need advice......

arial

Me and my boyfriend have been together 10 years, we have broken up twice in that time due to his selfish behaviour and not treating me right.

We got back together a few months before christmas with him promising to treat me better, and start consentrating on us as a couple.

After christmas we spoke about going away for a week in feb/march, he was to ask a woman in work could we use her apartment abroad for a week and we would just buy the flights anyway he never got around to asking her even though I kept reminding him and looking at how much flights would cost.

So fast forward to now a few weeks ago he asked me what I would think of him going to thailand for 3 weeks with his friends. I told him that I wouldn't be happy what about our plans for a holiday? (he went to thailand for a month when we broke up and was with a thai girl there)

Now all of a sudden there is friends going to thailand from australia to meet him and his friends, apartently these friends from australia wont be returning to Ireland. He says Im making a big deal about nothing that it is only 3 weeks and that he will make it up to me.

What to do? .........

Fittle

He's meeting the girl in Thailand again. There are no 'friends' would be my bet.

Sorry OP. Only you can decide if you're willing to accept this.

Apart from the above, he's only back with you a couple of months and already your holiday has been forgotten? He's still not treating you right I'm afraid:(

kerryman12

Hi Op

All I can say is that this guy is really NOT treating you very well. You would have to ask youself if this is ever going to change.

Giblet

He's going to Thailand after being there before and being with a girl there? And he has blown off your holiday?

Get rid of him ASAP and let him know it's not on.

He's taking the piss.

Corkblowin

arial wrote: »

he was to ask a woman in work could we use her apartment abroad for a week and we would just buy the flights .

He says Im making a big deal about nothing that it is only 3 weeks and that he will make it up to me

So he was going to bum an apartment off a woman in work for a cheap week away away with you but now he's going to splash out on 3 weeks in Thailand with the lads instead?? :rolleyes:

It doesn't matter if he thinks you're making a big deal of it, because to you it is a big deal.

You gave him his second (and third) chance and he's blown it. Goodbye.

PS.....this is the first black & white answer I've given....normally I try to understand the arguments from all sides, but can find no excuses for this lad. Sorry!

AnonoBoy

Give him the old heave ho.

Plans a holiday with you then reneges on that and decides he's off to Thailand for 3 weeks by himself?

Nope. Not on at all.

Beruthiel

arial wrote: »

Now all of a sudden there is friends going to thailand from australia to meet him and his friends, apartently these friends from australia wont be returning to Ireland. He says Im making a big deal about nothing that it is only 3 weeks and that he will make it up to me.

I presume he did not invite you on this holiday as an alternative to the apartment abroad?
Leopard and spots come to mind.

People don't change unless they want to a make a concerted effort to do so.
Actions speak louder than words OP and he's basically telling you all you need to know.

arial

Thanks for all of the replies guys.

I have to say I honestly dont think he is going to meet the girl, He has never cheated on me and I do trust him in regards to that, Im just pissed off as I know he was with someone over there!

But Im happy to know people don't think I am being unreasonable, I mean I don't want to be one of these girlfriends who dictates what he does but honestly this should not be on his radar?! He makes me feel like I make such a big deal of everything and 3 weeks in the grand scheme of things isn't a big deal

Penny Dreadful

arial wrote: »

Thanks for all of the replies guys.

I have to say I honestly dont think he is going to meet the girl, He has never cheated on me and I do trust him in regards to that, Im just pissed off as I know he was with someone over there!

But Im happy to know people don't think I am being unreasonable, I mean I don't want to be one of these girlfriends who dictates what he does but honestly this should not be on his radar?! He makes me feel like I make such a big deal of everything and 3 weeks in the grand scheme of things isn't a big deal

By not wanting to be one of "those" girlfriends you have allowed him to treat you badly for a long time and put your needs, wishes and desires second to his all the time.
Personally he sounds like an ass and you'd be better off leaving him hard and all as that wil be and putting yourself first for a change.

Beruthiel

arial wrote: »

3 weeks in the grand scheme of things isn't a big deal

It isn't?
I presume he works if he can afford a 3 week trip away.
Most people who work would only be able to take that amount of days off in any give year. Therefore, that leaves no holiday time left for the two of ye.

If this is him making an effort with you, I'm underwhelmed.

star-pants

Yup I'd be well ticked off.

He was supposed to go away with you but didn't bother his backside to organise anything.
Now he's got these 'plans' to bugger off (without you) for 3 weeks with the lads on big p*ss up holiday in Thailand?
That will leave him with (as said already) no time off and no money for a good portion of the year to be able to do anything with you. I'm all for not dictating what your other half can/can't do, and I'd never say 'no you can't spend time with your friends'. But everything in it's own perspective. In this case, he's blowing you off to go do 'whatever' with the lads for 3 weeks? He'll 'make it up to you'? He was supposed to have already done that no?

Of course he's going to say you're making a big deal of it, because he knows you, and knows you'll feel bad for cramping his style per say and just let him go.

Distorted

Oh for goodness sake OP, stop letting him away with this nonsense and dump him! He does it because he knows you will let him away with it. I never heard such a load of rubbish. I'd be highly suspicious about why he is likes going to Thailand so much. I bet he's going on his own and these "friends from Australia" don't even exist. So what is there for a man to do in Thailand on his own for 3 weeks, when he's already been there to see the sights? (I hope you use protection when you sleep together). He's just a selfish ****hole and you'd be better off being single. It would be less stressful and you wouldn't be losing out on anyone to go on holiday with.

I really think you need to toughen up a bit and tell him where to go. Oh, and don't listen to any nonsense from anyone about getting apartments off people they know, sort it out yourself and book your own flights in future!

Judes

Let him go on holiday with is friends - infact tell him you're delighted he's going away. But let him go - and when I say let him go, I mean "let him go" - he will never put you first. You will realise in time you made the right decision - don't let another 10 years go by and be in the same position. Stay strong.

I am a friend

Dont let the door hit his bum on the way out.

What a chancer. You are being fed a line here... Wish him luck and move on.

LegacyUser

Op, if he's off sleeping with god knows what in Thailand, it's best you get yourself checked for STDs. I've been to Thailand and there is a lot of very cheap sex available and a lot of irish guys using the services.

arial

hi everyone,

very sorry to bring this old thread back up. But boyfriend is definetly going, he knows I am very upset by it, but is going anyway.

It just makes me think what would it be like in the future?
Should this be the dealbreaker for me?

arial

Thanks for your reply sunflower.

It really is the principal more than anything, and the fact that he knows Im so upset by this and is still doing it makes me so sad, I just feel like he has no respect for me.

Just once he is happy thats all that seems to matter to him. God forbid he misses his holiday.

I have visions of him doing the same kind of thing that happened to your friend!! He swears this will never happen again, but he honestly doesn't think there is anything wrong with what he is doing!

I feel like all his attention should be on me and making our relationship work. I have to say though I am very afraid of being on my own after being with him for so long

Partizan

arial wrote: »

Me and my boyfriend have been together 10 years, we have broken up twice in that time due to his selfish behaviour and not treating me right.

We got back together a few months before christmas with him promising to treat me better, and start consentrating on us as a couple.

After christmas we spoke about going away for a week in feb/march, he was to ask a woman in work could we use her apartment abroad for a week and we would just buy the flights anyway he never got around to asking her even though I kept reminding him and looking at how much flights would cost.

So fast forward to now a few weeks ago he asked me what I would think of him going to thailand for 3 weeks with his friends. I told him that I wouldn't be happy what about our plans for a holiday? (he went to thailand for a month when we broke up and was with a thai girl there)

Now all of a sudden there is friends going to thailand from australia to meet him and his friends, apartently these friends from australia wont be returning to Ireland. He says Im making a big deal about nothing that it is only 3 weeks and that he will make it up to me.

What to do? .........

Why, oh why, oh why do people insist on being human doormats?

Get back your dignity and self respect and dump his ass.

arial

Partizan I love it
Thanks, makes me happy to know that Im not mad! Can I ask are you male? Just wondering is it a males opinion!

Maple

arial wrote: »

I have to say though I am very afraid of being on my own after being with him for so long

Meh, I'd rather be by myself than be unhappy with someone who so obviously does not have the same regard & respect for our relationship that I do.

There is give and take in every relationship, but he made you a promise and he's broken it at the first test.

Get out. He's not going to change. No matter how much you want him to.

I know it's really scary, you've had so many hopes and dreams for this relationship and it's sad to think that it could all be over. But honestly, you need to do what's best for you and I really feel that this guy is not it.

ladygirl

Judes wrote: »

Let him go on holiday with is friends - infact tell him you're delighted he's going away. But let him go - and when I say let him go, I mean "let him go" - he will never put you first. You will realise in time you made the right decision - don't let another 10 years go by and be in the same position. Stay strong.

+1 to this.. Op I could have wrote your story about 3 years ago. To the point that even after I saw a pic with him and a thai girl in a brothel - I actually convinced myself that nothing had happened.... (I found this picture on my birthday)

He will NEVER treat you with respect, and you are wasting your life waiting for him to change. He is feeding you lies and you are swallowing them. You may be afraid of what life is like without him - but at the moment your not even living your life, your just watching him live his...

As the above poster said - LET HIM GO - as in once he boards that plane, get him out of your life for good... Apologies if I am coming across blunt - but I really wish someone would have been so straight with me when I was going through this - I wasted another 2 years before I got the courage


Best of luck op

curlzy

Oh wow OP, your problem is actually giving my a pain in my stomach, rage pain!!!! He blows you off to go with his pals, after begging and pleading to get back with you, this after 10 years of a relationship!!!! Please find whatever self respect and dignity you have left and get out of this nightmare of a relationship. If you were my sister I'd be kidnapping you to de-program you and get you into councelling to figure out how in the name of god you're still with this selfish bastard. Seriously girl; RUN!!!

ziedth

Hi OP as a guy who is married and enjoys the lads holiday every couple of years he is taking the piss.

If you think he is going over to see this girl and not his mates I have a very simple solution. Get the flight times and "surprise" him that you are going too. say you were acting out for so long to throw him off and watch in delight at the horror in his face.

I think he is going over to see this girl and you should kick his ass to the curb.

Best of luck.

Cheap Thrills!

arial wrote: »

I have to say I honestly dont think he is going to meet the girl, He has never cheated on me and I do trust him in regards to that, Im just pissed off as I know he was with someone over there!

He's going to meet that girl and/or another girl and/or girls.

I'm not sure why you trust him OP? Makes no sense to me.

I bet the previous time when he went, he engineered you breaking up with him so he could go to Thailand on the pull. Of course he did.

He has terrible form. He's selfish. He easily manipulates you. You are trusting and can't seem to see when you're being fcuked about.

He's making a right mug of you. Break up and get an STD test.

Taltos

OP - you are worth more than this.
Stop questioning yourself like this - believe that you are worth more than that. Also be ready for him to come back with every lie under the sun when he comes back. This guy is more than selfish - he clearly has no empathy for anyone else - otherwise how the hell could he treat you or indeed anyone like he is.
If he stepped back for a minute and put himself in your shoes most folk would not just do a double take but would crawl apologising right now. But this user does not seem able to do that.

Run - keep running - and never look back.
Otherwise - in x years you will not just be treated like he is treating you now - but worse. Where he doesn't need to go abroad to get with someone else - chances are he will just get jiggy with your neighbour / babysitter / anyone with a pulse and low self-esteem....