Lonely in London

m@cc@

Hi All,

I just thought someone might be able to offer advice here.

I had returned from Australia about 7 months ago but instead of going home, I went to London as the job prospects were much better. I should mention that I split from my long-term girlfriend whilst in Oz.

However, since I have returned from Oz, I have been uphappy and lonely. I am only renting a room from a family (which I am aware I need to get out of). I have made no friends outside of work. The only company I have is to go to the local Irish pub which is full of old men but I feel even their company is better than nothing. This has been difficult for me to cope with as I am quite a gregarious person.

One good thing that has happened is that I managed to get an opportunity to work in something I can see a future career in within the company I work for. However, I am not earning a lot and I am constantly obsessed with money and how much more other people are making. I only have a few thousand in savings and I don’t get the opportunity to save much as London is expensive. As a result I feel like a failure in life and I feel totally trapped in my situation with no way out in the foreseeable future.

I have contemplated taking my life but I have never thought about how I would do it. The fact of the matter is I could never do that to my parents as I know how much they love me and how much it would hurt them.

I pine quite a lot for home as no matter what happened, at least I would have family and friends around who love me.

Can anyone offer any advice?

Thanks

ztoical

Regarding the lack of friends part do you know there is a london forum on boards which has a regular meet up[usually monthly]?

astra2000

I think you should have a chat with your doc as you dont sound in the right frame of mind at the moment.
Go a bit easier on yourself it has to be hard adapting from a carefree life with friends in oz to working in london where you know few people.
Can you not start socialising with your work crowd? There are loads of irish people in london and probably loads you know too, start asking friends and family over here to keep an ear out for people you know living in london, ask them to get their numbers and meet up. Ask the older men in the pub what pubs younger irish people go to. Do you like playing pool? Its a great way for lads to strike up conversation, or maybe join a gym you dont need to be a fitness freak once people see your face a few times they will start chatting.
Start looking for somewhere to live maybe a sharedhouse with people your age, take your time and find a place that is right for you.
Stop obsessing about money any savings is great, I think it would be more to your advantage to spend some of your savings on frequent trips home, you will easily get cheap flights doesnt have to cost a lot.
If you continue to be unhappy you should really consider returning home, no job is worth risking your happiness over.
Best of luck op look after yourself.
Just saw zoticals post great idea!

kerryman12

Hi OP

Two things from your post jump out at me.

I pine quite a lot for home as no matter what happened, at least I would have family and friends around who love me.

I should mention that I split from my long-term girlfriend whilst in Oz.

IMO putting these two things together is enough to get anyone down. Dont forget that those people still love you, they are just a bit further away. Maybe look at ways to stay in touch with home on a regular basis, skype, FB etc. You are bound to need some time to get over herself , but you will eventually - time is a great healer and all that (which it is, just hard to hear that at times)

I have contemplated taking my life but I have never thought about how I would do it.

If this is on your mind alot, then you should talk to someone about it - get help. As far as I know there are a few good emigrant service available to you in London.

Regarding the lack of friends part do you know there is a london forum on boards which has a regular meet up[usually monthly]?

this is a good idea maybe check it out? What are you into sports etc there must be a lot of stuff to do in London. I get the feeling you have a bit too much time on your hands, if you get involved in some stuff you are interested in you will meet like minded people and you are bound to find friends.

You are only over there a relatively short period of time, give yourself a chance to settle in- in a years time you may well love the place.

Best of luck

AJG

It took me a good six months to a year to settle in London when I lived there. I knew no one when I moved there and spent the first six months alone in a bedsit. It was tough but I would say stick with it and get yourself into a house share as soon as possible. The place can be a bit intimidating and the people can come across as rude/unfriendly but it's such a massive place. I would persevere if I was you because if you've no job to come back to here it's not worth your while. You'll be even more depressed.

silvervixen84

I moved to London recently too and it takes a while to settle in but there's so much to see and do that the novelty of being there hasn't worn off yet.

Like other posters have suggested, if you wander over to the London forum here, there's a great mixture of boardsies scattered around the city and there are regular beers at which everyone is welcome.

Also try citysocialising.com for social events that suit your interests. I've joined up but haven't gone to anything yet but plan to try it out in the next few months.

Finally, keep in regular contact with your friends and family back home, email/skype/phone/whatever. If I ever feel a bit homesick I give someone a quick shout, just to hear a friendly voice. And if you do want to go home at any stage, it's just a one hour flight away.

Good luck

Kevster

I moved to York in 2009, and then Leicester (just 'up the road'!) in 2010. I live alone too and have found it impossible to make friends outside work. That was until I decided to take Spanish lessons in my spare time, become virtually fluent at it in a few months by putting effort in, and then going to Argentina to see Green Day in concert last October... I met a girl there, and I'm going back in two weeks to meet her again.

I was a bit lonely and depressed like you were, so I decided to do something completely nuts ... and it's payed off. Try to get something to look forward to all of the time, because otherwise life will seem stale.

I hate to say it, but the clock IS ticking..

Kevin