More Funnies

MonkieSocks

A man with a winking problem applied for a sales job with a large company.

The Interviewer told him..

"your qualifications and experience are ideal.

However...a sales rep must have ideal social skills and your constant winking would embarrass and scare off potential customers".

"HOLD ON"...... said the applicant.

"If I just take two aspirins I stop winking".

"Really.. can you demonstrate this?".

The applicant reached into his pockets.

In every one he pulled out packet after packet of condoms.

Eventually he found his aspirins..and after taking two..stopped winking.

"VERY INTERESTING"... said the Interviewer .

"However this is a respectable company and we do not employ womanisers".

"I'm not a womaniser...I'm a happily married man".

"SO... explain all these condoms.. PLEASE".

"WELL..have you ever tried walking into a chemist shop...winking... and ask for aspirin?.

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Granny MacDougal went into her local bookies every day.

She always bet one pound on one horse and every day she won.

The bookie asked her how she did it.

She told him...."Every day ah jist get oot a pin and stick it in the racing section..Ah guess Ah'm jist lucky".

One day she puts on a four-horse accumulator... again betting one pound.

All four horses won their races and she won almost five hundred pounds.

The bookie asked her how she had managed to select four winners.

SHE replied..."Ah couldna find ma pin so ah jist used a fork!".

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Sarah comes home from her long holiday in Uganda... surprising her mum.

Mum is so thrilled she can't stop hugging and kissing Sarah.

Finally she says..."Sit down darling... Tell me all about what you were doing".

Sarah says..."Mum, I got married".

"Jumping jelly beans".. says mum. "But how could you do that without telling me?..

What's he like?.. What does he do?.. Where is he?".

"He's waiting outside while I tell you".

"What are you talking about?.. Bring him in. I want to meet my new son-in-law".

Sarah brings him in and to her mother’s consternation... she sees a man standing before her wearing an evil grin.. a feathered cod piece.. an ornate head dress.. animal tooth beads...a bone through his nose... and holding a tall spear.

The mother says to Sarah... "You silly bitch....









I said a Rich Doctor!".

coldfire1x

Fork is foking brilliant