Girlfriend not attracted to me anymore

LegacyUser

Been with my girlfriend for 10 months. We’re extremely close to each other, share many interests and in general never fight or disagree and are both very laid back .We've been away together to visit her friends in central Europe and both get on extremely well with each others friends. In the beginning sex was regular 2/3 a week at least and absolutely mad about each other. We go to the cinema/have dinner out etc almost every week as well. However recently as in the last 2 months she has gone completely off sex. Her and I both aren't big fans of public displays of affection or anything, but recently as much as a kiss in private hasn't been to appealing to her.

I was away for a few nights down the country 3 months back and a girl I knew kissed me. I didn’t think anything of it and stupidly never mentioned it to my girlfriend. A friend of mine did and we went through a rough patch but I assured her it wasn't a proper kiss and i had not been the instigator. After a week or 2 we got back together, however a while later it became clear she’s completely off me. After new years we went down the country to a hotel having not had sex in number of weeks, we slept together and had an amazing time together and things looked to be getting back on track. However today a month since we last had sex we were in bed together and as I made a move, she told me she simply didn't want sex with me and that although she loves me very much she doesn’t want sex with me at all, nor anyone else. I told her I didn't mind and that I loved her.

I'm completely lost, I know this is probably caused by the kiss a few months back and I've told her how sorry I am about the whole thing and she says she knows I am, I truly feel horrible about !But I feel so unattractive, rejected and worried for our relationship. She has completely lost what was once her very high sex drive. I don’t want to lose a girl I care deeply about and love but I don’t know what else there is to do. Please help.

Thanks, ThumpJunkie

IrishEyes19

First thing Id be doing, OP, is asking her why? Clearly she has a reason, I assume also it is the kiss. But theres no use sitting back and letting your fustration fester. Better to get it out in the open before it hits the fan if your out some night and possibly drinking and text her. It could blow up in your face. Be open with her the way you are here and ask her why things have changed.

LegacyUser

Pretty simple, you broke her trust, she's not into you anymore. It's over.

petebricquette

Hfhmfhjbghmhk wrote: »

Pretty simple, you broke her trust, she's not into you anymore. It's over.

In what sense is that helpful? OP made a point of saying that he didn't instigate anything with the girl, he and his OH got back together and the dude is looking for some advice.

OP, I'd say that there's probably some other issue bothering her. If she was ok enough with getting back with you after the kiss and she has no interest in sex with you or anyone else then you really need to thrash it out with her as soon as possible.

thebigleap

petebricquette wrote: »

OP, I'd say that there's probably some other issue bothering her. If she was ok enough with getting back with you after the kiss and she has no interest in sex with you or anyone else then you really need to thrash it out with her as soon as possible.

The thing is these types of things can fester. Maybe at the time she thought she was past it, but is actually having a harder time dealing with it than she expected.

I agree you need to sit down asap and have a talk about this. One way or another you need to know what's going on.

Bottle_of_Smoke

Perhaps she wants to finish things with you but is bad with confrontation.

If you want to be sure you'll have to make it easy for her to dump you.

I doubt its you kissing someone else. if she was angry enough to not have sex she'd most likely be angry enough to leave you.

LegacyUser

dude, according to her, you got caught out cheating - how does she know that it was only a kiss....she obviously wants to believe you, having stayed with you since....but if I found out of someone else that my boyfriend kissed another girl....that doesn't look good, that a) he did it and more so b) he lied. from that, it sounds like her trust in you is gone and rightly so - whether it was an accident or not....she can't believe you, because you didn't tell her upfront, as far as she knows, you wanted to hide it, there might be more to it that she didn't hear about.....

so can you rebuild her trust? don't know - talk to her, find out if this is really the reason she's gone off you....but sometimes it's just game over

LegacyUser

Been there. I was in your girlfriend's position. I tried to hang in there to allow my anger and mistrust to wane away but it never did. I just found I couldn't look at my bf the same any more. He just wasn't the same person to me. I didn't want to be the girl questioning his every move so I didn't, but in my head I had zero trust. Everytime I saw him I wondered.

We eventually broke up, months later, but I never made it clear to him why I no longer felt attracted to him because he didn't bother to tell me when he cheated (just a kiss in my case too, AFAIK) and I didn't feel I owed him any explanation.

My belief was once a cheat, always a cheat, and I just couldn't get past that.

I imagine your girlfriend feels the same.

Had you told her the truth to begin with, you were in with a chance, but by holding back and her hearing it from elsewhere, you truly blew it. Learn a lesson from this and move on, keeping it in the back of your mind for the next time you hold back from telling the truth.