Dating a single mum - advice

Partizan

Hi folks,

As the heading says, I am dating a single mum. I met her about 2 weeks ago on work related business. I got chatting to her, she was very friendly, we clicked and I asked her for her number. We went out for drinks last Saturday night and it went very well. We are goiong to the cinema this Friday night.

Anyway a bit about her. She is not Irish, 27 y.o. eastern European, very attractive, has a 10 year old daughter from a previous relationship which she was in for 5 years. She has been living & working in Ireland since 2005 but has not been in a relationship for 2 years. I have never dated a single mum before but I would be grateful for advice from single mums and from guys who have/are in relationships with single mothers. I am 33, have no mortgage, no debts, no kids of my own and have never married. I am in full time employment and rent a 1 bed apartment. I myself came out of a relationship in December.

Any advice on how to proceed? I'm in unchartered waters here.

metrovelvet

Its unchartered waters for everyone Im afraid because all circumstances and people vary so much it's hard to advise.

IT seems that she has enough support that she can date, so she does have free time.

THis is the easy part. The hard part comes later, but it might not be that hard, it really all depends on what her circumstances are and what you all can manage.

seenitall

What do you mean, how to proceed? Why would you be "proceeding", dating-wise, any different than with a childless woman? Single mums don't generally need any special treatment solely on account of their "single mumness". And where does your no-mortgage status come into it?

Relax and enjoy getting to know each other. There will be considerations regarding the child, such as nights or weekends away, they won't be as practical as they would be with a woman with no such responsibilities. These are very common-sense considerations that I am sure you are able to figure out for yourself anyway.

If you are emotionally ready to have an adult relationship and if you have no fear of getting to know and getting attached to a child (who in a way comes as a part of a "package deal") then you shouldn't have any reason for apprehension or worry over this.

As a single mum, I can tell you that, when I meet a prospective partner, I want him to see me as an attractive/interesting/likable woman in my own right, before anything else. I think this is important for you to keep in mind. Then, after that, he obviously needs to be able to accept my child as a big and permanent part of my life. But the primary relationship that you need to be concerning yourself with is the one with the woman. That has to go well first. Your future rapport with the child is very important, but secondary in nature to your basic bond to this family unit (i.e. the one to the woman). (Unless the child doesn't have a father on the scene, but that is a matter for a future thread of yours on here, not this one.)

Best wishes.

greenprincess

I'm not a single mam but I have a friend who is. At this stage you really dont need to be worrying about it.

Just have a good time going out with her. Let her decide when it is suitable for you to meet her child, dont be insulted if it takes months.

Good Luck