worrying over nothing?

LegacyUser

I've been dating a lovely guy over the past month and we get on very well. From what I know of him so far, he seems like a nice, smart, funny and genuine guy. He's called when he promised he would, our dates have been varied and fun. We split the bills, I pick some of the activities and he chooses the rest. I've met some of his friends already and was planning on introducing him to mine.

However, since our last date (when I met his friends) I feel like he's gone cold on me, all of a sudden. We have a date planned for tonight(our 5th date) but I havent heard a peep from his since we made plans- even though he was supposed to call. We are not constant texters or callers or anything but I have this feeling that he's suddenly not bothered and I'm not sure what to do. We have slept together twice and both times he had "performance anxiety"- I told him not to apologise for it (which he did) and that there was no rush, I was happy to take it slow and I enjoyed myself anyways.

Maybe he has gone cold on me due to this? Maybe I have come across as not that interested in him even though I am? I am conscious of not rushing too much into things as I have ruined previous potential romances by running ahead of myself! of course I know there is the age old "he's just not that into me"

I have very limited relationship experience and would love objective opinins on this. I don't know what to do/think though..any advice for me before I over analyse myself into an oblivion?

LegacyUser

When did you arrange the date? You could try throwing him a text asking how his week is? or even better a phone call?

IrishEyes19

if you arranged a date, throw him a text asking "hey we still on for tonight?:)

its casual and to the point.

LegacyUser

My opinion is you slept with him too soon, the sex wasn't up to how he wanted it to be, and now he's lost interest.

He realised you were going from casual one night stands to meeting his friends, he became aware of where it was going (getting serious) and now he's pulled right back.

If he does meet you for a date tonight, I'd advise you take your time and don't sleep with him.

LegacyUser

hey guys-op here,

well it i bit the bullet and rang him like ye suggested and all is well- turns out i'm just going a little bit crazy!

Date was good although he was very tired. He suggested me meeting more of his friends this weekend and I invited him to meet mine- he seems keen to meet them as well. We had a little kiss at the end of the date also!

I'm just worrying that i am in the friend zone now or if he just wants to keep things running slow(ish)? I suppose I'm just looking for problems as Im not used to things running this smooth!

Miss Fluff

Reading between the lines I'd say he didn't call you before the date because he was crippled with anxiety over his performance (or lack thereof) when you attempted sex. His self-confidence must be shot to sh1t and while you're sitting at home fretting that you feel he's gone cold on you, he is probably sitting at home convincing himself that you can't possibly be interested in him anymore when he failed to get it up.

You don't want a situation where you move into the friend zone either. There is lots of fun to be had before taking the plunge with penetrative sex so at the end of the next date invite him around to stay, make it obvious you fancy the ar$e off him and just see where the evening takes you rather than having the focus solely on penetration.

It sounds to me like he is keen enough. He wouldn't be asking you out and intorducing you to his friends if he wasn't....:)

seenitall

Miss Fluff wrote: »

Reading between the lines I'd say he didn't call you before the date because he was crippled with anxiety over his performance (or lack thereof) when you attempted sex. His self-confidence must be shot to sh1t and while you're sitting at home fretting that you feel he's gone cold on you, he is probably sitting at home convincing himself that you can't possibly be interested in him anymore when he failed to get it up.

You don't want a situation where you move into the friend zone either. There is lots of fun to be had before taking the plunge with penetrative sex so at the end of the next date invite him around to stay, make it obvious you fancy the ar$e off him and just see where the evening takes you rather than having the focus solely on penetration.

It sounds to me like he is keen enough. He wouldn't be asking you out and intorducing you to his friends if he wasn't....:)

This, OP. Do it.

Also, just to add to the bolded bit, I want to stress just how important it is that you come across as putting NO PRESSURE on him to preform when you are next in an intimate scenario with him. This is so important just because any hint of pressure like that will kill the erection faster than anything else, and then it will become a self-perpetuating vicious circle in no time at all. Having said all that, of course, you come across as though there is no pressure coming from you, so it's more likely to be all in his head (the new relationship situation). Still, your role stays the same, i.e. crucial in putting him at ease and ensuring that he forgets about all that, so if I were you I would be spelling stuff out: "I just want to kiss tonight, just need a cuddle, I love it when you touch me there..." (use your imagination but the point is to make it obvious that PENETRATION IS OFF THE MENU).

My guess is that this guy just needs a bit more alone time with you to get comfortable with the idea of all the naughtiness that will eventually ensue (hopefully). Some guys do.

Best wishes.

LegacyUser

thanx for all the replies and advice.

I havent had an opportunity to discuss bedroom matters or just taking things slowly with him 'cos well he seems to have no interested in getting into bed with me at all now! we have had two more dates since I last posted, one was great and i got a lovely kiss from him at the end of the night and the other was great fun, met a load of his friends but nada- no kissing, no suggestions of spending the night together etc. neither time seemed appropriate to bring it up.

think i am in the friends zone with him although my friends are telling me that he wouldnt spend so much time with me unless he liked me i.e. that guys just dont bother with a girl that much for a platonic friendship. i dont know what to think. im going to have to ask him, aren't i?

Miss Fluff

You need to act on this asap. Once you move into the friend zone it's very hard relocating to a post code with romance in it

You need to up the flirting as a matter of urgency, touch him when you're talking to him, next time you meet up make sure its somewhere just the two of you, in an intimate setting. He is probably still reeling from his performance disaster so you need to make it very clear you are physically attracted to him.

If you're going out to meet him with his mates you could find yourself becoming "one of the lads" before you know it so I'd bring out that inner vixen if I were you....(again taking my previous advice about actual penetration on board) and let him know you fancy him.

kerryman12

Miss Fluff wrote: »

Reading between the lines I'd say he didn't call you before the date because he was crippled with anxiety over his performance (or lack thereof) when you attempted sex. His self-confidence must be shot to sh1t and while you're sitting at home fretting that you feel he's gone cold on you, he is probably sitting at home convincing himself that you can't possibly be interested in him anymore when he failed to get it up.

You don't want a situation where you move into the friend zone either. There is lots of fun to be had before taking the plunge with penetrative sex so at the end of the next date invite him around to stay, make it obvious you fancy the ar$e off him and just see where the evening takes you rather than having the focus solely on penetration.

It sounds to me like he is keen enough. He wouldn't be asking you out and intorducing you to his friends if he wasn't....:)

+1 on this.

From my reading of this he is into you, but his confidence is shot. Dont give up its worth a bit more effort.

Best of luck

wylo

sounds like hes having a terrible time dealing with the performance anxiety, id take the good advice here!!