Long Distance Relationship help

Khyra24

Hi everybody,

I live in the USA and my boyfriend (I don't even know if I should call him that anymore now) lives in Mallow, Co. Cork. We've been together for almost a year now and we've known each other for 10. We've actually been with each other in real life for about 2 months.

Recently, I made a huge stupid mistake of letting my frustrations out on him because I was upset at my own incapability. I felt worthless at the time and I told him that maybe he should find someone better than me and he took it the wrong way, thinking that I wanted to leave him because things didn't go my way. I've emailed, text messaged and even tried to call him (even though that is fairly expensive but I don't care...he's worth it) and he hardly replies to any of my constant apologies and feelings.

It's been two weeks since we've last actually spoken and I feel so empty, lost and confused. He won't log on to talk to me and the last email he sent me, he said he lost all hope of us ever working out. We've tried so hard to maintain this relationship and we've been through so much together and I feel like he's just blown me off with one insensitive email. I've been trying so hard to be with him for good in real life...just to hold his hand again would make me so happy. I haven't been able to stop crying whenever I think about him and I think about him almost every second of every day. I feel like he's the love of my life and I've lost everything. If I could go fly to Shannon or Dublin airport right now I would but I'd need to know that he would meet me...if not, it'd be a huge waste. I love him and miss him so much but he won't say anything to me.

What should I do? Should I just buy a plane ticket for this weekend even though I'm not sure if he'll even see me? Thanks in advance for your reply...I appreciate any type of response.

LegacyUser

I wouldn't buy the plane ticket.

Sounds to me like maybe the long distance thing is not working for him and he's using whatever you said / did to end the relationship.

Khyra24

I know the long distance thing isn't working out for him. I've had so many people tell me that long distance relationships never work out and I don't doubt that he's heard the same. I truly believe that if two people love each other and are willing to make the relationship work, it will definitely work out no matter the distance or the doubts. I would sacrifice everything for him...but I feel he won't do the same and that's why he's given up on us. This whole situation just makes me feel extremely guilty and I've lost a lot of confidence in myself. I'll never love anyone else as much as I've loved him and even though he'll probably move on, I refuse to...

Thank you for your reply Givingadvice. I really do appreciate it. Thank you...

LegacyUser

I sympathise with your situation but a relationship where you would sacrifice everything for him but he wouldn't do the same for you would not work anyway, I'm sure you don't need me to tell you that.

Id get out now before more heartache ensues if I was you.

I know you probably feel now like you'll never love anyone as much as him again but those are raw feelings you have now, if all hope is lost here you need to pick yourself up an move on. It will take time but you'll get there and those feelings will subside. You will meet someone who loves you as much as you love them.

Khyra24

Awww...thanks Givingadvice. You've given me a lot to think about. I think after 2 weeks of trying to reach out to him with my genuine feelings and having heard hardly anything from him means it's pretty much over. He'll always have a place in my heart for the good times we spent together but the way he had to end it all has made me very bitter and I know I deserve to be treated a lot better than this. I may not love someone as much as I've loved this guy but I'll survive. *tries to smile*

TomBeckett

Hello Khyra24
I know very well how you feel.. I was in the same boat not so long ago. I met
my fiancee when i was on holiday in Thailand 3 years ago and it was pritty much love at first sight:) But i was living in ireland at the time and aswell as the distance it did ost a fortune i flew to Thailand 3 times every year and she came to ireland twice a year and we phoned each other every day.. But eventully one of us had to make the move.. And for me it was an easy choice with ireland and the state of things there and the ****e weather..!! so i moved to Thailand 5 months ago and we could not be happier and we plan to get married in june.. so If you want things to work keep at it dont give in... If i were you id buy that plane ticket and tell him your coming if he loves you as much as you love him... He will be at the airport to meet you.....

Khyra24

TomBeckett,

I would love for things to work but I'm afraid he doesn't want the same. He may want our relationship to work out but I feel whenever it gets too tough, he runs away from the situation and disappears on me. I would definitely buy the plane ticket if I knew he would meet me at the airport but he won't even talk to me and I would hate to be all alone in a foreign country with no where to go or stay. That situation scares me.

sunflower27,

Thank you for sharing your experience. I believe this too is an understanding that could easily be resolved if only he would come back on to talk to me but it seems that no matter how hard I try to get him to talk to me, he won't. It really depresses me because I've longed for him for 10 years...even when I had another boyfriend at the time, I always thought about him and what he might be up to. Everything just seems to lead back to him and I don't know why.

I can't stand no contact with him though...I would rather us be friends and have him in my life instead of never talk to him ever again. He's just too important for me to let go of.

I think I agree with you on booking the flight. I would feel terrible if I flew out to Shannon or Dublin and he wasn't there. I don't know what I'd do then...

I've really been trying to just focus on work lately but I can't stop thinking about him. I've lost lots of sleep over it and it's so hard. I feel like I'm slowly dying inside...*sniff*

Thank you for the replies everyone. *hugs*

Khyra24

sunflower27,

Awww....I'm sorry to hear about your situation. You're a strong one...I hope everything works out well for you in the end...

Honestly, I don't want to push for friends. I want to reconcile. I really want him back

Ahhhh I feel like I'm going crazy sometimes...I try not to think stupid thoughts but sometimes....*sighs heavily*

I really appreciate the support

Khyra24

I've tried sticking to the No Contact thing but I end up contacting him again anyway. There's so much I want to talk to him about...it's like I can't receive any sort of closure until I do talk to him...

I'll try to give him more space...but how much space does he need?? I don't think he'll really miss me to be honest...I think he's moved on already.

You're right...I don't want someone that doesn't want me. If he doesn't want me...I should leave it at that. But it just feels so cruel...

Being on boards helps a lot...Everyone is very friendly and I love meeting new people. That makes me happy.

I'll let my tears out now... >_<

Khyra24

Hey all,

I'm struggling a lot but I am surviving. I know sunflower27 said before that I shouldn't fly over and TomBeckett said I should. I wanted to go with my gut feeling and so I did buy a plane ticket for tomorrow to go see him. I let him know I purchased a ticket to Dublin and was going to be there tomorrow and stay for a week and that I would hope he would meet with me. I really had a lot of faith in him and I honestly thought he loved me as much as I love him.

He actually did respond back to me...saying that this was crazy and to not go because there is nothing and no one over there for me. He said he sat around the whole time waiting for things to get better but they never did. He said he was sorry for all the trouble he had caused me, that we are not compatible and that I should find someone who I get along with better...maybe someone from boards.ie so I could visit them and live in Ireland. He said this was all a big mistake and that he is going to disappear now. He said he hopes that we can meet and have a cup of tea with some rich tea biscuits and laugh at this codology years from now. After this, I could no longer reach him...I think he has turned off and erased every possible thing I could ever use to get in touch with him.

I am truly devastated...and that is an understatement. After three long and emotionally traumatizing weeks, he tells me that everything was a big mistake. I just can't believe that he would think sitting around for weeks hoping that things would get better would actually work. You don't wait and hope for things to get better...if you want them to be better, you have to take some action and make it better yourself! He could have came on and spoken to me and even if he didn't want to be with me anymore, he could have told me instead of cowardly ignoring me and dragging on the whole thing. This whole behavior of his has been total foolishness in my eyes...foolishness that has hurt both of us immensely.

I would never have called this relationship a mistake. It didn't work out in the end but it was never a mistake to me. I had a great time when I was with him in real life and I felt we really did click. When I was in Ireland for a month, that was the best month of my life. I would never regret that. He seems to think that I want to find just any guy in Ireland so I could live over there. He doesn't understand that I love him and only him, regardless of where he lives. I love Ireland, yes, but I love him a lot more...and if he wanted to live in another country, like Korea or wherever, I would have gone with him and would have been happy because I was with him. I thought he was the love of my life...and I actually still do...*sigh*. He'll always be in my heart. I think this was a great experience...not the way our relationship ended...but my whole experience with him I will take with me and learn from and live on again. I won't let a relationship dictate how I live my life...I am depressed but I will survive and as someone once said..."Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all".

I still do feel sorry about all the difficulty I've given him as well. I wish I could turn back time and we could start all over with what I know now. I would love to hold him and see his handsome smile again but I think that is long gone now. He is still special to me and he always will be...and he gave me a heart necklace last Christmas and I will cherish that forever. I only hope that someday he will have the strength and courage to forgive me. I've done all that I possibly could and in the end, he didn't want to be with me. Even though he broke my heart and has put me in the weakest emotional state I have ever been in...I will forever love him.

booboo88

its not easy but *hugs*
thats the only thing to do is surround yourself with ppl who love you. and have a good cry

Khyra24

booboo88 wrote: »

its not easy but *hugs*
thats the only thing to do is surround yourself with ppl who love you. and have a good cry

My family doesn't know too much about my situation because I don't feel ready to tell them without breaking down but someday I will. For now, I do spend a lot of time with them and I appreciate their company.

I appreciate everyone's love and support here as well. Thank you so much for helping me through this horrible struggle. You guys have helped me so much...thank you. *hugs*

booboo88

Khyra24 wrote: »

My family doesn't know too much about my situation because I don't feel ready to tell them without breaking down but someday I will. For now, I do spend a lot of time with them and I appreciate their company.

I appreciate everyone's love and support here as well. Thank you so much for helping me through this horrible struggle. You guys have helped me so much...thank you. *hugs*

if you cant cry in front of your family who can ya cry infront of? tell them, you'll feel better for it

Khyra24

It's been over two months now since my last contact with him. I thought I was strong enough to get over him but...I can't do it! I wonder about him all the time and I worry about him getting on alright. I feel so bad about his last email to me which I couldn't reply to because he's blocked me off on everything. He told me not to worry about a muppet like him and he told me he's disappearing so he won't cause me trouble any more. You fool! You never caused me problems...it was my family. They gave me so much grief because they love to do that to me with every relationship I've ever had but I wasn't strong enough to deal with their guilt trips. I couldn't stand them talking crap about you and how we wouldn't work out. I...it wasn't you.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry for not being stronger. Now look at what I've done...how I've become now. There are plenty of handsome nice men over here but I am too numb inside to bother caring and I just can't move on even if I wanted to. My eyes and my heart are still only for you. Why? Why did I have to lose you? What do I do now?? I feel so weak...

I'm sorry for the rant guys...

Khyra24

You've always been so supportive of me sunflower27. I appreciate your responses so much...it brought a lot of tears to my eyes just now.

I thought time would heal my wounds and I've picked up some hobbies like exercise and martial arts training but...it seems like time hasn't healed anything at all. Even though I don't want to, I still think about him every single day. I haven't received any sort of closure...the way it ended...how he just simply erased me from his life after everything we've been through...it just...it just hurts so much. I've tried joking around with people and smiling but I still feel so sad and empty inside. I still cry to myself all the time. I wish I could talk to my family about this but they hated him. They thought he was a horrible person and they're happy I'm not with him anymore. I'm not happy though...I find it hard to stay positive.

I'm so sorry I can't be as strong as you sunflower. I know what you've been through as well and the guy was a real jerk to you and you deserve far better than what he did to you. You are such an inspiration to me. I hope one day I can move on and realize that this guy wasn't worth it but right now, I feel that he was worth everything and I am still very much in love with him even though he's probably moved on by now.

Smashhits

Khyra24 take heart time does heal. I know how you're feeling as I'm the same. I split with my ex last year after 18years together and he was/is the love of my life. I don't cry every day now but it took me a year to get to here. It's not easy to just stop loving someone even though that's what it seems they've done to you.
The only thing i can do is get on with the mundane things like work, taking care of my kids, cleaning, paying the bills. You're lucky that you're not in the same country as your ex as i have to deal with mine living with someone else just a short drive away. It's not easy but believe me you will get through it. Take every day as a new day. Thank your lucky stars or god or whoever you want each day that it's another day over.
I really hope you feel better. Life is too short to waste looking backwards.

Khyra24

I'm so sorry to hear that Smashhits! That must be so difficult for you...and if time has healed your wounds a bit, it surely must heal mine. I just keep wishing though that I will get to bump into him again and have a grand time like we used to. *sigh* I do miss him terribly and I wish I could give him a nice tight hug. But you're right...life is too short to waste looking backwards...I have to stop doing that...I have to...

Khyra24

You're right sunflower. I'm still young (24 going on 25 next month) and there's still a lot I need to experience. I've actually lost weight myself too (but building muscle because I've been working out! hehe) I will get through this. There's just some times when I feel like I'm struggling a lot but talking about it helps a whole bunch.

That's true, the right man wouldn't block me...he'd stay and support me. I wish my ex did that...I thought he was a wonderful man. I still do though Not for me I guess...

I am working on it...yes, I am! And thank you everyone for helping me work through it...I don't think I'd be able to do it on my own

Khyra24

It really does hurt that he doesn't feel the same as I do about him. I truly wish he did because I felt like I finally found my soulmate.

I am very glad for you sunflower that you are over your ex. He didn't sound like a very nice man at all and it seemed like he was playing a lot of mind games with you. You didn't deserve to be treated the way he treated you...you're such a beautiful and sweet person.

My ex thought I played mind games with him but I wasn't at all. I just don't know what I want sometimes...I'm indecisive and complicated...but I did know that I loved him and I didn't want to hurt him. *sigh*

That's a good thing to remember...that he's probably not crying over me...so I won't give him the satisfaction and I won't cry over him.

I will focus on my career and hobbies from now on. Forget about men for a long while for me.

Thank you sunflower for your kind words of advice. You are the greatest. :)