This bloke doesn't kiss?

LegacyUser

I've been seeing this guy for a short while and things are generally fine. He's a nice fella and all, but I find it a bit strange that he never seems to want to kiss me. Not on the mouth, at least, I get plenty of smooches on my cheeks and neck but he very rarely goes in for a proper kiss. Sometimes he'll lean in like he's about to go for it, then ducks out at the last minute and I'm lucky to even get a peck, which he usually starts to giggle after. We even somehow manage to do the deed with no kissing as a lead-up, which is strange for me. The only time he went for a full snog was on our second date.
There are three possibilities running through my head:
1. I didn't like the way he kissed when we first snogged (man of the darting tongue *rolleyes*). Perhaps he somehow picked up on that and is reluctant to try again.
2. He doesn't like kissing. I'm sure there's people like this.
3. Kissing involves a level of emotional attachment that he's not comfortable with. (It doesn't make sense to me that he can manage to have sex, if this is the case. But enough people manage to do it with little or no emotional involvement.)

What do other people think?

IrishEyes19

why dont you maybe initiate it first for a while and open him up to the idea

Little Acorn

Could be a number of things really. Including the 3 possibilities you listed, some other things to consider could be:
. Your breath- some people seem to be unaware of bad breath, even if you brush your teeth everyday it can still occur. This option is unlikely though if no other fella, or a friend has ever said anything to you.

. He might be lacking confidence in his kissing skills, maybe through lack of kissing experience or maybe an ex gave him some nasty comment about his kissing which has made him think that he is no good at it.
The fact he giggles makes me think he might be abit nervous or something?

.Or like you said, he might just not be that much into kissing. Initiate it yourself, and show him how you like to kiss. With some practice, ye can find something ye both like.

FoxT

Ask him!

I know it is hard to talk about physical/sexual issues, but it is important for any relationship that both partners do feel free to discuss frankly.

Best of luck,

FoxT

Canluum

Little Acorn wrote: »

Your breath- some people seem to be unaware of bad breath, even if you brush your teeth everyday it can still occur.

I'm sorry to say it but the one time I acted just like this boy was for this reason... and she was completely unaware. I mentioned flossing one day when in hers and asked if I could borrow some. She said she didn't have any probably couldn't help notice my gaping shock at realising she didn't floss. I told her how important it was, and brought some over the next time... within a week or so her breath was heavenly, and I wouldn't stop snogging her. I never told her outright it was because of her breath because it wouldn't have served any purpose after it was fixed.


Some people are tolerant to that gingivitis/infection smell (especially their own), personally I'm not.

LegacyUser

i'm actually going through a similar thing- and like you, op, have never come across this before!

I've been wondering if its my breath, my kissing style or if he's "just not that into me" (ugh)....but all the other signs say he's into me! it's confusing!

I would initiate the kiss but I feel nervous about doing it now in case I get the big recoil of rejection! and sadly its been a long time since i've had a very sober kissing session! I'm wondering if he thinks I'm not interested in him because I haven't initiated anything which is fair enough- it takes two to tango after all!

We're just going to have to lob the gob Op, me thinks!

LegacyUser

I have avoided kissing girls on the mouth, simply because they couldn't kiss.

One had the darting tongue problem - literally shoving it pointedly into my mouth.

The other never used her tongue. So after a while I kind of gave up using mine - there was no "snogging" per se. My tongue could never find hers - thought I should mention it to her as she's now a good friend of mine

Was with another girl at the weekend - she was a really good kisser. Made such a difference.

Maybe your kissing styles don't match.

I can only kiss girls I fancy. Maybe he's just not that into you

LegacyUser

I've tried kissing him a couple of times. When I do he just seems surprised and giggles a bit. Like it's a joke. Needless to say this puts me off trying to go any further.
I'm not sure if it's my breath. But it seems unlikely. I'm very scrupulous about my oral hygene. To the point where I use mouthwash after almost every meal. At the same time I can't smell my own breath so maybe I'll start flossing more too.
It is possible that he's not that into me, doesn't like kissing or doesn't like how I kiss. In which case I wish he'd say something, rather than make me feel unsure about what I'm doing by laughing every time we kiss. It's just irritating.
I guess I should just try asking him. But I only don't want him to feel pressured if it's a matter of not being on that level emotionally. However, I can't see myself being continually interested in him if this keeps up, since kissing is one of the main things I need to 'get going', as it were.

LegacyUser

You could start the serious conversation off in a jokey way by saying "what does my breath stink or something ha ha" when he turns away from your kisses. Then carry on by, "no seriously you don't seem to be interested in kisses at all, why's that then?"
Let him know that they are important to you, and see what he has to say about it from then.
Also is he very young? [all the giggling], or maybe he is just under confident.

gerryk

emwellhpwabout wrote: »

I have avoided kissing girls on the mouth, simply because they couldn't kiss.

One had the darting tongue problem - literally shoving it pointedly into my mouth.

I had that once too... god it was pretty terrible... but, what I did was to take her by the shoulders, pull back a bit and say 'slow down'. I kinda took the lead, and within an hour or so, had her kissing perfectly.

Sometimes you just have to take the wheel, so to speak.

LegacyUser

@kisses: he's not young. Actually, he's a good bit older than me. But he is quite boyish in nature.

I'd love to take the wheel, but am afraid I'll end up pushing him into doing something he doesn't want to

Little Acorn

gerryk wrote: »

I had that once too... god it was pretty terrible... but, what I did was to take her by the shoulders, pull back a bit and say 'slow down'. I kinda took the lead, and within an hour or so, had her kissing perfectly.

Sometimes you just have to take the wheel, so to speak.

Worse again imo are 'washing machine' kissers. Luckily never had a problem with my current boyfriend, but before I met him, I had to do what you did a few times. It's easier to take control of the tempo and style of kissing if you are sitting on the guys knee at the time and your face is above him. If the guy is much taller than you, and leaning down to kiss you, it can be hard to get them to kiss you slower or in a different way.
It makes it easier if you can gently hold their head, by putting your hands gently on either side of their face, pulling back abit when you want a break, or to suck their bottom lip for a quick second, also if you are on top on his knee or he is sitting down, it also gives you the advantage of being able to control not just the speed, but also what pressure you like kissing.
Taking the lead in this way very quickly gets the other person responding back to the same way of kissing.
If it happens that he doesn't like your style of kissing, then I'm not sure what you should do. Maybe some type of compromise can be reached?