Can't let go...

LegacyUser

Hi, I'm an infrequent poster, but going unregistered. Anyway, I'm a guy in my mid-twenties. I met a girl a few months back, and was seeing her for a little while. Really liked her, she seemed to like me too, but then one day out of the blue, she texted me and said she was still hung up on someone else.

She didn't necessarily end things at this point, so I figured I might have been coming on too strong or something, and was planning on backing off a bit, but as it happened, she ended up meeting the someone else a couple of weeks later and they decided to give it another go. Fair enough, I thought, onwards and upwards. We didn't stay in touch, but for whatever reason, I couldn't stop thinking about her.

A couple of months later, on New Year's Eve, I sent a generic 'Happy New Year' text to a few people, including this girl. A few hours later, she rang me (we were both quite drunk at this point) and we chatted for a while. Apparently things weren't going so great with the someone else.

At this point I figured I might have a shot, so I sent her an email saying I was still very interested in her (probably overdid it a bit on this), and if things didn't work out with the someone else, to give me a call. This was fairly ill-advised I guess, and she got back to me saying she shouldn't have rang me, and didn't want to be messing me around. That was grand, I left it at that.

The thing is that since then, we've been chatting on Facebook and such (mostly instigated by her), and I have it on good authority that she's not seeing the someone else anymore. I've made it quite clear that I can't just be friends with her, so I'm not sure what's going on. I know the obvious thing to do is just ask her, but I don't want to come across as desperate, especially when I've already told her how I feel.

Should I just wait and see what happens? Forget her and move on? Normally I can deal with this stuff fairly well, but it's weird, I haven't felt like this about a girl in years. I just can't let her go.

Having read this back, I realise it's quite trivial compared to most threads in this section, but there is some great advice in this forum, and I'd really appreciate some!

gerryk

Move on.
You know the stereotypes about men who just want sex? There's an equally valid stereotype about women who want everything but. I could be totally off, but I have met a few of these emotional vampires in my time, and suffered as a result.
They always want to 'be friends', then drink gets involved, and you get the calls to come over, but it's just for a chat, right? Then all of a sudden, they disappear for a while, just to keep you hanging on... and the cycle continues.

Like I said, i could be totally off here, but I'd be willing to bet that I'm not.

IrishEyes19

+ 1 to the above poster and to add to that, her talking to you on facebook and such but never actually iniatiating any dates and so on, she's basically getting an almost relationship without the title or commitment. You're better off moving on. I would cut contact and stop replying to her. These people are working their ego's and getting a kick out of the fact that someone is chasing them. I'd back away very quickly.

LegacyUser

IrishEyes19 wrote: »

+ 1 to the above poster and to add to that, her talking to you on facebook and such but never actually iniatiating any dates and so on, she's basically getting an almost relationship without the title or commitment. You're better off moving on. I would cut contact and stop replying to her. These people are working their ego's and getting a kick out of the fact that someone is chasing them. I'd back away very quickly.

+1

Guilty of behaving like this myself, unintentionally. It's only when I look back I realise what I was doing, hindsight is wonderful.

You've made it clear you want to give it a shot with her, shes currently not seeing anyone and is making no attempt to initiate anything with you. I think that's enough to tell you to move on. And do it now before you waste any more time.

LegacyUser

Seems the consensus is to move on. I guess that's what I've been thinking too, but was hoping someone would tell me I was wrong.

What perplexes me is the whole "wanting to be friends" thing. We were never friends before, and don't know each other that well at all.

Maybe it is an ego thing, but she doesn't seem to be the type who craves attention. I've met more than my fair share of those people!

Anyway, thanks for the advice.

cocacola11

this seems like such a similar situation to mine, and from talking to a lot of people it seems quite common behavior with some girls. Its a horrible situation to be in and I dont envy you, but trying to let go from her is probably the best way. Its not an easy thing to do, and it wasnt for me either. I often contemplated asking her what the story between us was just to get some straight answer, but that would not have been a good idea and i cant see how it would have ever worked out well for me. Really and truly though, it probably wont ever work out between you. It took me a long time to accept that and i know its not the exact same situation but it sounds very similar. The minute you start to forget about her, accept that shes not for you and start meeting new girls things will be better. The one thing i can say about my situation was that it was a big learning curve for me and i will never ever allow myself to be in that position again. The minute I notice a girl trying to mess with my head again, I walk away. Its not worth, shes not worth it and theres no point being with someone if they treat you like that.
Talking to my friends, many have been there before and what they say and what i say, is that its a hard lesson in relationships and the opposite sex. And i know for a fact i probably would not be with my current girlfriend had i not gone through that, and alot of my friends say the same. Chin up man, it will get better but you have to move on.