sad and upset by what i read - foreign adoptions

spudz22

this may seem as a rant but bear with me... i came across, this evening, a website where someone asked for advice on foreign adoptions and she was bascially berated for wanting to adopt a child from another country. As a young female who has a very close relative (nephew) who is adopted from ethiopia, i was incredibly shocked and saddened by what i read. just thought i'd post this to air my sadness... regards, spud22

bbam

It's just the way things are...
Many people online will go on about it and either imagine issues or transfer their own issues onto international adoptions.. Yes there have been mistakes in the past and nothing can justify them, some would lead you to believe that this would be cause to stop all international adoptions, rather it is a reason that things are done right and legislation is enforced and improved for all involved.

I have however came across many more people in the flesh who being adoptees have nothing but admiration and support for international adoption and the families it brings together..

spudz22

thanks for your reply. I think the most negative comments where about adopted children been seen as 'fashion accessories' which, to be honest, I found to be the most upsetting. my sister and her husband spent nearly 6 years going to all the adoption meetings, courses and also having very personal meetings with social workers. They said it was the toughest thing they've ever had to do. I personally find it very frustrating that famous people just seem to click their fingers and have an adopted child. I think this is the reason that people wrote such negative comments. They shouldn't paint every adoptive couple with the same brush.. After seeing the unconditional love that both my sis, brother-in-law and nephew experience from each other, I have no doubt that it was meant to be, I think I just need to grow a thicker skin thanks again for your reply, much appreciated

kathy finn

hi, everyday in the media u here of another celebrity that has adopted a baby or has paid a surrogate to have a baby for them, the fashion at the moment seems to be for a baby under ur arm instead of a prada bag.
my only problem with international adoption is how ar these kids going to trace their birthfamily in the future. i was adopted from here in ireland and it was very hard to find my birthfamily it,s going to be impossible for them.....kathy

bbam

kathy finn wrote: »

my only problem with international adoption is how ar these kids going to trace their birthfamily in the future. i was adopted from here in ireland and it was very hard to find my birthfamily it,s going to be impossible for them.....kathy

Indeed, this is a point which is covered in great detail during the process and preparation for intercountry adoption.
I think the reality is that the chances of this happening has to be near if not zero and is one of the many many challenges that are to be faced in the future..

The permanent loss of ones birthparents is an unimaginable thing and is not lost on the majority of adequately informed parents of internationally adopted children, the challenge is to ensure and understand that more is gained through the process than what is lost..

I won't even start on the whole "Celeb" adoption debacle...

Braverman

You cannot assume that because someone adopts/is adopted from outside of Ireland, there is no traceability.

My son is adopted - our situation is a little different as he is related - I won't even go there with all the problems we caused by not fitting neatly into "boxes"!!

Apart from us, friends of ours adopted from Russia, send reports and have links to the family of origin.

bbam

Braverman wrote: »

You cannot assume that because someone adopts/is adopted from outside of Ireland, there is no traceability.

My son is adopted - our situation is a little different as he is related - I won't even go there with all the problems we caused by not fitting neatly into "boxes"!!

Apart from us, friends of ours adopted from Russia, send reports and have links to the family of origin.

A very good point..

kathy finn

a very good point but im afraid not very realistic, unless adoption search and reunion is improved for adopted adults in this country i can see big problems for these children in the future.
first of all the laws have to change giving us access to our file and birthcerts. everybody has the right to know where they came from and the circumstances that led to their adoption....kathy

bbam

kathy finn wrote: »

a very good point but im afraid not very realistic, unless adoption search and reunion is improved for adopted adults in this country i can see big problems for these children in the future.
first of all the laws have to change giving us access to our file and birthcerts. everybody has the right to know where they came from and the circumstances that led to their adoption....kathy

No doubt but the laws need serious amendments, it's unbelievable that there are records hidden away and not accessible to those who need them.

In relation to the International situation I don't see any change there and for many the tracing of birthparents will not be possible, the records just aren't there in many cases.. this doesn't mean that international adoption isn't a positive process, it's just a fact to be dealt with on an individual basis.

Shpuds

I was adopted from Italy to Irish parents, so i would be considered a foreign adoption. I was adopted in 1983 and my adoptive parents were questioned and often berated for it. My adoptive parents also had two bioloical children so i'm sure it wasn't the 'norm' then and in retrospect it still is not.