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cant let her see that she is getting to me

  • 08-02-2011 08:19PM
    #1
    cocacola11
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5 ✭


    theres a girl in my circle of close friends who for the last year I have been on and off with. We do get on great but to put it simple she has messed me around quite a bit and makes things overly complicated between us when they really shouldn't be. For a while there was nothing, and I was seeing someone else. But she is back on the scene again, playing immature games and hot and cold with me. Not the end of the world, I know, but she is in my group of friends, she is always around and I am very much into her even though she is like this with me. Anytime i tell my friends, they tend to fob it off and dont want to hear of it cos she is their friend too. I really want to tell her to f##k off and tell her i dont want to see her as a friend or anything else anymore cos i think its the only way i can move on from her. But at the same time, i dont want her to see that she has got to me. I feel like an idiot for letting her get to me because its such a stupid, ridiculous situation. But she has got to me, and its all i think of a lot of the time.
    Need to move on. Quickly. any suggestions? should i tell her i dont want anything to do with her?


Comments

  • #2
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,012 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    cocacola11 wrote: »
    theres a girl in my circle of close friends who for the last year I have been on and off with. We do get on great but to put it simple she has messed me around quite a bit and makes things overly complicated between us when they really shouldn't be. For a while there was nothing, and I was seeing someone else. But she is back on the scene again, playing immature games and hot and cold with me. Not the end of the world, I know, but she is in my group of friends, she is always around and I am very much into her even though she is like this with me. Anytime i tell my friends, they tend to fob it off and dont want to hear of it cos she is their friend too. I really want to tell her to f##k off and tell her i dont want to see her as a friend or anything else anymore cos i think its the only way i can move on from her. But at the same time, i dont want her to see that she has got to me. I feel like an idiot for letting her get to me because its such a stupid, ridiculous situation. But she has got to me, and its all i think of a lot of the time.
    Need to move on. Quickly. any suggestions? should i tell her i dont want anything to do with her?

    Need more info...

    1. How is she blowing hot and cold?
    2. Did I pick it up correctly that you fancy her?
    3. Are u absolutely certain she doesn't fancy you?
    4. Have you scored/slept with her much?


  • #3
    IrishEyes19
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,861 ✭✭✭IrishEyes19


    Only if you truly mean it, as She will probably come running to you down the line acting all interested and as soon as you go back, she'll most likely start the same play acting again. So if you mean it, stick with it.


  • #4
    cocacola11
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5 ✭cocacola11


    Givingadvice wrote: »
    Need more info...

    1. How is she blowing hot and cold?
    2. Did I pick it up correctly that you fancy her?
    3. Are u absolutely certain she doesn't fancy you?
    4. Have you scored/slept with her much?



    Yeah i a do fancy her, very much into her to be honest. No, i know she does like me, im pretty certain of that. Its only when i show no interest in her that she seems to be really keen though. Yeah i go through phases where we'l be scoring for a while, then she seems to move away. And it will start up again a couple of months later. I never call her up on it, because i dont want her to see that she is affecting me or that i am coming across weak, but it really does get to me.


  • #5
    petebricquette
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 489 ✭✭petebricquette


    cocacola11 wrote: »
    theres a girl in my circle of close friends who for the last year I have been on and off with. We do get on great but to put it simple she has messed me around quite a bit and makes things overly complicated between us when they really shouldn't be. For a while there was nothing, and I was seeing someone else. But she is back on the scene again, playing immature games and hot and cold with me. Not the end of the world, I know, but she is in my group of friends, she is always around and I am very much into her even though she is like this with me. Anytime i tell my friends, they tend to fob it off and dont want to hear of it cos she is their friend too. I really want to tell her to f##k off and tell her i dont want to see her as a friend or anything else anymore cos i think its the only way i can move on from her. But at the same time, i dont want her to see that she has got to me. I feel like an idiot for letting her get to me because its such a stupid, ridiculous situation. But she has got to me, and its all i think of a lot of the time.
    Need to move on. Quickly. any suggestions? should i tell her i dont want anything to do with her?


    I was in a very similar situation a while ago and it's difficult to call. Mine ended up with me completely losing the plot at her and things being extremely awkward for a long long time after (we were in the same college). So my suggestion is to nip it in the bud as quickly as you can and have the courage of your convictions: stick to what you decide and do NOT let her manipulate you into thinking further down the line that ye should get together. At least until she's shown some tangible improvement or apologises for her previous head-fcukery.


  • #6
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,012 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    cocacola11 wrote: »
    Yeah i a do fancy her, very much into her to be honest. No, i know she does like me, im pretty certain of that. Its only when i show no interest in her that she seems to be really keen though. Yeah i go through phases where we'l be scoring for a while, then she seems to move away. And it will start up again a couple of months later. I never call her up on it, because i dont want her to see that she is affecting me or that i am coming across weak, but it really does get to me.

    Could you not just have "the chat" with her? As in just sit down and maturly discuss what's actually going on, if she doesn't want a relationship (and that may not be just with you, she might just not want to get into one at all) then just ended the hot and cold stuff. Stop scoring her!


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  • #7
    cocacola11
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5 ✭cocacola11


    Givingadvice wrote: »
    Could you not just have "the chat" with her? As in just sit down and maturly discuss what's actually going on, if she doesn't want a relationship (and that may not be just with you, she might just not want to get into one at all) then just ended the hot and cold stuff. Stop scoring her!
    yeah i have been thinking of doing that. Tell her how i feel about the whole thing, which we've never properly done before. I just always think its should be the girl who wants to start "the chat" and that ill come across as too needy if i initiate that conversation. But at least whatever the outcome, all this should come to an end if we were to sit down and talk. The thing is, i really wouldnt want anything to do with her if she didnt want a relationship, which would be hard since shes in my group of freinds.


  • #8
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,012 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    cocacola11 wrote: »
    yeah i have been thinking of doing that. Tell her how i feel about the whole thing, which we've never properly done before. I just always think its should be the girl who wants to start "the chat" and that ill come across as too needy if i initiate that conversation. But at least whatever the outcome, all this should come to an end if we were to sit down and talk. The thing is, i really wouldnt want anything to do with her if she didnt want a relationship, which would be hard since shes in my group of freinds.

    I really don't agree with the whole "it should be the girl who wants to start the chat".

    And I very much doubt that you'll come across as needy in this particular situation as the chat seems to be the logical next step if this has been going on for a year! Some girls wouldn't want to initiate the chat themselves, perhaps she's one of them?

    I think it's worth a go at this stage before deciding you want nothing to do with her more or less. Realistically what have you got to lose?!

    I think it would be a good idea to put an end to the current situation one way or the other anyway given you're in the same circle of friends and deciding to just ignore her is not a cool way to go about it!!


  • #9
    cocacola11
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5 ✭cocacola11


    petebricquette wrote: »
    I was in a very similar situation a while ago and it's difficult to call. Mine ended up with me completely losing the plot at her and things being extremely awkward for a long long time after (we were in the same college). So my suggestion is to nip it in the bud as quickly as you can and have the courage of your convictions: stick to what you decide and do NOT let her manipulate you into thinking further down the line that ye should get together. At least until she's shown some tangible improvement or apologises for her previous head-fcukery.


    Yeah nipping it in bud is something i havnt done as its been going on for over a year now. But you're right in what your saying. At this stage I think getting everything off my chest might be for the best. If that goes well, then great. If not, i can get some closure at last and move on. how did things end up with your situation?


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