Friends taking drugs - I dont

zxcvbnm1

As the title states, my friends take drugs, I don't.
Purely because I am fearful of the effects they can have.

However - on a night out it's hard not to feel excluded. While everyone includes me in conversation, I do feel a bit of a nerd.
Which is a pity. The confidence I hold is less as a result.

Anyone else have any experience of this?

Nights out are a chore as a result.
I just don't enjoy them like I should do.

18AD

zxcvbnm1 wrote: »

I just don't enjoy them like I should do.

There's no amount you should enjoy a night. Would want be a better word?

You're perfectly justified in not taking drugs if you don't want.

It's near impossible to go out on a night with people who are doing something and not feel somewhat excluded. There is a sense of comradery in taking drugs.

Either find new friends to go out with that don't take drugs or go out and forget about how much fun you should be having.

If it just isn't what you're looking for, then do something different.

Best.
AD

LegacyUser

I used to go out every weekend, stay up all night at house parties and waste every weekend in a drug induced bubble.

I haven't touched them in over a year. As a result I have nearly nothing in common with my old friends who seem to only talk about how 'mad out of it' they got at this or that session.

It's boring in the extreme, I look back on the last 10 years and think what a bleeding waste of my time. I started as a mature student in university in 2009 and haven't looked back. I have made loads of new friends who aren't into that lifestyle and a couple who were exactly the same as me, trying to stay away from it and build a normal existence for themselves.

Sure i like to go out and have laugh at the weekend, but when life revolves around drugs like it does for my mates or your mates it is very difficult to stay in that position.

I have tried going out and not taking them but it isn't the same when everyone else does it.

It's a tough decision to go your own way but it's one i definitely DON'T regret taking.....

best of luck

Wompa1

I'm the same as you OP..I wasn't afriad of the effects but I didn't want to become addicted. I ended up giving in and doing it for a girlfriend that was addicted because it was causing issues between us and she wouldn't stop smoking it around me, I couldn't be around her while she was doing it and I wasn't so I compromised and tried it...very very bad exeprience. Steer clear. If needs be get a new group of friends that don't need drugs to have fun

greenprincess

Not to even nearly the same extent but I remember when I was 15 all my friends took up smoking and I didnt. They teased me for not being cool etc. Two years later they were all struggling to give up, most couldnt and they all regreated starting.
Dont feel like a nerd, you need to stick to what you believe! And if you dont enjoy going out with them anymore maybe try make new friends

ABajaninCork

If your nights out are becoming a chore, then it's time to get you some new friends!

Look at it this way. When the drugs have ravaged their bodies and your friends look 10 years older than they actually are - you'll have kept your fresh-faced looks, your sanity, and your money. In your pocket where it belongs, not giving it to some low-life, below average drug dealer. It speaks volumes for their self-esteem that they feel that in order to be 'cool' they have to follow the herd like sheep and take drugs.

You are NOT a nerd!! Your mates are.

If you doubt me, take a look at the latest pics of Lindsay Lohan....

wylo

the whole late teens/early 20s drug phase is quite frustrating for alot of people. Usually it fades away after that due to pills not being addictive and comedowns and skags becoming far too overwhelming.

Ive been on both ends of the spectrum. I used take them and try my best to include anyone that wasnt taking them. I would be genuinely enjoying their company but I wont lie, there is definitely a certain type of 'in crowd' development on a night out once drugs become involved and its really annoying for people not taking drugs. It gets worse if theres a house party or something and drug takers start drifting off to a more private room without even realising it. I know what it feels like to be not in that circle, because when I stopped taking them i started to get very bored and felt a bit left out. I was a little more secure about the situation because I know what its like to be on 'the other side', so I had no problem engaging in good conversation with someone off their head, but I cant imagine how frustrating it is for someone that doesnt take drugs at all.

My advice, keep the chin up, they're still your friends, they are clearly trying to include you, so make sure its not YOU who is causing the insecurity and left out/lack of confidence issue. They might be happy to enjoy your company once you are chatting away and having a laugh with them, as oppose to sitting there half judging them, feeling uncomfortable.

Chill out and enjoy their company, and they will be enjoying yours so long as you are in good form, want to chat and not too pissed and falling about.

The best part about not taking them is towards the end of the night, you are tired but in good humour/half pissed, they are coming down , possibly anxious, slightly paranoid and will probably have trouble sleeping. You'll get home to bed and conk out.

kjl

Can I ask OP do you drink?

I don't but I can still go out, so while everyone is sober I have to watch them all being drunk. You are only as left out as you make yourself, I can assure you the people don't think you are a nerd, that is your own feeling.

A lot of the replys here have sounded quit judgemental especially ABajaninCork who shows how little they know with stupid comments about ageing.

ABajaninCork

kjl wrote: »

Can I ask OP do you drink?

I don't but I can still go out, so while everyone is sober I have to watch them all being drunk. You are only as left out as you make yourself, I can assure you the people don't think you are a nerd, that is your own feeling.

A lot of the replys here have sounded quit judgemental especially ABajaninCork who shows how little they know with stupid comments about ageing.

I've been around the block a few times and am probably old enough to be your mother! Please show me where in my post I've been judgemental?

Believe me, I've seen it all before with the drugs and the drink and could probably tell YOU a few things....

Why don't you google 'Recreational Drugs and the effects of'. Come back and share your findings. I would genuinely be interested to know....

Ickle Magoo

kjl, ABajaninCork, take it to PM - any more posts that contain sniping at each other will result in infractions...

Be aware that off-topic and unhelpful posting can earn you a ban from this forum.

Please take the time to read the forum rules in the charter and abide by them.

Many thanks.
Ickle

messymess

OP, I know exactly where you're coming from. There's a guy in our circle who is the exact same ... I hope it's not you actually

Nights out for him are a struggle too on occasion. Festivals especially, when his mates tend to spend the entire weekend taking something to counterbalance something else.

Friends are generally bound for various reasons but the friends that are out taking drugs don't necessarily have to be your only friends. Go out with other people, make new friends, variety is the spice of life.

Zen65

zxcvbnm1 wrote: »

Nights out are a chore as a result.
I just don't enjoy them like I should do.

In choosing to follow your own counsel, you show a greater confidence and wisdom than these "friends". It seems that they are not the type of people you can enjoy being with while they behave this way, and the best advice I can give you is to find other ways to enjoy yourself on a night out, most likely with other friends.

Despite how it may appear to you right now, most people do not take drugs on a night out (other than alcohol, and even that is a drug most people take in moderation). If your current circle of friends do, and you want to avoid being in their company (because let's face it people are pretty boring when they are out of their minds) then you need to take the first step of making new friends.

Be at peace,

Z

AnneElizabeth

My advice would be: ditch them. You don't need those kind of people in your life. People who take drugs have low self-esteem and are doing neither your nor themselves any good. There are better people out there who you can be friends with. Plus you don't want to be associated with stoners.

Cheap Thrills!

OP,

You're already streets ahead of all your friends.

Believe me the odd pang you might feel for ''missing out'' now you will soon be glad later you didn't bother.

I've enjoyed my life and I cant change a lot of things now, but if I could live it all again I'd love to do it without drugs.

Just to see. :cool:

wylo

please dont just ditch your friends because of this like some people are suggesting. Some crazy advice here being given,mainly as a result of ignorance tbh. Taking drugs on a night out doesnt make you an evil selfish bad friend. They may still be very good people who care for you.

Ickle Magoo

Wylo - don't flame other posters, there's already been a warning on this thread. Keep advice on-topic and helpful to the OP.

Many thanks

Little Acorn

wylo wrote: »

the whole late teens/early 20s drug phase is quite frustrating for alot of people. Usually it fades away after that due to pills not being addictive and comedowns and skags becoming far too overwhelming.

Ive been on both ends of the spectrum. I used take them and try my best to include anyone that wasnt taking them. I would be genuinely enjoying their company but I wont lie, there is definitely a certain type of 'in crowd' development on a night out once drugs become involved and its really annoying for people not taking drugs. It gets worse if theres a house party or something and drug takers start drifting off to a more private room without even realising it. I know what it feels like to be not in that circle, because when I stopped taking them i started to get very bored and felt a bit left out. I was a little more secure about the situation because I know what its like to be on 'the other side', so I had no problem engaging in good conversation with someone off their head, but I cant imagine how frustrating it is for someone that doesnt take drugs at all.

My advice, keep the chin up, they're still your friends, they are clearly trying to include you, so make sure its not YOU who is causing the insecurity and left out/lack of confidence issue. They might be happy to enjoy your company once you are chatting away and having a laugh with them, as oppose to sitting there half judging them, feeling uncomfortable.

Chill out and enjoy their company, and they will be enjoying yours so long as you are in good form, want to chat and not too pissed and falling about.

The best part about not taking them is towards the end of the night, you are tired but in good humour/half pissed, they are coming down , possibly anxious, slightly paranoid and will probably have trouble sleeping. You'll get home to bed and conk out.

I agree with this post. As long as they are not intentionally excluding you, by slagging you about it, or by trying to pressure you into taking them then they aren't necessary what I would label as bad friends.
Quite alot of my friends take drugs, not every single weekend but regular enough for me to be well used to being in their company when they are. I don't feel awkward around them, and chat away just like I would chat to my friends who aren't on drugs. I think that is because I have never experienced the type of buzz they are on, so I don't understand it enough to know the difference between what I am feeling and the way they are feeling. So because of that I don't act any different around them.
At the start I used to be very unsure around people taking drugs. I used to constantly wonder what was happening in their heads. I used to think, could they start hallucinating? Am I annoying them because I'm not on the same buzz as them? Do they understand what I'm talking about when they're off their head? Does this music sound different to their ears than to mine?

Anyhow, I stopped over analyzing everything, and just pushed it out of my head that they were actually taking anything different to me.[alcohol] As they drink alcohol aswell, as do I, then in my head I just see them as being abit "drunk" just like me. This allows me to just carry on conversation and have a laugh as normal, and not feel strange about it. I know there's probably a completely different buzz going on in their head, but there's no point in thinking about it as they seem more than happy in my company and I always have a great night with them regardless. They respect my decision not to want to touch class a's, and usually tell me that I've made a good decision when they are on a nasty comedown!:D

However, if you feel extremely uncomfortable around your friends taking drugs, then it's perfectly ok for you to remove yourself from that situation. I could not be friends or ever feel comfortable with anyone taking heroin or acid around me. Everyone has their own limits as to what they feel comfortable with, and there's nothing wrong with that. I would possibly start to get annoyed too if my friends started taking chemicals every single weekend, but I don't know maybe I wouldn't-not sure?

You don't necessary have to ditch your friends because of this, but if you feel that you can never grow to become ok with the idea, then maybe you will need new friends to go socializing with, and keep your old friends for non partying events like the cinema, meals, meeting up for chats or shopping etc.

I can't speak for everyone who takes drugs, but from my own experience my friends who do take drugs have no problem with people who decide not to, and they definitely don't think that they are nerds.
Various comments I've gotten over the years, are "you're a sensible girl", "you're dead right to stick to what you believe in", etc.
There was one who said "you're too cautious, you don't know what you're missing", still get along great with the person though, we just have a difference of opinion. And imo, if the worst criticism that I've ever got of one friend is that I was a little unadventurous regarding drugs, then tbh it's not something that I would get that offended over.
I am very close to my friends, they are like brothers to me in many ways, and they often describe me as great craic, and never once have I been left out of any plans for a night out. Infact they usually come to me to arrange them.

Maybe, have a good talk to your friends about this and explain how you are feeling. Don't ever feel pressurized to change your ways, and always stick to what you believe is the right decision for you. Real friends won't judge you harshly because of this.

Good Luck!:)

alandublin15

ditch your "friends".
messing with drugs is messing with your brain, thats a kinda delicate thing and not easily fixed.
google stuff about drug treatment patients, if their stories wont deter you nothing will.
advise your friends once or twice, then ditch the ones who wont listen.

liah

Some weird stuff coming out on both sides on this thread, tbh.

I've been on both sides. I'm not mad into drugs but I enjoy them once in awhile (a couple times a year, maybe) just like anything else. When I was living with a certain housemate there were parties with drugs pretty much every day and I just went with the lifestyle, no harm. Got sick of it after awhile and yeah, I felt a bit out of the loop on nights out but it didn't bother me because I get what it's like. I smoke pot most days but there's been gaps of years between sometimes and I've never had trouble giving anything up.

Basically, from my experience, much like everything else it's only a big deal if you make it a big deal. Your friends aren't write-offs just because there's one activity you don't enjoy that they participate in, and I hate this "omg I quit/don't do drugs and I'm so much better than my old friends"-- no, you just have different priorities in life. They're no lesser or greater than you. You can still do other activities with them if you're adamantly straight-edge.

I think if you sink into this mindset of "oh they're doing it and I don't," you'll end up alienating your friends and/or your friends will start to alienate you. It's not "me vs. them." Just adapt a little. Instead of thinking about how much it sucks that they're doing something and you're not, just have fun with it-- messing around with drugged out people is pretty funny sometimes, just take the piss and make the best of the situation. You don't have to do the drugs yourselves to realize that people aren't really that weird or bad on them, just a bit sillier. Take advantage of it! (And I don't mean in a malicious way, just good-natured pisstaking, as you do!)

CDfm

OP -you have sort of answered your own question and made a decision that the drug taking part of whatever scene you are in is not for you.

Whatever your reasons are , you either dont like or wouldnt feel comfortable or Uncle Pat in London who yer Ma doesnt talk about was in the Priory Clinic with Gazza a few times.

Bottom line is lots of people dont take drugs and refuse them in the same way non smokers refuse cigerettes. Drugs wont nesscessarily enhance your enjoyment - they could amplify your feelings and emotions. Bad as well as good.

For what its worth - if you are enjoying yourself then you are enjoying a real situation. If not, taking drugs is hardly going to alter the situation.

Liah's post hits it on the button. Enjoy it for what it is.

However, one thing Liah does say is that she has never had any problems giving things up and is not an addict.

liah

CDfm wrote: »

However, one thing Liah does say is that she has never had any problems giving things up and is not an addict.

I could just be lucky with that, I've never experienced withdrawal for anything, even when I was binging a bit on some chemicals I never had trouble going cold turkey for weeks, months, or years, for whatever reason.

That said, I've known a lot of 'druggies' and 'stoners,' and the majority of them are normal people with normal jobs and normal social lives and normal personalities who happen to partake in drugs. I have seen a few self-destruct with drugs, but (and this is a big but), that's generally something that's a part of their personality to begin with and the drugs are simply a catalyst (e.g. depression can lead to drink, not always vice versa type of thing), and I think 'normal' 'druggies' get a bad rap from these people who are taken as the majority instead of the minority they really are.

That, of course, amplifies the 'us vs. them' effect and I don't like how that mentality is going, at all. A bit of awareness and common sense about drugs and how to deal with people who do them is required when they're pretty much unavoidable. Basically, OP, just treat them like your mates-- 'cuz they are!-- just a bit sillier versions of them, act like you normally would and don't analyze it so much.

If you genuinely don't like being in those situations, don't participate, or get involved in new circles-- but I think that's drastic and a byproduct of drug misrepresentation more than anything.

Wompa1

I feel really uncomfortable around people lighting up too OP. I tend to avoid those people when I know they will be doing it now. People that smoke will always tell you that you're over reacted and it doesn't have that much of effect on them but it does. It's blindly obvious. My brother says he's normal when he does it, so too did an ex girlfriend of mine...I had to record a video of her before and after to convince her it's noticable when she smokes.

I don't really like being in a group of drinkers if I'm not drinking which is a lot. And same around people that are smoking. It's not looking down on people but it changes the dynamic between you and makes it uncomfortable. I avoid it and it sound like you want to as well.

Boskowski

I think you should start taking drugs, too.
You going to look back at this stage of your life thinking I missed out. Don't let that happen, go for it.

onlyrocknroll

Hey zxcvbnm1

I can identify with this because I have a lot of friends who take drugs but I don't.

Could I recommend that you broaden your circle a little. I think that you might it easier to spend time with people on drugs occasionally if you had other options of people to socialize with. That way you wouldn't have to reject people you care about, but you wouldn't have to spend every weekend talking to people who are on pills or coke, which tbf isn't always easy. You could also bring someone who doesn't take drugs (but isn't easily shocked) with you on nights out so that you won't feel excluded.

Also maybe be selective of the occasions you spend with your drug using friends. For example go to the pub and have a few drinks with them, if they decide to go back to some house party afterwards that you know will be very messy then you go home or somewhere else at that point.

I wouldn't end my friendship though. If you do in a few years most of them may rarely if ever use drugs but you'll have burnt your bridges.