than assume I got the message.

As for facebook, as I said I virtually never use it. I set it up years ago and added the ex and a few more, then didn't log in for months at a time. I never update it.

My gf had changed her privacy and done all of that, then my ex guessed an old password I'd used in the past and went via my page into my girlfriend's page and gained a lot of info about us which she passed onto friends, and I was told about it. I immediately changed all passwords but we were backpacking on the other side of the world at the time when this happened, I didn't care as much then as I do now.

My gf didn't feel comfortable on facebook after that, and that's fully her choice. The night the ex was taking photos of us was the final straw as far as social networking goes. We have concerns with what she planned to do with pics.


I'd prefer to keep whatever communication I have with her now in writing so I have proof of it, rather than spoken word which she can continue to ignore.


An ego boost? Christ, anyone who feels better from something like this is not well.
I couldn't even be bothered getting into that as your suggestion really annoys me. I just want a peaceful ex-free life. It's easy to say this is something we should overlook and maybe other people can but it is disturbing us and is a serious matter to us. I don't think we would be the only ones who would find this difficult.

I'm not looking to be told this is some kind of game for me and my girlfriend. I'd appreciate helpful replies only please, not inaccurate judgements.

Appreciate the input from the rest of you.

LegacyUser

Some people see this sort of thing as very minor, but as someone whose been on the receiving end of a woman who wouldnt let go, it can become a huge problem when you find a new girlfriend and the ex sees her as the threat that needs to be eliminated to get back with you even if that was nothing to do with the reason things ended.

Its a difficult situation to be in as you dont want to make it worse so you try to ignore it for a while hoping it wont escalate but it does. these women don't need to be led on. they are more than capable of doing that themselves.

I say you are doing exactly right by being aware of it, by keeping a diary and not responding if you feel she is just looking for a response. The only problem i see is if you don't tell her to stop, you have no proof that you ever tried to get her to stop. so she wont stop.

you can see from two of the responses here that someone is already accusing you of getting an ego boost out of what i consider to be quite a serious situation. the part that bothered me most reading is the camera. what did she do with pictures of you both? print them out and use them for voodoo? I can understand why your gf would find this extremely unconfortable. Keep in mind you knew this woman but (i assume) she never knew her, just sees this psycho behaviour now. A lot of women wouldnt hang around with that sort of thing going on.

you have your family on side. if anything else happens i'd mention it to the police in case she made accusations against you in future and then at least you have her on record with the police as behaving odd. That could be invaluable to you if she continues being odd.

good luck!

fungun

I think pandas post had an opinion OP, dont get up on your high horse because you dont like it.

Dont quite understand how you can give out about her imposing on your evening with your gf when she just texted you but you do not want to block her texts.

why is it best for you to know when she texts? If it was me, Id contact her once (by mail, if you want a record) to say you do not want to be in contact with her and that you have blocked her and then block her on phone/social networking/webpage fronts. Then you never hear from her, unless you bump into each other in the pub. And honestly, if its just that then I think you should be able to deal with it by just ignoring her.

astra2000

I agree with fungun, why would you even want to know wheather or not she is texting you. Speak to your phone provider re blocking her number or look at the settings on your phone, many phones allow you to block calls and texts from certain numbers, the sender will get a busy tone or no connection at all for calls and should get a sending failed for the texts. Tbh it makes no sense at all to want to know if she is still contacting you.

LegacyUser

I want to know because all past texts involved her saying "Are you going to XYZ this weekend? I'll see you there???" and it allows me to avoid such an event/club/pub/day out if I know she's going.

My aim here is to avoid her, not to get a kick out of something I find stressful.

I'm still not sure if I should block and ignore her now or reply telling her to go away.

metrovelvet

I know what this gentle terrorism feels like. And this ex thread feels a bit different from the other ones because there is an element of spying here right?

I dont use facebook because I value my privacy. I have been spied on to a greater and deeper extent than you have to the point that this person found out all my flight details for a year and spied on my family and my friends too. I found out about it surreptitiously because I didnt know it was going on, but I have never been able to shake off the hunted feeling, the sick invasive and violated feelings it gave me since.

Anything on the web, facebook, websites are public. If she goes onto those sites more than you are comfortable with there is nothing wrong with that, by being public you allow that, you consent to that, etc and you cant really complain about it.

You said you treated her quite badly. Maybe there is something in that. Maybe this is spite, or maybe she wants you to help her understand why did treat her so badly. Maybe she is over you but not over what you did to her. Is it possible you could talk to her to ask her what she is hoping to get out of this?

LegacyUser

metrovelvet wrote: »

I know what this gentle terrorism feels like. And this ex thread feels a bit different from the other ones because there is an element of spying here right?

I dont use facebook because I value my privacy. I have been spied on to a greater and deeper extent than you have to the point that this person found out all my flight details for a year and spied on my family and my friends too. I found out about it surreptitiously because I didnt know it was going on, but I have never been able to shake off the hunted feeling, the sick invasive and violated feelings it gave me since.

Anything on the web, facebook, websites are public. If she goes onto those sites more than you are comfortable with there is nothing wrong with that, by being public you allow that, you consent to that, etc and you cant really complain about it.

You said you treated her quite badly. Maybe there is something in that. Maybe this is spite, or maybe she wants you to help her understand why did treat her so badly. Maybe she is over you but not over what you did to her. Is it possible you could talk to her to ask her what she is hoping to get out of this?

Hi, you've hit the nail on the head.

There is a violated feeling remaining. As I said, a lot of my passwords were the same, I was never a big internet user and didn't think much into it as they were the same for years and this all goes back a long time. I didn't think I was special enough to have someone do this. I have no idea how long she was logging into my facebook account and watching my girlfriend's page, it was only when she herself admitted to others that she'd done this that we found out. We were backpacking on the other side of the world, far away from internet and social networking.

My e-mail account had the same password as facebook. I am fairly sure she was accessing that for quite a while also given some info that was gathered. I have no idea what she saw, private e-mails between my girlfriend and I, etc.

It bothers me that she would have ANY interest after years. I knew her passwords when we were in a relationship but do you think I'm going to try those and see if I can get into her e-mail or facebook? No way! I don't care. She isn't of interest to me.

My girlfriend's website is for her work, she can't just take it down or remove details from it. The ex accesses it from several IP addresses and one public one my girlfriend can't afford to block, so while we can go blocking her on some, she'll still have access so it just seems a bit pointless.

That area just has to be ignored I know but there is something disturbing about my gf putting up an item on her site that IMMEDIATELY getting loads of hits from the ex. It's not my girlfriend's ex so it shouldn't be her problem. I would understand anyone having an issue with this. The ex seems to have huge interest in photos of my gf, loads of hits as soon as they're uploaded on top of taking photos of us in the pub. Half of me thinks she did that for intimidation reasons while I also wonder if she is just nuts and doing something bad with them.

And there is definitely some air of spite to do with the past, but again I have no idea why after so long. I'm wondering if she's had delayed anger, she never reacted normally to the situation and is still behaving very nicey-nice but I'm fairly sure it's false now.

I am considering asking her but afraid that ANY communication will be a bonus to her, she'll see it as "well at least he's talking to me now", that is exactly the kind of person she is.

Thanks for your reply.

LegacyUser

So your ex will come up and talk to you/say hi when you are on your own but not when your girlfriend is there?

From what I'm reading there, she sees your girlfriend as the object in the way of her desire [you].

She would probably be your friend or be on better terms if it wasn't for the girlfriend.

So maybe her aim is to get the gf out of the frame and who knows what she may do to do that, maybe nothing, maybe a lot using the pics she took.


If you don't want her in your life you need to start ignoring her ALL of the time, including when you are on your own or when she texts or when she stalks your girlfriend's page.

You need to have your family and friends on your side and you need to not go to the same pub as this woman. Don't give her an excuse to see you or think about you or know your life.

The mixed messages have obviously confused this woman. She thinks she is welcome to socialise with your family/friends and that you will talk to her as long as your gf isn't there. Maybe she hoped you would be alone when you got the message and that you would've replied if you were, though 8pm on Valentines Eve a Sunday night a lot of couples are likely to be out to dinner.. so ya maybe she wanted your gf to see it and be upset by it.

Your ex's reactions are not normal, I've had exes in the past and all have stayed away to avoid seeing me when things ended, always wanting to be where you are means she still has feelings.

Distorted

josoap1 wrote: »

I want to know because all past texts involved her saying "Are you going to XYZ this weekend? I'll see you there???" and it allows me to avoid such an event/club/pub/day out if I know she's going.

My aim here is to avoid her, not to get a kick out of something I find stressful.

I'm still not sure if I should block and ignore her now or reply telling her to go away.

How difficult is it? Tell her to go away, then block her! tbh, considering how long its been going on, you've not done much to help yourself. That thing about the password on Facebook, its not exactly very hard to change your password! Or for that matter, to block people and restrict your information which appears to non-friends. You could also change your phone number if you can't block her on your phone. That leaves you with seeing her in the pub, in public, when you can ignore her. You havne't done any of these things which would help you deal with the problem yet, so I think its a bit early to say she is stalking you. If you do the standard things (that I have to say most people would have done by now), and she comes up with new, more disturbing things, then by all means complain to the Guards if it is serious enough. Hopefully she will just go away, because I think by not doing some of the more obvious stuff listed above, you are leaving her with hope.

I repeat, for goodness sake, just tell the girl to stop contacting you and then block her.

LegacyUser

I got dumped years ago by a guy I adored, and I took it badly. I went to pubs and clubs he normally would go to just to see if I could see him, and hoped that if he saw me looking all gorgeous he would want me back. I did what I could to bump into him. Whenever we met he was polite, and kind which my screwed up thinking at the time was 'signs' that he was still interested in me. If I saw him chatting up someone else I convinced myself that he was only doing it because I was there, not because he actually wanted to shift her. if he said hello and asked 'hows work' I was convinced that a joyful reunion was on the cards. Everything and nothing was a sign that he would come around.

While I didnt go to the extremes your ex did, I couldnt accept it was over until one night I basically pestered him until we spent the night together. I was overjoyed - surely this meant we were back together, right? He had to tell me bluntly that it was just a meaningless f**k and it meant nothing except he was drunk and horny.

It took the shock of being told bluntly where to go to make me go. This is what you need to do. No more mixed messages of only speaking to her when your girlfriend is not there - to her you are 'going behind your girlfriends back because you still have feelings for her'. No innocent replies to texts. No replies at all. Change all your passwords, and block her profile/number where you can. There is no need to get abusive, just be as curt as you can if you see her.

Cheeky_gal

OP, I haven't read anyone's comments as I want my opinion to be entirley my own and not influenced by others.

I think you're being very dramatic, either you love drama or you're giving inaccurate details.

I say this because...

1) If these texts are so regular then why haven't you changed your number?

2) Why did your girlfriend have to delete her facebook, why didn't she just block your ex?

This story sounds a bit off...

LegacyUser

Hi Cheeky gal, please read the rest of the thread.

1) If these texts are so regular then why haven't you changed your number?

I did not say the texts were regular. She was told to back off in the past when making a lot of contact and she stopped for a while but started popping up everywhere in person instead.

I cannot change my number under any circumstances. Phone is my work phone, I have no control over the number I've been assigned, I don't own the phone, it's just given to me by my company for taking work calls outside the office.

I am willing to block her number if I can do this without the company finding out, I don't believe my job need to know anything about my problems with my ex. I have already stated that I'm with vodafone and happy to do this.


I want to see how best to deal with this before she starts non-stop texting again like in the past. This was triggered in the past by my offering any form of reply, telling her to stop and end contact involved endless "but whys", calls, tears, demands.


She only texts at times she knows my gf and I are together through hearing from other connections, she regularly asks my friends/family about what we're up to. I was not aware of all of this until I started asking questions. I work away from the area and am not aware of what's going on in the day to day happenings of my ex nor could I care less.
My family are now aware of this issue and will not be supplying her with info from now on. My friends think it doesn't matter, what can she do with this info, what is she doing wrong, so it's a matter of me just not telling my friends anything they may pass on.

2) Why did your girlfriend have to delete her facebook, why didn't she just block your ex?

Again, please read through the rest of the thread. She did block her, change privacy, etc. Then my ex went into her page by logging into my account which I never use and passed around info about my gf and I, stuff she shouldn't have known, she admitted doing this.

To me, that is unhealthy and unnecessary. Others may find this an acceptable form of behaviour but we don't.

We are not talking about this ex being from 3 months ago, this is YEARS.

My girlfriend cannot switch her website to 'private' so the ex will always be able to view that and know more info than is healthy for her to know.

I've already answered these questions and have now come to the conclusion that we are both making a deal out of perfectly acceptable ex girlfriend behaviour.

She is the only ex I've had to behave like this and her taking photos of my gf and I bothered me a little but maybe I'm just OTT on being alarmed by that.

I'm sure out there somewhere though someone else would find it uncomfortable to have an ex of years going to great lengths to view personal details of your girlfriend be it on facebook or the web. It just seems odd to me.

The most recent text message annoyed me when I started thinking about all of her behaviour together. I know at this point she is no longer just trying to talk to me but trying to cause problems between my girlfriend and I, being malicious.


For any other info please read my other replies in the thread. Of course I am not giving all details to protect mine and my gf's privacy but there was little to suggest to me that the ex's behaviour is healthy.



Thanks for your replies.

LegacyUser

I was her once wrote: »

I got dumped years ago by a guy I adored, and I took it badly. I went to pubs and clubs he normally would go to just to see if I could see him, and hoped that if he saw me looking all gorgeous he would want me back. I did what I could to bump into him. Whenever we met he was polite, and kind which my screwed up thinking at the time was 'signs' that he was still interested in me. If I saw him chatting up someone else I convinced myself that he was only doing it because I was there, not because he actually wanted to shift her. if he said hello and asked 'hows work' I was convinced that a joyful reunion was on the cards. Everything and nothing was a sign that he would come around.

While I didnt go to the extremes your ex did, I couldnt accept it was over until one night I basically pestered him until we spent the night together. I was overjoyed - surely this meant we were back together, right? He had to tell me bluntly that it was just a meaningless f**k and it meant nothing except he was drunk and horny.

It took the shock of being told bluntly where to go to make me go. This is what you need to do. No more mixed messages of only speaking to her when your girlfriend is not there - to her you are 'going behind your girlfriends back because you still have feelings for her'. No innocent replies to texts. No replies at all. Change all your passwords, and block her profile/number where you can. There is no need to get abusive, just be as curt as you can if you see her.

Your reply is a really helpful insight and sounds like a very similar situation, thanks.

fungun

Sorry OP just to clarify I dont think its acceptable for her to do this. Its just hard to see what else you can do about it except minimising the info she gets from family and blocking her when you can. Then see if thats ok for you to deal with

LegacyUser

OP, first of all cut off her information supply. Tell your friends and family that you don't want her to know your movements because it's not fair on your girlfriend that she always turns up where the two of you are (alternatively, you can tell them all the details as you've written here, but you might get a few blank looks!).

Secondly, tell your ex in no uncertain terms that you know she's being stalking your girlfriend's website, you know she got your password, you know she took photos of the two of you one night, and you know she always turns up in the same place even if her friends aren't there. Tell her everything, don't leave anything out! Tell her that it makes you and your girlfriend very uncomfortable that she does all these things and that you want her to stop. Let her know that you've noticed her hanging around. Leave it for a while, see how it goes. She mightn't realise that you know she's following you around. She might think she's being really subtle.


She doesn't sound right in the head. She needs a sharp dose of reality. In future though, tell people like this where to go when they start to become problematic. I don't understand why you were wasting your time trying to see how many times she was hitting your girlfriend's website!