The Bucket

brianthelion

I lived in a corporation house in Dublin long ago
an if you wanted to go to the toilet,out the back you had to go
you see thats the way they built it I don,t know whose ideas
but it was terrible in the winter your bloody arse would freeze
worst of all was when in bed an ye know you,d be really burstin
I,d say Da I have to go to the lav and then he,d get up cursin
cause he,d have to brung you down the stairs,he,d be given out as you go
then one night he got a great idea we,ll go and get a po
now me Ma she did,nt agree with that,it would,nt do at all
theres to many in our family a Po would be to small
well me Da said something will have to be done an me Ma said hold on looket
if a po wont do the job for us then why not get a bucket
so the bucket it was bought next day and amid a load of cheers
we christened it Mrs Murphy and we brought it up the stairs
and it became part of our family just like the dog or cat
every night we,ed bring the bucket in and place it on the mat
so as we grew through childhood it served our every needs
where we use to empty it out the back it killed off all the weeds
but there was one night I remember me eldest sister now you see
she was going with this new boyfriend and she brought him home for tea
the youngest ones were sent to bed as me Ma got out the cups
but in the midst of all the confusion no one brought the bucket up
they all sat down to tea and cakes and everything was nice
when ratther unexpectedly we heard a distant voice
MA MA we heard the call the buckets not up here
well me mother nearly fell off the chair me sisters face turned queer
me father he ran out the back to see what he could do
we had to get the bucket up but we could not bring it through
we had to think of something fast there really was a rush
me da said here I have get me out the brush
I,ll put it on the brush like this an if you put out your hand
you can pull it through the window and everything will be grand
well the plan was working perfectly just like me father said
but I missed the brush the bucket slipped and landed on his head
the boyfriend he went home that night,we never heard of him no more
I guess his meeting with Mrs Murphy made him stay in terenure

cobsie

i love this. thank you so much for posting it! funny, direct, original...great stuff.