Dating - not bothered. Am I weird?

LegacyUser

Hi guys,

Somewhat-regular poster here going unreg. It's not a big issue but I'd love some opinions.

I'm a mid 20s woman, living and working abroad, and when it comes to dating I am just not bothered. To be honest my love-life has always been a bit half-hearted, I've had a few flings over the years, I've dated on and off, a few 'friends with benefits' situations, but never had a serious relationship, and now I'm finding myself at a point where I just can't be bothered.
For a bit of background, I'm a relatively attractive girl, see guys looking at me and get checked out regularly, but I just have no desire to make any effort to date, or to find a boyfriend or even flirt anymore. I rarely even make eye contact with these guys. This bothers me as I'm at an age where I always imagined relationships would happen for me as they are/have for my friends, and I do want the traditional marriage, family etc down the line - I'm not an idiot, I know that something has to change if I want this to happen, but I just can't bring myself to put myself 'out there', if that makes sense.
I guess I'm so used to being single that it's like my own little safe bubble, where I don't have to face rejection and only have to think about myself. I'm also quite career minded and things are going pretty well for me right now, but also busy as hell and this has been the case since I graduated four years ago, so maybe it's that a relationship has not been my priority in recent years. Or maybe it's a handy excuse. Who knows.
I thought for a long time that it was a self esteem thing - that I wanted it but didn't have enough confidence in my looks etc to actively seek it out. I definitely struggle with low self esteem, but I actually don't think this is the root of the problem. I think although consciously I long for affection, intimacy etc...deep down I don't want a relationship and don't want someone 'tying me down' or 'distracting me' when I have so much I want to do, career + travel-wise and otherwise. I recently found myself in a fcuk buddy situation where I liked the guy, but his wanting-more totally turned me off and left me running for the hills.
I just feel weird for thinking this way. I feel like it's not a normal reaction for an emotionally healthy woman. In all other aspects of my life I have been successful and I don't want this issue to continue to cause me misery over the years. Plus, as the horrible cliche goes...I'm not getting any younger!! Can any other women out there relate?

Distorted

Much the same here. I've never been very flirty, or felt that I had to have a boyfriend all the time to be happy. I've had men tell me they were crazy about me in the past but that I never seemed to reciprocate, but to be honest, I barely noticed, because I always have a lot going on in my life (career and do a lot of sports) and just couldn't be that bothered. I guess now I notice a bit more when men pay attention because I recognise the signs better, but quite often I find approaches from them quite irritating. I'm not bothered about being flattered (I know I look ok but am no supermodel). I know that sounds awful and I guess it is awful but some guys can be very clingy and seem to have all sorts of plans mapped out in their heads before they even know you, and it just seems such an interference in your life. It makes me want to run for the hills too! It often seems to me that they are looking more for a role to be filled than interested in you as a person. Especially there are quite a few guys out there who are really boring, who have no spark about them, are not so intelligent, etc and I just know they would bore me to death, so not responding to them saves misery on both sides.

I have a serious boyfriend who is much the same as me in these respects :-). He pretty much leaves me to get on with my own thing when I want although we share lots of interests. For example, I will go away on holiday on my own if he is working, or go to things on my own. (ironically this creats more of the same problem as many men seem to assume if you are alone, without a man present, you are single and looking for a boyfriend). Although to be honest, I'd be quite happy on my own if I had to be as it is really nice to be your own person, in your own company, doing your own thing, being responsible for yourself.

I guess if you are motivated to settle down, etc you will do something about it, but if you are happy the way you are just now, then just enjoy it! OTOH there is a very career driven woman at my work in her late forties, whose deepest wish is to settle down with a man, but she never seems to find one who sticks around. Not my ideal role model either.

RacoonQueen

I could have written most of that post myself. Just can't be bothered. Last time I tried to give someone a chance and put some effort in he turned out to be a sh1tbrick, this doesn't help the situation. :pac:

I usually know straight away when I meet someone that I want to give it a shot with them. So, I figure it'll happen like that again and when there is someone I'm bothered about it won't feel like effort just to contact them.

Tar.Aldarion

At different stages of our lives we want things like that more and less, seems you jsut don't want to, it's not odd!