Prodigal Friend

LegacyUser

Hi All, just looking for opinions, I'll try not to go on. A good friend of mine moved abroad nigh on 2 years ago, In the beginning she found it difficult, missed home, very far away, trouble with work/men/money, you name it. She's always been a high maintenance/selfish kinda gal, albeit with great qualities too.. So for this first year, she was never off the phone, crying, upset, looking for comfort which she got, in spades. Now nothing, and I mean squat, the last six months I haven't heard a whisper out of her, spoke to various other friends and nope, nothing there either, it got to the point where I was worried, I tried contacting her family but obviously the contact details I have are out of date. My sister (also a great friend of hers) wrote her a letter, explaining that she was 8 months pregnant with her second child (she didn't know this) and went on to say how much she missed her and how hurt she was by her silence, nothing heavy just a heartfelt note, still nothing... At this stage I'm really quite worried, so then I remember I have her facebook password, so on I go, there'd been no acivity on the general wall so I checked her messages and there you go, shes' been in pretty much constant contact with a couple of school friends, people who she lost contact with for years and met up with just before she left the country... I mean constant, every second day or so, and in one, there's a rant, a horrible bitchy rant about the letter my sis sent her, "it's emotional blackmail etc.." it's all "baby baby baby" so forth and so on. I am RAGING, I seriously thought there was something very very wrong, we all grew up togehter and were as close as sisters, and now when things are going okay for her she completely cuts us out and bitches about my sister to folk she hadn't seen in years. She herself has been through plenty and we've been there for her 24/7
God it makes me mad.
Anyway sorry guys I did say I'd try and keep it brief, I'm not sure what I'm looking for here really, but insight? Reasons? What to do? Opinions? Anything appreciated.

IrishEyes19

OP, thats horrendous and she sounds like a very ungrateful girl.

Now heres the hard part, you cut your losses and cut her out of your life. Do not contact her telling her what you know. I'm not sure on the law, but Im pretty sure it could be illegal to hack into someone's account without permission. And regardless of that, how would it look that you broke into her account. I know on your part it was for unselfish reasons to see if everything was ok, but it wouldnt come across like that.

Now if she gets back in touch with you, I would be cold and frosty towards her, no harm to send a little karma her way and if she asks why you are behaving like this. Dont mention facebook but instead, say, you heard from a "little birdy," that she mocked your sister after the letter she sent. and then I would hang up, or not text back or walk away if she's home or something. give her something to think about.

I dont normally like games but she sounds like a user and a cold hearted person who takes all when they want it but gives nothing back. you're better of without these sort of people in your life.

Canluum

“You don’t lose when you lose fake friends.” — Joan Jett

While I'll not defend her prima donna attitude, or her value to you as a friend... I will defend her email.

Annoyed151 wrote: »

and went on to say how much she missed her and how hurt she was by her silence, nothing heavy

Uhh actually that's pretty darn heavy.

What she says in a PRIVATE email to other people is none of your damn beeswax.

Leave her be, let her have her life. Live, learn, and be a better judge of character next time with your new friends

LegacyUser

Hi,
Thanks for your replies. I know I should just tip on and thinka aw well, leave her off, but the thing is we´ve been friends for over 20 years and I know one day when things aren´t what they could be in her life she´ll be back in touch.
I´m feeling more hurt on my sisters behalf as out of the two of us she has been an exceptional friend to her, the letter truely wasn´t heavy, or emotional blackmail and I don´t see how somebody who´s been a true friend for that length of time has not the right to be mildly hurt at being dumped, letter was full of day to day news and the end said that though she didn´t want to tell her via letter she´d no other way of contacting her, which hurt a little. She went on to talk and tell her about the pregnancy and al about her little girl who´s in fact her god daughter. In fact I think my sis dealt with it the better way, she was honest and open, I´ve just come on here and gone ranting.. he..

I understand that I can´t bring it up with her and had no right snooping, but we always had a very relaxed "shared" attitude to our facebook, neither of us were big users but she´d get me to log onto hers from time to time, for various reasons, usually to check out some bloke she was after etc...
Anyway, I do appreciate the replies, it´s nice to know there´s always an opinion out there.

Chinafoot

Annoyed151 wrote: »

Hi,
Thanks for your replies. I know I should just tip on and thinka aw well, leave her off, but the thing is we´ve been friends for over 20 years and I know one day when things aren´t what they could be in her life she´ll be back in touch.

And when she does you tell her to go and fúck herself.

I wouldn't give this girl the steam off my piss to be honest. She sounds like a user and she's not much of a loss of a friend. Her treatment of you and your sister shows how highly she valued your friendship and you shouldn't waste any further time on her. You sister is having a baby and this girl doesn't even acknowledge it but instead chooses to have a bitch to people she's not even friends with?! That is not a friend.

Move on and forget about her. When she does come crawling back (the users always do) tell her to go back to whatever hole she crawled out of.

King of Kings

Chinafoot wrote: »

And when she does you tell her to go and fúck herself.

I wouldn't give this girl the steam off my piss to be honest. She sounds like a user and she's not much of a loss of a friend. Her treatment of you and your sister shows how highly she valued your friendship and you shouldn't waste any further time on her. You sister is having a baby and this girl doesn't even acknowledge it but instead chooses to have a bitch to people she's not even friends with?! That is not a friend.

Move on and forget about her. When she does come crawling back (the users always do) tell her to go back to whatever hole she crawled out of.

Couldn't agree any more with this post.
Except you need to be strong when she does come back , tell her where to go no matter what sob story/tale of woe she has. No matter what's wrong.
Otherwise you'll be back where you are now.

LegacyUser

I know someone like that too. At one point I thought she was a brilliant friend, but then I took a step back and realized that there was a pattern: When everything was going okay in her life, then I wouldn't hear from her. When the proverbial hit the fan, my head would be spinning with stories about various boyfriends, money problems, etc. I cut her out of my life as a friend - and I don't miss the drama one little bit. I bumped into her in town one day before Christmas and she spat "oh, haven't heard from YOU in ages." My reply? "My phone rings too."

Toxic people like this are not worth your time, energy or worry - but take this tiny bit of advice. NEVER snoop on other people's private e-mails, messages, texts, facebook, etc, no matter how tempting it is. We all say things in the heat of the moment that we don't mean, we all exaggerate by times, and we all get annoyed with people and have a little rant without really meaning it. I know that in this case she was being horrible, but still - private is private.