How to toughen up at work

Cgoodie

I'm not sure if this is in the right place but I'm sure it'll be moved if not.

I'm quite a quiet/shy/reserved person and am the type to sit back, listen and take in what is going on. However, when it comes to speaking up, standing up for myself, asking for help and the like. Anyway it's time I toughened up and was wondering if there was anyone on here who was in the same boat and how they overcame it and "grew a pair"!

Thanks.

scottie pippen

when it comes to standing up for yourself, if your getting a bollocking over somthing thats not your fault, or if you getting hassle for nothing, keep a note of it, gather solid info & examples of incidents - then approach HR and speak about it.

or dont let things get that far, perhaps have a private chat with whoever you have a grievance with.


or if its a general thing that effects you in all aspects of your life perhaps you have some self esteem issues?

I found that working in a bad working environment (which I couldnt control) lowered my self esteem. so I got back into sport & concentrated on fitness, gave me confidence in myself, the ****ty work conditions bother me far less now.

Cgoodie

It's probably more general but mainly at work. I had a really bad office environment where I worked previously that knocked my confidence and I don't think it's ever really come back.

Sport and fitness sounds good at least it'll help get some of the frustration out.

mikemac

Yeah I was pretty much the same as you OP
Plus I had the whole "eager to please" thing going on, incapable of saying no to anything

Get the hell out of the place at lunch. If you hit the gym for an hour great, but going for a nice walk is just as good. Don't be eating lunch at your desk, breaks are needed.

When people bottle things up sometimes they explode. Like a prick of a supervisor can rile and prod you for days and weeks and one day you'll snap and it'll be you that comes out of it looking bad and talking the walk to HR.
So try to deal with things as they happen

Every workplace has moaners, the kind of people who would have you slitting your wrists by 9:30am just by listening. Stay away from negative people.

This is going to sound stupid but smile when you talk on the phone. It does change your mood and people can notice the difference

http://www.toastmasters.ie/ Edit, that's for Dublin only
http://d71.org/portal.php is for UK and Ireland so everyone else outside Dublin

Head to toastmasters, brilliant for your confidence. It's not just public speaking it'll help you with. It'll help you with many areas. One the best things I ever joined.
It's just a few euro and everyone is there for the right reasons

scottie pippen

just adding to my previous point.

always be able to account for what you've done, be on the ball and be able to back yourself up. (keeping notes day to day is invaluable)

but looking fit and having confidence in your self people will be less likely to hassle you if they think could give them a good kick in the arse if they pushed you to it also (never comes to it, but its nice know you can -if you need to )

Cgoodie

I heard of Toastmasters before but never really knew what it was about. There's a club near enough to me so I think I'll go to the next meeting and see what it's like. Thanks for that.

Feelingstressed - I think my username should be eagertoplease or cannotsayno:D

wylo

Sometimes the environment just might not suit your personality, I was in the exact same boat as you ,and I agree, its very stressful, your always worried about what others think, you want someone to help you with something,they tell you in rude manner that they're busy, so you go back to what your doing and still cant do it, but are too afraid to go back to the supervisor or whatever.
I eventually got let go (completely unrelated, was as a result of company problems), and started getting odd jobs in other places and I couldnt get over the difference.I was at ease , I was able to work well with others. So in one way, its safe to say that it was the place that was the problem not me, but in another way I felt I should have still dealt with it better.

So like the other poster mentioned, Im going to try toastmasters as well. I have a massive fear of public speaking so I dont even know what Im going to do when I get there but I may as well give it a go.

Cgoodie

I've pretty much come to that conclusion over the past few months that the job doesn't suit me. I work for a law firm and all I ever wanted to do was be a solicitor I had the blinkers on through school and college and never really looked at other careers so now I'm just trying to figure out what it is I want to do and am biding my time where I am until I sort myself out that way.

Remmy

Cgoodie wrote: »

I've pretty much come to that conclusion over the past few months that the job doesn't suit me. I work for a law firm and all I ever wanted to do was be a solicitor I had the blinkers on through school and college and never really looked at other careers so now I'm just trying to figure out what it is I want to do and am biding my time where I am until I sort myself out that way.

Thats a shame op.Do you have your FE1's passed and are working in there as a lawyer or are you a parelegal or something?Its just seems like an awful lot of work to get where you are now to chuck it away.Did you enjoy studying law in college?

I cant really talk but I'm studying law and I want to go on eventually to work in a big firm as a solicitor aswell.I just love the subjects and any bit of work experience I have gotten I've enjoyed but by the same token who's to know if I will still have the same spark for it in a few years time.

Cgoodie

I've done some of the FE1's and am working there as a legal executive - the boss does nothing so I pretty much do all the work, he comes in takes it and heads off to court and gets all the credit & more money but hey thats life and it's not the part that really bothers me.

I loved studying law in college but I've just found the practice of it to be totally different to the academic end. I'd rather get out of it now rather than put more money and effort into it to qualify and still feel the same about it. Would still love to work in the area maybe in research or that end of it.

My advice would be get as much experience as you can in law firms and try move around different depts if possible to get a real experience of the place.

Remmy

Cgoodie wrote: »

I've done some of the FE1's and am working there as a legal executive - the boss does nothing so I pretty much do all the work, he comes in takes it and heads off to court and gets all the credit & more money but hey thats life and it's not the part that really bothers me.

I loved studying law in college but I've just found the practice of it to be totally different to the academic end. I'd rather get out of it now rather than put more money and effort into it to qualify and still feel the same about it. Would still love to work in the area maybe in research or that end of it.

My advice would be get as much experience as you can in law firms and try move around different depts if possible to get a real experience of the place.

Thanks for the advice.I'll be sure to get more experience about it now before I get too invested in it and then find out its not for me.

I havent looked an awful amount into either but would you think of working in insurance or IB'ing instead?Both of them would probably require work experience to get your foot in the door but they are two paths my friends and I throw back and forth if we didnt decide to go the legal route.

Cgoodie

Remmy wrote: »

I havent looked an awful amount into either but would you think of working in insurance or IB'ing instead?Both of them would probably require work experience to get your foot in the door but they are two paths my friends and I throw back and forth if we didnt decide to go the legal route.

Excuse my ignorance but what is IB'ing? I have been thinking of work in the non-profit sector I think it would be better suited to my personal values but I'm still not sure. I'm back in the "what do I want to be when I grow up" stage at almost 26 years of age:D

Remmy

Cgoodie wrote: »

Excuse my ignorance but what is IB'ing? I have been thinking of work in the non-profit sector I think it would be better suited to my personal values but I'm still not sure. I'm back in the "what do I want to be when I grow up" stage at almost 26 years of age:D

Oh sorry I meant Investment banking.I have a relation who worked as one so I went through a phase of researching about it as a career in first year.:DEven still at 26 years old you're still plenty young to change tack and do anything you want to do!

Tom Dunne

Just to add my experiences to the mix.

I too was very unsure of myself. As a teenager, I was a complete basket case in terms of self confidence. I used to be quite shy and used humour as a buffer. But as I progressed through work I gradually became more and more confident.

I am now running a department with 15 people reporting to me.

It helps, first of all, to know what you are talking about. You are working in a law firm - I assume there will be plenty of strong opinions in there? Get your own little niche, be sure about your area and make sure that when somebody contradicts you, you know whether they are right or wrong and can either accept their opinion, or confidently offer your own.

Another thing is to have a plan. Get it clear in your head what you are going to do. Sounds like you have that started, now it's time to make it happen. Aim for starting a course in September to allow you to achieve your plan.

And finally, outside interests (sport was mentioned) are vital. Get your mind off work. If you are continually worrying/thinking about work, it will be a self-perpetuating cycle of negativity, further undermining your confidence.