Do men find girls who are forward a bit needy?

LegacyUser

Do men find girls who are very forward a but desperate / needy?

The reason I ask is that I'm strongly considering coming on to a guy I know, in an obvious way (I can't phrase it right, I'm not going to totally throw myself at him like!), but I'm worried he might find it pretty off putting / think I'm being easy etc? I'm far from it, I just really like this one and he's shy so I think I'm going to have to do the work.

What should I do?

Canluum

Forward and needy/desperate are not the same thing, nor will they be confused if you do one and not the other.

If you're okay with facing the possibility of his lack of interest (which you should be, people do it everyday) then go for it. The only way to get anywhere in life is by understanding that every effort risks a certain amount of failure, but it's still worth trying.

Your question was whether it's a good idea? Objectively I think so... especially if he's the shy type. The more confident men can drop a few hints removing the need for being very forward.

Larianne

It really does depend on the guy. Although being forward and desperate are not the same thing some guys do see it being the same. Then again, some guys find it hard to approach women and love a woman being forward.

If he's the shy type then go for it!

LegacyUser

Personally, as a shy guy, I'd assume someone heavily coming onto me to be a man-eater and would back right off. Some subtle hints and giving him some rein to make some moves sounds a lot more appealing.

Hazys

It can also show confidence.

John400

OP, by all means do it if you're sure that this guy has some kind of interest in you in the first place.!!

If he doesn't have any interest in you then you're going down the route of potential embarassment, not to mention arkwardness in future with this guy.

Marquis de carabas

As a fairly shy guy myself I think you being forward could be a good move.

If he's unsure of himself then he's unlikely to pick up on any subtle hints you drop or dismiss them as wishful thinking on his part if he likes you too.

I don't think honesty in a situation like this is ever a bad thing. Really if that's what you intend I can't see how he could interpret that as needy or desperation.

Yes there is the possibility of being embarrassed and you can never be sure of how he feels but unless he's a the type to overact I can't see it being that bad. Is it ever really such a terrible thing to be told someone really likes you?

Best of luck. Hope all goes well.

LegacyUser

Op here...

I know being forward / being desperate are not the same thing but I'd be worried about it being interpreted as same!

TBH I'm not sure if he likes me, there have been subtle hints but few and far between (hand holding, inviting me back to his house after nights out for a drink, hugs, telling me he liked me, all of this has been drink related though so I'm not sure if he's just being friendly or what, I've known him for ages)...

Which leads me to the awkwardness bit should rejection occur, I think I'd feel awkward for a while but then get over it, so in such a circumstance it's worth the risk???!

Monkey Allen

Shy guys could find it intimidating. Shy guys dont necessarily want someone who will call all the shots. Making a move on a shy guy can be done right if its not too forward.

dub_3

Opinionswanted wrote: »

TBH I'm not sure if he likes me, there have been subtle hints but few and far between (hand holding, inviting me back to his house after nights out for a drink, hugs, telling me he liked me, all of this has been drink related though so I'm not sure if he's just being friendly or what, I've known him for ages)...

Which leads me to the awkwardness bit should rejection occur, I think I'd feel awkward for a while but then get over it, so in such a circumstance it's worth the risk???!

He definitely likes you, but he's either too shy to go for it, or he's being very cautious because he has known you so long and he too is trying to avoid the 'awkwardness bit should rejection occur'

Sounds to me that you're not going to have to come on too strong to seal the deal. Just setup a friendly drink, then tell him you like him and give him a hug, that should give him the message your head is in the same place as his.

All thats required then is to add a kiss to the hug and you're in business.

Maybe after the kiss say "we should have done that ages ago", to let him know the kiss wasn't just something that happened with drink, and that you've been having similar thoughts to him for ages now too.

Monkey Allen

dub_3 wrote: »

He definitely likes you, but he's either too shy to go for it, or he's being very cautious because he has known you so long and he too is trying to avoid the 'awkwardness bit should rejection occur'

Sounds to me that you're not going to have to come on too strong to seal the deal. Just setup a friendly drink, then tell him you like him and give him a hug, that should give him the message your head is in the same place as his.

All thats required then is to add a kiss to the hug and you're in business.

Maybe after the kiss say "we should have done that ages ago", to let him know the kiss wasn't just something that happened with drink, and that you've been having similar thoughts to him for ages now too.

Dont kiss him.

Professional Griefer

Monkey Allen wrote: »

Dont kiss him.

I don't think dub_3 meant it as in as soon as she does that, to go kiss him. I think she meant that if the feeling is mutual.

I think you should go for it, just talk to him, and tell him your feelings, you have nothing to lose really, sure if the feelings not mutual, then it may be awkward for a while, but at least you won't regret it if you don't say anything.
Guys who are shy around girls almost always have feelings for the girl, in one way or another, at least from what I've seen from my friends and my own personal experiences.

dub_3

Ok maybe I'll try and explain my thinking a bit better.

First off the OP is worried about being forward.

Now her friend will hold her hand, tell her he likes her, hug her and invite her late to his place.

So the OP should be able to do any of these (except maybe the last) without it being forward as her friend has clearly indicated he likes these behaviours, you could say he has done the groundwork here. There won't be any surprises if she says she likes him too, holds his hand or hugs him in a similar manner to the way he has already done.

The only issue to consider is the drink.
If he only behaves like this when totally drunk, then that's not a good sign, always getting drunk is simply not a good sign anyway.

However if it's simply that you simply meet in the pub, have a few drinks together and get comfortable, then that's different.

Only the OP knows which is the case.

Anyway if they've had a few drinks and are relaxed and comfortable with hand holding and hugging, one of them has to make the move and go for the kiss.

Perhaps she could kiss him on the cheek a few times, he will either pull away after a bit or go for the full snog, or she can go for it.

If he pulls away she can pass it off as a friendly kiss, then put him firmly in the 'friendzone'.

But more than likely, he's just dying to kiss her and they'll finally be done tip toeing around each other.

LegacyUser

dub_3 wrote: »

The only issue to consider is the drink.
If he only behaves like this when totally drunk, then that's not a good sign, always getting drunk is simply not a good sign anyway.

OP here...
ok maybe I phrased it wrong! He doesn't always get drunk, nor do I, and when not so drunk we'd possibly talk all night even on a group night out, but realistically he only hugs etc when a bit drunker (I don't mean when totally out of it drunk either!!)

So I don't know if he just gets braver cos he's a bit drunk and does fancy me, or is it that he's just being extra friendly, really have no idea cos he's shy.

I certainly won't be lunging in to to kiss him anyway! I'll be just trying to make it obvious that I like him without having to actually say it, so I can save some face if I get the message that it's not mutual!

LegacyUser

Listen.
You don't need to worry about coming across as needy or anything else really, if your understanding of the approach is sufficient.

When you approaching a relationship, the most important thing that people must remember, is compatibility.

And that means, sexual compatibility.

Without that, then there is no relationship.
Maybe if you have things in common etc, then you could be friends.
And if your both a bit needy, then maybe friends with benefits.

If you want to know whether he's into your or not, look into his eyes, try and tune into the sexual chemistry that's going down, if there is any, and after that, it will either happen or it won't.

If it doesn't, then you got some work to do - get in shape, focus on your presentation etc - the confidence will follow - the sexual chemistry is heightened.

gerryk

Personally, I'd find it a bit hot... if the feeling was mutual.

metrovelvet

When alcohol is involved its hard to tell what is real and what isnt.

Its ok to be suggestive but no one likes a hard sell either. So use your internal watering fork and see what you feel is right.

LegacyUser

gerryk wrote: »

Personally, I'd find it a bit hot... if the feeling was mutual.

And if it wasn't mutual how would you deal with the situation?!

Fat Pie Lot

It's entirely possible to take the initiative without looking needy or desperate, OP.

I'm all for the woman taking the initiative/being forward. It's flattering to me, shows confidence in the girl (a trait I like) and I find it sexy.

I have a few, single, female friends and the one thing they all have in common is that they will NEVER approach a bloke that they're interested in. They'll think nothing of complaining or analysing it for weeks or months though.

The most common advice I see on something like this is that you might as well give it a go. If you don't then you'll forever wonder "what if?" and that's much, much worse IMO than the fleeting disappointment IF he's not interested.

Invite him out, make it clear that it's a proper date and see what he says...

Good luck!

wylo

Opinionswanted wrote: »

TBH I'm not sure if he likes me, there have been subtle hints but few and far between (hand holding, inviting me back to his house after nights out for a drink, hugs, telling me he liked me, all of this has been drink related though so I'm not sure if he's just being friendly or what, I've known him for ages)...

Im sorry but I LOLd at this, unless hes gay hes into you and ill be shocked if you get a rejection.
Also no it doesnt come across as needy,if he is intelligent he may know already that you had to be very forward due to his shyness.
If hes very shy and hes into, nothings going to happen unless you make it happen.

AngryBadger

Opinionswanted wrote: »

Which leads me to the awkwardness bit should rejection occur, I think I'd feel awkward for a while but then get over it, so in such a circumstance it's worth the risk???!

That says it all really OP, sure bummer if it doesn't work out, but sure you'll get over it You don't sound needy/desperate/crazy in this thread, and having recently had a friend talk to me about her own shy-guy I reckon your plan sounds on the ball.

Go for it! And best of luck!

John400

dub_3 wrote: »

and give him a hug, that should give him the message your head is in the same place as his.

I agree.

I think a hug is probably a better way of indicating your inital interest.

LegacyUser

John400 wrote: »

I agree.

I think a hug is probably a better way of indicating your inital interest.

See that's a good idea in principle, but I know in my situation that this won't be suficient because he'll just think I'm being friendly!!

Total pickle, I'm really overthinking this too!

Fox McCloud

Ask him out on a date, say the word date in the question when you ask!

Its not coming on strong, its a simple put your cards on the table, I can imagine being more than friends some day, approach. If he says no, then he sees you as a friend and you say thats cool and move on.. If he says yes then yeay!

Ask to go see a film or something friendly but still include the word date!

LegacyUser

Sounds good in theory, there's no saving face there if I get a rejection though. And I'd find it very difficult to put my cards on the table so blatantly in the cold light of day. I'll give it some thought, thanks