Hideous.

LegacyUser

Where to start with this. For as long as I can remember, I've always been hideous. I'm a 20 year old girl, and I stand out for all the wrong reasons - I'm 6ft, weight's been severely up and down, complete opposite ends of the scales kinda thing since the age of about 8, I'm pretty big boned (not something I'm using as an excuse for my weight, I have genuinely huge shoulders, even at my lowest weight I was still broader than all of my friends) and I've a horrible face. There's not a single thing I like about myself physically.

Weight has always been a huge issue for me - I was a fat child, lost a lot of weight through restricting (nothing serious, though) and got progressively slimmer from the age of 13 to about 15, then slowly gained it back. In early 2009, I began to binge eat a lot more because of the Leaving Cert, and when I started college that year, it got worse as I was absolutely miserable there. I left, and spent about 8 months literally doing nothing but eating massive amounts of food and then making myself sick, something which I had done maybe once every month or so from the age of 15 (hence the weight gain). I gained so much weight during that time - I refused to weigh myself and convinced myself that it didn't matter to me, but I'd say I was around 16 and a half stone. I can't even look at the photos of myself from that time, they're so upsetting.

Since then, I've lost about five stone. Although I've tried to do it healthily (eating semi-decently, joining a gym), a lot of it has been quite unhealthy, which I do realize and admit is a bit of a problem. The only reason I think that I do this, though, is because of how I look. Though I keep trying to lose weight, there's something in me that knows that no matter how slim I get, I'll always be ugly, and I just can't accept that.

I've always had remarks made about my appearance, mostly by total strangers, which logically I know that I shouldn't be bothered about as they mean nothing to me, but they still really upset me. In school, mostly in first and second year, a lot of the older students would shout things at me in the corridor about my weight (even though when I look back at pictures from that time, I can see that I really wasn't that fat, just tall and wide) and how I looked. I haven't experienced that in about three years, but two things have happened recently that have made me feel pretty bad about myself again.

Last week, while at a family gathering at a pub, a group of three lads in their late 20s, early 30s, were standing beside me and one of them looked right at me and said 'Jesus, nobody would go near THAT', and the others all laughed. Given, wearing four inch heels probably didn't help my case that night. I know that it was aimed at me, because I was the only one in that area. Then last night, while in town with a friend, a bunch of guys were ahead of us in the street, and one of them turned around and pointed at me (although my friend was there, I know that it was aimed at me), shouted 'like this girl!' at which the others absolutely fell around the place laughing (obviously a continuation of something they'd been talking about themselves), and then proceeded to shout horrendous stuff ('show me your p***y baby', crap like that) in our direction. One of them even stood in front of me and wouldn't let me pass, kept blocking my way when I tried to get around him until my friend shouted at him to f**k off.

I know that these things shouldn't bother me, but they do. The fact that I actually thought that I looked kinda nice (nice for me, that is) those two nights makes it even worse. If I get slagged then, when I'm looking my apparent best, god knows what I look like any other time. I feel like I shouldn't even be let out.

Basically, how do I just accept that this is what I look like, and that I can't change it? How do I stop letting things like this bother me? They're obvious triggers for the bit of an eating problem that I have - I spent the whole afternoon thinking about it, and got into a binging mindset. Ordered a lot of takeaway food earlier, enough for probably about three people, but thankfully in a snap decision I poured bleach over it all before I made a decision I know I'd regret.

Thanks in advance.

IrishEyes19

OP, thats horrendous. I'm so sorry they said such things. People can be so unkind and I've never understood why they have to do that. It benefits no-one.

I also think you aren't as bad as you think you are, but quite possibly you're dislike of your own image reflects outwardly. Perhaps going to some form of self image counselling would help, just to perk yourself up and feel good about yourself. I can imagine all the negativity towards you since you were young has really impacted on how you feel right now. Best of luck

ongarboy

Hi OP, First of all, you are absolutely not hideous. Secondly, from reading your post, you come across as a lovely, sincere, kind girl. I'm so sorry that you had to endure those rotten comments from those assholes. I know it's easy to say "I won't let those idiots hurt me" but in reality, unless you have a really thick skin or uber confidence, of course such vile comments are going to hurt. I'm ashamed to be a guy when I know there are others of my gender that can say nasty, cruel things like that about girls or anyone. Try to not believe that anything they said carries any truth. The fact that they would come out with such comments says more about how pathetic they are. I suggest if at all possible, you seek some form of counselling which will help address any confidence or self-esteem issues you have which may or may not be contributing to your eating habits and also assist you in how to deal with unpleasant comments and many of life's other pressures and challenges. If you are still in college, there should be on campus confidential student counsellor services which are usually free of charge.Maybe if you feel somewhat self conscious right now about your height, then consider wearing one or two inch heels if you don't feel like attention being drawn to how tall you are. There is nothing wrong with 4 inch heels on a 6 foot girl and I'm not saying you should let bullies dictate what you wear but just if you feel for now, it could help avoid those type of scenarios, it might be an idea. Best of luck

Distorted

ongarboy wrote: »

Maybe if you feel somewhat self conscious right now about your height, then consider wearing one or two inch heels if you don't feel like attention being drawn to how tall you are. There is nothing wrong with 4 inch heels on a 6 foot girl and I'm not saying you should let bullies dictate what you wear but just if you feel for now, it could help avoid those type of scenarios, it might be an idea. Best of luck

I disagree. Go to London or Paris and you will see loads of tall women wearing heels. Heels look better with some outfits. As long as you are smart and decent OP, wear what you like and don't feel the need to hide away.

Honestly, on reading some of the posts on here, I am shocked. I just don't know people who behave like this. I did when I was younger, but then I moved away to live in places where the people are obviously a bit more intelligent and know how to behave.

What I will say OP is that it doesn't matter how good looking or not you are, there are some people who will still find something to criticise. If you were a supermodel, they would criticise you for being gawky or arrogant or something. If you were Kylie Minogue, you'd be criticised for being too short or too old or something. I'm short and slim with long blond hair and quite bland looking but I'm sure theres certain people who would criticise me if they got the chance. Its happened on a few occasions but fortunatley I have enough self esteem to tell them they're speaking **** and to look at themselves (on one memorable occasion a size 18/20 woman wearing one of those tent dresse things started shouting about the size of my backside as I cycled up a hill past her. I got off and gave her whats for).

The thing is, its never the good looking, successful people that are out criticising others. They don't need to make themselves feel better by belittling other people.

My guess is that those guys had a hang up about their height. What they really should have is a hang up about their manners. I think you are directing your anger towards your relationship with food and if you could direct it somewhere else, it could probably be quite productive.

You're tall, but not excessively so. We've only got one life and you might as well make the most of being tall, because its not going to go away. Neither is there anything wrong with it. I suspect if you also made your body language more confident, squared your shoulders, looked people in the eye, etc, they wouldn't dare come out with those comments. If they do, single them out and give them it right back. They will be petrified away from their little cohort. They aren't worth your energy taking seriously. Because lets face it, fishwify little guys from some boring pub in the middle of nowheresville aren't exactly the harbingers of all thats stylish and good taste in the world.

ps don't binge.

Emme

luxx wrote: »

Last week, while at a family gathering at a pub, a group of three lads in their late 20s, early 30s, were standing beside me and one of them looked right at me and said 'Jesus, nobody would go near THAT', and the others all laughed. Given, wearing four inch heels probably didn't help my case that night. I know that it was aimed at me, because I was the only one in that area. Then last night, while in town with a friend, a bunch of guys were ahead of us in the street, and one of them turned around and pointed at me (although my friend was there, I know that it was aimed at me), shouted 'like this girl!' at which the others absolutely fell around the place laughing (obviously a continuation of something they'd been talking about themselves), and then proceeded to shout horrendous stuff ('show me your p***y baby', crap like that) in our direction. One of them even stood in front of me and wouldn't let me pass, kept blocking my way when I tried to get around him until my friend shouted at him to f**k off.

I agree with the poster who says you should have counselling for your self-confidence and to help you ignore small-minded people. They are the ones with the problem, not you.

As for the idiots mentioned above, they're not worth thinking about. Little squirts from the middle of nowhere who probably don't do anything or go anywhere except the pub. They're intimidated by your height, especially when you're wearing heels. I'd say very few of them are near six foot! The fact is that Irish men aren't very tall on average, and there seem to be more tall women than tall men. I'm only 5'5" and I struggle to find available men who are as tall as me when I wear heels (bringing me up to 5'8" or 5'9") so I can imagine your dilemma. You need to go somewhere where your height is appreciated. Lots of international models are around six foot. If you want to wear heels, wear them and sod the begrudgers.

Keep up the healthy eating and lifestyle. Maybe you could work abroad for a while and get a different perspective on things in a country where people are taller on average. If you went to Germany, the Netherlands, the US or maybe the UK people wouldn't bat an eyelid at your height.

Soul Stretcher

Good God - A Few Things:

• You are a beautiful person in every way. Your mental image of yourself needs to improve and can be. Just because you've always told yourself you are unattractive, DOESN'T mean you'll always feel that way.

• Those eejits who annoyed you are Bullies. Plain and simple. A group of lads picking on a couple of girls - C'mon please. I only wish you had a brother, cousin or Uncle who was there and who could have kicked them hard where the sun don't shine (and I'm normally a peaceful person)

• I only by accident found out my brother suffers from Body Dysmorphia. He put on a lot of weight as a side effect from medication he was on and also suffered with bad Acne - although he is probably the best-looking in my family when he is fit and healthy.

I've copied the definition of Body Dysmorphia from Wikipedia. I know self-diagnosis is dangerous but it's something to think about :

"Body dysmorphic disorder (BDD) (previously known as dysmorphophobia is sometimes referred to as body dysmorphia) is a (psychological) somatoform disorder in which the affected person is excessively concerned about and preoccupied by a perceived defect in his or her physical features (body image).
The sufferer may complain of several specific features or a single feature, or a vague feature or general appearance, causing psychological distress that impairs occupational and/or social functioning, sometimes to the point of severe depression and anxiety, development of other anxiety disorders, social withdrawal or complete social isolation."

I think you should definitely see a Psychologist or Psychiatrist or Counsellor to talk about the binge-eating, the vomiting, the abuse you've gotten from those eejits and just get yourself checked out fully by someone who knows what they are doing.

You seem a like a great person OP. Just focus on getting yourself into a better space in terms of your self-esteem and perception of yourself and you could really turn your life around if you would like to !

Good Luck !

eddison

Personally as a guy, I think tall women are HOT!! really HOT !! and I think women body builders are HOT too :rolleyes:

Dudess

I disagree with people who say the OP should just ignore those bastards - I think they should be put in their place. Little nobodies, intimidated by you etc etc, whatever - none of that might be true. All you know about them is they are horrible, hateful bullies, and deserve to be shown up for what they are and not allowed to get away with their behaviour. I'm shaking with anger and upset at the opening post... :mad::(

OP: you are better than them. A million times - promise you. Try to believe it.

dearg lady

Dudess wrote: »

OP: you are better than them. A million times - promise you. Try to believe it.

Agreed!! It makes me so angry, the absolute cheek of people who feel they can pass comment on complete strangers. What I will say tho, is it happens to absolutely everyone, I have beautiful slim friend who strangers have quite viciously accused of being anorexic. She's naturally slim, just lucky I guess. Anyway, there are idiots everywhere, please do your best to ignore what they say.

I agree with others who suggest it would be really good for you to seek help on your body issues. When you deal with your eating and body image issues, you'll start to feel much more positive.

I really hope you can sort this out soon, you seem so lovely from your post, best of luck

Ickle Magoo

eddison infracted for off-topic and unhelpful posting.

Please keep replies on topic and helpful to the OP and be aware that off-topic and unhelpful posting can earn you a ban from this forum.

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Many thanks.
Ickle

LegacyUser

Oh OP you poor thing, please please believe you are never as ugly as you think. When your confidence is low you begin to focus on the negatives and eventually that's all you can see. Those people who called you names are Pricks, there are unfortunately some horrible vile people out there but they only put others down to make themselves feel better please understand that it has nothing to do with you, you could be angelina jolie and there would still always be some D**k that would tell you you were an ugly fish lipped bint, not because its true but because they're the one with the problem.

I've always had remarks made about my appearance, mostly by total strangers, which logically I know that I shouldn't be bothered about as they mean nothing to me, but they still really upset me. In school, mostly in first and second year, a lot of the older students would shout things at me in the corridor about my weight (even though when I look back at pictures from that time, I can see that I really wasn't that fat, just tall and wide) and how I looked. I haven't experienced that in about three years, but two things have happened recently that have made me feel pretty bad about myself again.

Last week, while at a family gathering at a pub, a group of three lads in their late 20s, early 30s, were standing beside me and one of them looked right at me and said 'Jesus, nobody would go near THAT', and the others all laughed.

I used to get that too OP all the time in school, always by guys oddly enough, and usually about my weight too now that i think of it, and i was never fat a little overweight maybe but nothing extreme. 2 guys in particular would bully the crap out of me, ran my confidence into the ground. They used to constantly call me by the name of some fat ugly bald wrestler, because i looked like him apparently, in front of the whole class, it was humiliating and degrading. You know what OP years later one of those guys ended up committing suicide, and do you know when i heard he was dead it was the biggest relief (no disrespect to the dead but..)because it suddenly became clear to me that it was never ever about me, i was never ugly/fat/everything else they called me, he was the one with the problem,this guy was deeply deeply unhappy in himself, and he ran me down to feel better about himself, and look where it got him....

When i was in my late teens i worked in a supermarket and one male customer in particular was a scumbag of the highest order took a dislike to me, one day he decided to tell me how ugly and disgusting i was, how nobody would in their right mind would ever touch me...

So OP you're not the only one, don't take it as a personal thing see it for what it is a reflection of them not you. I wonder OP do you live in a small town? I find it seems to be a small town mentality thing....For the record OP i'm actually considered quite attractive , i only realised this when i moved away from where i lived to go to college and people started commenting on how pretty i was! i couldn't believe it! Guys were actually interested in me! These days i don't allow people to put me down anymore, it took me a long long time but i'm confident with who i am, i know i'm not all those negative things people said i was.

I do however think you would really benefit from having counselling, You know yourself your emotional eating habits are a result of your lack of confidence and i really think counselling would do wonders for how you perceive yourself.

Op if there's one thing i've learned in this life so far its that people only pick on people who they see as a threat, who they are jealous of, so i bet you are far more attractive than you realise.

hollypink

dearg lady wrote: »

What I will say tho, is it happens to absolutely everyone, I have beautiful slim friend who strangers have quite viciously accused of being anorexic. She's naturally slim, just lucky I guess.

I agree, it does happen to lots of people, myself and some of my friends included. I think those who do that are looking to elicit a reaction, they detect a lack of confidence and it gives them a stupid thrill to see someone become upset. I know well that when you're trying to feel confident particularly about your appearance, a nasty comment can instantly deflate you but please please don't allow people like that to dictate your self worth

Johnny Favourite

Im so sorry you had to listen to crap from those aholes. You sound like a lovely person. Try to keep your chin up and remember its not all about looks.

beks101

Mother of Jesus OP I am so fcuking angry for you. What a pack of lowlife, disgusting scum is all I can say. You were in the wrong place at the wrong time and these knackers were just looking for a target to assert themselves and make themselves feel bigger than the inadequate, small-dikced little pricks that they are. You can be sure that they are just over-compensating for their own short-comings and it has nothing to do with you. I have the utmost respect for you for walking away from the situation, I don't think I could have exercised the same level of restraint no matter how much it would've hurt me.

I think your unhappiness over your appearance is tied into your sense of self worth and I really hope you seek the necessary help to fix this, as it is fixable and you don't need to continue to live like this. It's a deep-rooted thing that obviously started in your childhood so I really think it's something you can't overcome on your own. The food/weight thing is a manifestation of it too. I know it's probably the last thing in the world you want to do OP, and it would be a bit of a financial burden for a while, but trust me, talking about this with a good counsellor would be the investment of a lifetime. There are many different approaches that can be taken to help to change your mindset, from psychotherapy to cognitive behaviour therapy where you can train your brain to think more positive and self-affirming thoughts.

And you're not 'hideous', don't ever use that word to describe yourself. The w@nkers you met on the street - they're hideous and they deserve every bit of abuse they get with their horrific behaviour, you are clearly a decent and intelligent girl, if you'd only stop berating yourself and give yourself a chance to see it. Some of the most attractive people I know are nothing special really, except that they carry themselves well and treat themselves with the utmost respect, from their fitness and bodies to their skin, hair, clothes and makeup. Accepting yourself as you are, making the most of yourself and playing to your assets wins the race when it comes to attractiveness, but it's pretty hard to do that when you have absolutely no sense of self-worth. Please, please stand up for yourself and seek professional help with this. There's a better life out there for you, you just have to take the first step and reach out for it.

sashafierce

This post has been deleted.

thefeatheredcat

OP - when i was in primary school I was a bit overweight and was bullied for it, and in later years suffered with acne. Some criticisms and nasty comments stuck for a long time and I've had nasty comments thrown at me by people I knew and people I didn't, but all too often they were people who didn't know the person that I actually am.

Never let bullying behaviour affect your perception of yourself. Put downs and negative criticism is no reflection on you as a person but a reflection of the ugly personalities of the people giving them in taking out their negativity on another, or seeking to boost their own self esteem and egos in putting someone else down.

Look at the person that you are, the intelligence, abilities and skills you have as a person and how you treat others. If you have even just a little bit of empathy, compassion and kindness then you are a much stronger and better, beautiful person. And remember that.

I would suggest that if you are struggling with your eating patterns that you get help with this, and also if you feel that there are other issues that you need to get help in dealing with, as others have mentioned.

LegacyUser

"Last week, while at a family gathering at a pub, a group of three lads in their late 20s, early 30s, were standing beside me and one of them looked right at me and said 'Jesus, nobody would go near THAT', and the others all laughed. Given, wearing four inch heels probably didn't help my case that night. I know that it was aimed at me, because I was the only one in that area. Then last night, while in town with a friend, a bunch of guys were ahead of us in the street, and one of them turned around and pointed at me (although my friend was there, I know that it was aimed at me), shouted 'like this girl!' at which the others absolutely fell around the place laughing (obviously a continuation of something they'd been talking about themselves), and then proceeded to shout horrendous stuff ('show me your p***y baby', crap like that) in our direction. One of them even stood in front of me and wouldn't let me pass, kept blocking my way when I tried to get around him until my friend shouted at him to f**k off."

OP, when you said "you know this shouldnt bother you", it would bother me, a lot. I suppose all these men were Greek Gods were they!? Lads in groups can be so awful sometimes. Like another poster said though I think a lot of it is down to confidence, I have a friend whose 6ft and I would have said while it has affected her confidence a lot in the past, we're 28 now and I think her confidence has really improved. If it helps at all I really feel that this aspect of life gets easier as we get older, there's less pressure to be just like everybody else.

That friend is a keeper, surround yourself with positive, supportive friends who will provide a support system for you and dont be afraid to talk about things with them. Best of luck.