New to relationships - some female advice

LegacyUser

Hey I’m quite new to relationships. I have been with my current gfriend for 4 months now. Things going well, I have met a lot of her friends, she has met mine and we have met each other folks.

I feel like I am still chasing her though. If I send her an email she takes ages to get back, likewise with texts. Now I will point out she will always get back that day or worst case if she doesn’t she will apologise for it.

Her friends mentioned in passing that she is like that, takes her a long while to open up and takes ages to get back to people but she likes me etc etc. That’s all great but at the same time I would like her to randomly text me something nice. I text her this morning saying “good morning beautiful” but nothing back. She is online, working I know but still online so does it take so much effort to reply saying thanks for the text, or even email?

We are seeing each other later so maybe she is just waiting to say something then? Plus 90% of the time its me making the plans to see each other.

Sorry maybe I’m over reacting but I do like to regularly communicate, I have pulled back a bit knowing she is not a constant texter but sometimes I feel I am not on her list of priorities.

Is it too much for me to say to her I would like her to text me a bit more or email me or does this seem a bit needy? I have learned to become content in knowing that she wont email me right away but she will email me eventually but should I settle for being content only? Plus if her best friends are saying she takes ages to get back maybe I should just live with it or is this destined to annoy me forever so I should just maybe consider breaking up?

fasty

I don't think it's something to break up over if you like her. You say you're new to relationships, perhaps you're just a little insecure about it. Unless you get over this sort of thing, you'll be doomed to endure it every time you're with someone.

There really is no need to engage in a constant stream of texts and IMs with a person.

Regarding it you making all the plans, why not just play it cool? No one likes someone who seems too eager or needy. I'm not talking about playing games by starting a total blackout on contacting her, just let her come to you a bit.

IrishEyes19

If you're considering breaking up with her over text's, OP, then you are certainly not ready for relationships. Some people hate texting, and other arent good at it and often take time to reply.

Furthermore, Id be careful what you say to her friends, you can bet it all goes back to her. Dont break up with a girl over her not texting much, unless she is completely ignoring you or acting distant towards you, then Id be worried. I think its more your insecurities than her to be honest. all the best

Distorted

Texting and emailing isn't one of the major forces of a relationship. I think you are placing too much importance on it. You sound as if you are anxious and lack self confidence in this relationship, while confidence (to a reasonable degree) and a little bit of mystique are more attractive qualities.

I would find a guy who constantly emailed and texted me a bit off-putting. She knows you like her, whats the need to constantly text and email in between? If you have already arranged to meet up, what is the point in constantly texting her? She is not going to forget about you and probably wants to look forward to the next meeting with you in peace.

I've also worked in jobs where use of your mobile phone, except in emergency, and of email for personal use is a disciplinary offence. At the very least, it disturbs your concentration.

LegacyUser

OP here, thanks for your replies. Yeah I think all I needed was to hear it from people to be sure myself. I would never consider breaking up over it, shouldnt have put that in. It's just if I hear my friends talk sometimes they would be like "ah she wont leave me alone, she always texts and wants me to ring" and here I am doing the chasing all the time so it just confused me! I thought women were the constant communicators and the blokes were not, guess me and her are just different like that!

What I am going to do is hold off a little to let her maybe do some organising, not play mind games or anything but dont want her to take it for granted that I will always be the one to organise something.

sporina

hi OP, just my opinion - this is where women are fickle - we like the attention (though may not want to admit it) - but too much comes across as a bit needy... so I would not stop with the texts altogether as that would be out of your character - and if she sees different then that could be a source of tension. But perhaps just dont expect as many back. Maybe she is not a big texter - or maybe she does take a while to open up.
And yeah, get on about your own life and let her organise or suggest dates etc.

If she does not get in touch then you will know there is a prob. But if she does not then maybe she is not sure about you. You will know sooner than later - but if you ask her why she does not reply to your texts etc she may think that needy - and thats not attractive.

Best of luck, j

Lucyx

Hi OP

I can definitely see why you would have an issue with this. You're sending her a lovely morning text saying hi and then you get nothing back. I think she should reply to you, even if its to say I'm busy and we'll chat later.

I'd hate to get into game playing too but maybe hold off and see how she reacts. You may be inexperienced in romantic relationships but I'm sure you're not inept with people skills. I think its bad manners that she doesn't reply to you tbh. This is the beginning of the relationship so this should be the exciting time! I don't think you're being unreasonable here and if she isn't meeting your needs then I think you should reconsider things. Seriously it takes no more than one minute to reply to someone :rolleyes:

Good luck to you xx