Afraid of nights out/paranoia

LegacyUser

im a 22 year old student who has next to no experience of nights out. Ill have a drink now and again but Im not into getting drunk, I pretend like I go out a lot but I don't ive never even had a proper nite out! I just feel like I wouldnt be any fun if I did, and that theyd find out ive nevr been on a nite out and laugh about it. im very self counscious, i cant really let myhair down so i wouldnt be dancing or anything.

i worry alot about what pepl think of me, after every social interaction with someone i always pick it apart and my head and think 'they musn't like me, they probably think im an idiot/weirdo' and i cringe about it. i dont want them to find out ive basically no social life and am almost afraid ofgoing on a night out in case i look ridiculous because ive no experience and would probaly be very uncomfortable. is this normal? has anyone got any advice?

Zen65

scardey_cait wrote: »

i worry alot about what pepl think of me, after every social interaction with someone i always pick it apart and my head and think 'they musn't like me, they probably think im an idiot/weirdo' and i cringe about it.

Hi Op,

This paralysis-by-analysis is very detrimental to your self-confidence and ultimately to your own mental health. Once you start telling yourself what others must think of you, you begin to act out on those assumptions, and the situation becomes self-fulfilling. The tragedy to this situation is that most people are not analysing your behaviour at all, and certainly not in the way that you have begun to do, or that you imagine they do.

Here's my advice:

Every morning when you wake up, look at yourself in the mirror and say to yourself "I'm very popular". After you shower/shave/eat breakfast, look at yourself in the mirror and say out loud "I'm fun".

Every time you pass a mirror during the day, stop and look briefly at your own image, and say to yourself (or out loud if there's no-one around) something like-

"I'm good company"
"I'm confident"
"My friends enjoy my company"
"I'm great fun on nights out"
"I'm the man!" or "I'm the woman!" as appropriate (you didn't specify your gender)

...and so forth.

Eventually (give it time) by sending positive messages to yourself you will begin to believe that the content is true.


I appreciate this sounds odd, possibly even ridiculous. In fact it's no more ridiculous than what you've been doing for years, except that you've chosen to send yourself negative messages. I have used this approach (with a slightly different message to match my own situation) for the past 10 years and it has done wonders for my self-belief.

Try it, go on. Even one month doing this will change the way you think about yourself.


Be at peace,

Z

Monkey Allen

Like everything, practice makes perfect. There are no rules to going on a night out. I cant be sure but I assume you are female which means you have quite a few topics to talk about which will give you the most important thing in a night out, a fun time. Somebody else having a fun time by your company should be secondary on your list. You dont have to pressure yourself into thinking you are good company or interesting. I'm sure you can find yourself pretty interesting and your family would have the same impression I'm guessing.

Your focus on being liked by being good company is very common but its very destructive, especially when its keeping you from having a social life. Go on a night out, enjoy what others are talking about and get out of the situation what you need. You'll build friendships that way as you wont be the attention seeking annoying person.

Not drinking a lot is your strength. Many people who are trying to mix with new people get drunk and start talking like they've known everyone for years. Usually ends with a few misplaced wise cracks and a few regrets the next day. Which means no new friends acquired. Be the person who's in control and enjoying the night because of the people they are with, not trying to enjoy it by trying to be someone you're usually not.

Fox McCloud

I get what your saying with the nerves going out on a night out, I still get them a little when I go out!

When in the cold light of day you can't imagine what you'd talk about for 6+ hours hanging around in a club or pub, but when your actually there you probably wont even think about it, if you get out of your head a little you'l find the whole night an easy and fun experience.

Remember, everyone else wants YOU to like them too, and find them interesting. Everyone wants to be liked and to be interesting and get on with people.

You might be uncomfortable the first time you do go out, dont let that put you off. No one will know you've never been out before! Just be prepared for drunken eejits that come out of the woodwork come 12 on a sat night. Their not scary, just dont expect rational people in clubs and pubs late at night.

LegacyUser

scardey_cait wrote: »

im a 22 year old student who has next to no experience of nights out. Ill have a drink now and again but Im not into getting drunk, I pretend like I go out a lot but I don't ive never even had a proper nite out! I just feel like I wouldnt be any fun if I did, and that theyd find out ive nevr been on a nite out and laugh about it. im very self counscious, i cant really let myhair down so i wouldnt be dancing or anything.

i worry alot about what pepl think of me, after every social interaction with someone i always pick it apart and my head and think 'they musn't like me, they probably think im an idiot/weirdo' and i cringe about it. i dont want them to find out ive basically no social life and am almost afraid ofgoing on a night out in case i look ridiculous because ive no experience and would probaly be very uncomfortable. is this normal? has anyone got any advice?

ok hi! I was in a similar place as you. I did drink went a bit too mad when I was younger, stopped going out because of it and thus never got involved in the "going out" scene.

first of all Ive recently started a policy of if it makes me feel uncomfortable to do it!

it took me a year of sitting in places feeling like a tool, getting over dressed up, dreading every minute on the dancefloor until I realised that theres nobody looking at you/cares and only then I started to feel comfortable. Im guessing your a girl and if your not dancing thats a good thing in my opinion, I might even say hi .
You would be suprised with how many are only there on fuel binged rampages who have no social skills/confidence when sober, I look to it as a school to improve my skills now. I benefit mentally immensely from doing things I was once fretting over. Its a good way if nothing else as you can see the benefit of it. just set yourself goals

I completely over analyse aswel but I find it helps to keep an busy lifestlye, always be doing something. You have to give your self a bit of a push and commit to it though. Nobody will pull you out of it, excercise helps me a lot but Ive only realised lately. Remember never too late

good luck and dont hesitate to ask anything