friend too young to settle down

LegacyUser

a girl from our group of friends has recently moved in with her OH , since then she never goes out with the girls at the weekend, hardly ever rings any of us or does anything during the week and is constantly counting the pennys.never seen anyone to change so much.

we used to always go to cinema once a week and shopping at the weekend however now she just stays in every night and drinks at home because its cheaper even saturday night. her whole conversation centres around new things she needs for the house and what shes going to cook for dinner. Its not just the fact we miss her company but theres five of us that were friends with her and we are all genuinely concerned that this is no life for a girl her age (22) she should be experiencing life enjoying herself travelling and going out she has all her life to play the good wife and cook dinner etc.

He likes boxing and now shes really into that goes to fights sometimes and acts like she loves it but thats not her at all its like she is leading his life not her own. we are all sick and tired of asking her to do things but to no avail, two of us work in her office and at work she is the same we have a social night each month but she never goes now she was once the organiser , will she ever see sense and start enjoying herself again?

RedRoseMafia

She's in love and is doing exactly what she wants to do right now. As long as she's happy, why is this your concern?

Be||e

Your friend is old enough to make her own decisions and if she is making a mistake, she needs to come to that realisation on her own.

You say she has "recently" moved in with her boyfriend? It could just be a honeymoon period and in a bit of time, she will begin to miss her old life and friends.

You can't force her to "see sense" and she may resent you if you try. All you can really do is stay in touch with her and continue to invite her out.

EricPraline

peppa468 wrote: »

sometimes and acts like she loves it but thats not her at all its like she is leading his life not her own.

From your comment, all I can see is that you're unhappy that she is leading her own life, instead of yours. People drift apart during their 20s, particularly if they get into relationships. There's not much you can do about it - she may be the first in your group, but she won't be the last. In 3-10 years time there's a reasonable chance that you will have become exactly the same person.

peppa468 wrote: »

hardly ever rings any of us or does anything during the week and is constantly counting the pennys.

Honestly speaking, if you are concerned that she is spending too little in the current economic climiate, then it sounds like she has outgrown you and your friends.

Goldenegg

When you first move house, your wages go into one hand and straight out the other! There is always something to be paid, mortgage, rent bills groceries diy etc...when you move out (assuming you haven't) you will realise this.

Let your friend lead her own life. If you want to see her, why not suggest a girlie night in some weekend? This was you get to see eachother and she gets to save money that she probably genuinely does not have!

ElleEm

People grow up and grow out of things. Going out drinking and shopping every weekend gets tiresome after years of doin the same thing. I partied every weekend until i met my boyfriend. Now we go out occasionally as we prefer spending time together in a quiet environment, often with friends. We've all just grown out of the nightclub thing. Also,when u move into your first house, you get SO much enjoyment out of doing it up. It sounds like your friends priorities have changed,and she's getting new interests outside of your group. She's still your friend though,so you should maybe try sittin in with her on a weekend with a few drinks as another poster suggested. On a side note, what do u think of her boyfriend?

LegacyUser

I think your friend's friends sound jealous....

Leave your friend be. People in a relationship change. That's just the way it is. She's probably happy with her life. It's none of your business.

wylo

I think some of the comments are a bit harsh, but fair all the same. There is no doubt that a feeling of rejection develops when this happens, but it happens everyone, people grow out of each and begin to spend most of their time with their other half.
My advice, stop asking her to things if shes constantly refusing, it gets insulting to be constantly told NO.
Maybe eventually she may come back to ye , maybe not. But I think ye shouldnt be too worried about her life.
Dont get me wrong though, I know how you feel, a friend of mine did that too.
In fairness, some people are capable of a balance, others are not.

LegacyUser

Seems like shes moving on with her life and enjoying it. Whats the problem? You seem a bit jealous if I'm honest. Whose to say shes too young to settle down if shes happy? To be perfectly frank this notion that young Irish people have of needing to have experiences and and not settling down too early is little more than an excuse to go out, get pissed, sleep around and genuinely act wholly immature. Go to continental europe and you'll see 19-20 year old kids who act more mature than mid 20s Irish people.

Mimikyu

This post has been deleted.

common sense brigade

all this sounds like is - your friend has grown up and is no longer into drinking and wants to save up and build a nice home for her and her partner. you should be happy she has her life together.
who are you to say she is acting like she likes boxing? she should be supporting her partner and enjoying his hobby with him. thats what happens in good relationships.
the rest of you prob have alot of growing up to do. be careful before you all alienate her totally and loose her completely.

Angeles

Disagree with alot of the comments here because I've seen this situation first hand.
Chances are something isn't right but this heavily depends on the time frame since her new Bf and home came into the picture.

I don't for 1 second consider it a good or healthy relationship if one of the partners is removing their friends from the picture altogether.
If she's in the honeymoon phase of the relationship, then yes give it some time for her some time to get her footing and settle in with her new love, thats all she'll want for a good few months at least.

If its been like this for a while, it sounds like she could be falling into an unhealthy rut, which all you hear is that everything is fine and happy but all you lot see is a missing friend.

Talk to her yourself as a good friend, organize a coffee or lunch with her and have a chat a one to one, tell her you miss her and ask her if she's happy, be a friend, don't pressure her into anything ..listen to her responses and find out if your concerns are warranted or not.

Peanut2011

From what you have said OP I see nothing wrong with the picture. Far too often people that get in to a serious relationship loose touch with friends, not cos the OH has anything to do with that, but simply cos there are other worries at play now.

You don't mention where and how the rest of you live and if she is in the house with OH and has responsibility for the house and bills that the rest of you don't have it is different.

If her priority is her house and sensible things and not going drinking the money down the toilet than it is her choice. Who is to say what age is right to do this at!

What all of you should do is be there for her and not judge her for her decisions. One day all of you hope to be in that situation, however you will choose when that is and no one should judge you for that.