Any Empty Nesters out there ?

jos28

Not sure if this is the right place to post but I reckon it's as much a part of parenting as all the other issues discussed here. I'm curious to know how other parents have coped after their children leave home. My youngest left home recently and its a mixed bag of emotions. Firstly I'm angry that he had to move to the UK to find work but I suppose that's for the political forum. I'm torn between feeling incredibly proud of him, missing him terribly and trying to adjust to this new life. I am thrilled that he found the dream job and is doing exceedingly well, he is getting on great with everyone in his new home and he is very happy albeit occasionally homesick. He is really good at staying in touch but when I look at him on Skype, he is not the ambitious young man that they see in work, he is my young son who only started secondary school a few years ago.
It's not just him that I miss, I miss his mates calling. I never minded a noisy house or an extra person for dinner. The house just seems so quiet now and the extra rooms we converted are lying empty. I have a very full life, I work part-time, I am studying for a degree(nearly there), I have amazing and supportive friends, a very understanding husband who feels the same way that I do. I am very lucky but the empty nest makes you face the fact that you have moved to another stage of life and its on the downward slope. The days of family holidays and fun are over. We are just the oldies to be tolerated and that is a sad fact. Both my parents have passed (Mam fairly recently) and I suppose that does not help. It means you move up to top of the line. I never spared a thought for my parents when I left home, I just legged it without a thought for them. Sorry for rambling on but just wondering how other empty nesters have coped. For all you young parents out there, enjoy every moment because it goes by in a flash.

Kildrought

I agree you move on to another stage of your life but I don't agree that it's a downward slope.

Look back with pride on what you've achieved for your family and look forward to what you will achieve in the future.

Absolutely understand what you mean about the house suddenly being quiet and always being able to find the phone where you left it! :-) But you will get past that and adapt to a new way of living, just like you did when you went from being a married couple to a family with a new baby.

Penny Dreadful

jos28 wrote: »

Not sure if this is the right place to post but I reckon it's as much a part of parenting as all the other issues discussed here. I'm curious to know how other parents have coped after their children leave home. My youngest left home recently and its a mixed bag of emotions. Firstly I'm angry that he had to move to the UK to find work but I suppose that's for the political forum. I'm torn between feeling incredibly proud of him, missing him terribly and trying to adjust to this new life. I am thrilled that he found the dream job and is doing exceedingly well, he is getting on great with everyone in his new home and he is very happy albeit occasionally homesick. He is really good at staying in touch but when I look at him on Skype, he is not the ambitious young man that they see in work, he is my young son who only started secondary school a few years ago.
It's not just him that I miss, I miss his mates calling. I never minded a noisy house or an extra person for dinner. The house just seems so quiet now and the extra rooms we converted are lying empty. I have a very full life, I work part-time, I am studying for a degree(nearly there), I have amazing and supportive friends, a very understanding husband who feels the same way that I do. I am very lucky but the empty nest makes you face the fact that you have moved to another stage of life and its on the downward slope. The days of family holidays and fun are over. We are just the oldies to be tolerated and that is a sad fact. Both my parents have passed (Mam fairly recently) and I suppose that does not help. It means you move up to top of the line. I never spared a thought for my parents when I left home, I just legged it without a thought for them. Sorry for rambling on but just wondering how other empty nesters have coped. For all you young parents out there, enjoy every moment because it goes by in a flash.

I'm not an empty nester in fact I have yet to fill a nest (fingers crossed eh:)) however your experience and feelings sound very much like my parents, my mum in particular.
She really missed us when we moved out and yet we were all (with the exception of one sister who moved to London) close by and visited a lot. We still do and have a good relationship with my parents and it is nice to visit and have enjoyable time with them and we all still descend on the home place for Christmas, Easter, parent's birthdays etc.
I realise because your son is in London the "just called in for a chat" visits can't happen but flights are cheap (relatively) and you and your husband can go back and forth to visit. My parents may go to London for 4 nights and my sister and her children will come from Sussex to visit for an over nighter at the hotel for a night or two. Other times they just go over to visit at her house.
When at home they have busied themselves by joining various clubs etc. My mum goes to the local primary school and teaches the kids (both boys and girls) how to knit and sew, she is involved in a card group, etc. Dad plays lots and lots of golf.
I think its hard when you're used to planning around kids, dinners, school runs, etc to suddenly have to re configure yourself and your daily schedule. Also you have the mixed emotions of being proud that you have raised a child who is now an adult capable of making their way in the world and missing them needing you and also just their company.
One thing I've noticed as I've gotten older (I'm 33) that no matter how grown up I get and how capable I may be at many things, I always need my parents. I don't mean in a silly way like making dinner or cleaning a house but for advice, their experience and support. I've also realised as I've grown up too, that no one will ever have my back like my parents and my siblings. OP your son will know this too and I'm sure misses you lots despite being on this new road that is undoubtedly exciting for him. Good luck with everything and enjoy your visits.

astra2000

Nor am I an emptynester yet, but I agree with the others this is a new phase of parenthood and it will tae time to adapt, remember how hard it was when they started primaryschool, secondary school and college, when they started going out and you probably didnt sleep a wink from worrying? You will adapt but it will take time you have done a great job and take pride in that. You and your husband will always be mum and dad that wont change. Enjoy your new found freedom but dont be too sure of no more family holidays, when we are away I always see grown up kids with their parents and siblings, if you pay they will probably jump at the chance of a few days away!! Hopefully in years to come you will have grandkids and enter another new phase, my advice is once you have grown used to the change enjoy the freedom!

jos28

Thanks a million for all your replies. Definitely feeling a lot more positive having read them. My post sounded very negative when I looked back over it now. Probably missing all the fuss of Sunday dinner and feeling a bit lonely. This is a new phase that will just take a bit of getting used to. Penny, thanks for sharing your experience. Your parents sound great. It made me think how much I relied on my Mam and Dad for advice and support. I would love to think that he viewed me the same way. He has managed to get home every 4 weeks or so which is brilliant but I will make more of an effort to get over to visit him. Might even offer to pay for a trip to London (thanks Astra) during the summer. I reckon that might be met with enthusiasm ! Thanks Kildrought for this :Look back with pride on what you've achieved for your family and look forward to what you will achieve in the future. I will make this my daily mantra Best of luck everyone and thanks again.

Baybay

Mods, should I resurrect this thread or start another?