Behaviour issues in Creche

greengirl31

Hi Folks,
I'm at my wits end at this stage and I don't know what to do ...
My daughter is 3 and is in crèche and there have been issues with the behaviour of one little boy. He's very disruptive and on a number of occasions has hit my daughter leaving scrapes and bruises - almost every day there's some incident and it got to the stage where she was crying going into school cause this little boy would be there. This issue first arose around the beginning of last summer and I mentioned it to the girls in the room and they said they'd keep an eye on then. Shortly after there were room moves and they were separated so my happy little girl was back again and we had no tears going to school. Then in September they were back in the same room again and it all started again. Just before Christmas I was picking her up and this little boy hit her twice in front of me - I told him that's not a nice thing to do etc but he's not my child so there's only so much you can do.

He hit her again in front of both me and his father and to say the actions his father took were weak is an understatement. Now it's not my place to tell anyone how to raise their children but if my daughter went around making other children cry like he does I'd react a little bit stronger than "please don't do that again Johnny" !! The day after this incident, when I picked up daughter she had a bruise on her head where this little boy had knocked her over and she had banged her head off the wall. They asked me to sign an incident report but I said I wanted to speak to the manager as I believe this behaviour is unacceptable. I outlined my concerns to the Manager and she said they were working with the parents etc etc and that perhaps the little boy was under stimulated - Under disciplined more like !!!

But I said I'd leave it and see how things went. That was over a month ago and my daughter came home from school again yesterday with a little cut over her eye where the boy had thrown something and it had hit her. Its not a bad cut but that's not the point !! I had a quick chat with the girls this morning and I asked if it was just her that he seemed to be targeting and they said that because she's unwilling to stand up for herself it would seem she's more of a target !! I've always told her it's wrong to hit people and throw things and I don't see why I should now have to teach her otherwise because this child can't behave appropriately.

At the same time, I understand that he is only a little boy and his behavioural issues are not his fault. I know my dd is no angle either but she doesn't hurt other children.
I'm going to speak to manager again today but I don't know what else to say cause at this stage I feel like I'm repeating myself.
Any suggestions ?? Thanks in advance
A

Nevyn

I would be looking at another creche to move her to and I would be informing the creche manger of this and as soon as it happens again I would remove her. That level of attack again and again esp when the staff know about what is going on it not acceptable as far as I am concerned and I'd consider it neglectful.

metrovelvet

Vote with your feet. This creche is not up to it. My son's local creche expelled a toddler for this kind of behavior.

Whatever is going on with this boy is not your problem or your daughter's. You are not paying good money for her to come home black and blue.

Chicago Chick

Thaedydal wrote: »

I would be looking at another creche to move her to and I would be informing the creche manger of this and as soon as it happens again I would remove her. That level of attack again and again esp when the staff know about what is going on it not acceptable as far as I am concerned and I'd consider it neglectful.

I agree with everything above. One or two incidents may be an accident but this level of reaccurance is not acceptable in any shape or form. It is very unfair to your daughter and unforgiveable of the staff to let it go on. I would be moving her as soon as you could for her sake and would be making the manager aware of why you are doing so.

deisemum

All children can hit out occasionally but it's how it's handled is what will determine if the child continues with this behaviour or if he/she will learn that it's not acceptable behaviour and will change their behaviour.

The creche here is repeatedly failing to deal with this problem and I wouldn't have any faith in them at this stage. Your little one is your priority and this creche is not meeting her needs so if it was me I'd have her out of there asap.

I'd also speak with the Pre-School Officer for your area because he/she needs to know what's going on. If you move your child then I dare say this boy will target someone else so if the Pre-School Officer checks out the creche regarding their repeated failure to adequately address this situation then the creche will have to take the matter more seriously and find a more effective way of dealing with it and prevent other children being targetted.

common sense brigade

i cant believe ur leaving your daughter in there for another minute. she must be so scared. if the creche and parents are not dealing with this, your only option is to take her out and get her into a safer environment. sorry but are you going to wait until he throws something and takes her eye out. i feel sorry for you of course i just think this is serious. i wouldnt let it happen to my child.

lynski

my daughter was terrified of a little boy we know through a toddler group last year and she was only 20mths, anyway we taught her to say no and run away when he bothered her and things settled down, until 3 wks ago at a birthday party he bit her, badly, and she is now wary of him again. but his mom is mortified and does everything she can to try to control him, but he is only 20mths.
My point is they can get scared and bothered by this and your daughter is in physical danger from this child. If it were my child on either side of this i would want to know and i would want to do something about it, like move to another creche. maybe you need to talk to the parents as well, because unless the creche are giving out incident reports on a weekly basis they may not know how bad the situation is.
Also when my son started preschool he said one of the girls was pinching him, so I told him to loudly say 'NO DONT PINCH ME MOLLY' and if the teachers did not know to make sure they did. I couched him for a few days to make sure he knew. They are the best of friends now, but he still remembers the pinches.

greengirl31

Firstly, thank you very much for all your replieds.
If it was as simple as just moving her to another creche I'd do it but I think that'd bring it's own issues and I'd just be swapping one set of problems for another.
After I posted this on Thursday, I spoke to the manager and outlined my concerns and frankly I found her very dismisive and treated me like I was overreacting which I don't think I am. Anyway, as the afternoon wore on I got more upset so as soon as I got out of work I called again. I explained that I didn't think she was taking me seriously. I apreciate that the boy in question is only a little boy and he needs support and guidance but I don't think it should be at the expense of my DD and the other children in the rooms safety. At the end of the day, they have a duty of care to ALL the children in the creche and my DD has come home injured twice by this child. I did say that I wanted to speak to the area manager and that I wanted to see a copy of their behaviour policy.
I did speak to area manager and I felt she listened a bit more and she had a plan on how to proceed. They're going to observe the child and call the parents in again and bacically say that there needs to be a significant improvement or they will advise that they can no longer provide care. I told her that I appreciate that there would not be an overnight change that I didn't want this dragging out because I really didn't feel comfortable leaving my DD in what I considered to be an unsafe environment. I requested a copy of the behaviour policy again but I've yet to get it which makes me a little suspicious but we'll see what tomorrow brings.
Ultimately, I think the girls that look after my Little girl do an excelent job and I'm more than happy with the care she gets but they can't watch all the children all the time and I've seen this little boy hit and kick them again and they're doing their best. I know for a fact that they have brought the behaviour of this little boy to the managements attention before but I think it's only after I made the official complaint at Christmas that anyaction was taken. I think they're relived that I'm actually making an issue of this. The management of the centre however changed about 9 mths ago and it leaves alot to be desired - this is the 2nd run in I've had with her - I bet she hates to see me coming at this stage :-)
But the area manager is to call me to let me know how things are proceeding and I'll be on to them again for the policy document.
Hopefully, this will all be resolved sooner rather than later....

FoxT

Can I suggest you keep a written record of all incidents that have occurred, & if there are any recurrences I would take photos as well. I would also be sure to send both the manager & the area manager a note summarising the discussions you have had with them.

Doing this puts you on much firmer ground in the event of the situation deteriorating & also eliminates any 'he said/she said' between yourself & the management of the creche.

It also may be helpful for you to advise your daughter on how to handle this if it happens again - it may boost her confidence & ability to deal with it ( but I am not suggesting at all that this is the problem here, just that , it may help the situation overall) , and it may also discourage the little boy from behaving as he is...

Morag

I would also suggest taking pictures of any cuts, marks, bites or bruises.
She's all ready had a cut above her eye an inch or two lower and it could have been her eye.

greengirl31

Thanks FoxT and Sharrow for the suggestions...
I had been trying since last week to get a mail address for the manager or area manager but you'd swear I was asking for the keys to the safe !!! in the end, I sent a mail FAO of the area manager yesterday to the "info@" address on the website. I summarised the conversation and said that while I appreciated that there wouldn't be an overnight solution I did want this matter resolved quickly. I haven't even got an acknowledgement of this mail yet...
I eventually got the Behaviour policy on Monday after requesting it 4 times to be mailed to me. I sent a txt to the area manager which I got no reply to on Monday morning. It ended up that I had to stand in outside the office while the asst. manager printed it off for me. (she tried to tell me that the manager had sent it to me but when I produced my email account on the phone she went and got it).
In the mean time though, I speak to the girls that look after my little girl and they have said that they're apart for most of the day but there is the odd slap when they pass each other. I've told her to tell him "NO, Don't hit me - It's not nice" and to tell her teachers. But while I was there yesterday, he came up to me and said " you're an idiot" to one of the other parents that was there - I don't think that's any way for a 3yr old to speak to an adult.
At this stage, I think the way they're handling the matter is almost as much of an issue as the incidents with the little boy. I'm very reluctant to move her because she's made her little friends there but I feel they're leaving me with little choice. I really hope it doesn't come to that though ... The Area manager said she'd call me early this week with an update so we'll see ...