Office Bitch- how to deal with her?

LegacyUser

Hi,

I have always been a sensitive person, and it has resulted in me being treated badly in a few jobs I have had.

I have come to accept that these bullies and office bitches behave the way they want to, and it is no reflection on me.

I used to 'internalise' the way they treated me, but wondering what I did to make them treat me badly, but I have overcome that.

However, because I try to be obliging, friendly and always professional, the Office BITCH is making my working life miserable.

She is doing it in a very subtle way. Snide comments, that the other girls think are funny. I automatically look like I'm too sensitive if I stand up for myself.

I was determined to 'rise above it' when I first started the job, (5 months ago). I was determined that the bitches would not drag me down to their level. I treat everyone with respect, and I'm professional at all times.


The trouble is, this one girl, keeps undermining me, making a fool of me, being really difficult to deal with at work.

My boss is not the type of person who I could complain to-- she would see it as a nuisance, and may even sack me for making trouble.


How to deal with her??

Thanks.

whatsamsn

Short answer: you have to stand up to her.

Long answer: how you do it?
Straight up approach: tell her to stop with her snide comments. her response from the sounds of it will to comeback with you being sensitive. Tell her to fu*k off (not in those words of course ) Its just about standing your ground / letting someone now.

You could do some snide comments of your own... but in these situations its very easy for them to back fire. So just let her know whats what. Ideally after she has made a snide comment. As opposed to just randomly going up to her.

Zen65

change? wrote: »

I have always been a sensitive person, and it has resulted in me being treated badly in a few jobs I have had.

This strikes me as a peculiar statement.

I believe that it is more correct to say "I have always been a sensitive person, and it has resulted in me believing that I am being treated badly in a few jobs I have had."

Your post is a little vague as to how you have been treated badly. Somebody in the office tells jokes at your expense? In an office environment that's not unusual, and most people simply ignore it. If you ignore it long enough and do your job well, the slagging stops.

I'm not defending the type of banter that goes on in an office, I'm simply pointing out that your sensitivity is not the reason for it, it is the reason that you find it so annoying.

Can you elaborate on how you are being treated badly, or would you agree that perhaps this smart-mouthed colleague makes remarks about many of her colleagues, and it is the remarks she makes about you that cause such offence?

whatsamsn wrote: »

Straight up approach: tell her to stop with her snide comments.

This is a good strategy, and it works best if you do it one-to-one. Making this comment in front of others creates a tension whereby she will have to retaliate, and that's not a battle you can win. This other lady is obviously somebody who can turn a sharp word very easily, and if challenged publicly that's what she will do, at your expense. However if you speak to her privately, tell her calmly that you find these remarks to be unhelpful and unprofessional, then I believe you will have a better reaction from her.

Be at peace,

Z

Monkey Allen

You're seeing this as a big enough issue to bother you so much but too small an issue to report to your boss. Thats contradicting yourself.

Tell your boss that you want to feel happy coming to work but are having trouble with the way someone is treating you and you want to know what your options are. If they dont listen, go to HR department if you have one. Or leave.

Spore

Rubbish advice Zen65. You can go 'be at peace' with yourself in your own time.

OP I know all about this, I've worked in dozens of different jobs with virtually the whole spectrum of work colleagues and bosses... You're being sensitive is no bad thing. The bullying is however. Firstly I'd advise you to email this colleague directly, say in the email that you're not comfortable with how she is behaving, snide comments etc. Use specific examples is you can, don't get into a situation where you'll end up rowing with her over email. Just be neutral in tone. This way you have a record of you trying to intervene in the bullying which is useful if it gets escalated to management who'll inevitably ask you if you did anything to defend yourself against the bully. Next step is HR. If your boss is unapproachable your HR department, by definition, have to be approachable and helpful in this regard. Most likely they'll arrange some sort of mediator (which you both have to agree on) to speak to both parties. Be prepared, she'll have her story no matter how far-fetched it may be. Might be worthwhile talking to some colleagues whose confidence you have completely - don't make more problems for yourself! - and ask their take on things. Have they seen anything? Do they share the same opinion about this person?

Why the hell should you leave a job because of one tormentor? It's not easy to 'rise above' and you shouldn't have to. You're a person worthy of dignity and respect. If you need more advice PM me and I'll talk to my brother whose doing an MA in HR and knows employment law inside out.

Good luck!

Monkey Allen

Spore wrote: »

Firstly I'd advise you to email this colleague directly, say in the email that you're not comfortable with how she is behaving, snide comments etc. Use specific examples is you can, don't get into a situation where you'll end up rowing with her over email. J

DO NOT email them. If you want to address it with them, talk to them in person first. Send an email and you'll be the laughing stock of the company.

Spore

Monkey Allen wrote: »

DO NOT email them. If you want to address it with them, talk to them in person first. Send an email and you'll be the laughing stock of the company.

Rubbish. How would they be the laughing stock of the company? Unless the person emailed decided to 'share' the email with the rest of the company which would only confirm the OP's view that this person is, indeed, the office bitch. Actually this eventuality would only serve to help the OP. Seriously I've been in these situations. I know how to handle bullies. I did as I said before, I emailed the chap in question, problem solved. He actually didn't 'realise' what he was doing was bullying. I said it was. He apologised. Problem solved.

Plus emailing is a written record of your own intervention, which is invaluable when things go higher-up. Bullying is a nasty, sly, private affair between victim and bully. It needs evidence, fresh-air, and discussion to overcome. Give yourself every opportunity to forearm OP. Bullies are generally smart but ultimately cowards underneath it all.

Monkey Allen

Spore wrote: »

Rubbish. How would they be the laughing stock of the company? Unless the person emailed decided to 'share' the email with the rest of the company which would only confirm the OP's view that this person is, indeed, the office bitch. Actually this eventuality would only serve to help the OP. Seriously I've been in these situations. I know how to handle bullies. I did as I said before, I emailed the chap in question, problem solved. He actually didn't 'realise' what he was doing was bullying. I said it was. He apologised. Problem solved.

Yes it would confirm it but so what? Its not like the OP would know about it. Best to deal with them face to face. Sending an email proves you're afraid of them and giving them the edge they want.

Its better to deal with them in person as it means there will be no ice to break which could be a problem if an email is sent.

Spore

Monkey Allen wrote: »

Yes it would confirm it but so what? Its not like the OP would know about it.

You answered your own question there. OP knows exactly what she should to. Lets wait for her response.

Monkey Allen

Spore wrote: »

You answered your own question there. OP knows exactly what she should to. Lets wait for her response.

The OP doesnt know exactly what to do, hence posting on here.

EricPraline

Spore wrote: »

Rubbish. How would they be the laughing stock of the company? Unless the person emailed decided to 'share' the email with the rest of the company which would only confirm the OP's view that this person is, indeed, the office bitch.

I think you've answered your own question there. Somebody who acts like the OP describes is unlikely to hesitate to forward a "humourous" mail to others inside and outside of the company. Taken out of context, the OP's email could easily be used to undermine the OP to a much wider group.

While the idea of a record of intervention sounds good in theory, the OP's description of her boss suggests that there is a culture in this organisation where "troublemakers" are frowned upon (ie a don't care, don't want to know policy), and so the email record would likely be ignored.

Ickle Magoo

Spore given warning for off-topic unhelpful rubbishing of other posters advice.

Spore, Monkey Allan; as per the forum charter petty differences between posters are not permitted on this forum - if you wish to snipe at each others posts then take it to PM.

As long as posts are not in breach of the charter, the OP is entitled to advice from everyone – regardless of whether you agree with the advice offered or not.

If you haven't already done so, please take the time to read the forum rules in the charter.

Many thanks.
Ickle

Zen65

Spore wrote: »

Use specific examples is you can .....

Spore and I are in agreement on this. This is really the problem with Op's post; there is a distinct lack of actual examples, just a vague reference to an "office bitch". Unless Op can cite actual examples which constitute harassment or bullying, the case is very weak. Even a statement like this from Op:

The trouble is, this one girl, keeps undermining me, making a fool of me, being really difficult to deal with at work.

is not in any way specific. Without specific examples of behaviour which constitutes bullying or harassment there is no case to answer.

For example - if Op has made mistakes in the course of her work and this colleague (the "office bitch" that Op refers to) points out those mistakes, that is neither bullying nor harassment, even if Op considers it to be degrading.

So my advice, Op, despite what Spore may think about it, is that it would be wrong for you to initiate conflict by challenging this person in public, you should speak to them privately. Doing so face-to-face is far better than starting with e-mail. Use specific examples of the behaviour that troubles you. If you don't get a satisfactory response then you can move to the next stage of referring the matter to your supervisor/manager, being sure to document the events carefully.


Be at peace (both you, Op, and Spore),

Z

Spore

Zen65 wrote: »

Spore and I are in agreement on this. This is really the problem with Op's post; there is a distinct lack of actual examples, just a vague reference to an "office bitch". Unless Op can cite actual examples which constitute harassment or bullying, the case is very weak. Even a statement like this from Op:



is not in any way specific. Without specific examples of behaviour which constitutes bullying or harassment there is no case to answer.

For example - if Op has made mistakes in the course of her work and this colleague (the "office bitch" that Op refers to) points out those mistakes, that is neither bullying nor harassment, even if Op considers it to be degrading.

So my advice, Op, despite what Spore may think about it, is that it would be wrong for you to initiate conflict by challenging this person in public, you should speak to them privately. Doing so face-to-face is far better than starting with e-mail. Use specific examples of the behaviour that troubles you. If you don't get a satisfactory response then you can move to the next stage of referring the matter to your supervisor/manager, being sure to document the events carefully.


Be at peace (both you, Op, and Spore),

Z

Thanks for highlighting my name, yes I am Spore, thanks, I know that. I only want whats best for the OP. Don't want petty sniping between posters - I got a warning from a mod for this. Anyway, back to the OP. Whatever route you chose, email or direct face-to-face, make sure you come prepared, that is, talking with colleagues, recording specific incidents etc.

P.s. I don't want Zen65's 'peace' keep it to yourself, I have my own 'peace' - it aint the same as yours.

Ickle Magoo

spore banned for a week for failing to take heed of mod warning, Zen65 warned for carrying on petty sniping after mod warning.

Keep all replies on-topic and helpful to the OP - that does not mean replying sarcastically or sniping at other posters and shoving a note the OP at the foot of the post. Be aware that off-topic and unhelpful posting can earn you a ban from this forum.

Please take the time to read the forum rules in the charter and abide by them.

Many thanks.
Ickle

Idunnolol

I'm a real piece of ****, what I would do in this situation is sue. Sue absolutely everyone that had anything to do with it for as much as possible. Do this after getting sacked though.

Ms2011

Sometimes situations like this call for a 'fight fire with fire' attitude.
If she can make subtle snipes and undermine you and get away with it then so can you.
I'm all for giving respect when it is given to you but otherwise forget about it, life's too short to spend it trying to win the respect of people like that. No one's going to help you out of this situation but you.
Somethings you can rise above and somethings you have to get down and dirty with. Bullies will only back off if you stand up to them but you can do that subtly without coming across as over sensitive, you just have to be smart about it.
Keep your friends close but your enemies closer

dudara

Right now OP, you haven't given me enough information to give you advice. Your complaint about her being a bully is very vague. You have referred to "snide" remarks, but you have not provided any evidence. I don't want to call anyone a "bitch" or a "bully" until I know more about the situation.

Please provide more information, perhaps some examples. Otherwise the advice you get here will not be very targeted.

seamus

One useful tactic for dealing with snide or smart comments is to pretend you didn't hear them and ask the person to repeat themselves.

These comments are usually made off-the-cuff and within a particular context. So when challenged, the person can claim that they're just having a bit of craic, stop being so sensitive.

But when you turn to them and say, "Sorry, what was that, I wasn't listening" in a calm and neutral manner, the context is removed and the tone has changed. The bully/aggressor's remark is then no longer "a bit of craic" and if they repeat it, it will just be an out-and-out nasty remark.
It's especially important that you say it out loud so that they have to repeat it in front of everyone, or choose to back down and say, "Nothing, it doesn't matter".

You should note though that this can be a passive-aggressive technique depending on the person and can escalate the problem. The most obvious way to deal with it is assertiveness - tell the person straight out that you don't find their comment funny and to keep their comments to themselves in future. If they laugh or tell you to stop being so sensitive you just say, "I'm serious" and then repeat the line above.

ilovefridays

seamus wrote: »

One useful tactic for dealing with snide or smart comments is to pretend you didn't hear them and ask the person to repeat themselves.

These comments are usually made off-the-cuff and within a particular context. So when challenged, the person can claim that they're just having a bit of craic, stop being so sensitive.

But when you turn to them and say, "Sorry, what was that, I wasn't listening" in a calm and neutral manner, the context is removed and the tone has changed. The bully/aggressor's remark is then no longer "a bit of craic" and if they repeat it, it will just be an out-and-out nasty remark.
It's especially important that you say it out loud so that they have to repeat it in front of everyone, or choose to back down and say, "Nothing, it doesn't matter".

You should note though that this can be a passive-aggressive technique depending on the person and can escalate the problem. The most obvious way to deal with it is assertiveness - tell the person straight out that you don't find their comment funny and to keep their comments to themselves in future. If they laugh or tell you to stop being so sensitive you just say, "I'm serious" and then repeat the line above.

Seamus, Excellent advice. Im doing Assertiveness course at the moment, and all you said above is so true, and will work for the OP, if she says it firm and OP give the bully eye contact when saying it to her, i bet she wont look you in the eye;)

Neyite

seamus wrote: »

But when you turn to them and say, "Sorry, what was that, I wasn't listening" in a calm and neutral manner, the context is removed and the tone has changed. The bully/aggressor's remark is then no longer "a bit of craic" and if they repeat it, it will just be an out-and-out nasty remark.
It's especially important that you say it out loud so that they have to repeat it in front of everyone, or choose to back down and say, "Nothing, it doesn't matter"

OP,
I have had a similar working relationship with someone and also a difficult family member, and I was told Seamus's technique by someone to use in handling those situations - with great success. It usually goes...

X: *smart comment*
Me: X, I didnt quite catch what you said, can you repeat it please?
X: Nothing, It wasnt important.
Me: Yep, thats what I thought.

the only thing I would change in Seamus's suggestion is the word 'sorry' but thats my personal thing - I think it gives a subtle indication of submissiveness so I never say it unless I am apologising. I use phrases like ' I didnt catch that' or 'I didnt hear you' instead.

seamus

seamus wrote: »

One useful tactic for dealing with snide or smart comments is to pretend you didn't hear them and ask the person to repeat themselves.

These comments are usually made off-the-cuff and within a particular context. So when challenged, the person can claim that they're just having a bit of craic, stop being so sensitive.

But when you turn to them and say, "Sorry, what was that, I wasn't listening" in a calm and neutral manner, the context is removed and the tone has changed. The bully/aggressor's remark is then no longer "a bit of craic" and if they repeat it, it will just be an out-and-out nasty remark.
It's especially important that you say it out loud so that they have to repeat it in front of everyone, or choose to back down and say, "Nothing, it doesn't matter".

You should note though that this can be a passive-aggressive technique depending on the person and can escalate the problem. The most obvious way to deal with it is assertiveness - tell the person straight out that you don't find their comment funny and to keep their comments to themselves in future. If they laugh or tell you to stop being so sensitive you just say, "I'm serious" and then repeat the line above.

This. Or, just ignoring the person usually works. This is what I do. They make a snide comment, and then I ask something completely unrelated like 'do you want a coffee, I'm going to the canteen' or make some boring comment about work. You can see the person seething as they realise they're not getting to you at all. They really are just schoolyard bullies. Any kind of reaction delights them.

LegacyUser

Hi everyone,

Thanks for all the advice. In response to some of the points raised- I suppose I better explain the 'office bitch''s behaviour:

- Calling me 'useless' when I make a minor mistake.

- When we are in the office canteen, and I speak or make a comment about something, she rolls her eyes and usually completely diregards what I have just said or pretends like I didn't speak at all.

- When she takes a phone message for me, she never EVER takeds a phone number, just shrugs her shoulders and says- 'I didn't get one'.

- Constantly making references to overweight people as being 'disgusting' and 'hard to stand beside'. Now I am not exactly in the obese category, but I am overweight. When I make a comment about how bad her attitude is, she says I am sensitive about my weight, and can see why.

-When I walk into a room that she is in, the conversation goes quiet. This only happens when she is in the room.


I have one colleague at work who is friendly to me. She has noticed this girls behaviour, but has said she wants to stay out of it.


The thing is, she is actually quite pathetic in my eyes. The trouble is that I hate confrontation, and I am not good at dealing with it.

She has many friends at the office, and I don't want to be treated even more like an outsider than she's already making me.

As I said, my boss is not the type to see my situation sympathetically. She would see it as causing trouble. I work in a very small office with no HR department.

Thanks,

x

Monkey Allen

change? wrote: »

Hi everyone,

Thanks for all the advice. In response to some of the points raised- I suppose I better explain the 'office bitch''s behaviour:

- Calling me 'useless' when I make a minor mistake.

- When we are in the office canteen, and I speak or make a comment about something, she rolls her eyes and usually completely diregards what I have just said or pretends like I didn't speak at all.

- When she takes a phone message for me, she never EVER takeds a phone number, just shrugs her shoulders and says- 'I didn't get one'.

- Constantly making references to overweight people as being 'disgusting' and 'hard to stand beside'. Now I am not exactly in the obese category, but I am overweight. When I make a comment about how bad her attitude is, she says I am sensitive about my weight, and can see why.

-When I walk into a room that she is in, the conversation goes quiet. This only happens when she is in the room.


I have one colleague at work who is friendly to me. She has noticed this girls behaviour, but has said she wants to stay out of it.


The thing is, she is actually quite pathetic in my eyes. The trouble is that I hate confrontation, and I am not good at dealing with it.

She has many friends at the office, and I don't want to be treated even more like an outsider than she's already making me.

As I said, my boss is not the type to see my situation sympathetically. She would see it as causing trouble. I work in a very small office with no HR department.

Thanks,

x

So what happens now? You put up with it? You're fear of confrontation needs addressing. This is a good time to do that. Ask her for a few minutes in a meeting room, insist that she attends (and do this face to face). While in the meeting, ask her about your work relationship and what she makes of it. Ask her if she has any personal or work issues with you and to tell you what they are. Explain that its important that you know these things as you want to be a valuable member of the team but feel the obvious friction between you makes it very difficult.

If she says there are no issues and is clearly dismissing your request, ask her about your examples above and whether she thinks they are acceptable or not.

Ask enough questions and you'll get the truth out.

Or you could leave, but then you'll learn nothing.

A company without a HR person/department that shows no sign of being considerate of employee morale sound like a very dodgy company to me.

eddison

Hi OP,

Lets face it, you are not going to make this person, this office 'bitch' into a good person anytime soon.
That is not going to happen. So lets assume that, and see what choices are left?
Report to boss? no can do- not interested.
Help from friends? don't wish to be involved.
Leave your job? that is an option.
Confront her? another option.

Ok so the problem is not going away, say you refuse to leave your job. Now the only option is to confront her. But how to do it?? if you confront her face to face, she will deny it, and say its your imagination, and you are crazy.
You could send her emails, and go down a legal route, by using warning emails but this is probably a dead end. Sending emails to her may confirm to 'the bitch' that she is really getting to you.
This will spur her on, as she knows she is getting to you.
I would try being an absolute BITCH to her! try fighting fire with fire. Make cutting remarks, 'get her', find out as much as you can about her, then use that information against her. Bitch about her to others. This sounds terrible, and becoming like her, but if you think of it this way- You wish to show her what it feels like to have someone bully her. Then 'the bitch' can decide if she wishes to continue being that way. In effect, you are teaching her, but using a negative teaching tool. It would be nice if we lived in a world where only positive teaching always worked. But that is not the real world, some people only learn the hardest way. But you will be doing her a favour, as if she learns, she will be a better person, and stop hurting herself.
You see for even the abuser is abused when their abuse is allowed to continue.

2manyconditions

seamus wrote: »

One useful tactic for dealing with snide or smart comments is to pretend you didn't hear them and ask the person to repeat themselves.


But when you turn to them and say, "Sorry, what was that, I wasn't listening" in a calm and neutral manner, the context is removed and the tone has changed. The bully/aggressor's remark is then no longer "a bit of craic" and if they repeat it, it will just be an out-and-out nasty remark.
It's especially important that you say it out loud so that they have to repeat it in front of everyone, or choose to back down and say, "Nothing, it doesn't matter".

What a fantastic technique!

eddison wrote: »

I would try being an absolute BITCH to her! try fighting fire with fire. Make cutting remarks, 'get her', find out as much as you can about her, then use that information against her. Bitch about her to others. This sounds terrible, and becoming like her, but if you think of it this way- You wish to show her what it feels like to have someone bully her. Then 'the bitch' can decide if she wishes to continue being that way. In effect, you are teaching her, but using a negative teaching tool. It would be nice if we lived in a world where only positive teaching always worked. But that is not the real world, some people only learn the hardest way. But you will be doing her a favour, as if she learns, she will be a better person, and stop hurting herself.
You see for even the abuser is abused when their abuse is allowed to continue.

I'm not sure I would lower myself to this persons level as the post suggests above. Thats as much stress as what is currently going on.

You know maybe she just doesn't realise how bad she is making your work environment. I would actually talk her privately but say to her exactly how bad she is making work for you. And then ask her to stop.

Tell her you feel like you are being bullied. Nobody likes to be called a bully. But thats what she is and she needs to know it. (perhaps tell her you will take it further if it continues the way it is - but you need to be prepared and willing to do that before threatening). Ask her to be a bit more professional during the work day.

Being excluded from the rest of your collagues is also bullying btw.

keep taking a log of all the incidents incl. times and dates - the company may not have a HR dept but that doesn't mean that you are not entitled to a relatively comfortable working environment. Your not n school anymore - nobody should put up with that crap.

CDfm

The first thing I would look at is work performance.

How is yours and how is hers and does what she is doing affect yours or your income ???.

You go to work to make money to buy things -so how is the rest of your life.If your work life is just work then it should not affect you.

Does anyone really take this person seriously or is she the office clown.

If she is undermining you professionally it is a bit different-then you should pipe up. Not everyone is great at one liners or retorts but an outloud " Cheryl -some of us come here to work etc " said in a serious way is a bit of a put down.

eddison

2manyconditions: I'm not sure I would lower myself to this persons level as the post suggests above. Thats as much stress as what is currently going on.

Please ignore the above comment OP, people giving advice here should be helpful to you, and not express their opinions on other peoples posts. If you feel my post is not right for you, then do not do it.
However, it is an option, and will solve the problem- head on. The choice is yours and no one elses. Don't worry, you have friends here, as it seems lots of them to help you!

Monkey Allen

eddison wrote: »

Hi OP,

Lets face it, you are not going to make this person, this office 'bitch' into a good person anytime soon.
That is not going to happen. So lets assume that, and see what choices are left?
Report to boss? no can do- not interested.
Help from friends? don't wish to be involved.
Leave your job? that is an option.
Confront her? another option.

Ok so the problem is not going away, say you refuse to leave your job. Now the only option is to confront her. But how to do it?? if you confront her face to face, she will deny it, and say its your imagination, and you are crazy.
You could send her emails, and go down a legal route, by using warning emails but this is probably a dead end. Sending emails to her may confirm to 'the bitch' that she is really getting to you.
This will spur her on, as she knows she is getting to you.
I would try being an absolute BITCH to her! try fighting fire with fire. Make cutting remarks, 'get her', find out as much as you can about her, then use that information against her. Bitch about her to others. This sounds terrible, and becoming like her, but if you think of it this way- You wish to show her what it feels like to have someone bully her. Then 'the bitch' can decide if she wishes to continue being that way. In effect, you are teaching her, but using a negative teaching tool. It would be nice if we lived in a world where only positive teaching always worked. But that is not the real world, some people only learn the hardest way. But you will be doing her a favour, as if she learns, she will be a better person, and stop hurting herself.
You see for even the abuser is abused when their abuse is allowed to continue.

Being an absolute bitch to her will be apparent to everyone and gives the 'actual' bitch reason to complain and get the OP a warning or perhaps dismissal.

Zen65

Hi again Op,

Thanks for elaborating on the behaviours which you find upsetting.

On reading them, I have to say it is most unlikely that this 'bitch' (and I guess this term is partly correct) could be accused of bullying you. She is not being friendly, that's for sure. She doesn't like you, that seems obvious. I'm unsure however that this is really amounting to bullying as defined in employment law.

Let's look at your complaints individually:

Calling me 'useless' when I make a minor mistake

This could potentially be a significant issue. Employees are not permitted to badger or degrade each other in the workplace. However, I have often heard this expression used in an office environment in jest. People have even called me 'useless' in jest e.g. when I couldn't operate the photocopier (some of the newer ones are really complex!!) or in similar trivial circumstances. It is precisely because the term is so disproportionate to the issue that it's intended as a whimsical remark. I've never once taken offence from it. In fact I've never seen anyone take offence at it, when it's used in that context. Perhaps this 'bitch' used it in more vituperate circumstances? It's hard to say from our position.

When we are in the office canteen, and I speak or make a comment about something, she rolls her eyes and usually completely diregards what I have just said or pretends like I didn't speak at all

There are many possibilities here, and I can't explore them all. Nobody is required to react with enthusiasm to what you say in a canteen. It is possible that she is unimpressed with your thoughts, and that's not bullying. You wrote about this behaviour as if it happens every time you speak, but that's a lot of eye-rolling. How often does she really do that?

When she takes a phone message for me, she never EVER takeds a phone number, just shrugs her shoulders and says- 'I didn't get one'

She's not required to take numbers for you if it's a personal message. If it's a business message and she does not take a number that's incompetence on her part, certainly. You should address this very simply (and without confrontation) by saying to her that it's much more efficient for the business if she takes a telephone number. Ask her when she takes a business message for you in future to take a phone number also. If it's a business issue and you ask her politely, calmly, she would be unlikely to say "no".

Constantly making references to overweight people as being 'disgusting' and 'hard to stand beside'. Now I am not exactly in the obese category, but I am overweight. When I make a comment about how bad her attitude is, she says I am sensitive about my weight, and can see why

People are entitled to opinions, even to stupid opinions. In Ireland people are not entitled to discriminate (including making statements which may give rise to discrimination) on the basis of 7 defined grounds (gender, family status, marital status, age, disability, sexual orientation, religious belief, race, and membership of the Traveller community). Discrimination on the basis of weight (or height) is not prohibited in law. I mention this only to point out that while it is clearly offensive for somebody to espouse such beliefs, it is unlikely to be considered a form of bullying. It would, however, if she were to say to you "you're fat".

I must say however, that it seems strange to me that you use the word "constantly" in regard to this habit of hers. What do you mean by it? She says it every hour? every day? every week? My inquisition is simply because it's hard to work comments on obesity into the general thread of any conversation, and I'm left wondering how many times she actually said it? Could it be that she said it once, or twice, but that you actually have taken it to be a personal jibe by her?

I'm not defending her, I'm merely asking how objective you are being with your criticism. I suggest you try this:

Some time when you're not in the office, take a blank piece of paper and try writing down the times (circumstances, not dates) she made this remark. If you 're struggling to remember a third or fourth time, then maybe "constantly" is not an appropriate way to describe her habit?

When I walk into a room that she is in, the conversation goes quiet. This only happens when she is in the room

This is what disturbs me the most in your list of comments. It's not the behaviour of the 'bitch' that I'm concerned about, it's your analysis of it. Op, people often change the topic of conversation when others enter the room. That's especially true when at work. It's not bullying. It's not even being a 'bitch'. The very fact that you notice such a thing reminds me of your opening post:

I have always been a sensitive person,....

Op, genuinely I am not attacking you. I do not know you and I have no reason to be insulting to you nor dismissive of your complaint. As a practising Buddhist I have only respect for all most people. (I say "most" because, honestly, I'm not really a full-blown Buddhist). I have had very, very many years of experience dealing with staff who are unhappy with each other & cannot get along, and I suppose I've learned to recognise the signs of over-sensitivity in people. Over-sensitivity (in my humble opinion) is where one person attaches unrealistic meanings (and values) to the actions or words of another person, and where they choose to interpret the unspoken word as being a slight on themselves. It's a terrible way to live your life.

I said it to you in my first response to this thread. Your opening remark should have been "I have always been a sensitive person, and it has resulted in me believing that I am being treated badly in a few jobs I have had." I do believe, based only on what you have said here, that this 'bitch' is really not behaving as badly as you think: she's just an unfriendly person who does not like you and almost certainly never will. See past it, and if you have issues with her work performance, or her direct effect on your work performance, then talk to her about those issues, or to her manager, and not about the issues you have attached so much importance to here.

As far as your sensitivity goes (if you agree that I'm right) .... I would suggest you try CBT training, or even NLP as a means of helping you overcome this. Taking up yoga, pilates or some similar exercise is also surprisingly good for getting you in touch with your emotions, and hence recognising when they may be deceiving you.

I'm sorry this reply has been so long-winded.

Be at peace,

Z