sick of being single/can't seem to "score" with girls :(

antz182

Hi all, I'm struggling with meeting new people and in particular girls. I've been broken up with my long term gf almost 2 years now and since then, as much as I've tried, as much as I've craved it, I can't seem to get into the swing of being single and it's starting to bug me now , any advice?

whatsamsn

No one gets used to being single Antz, People just cope with it the best they can.

If you have a problem scoring girls just look at your current situation. Are nights out the only thing you got going to meet new girls? either way... just realise pulling girls in bars/pubs can be horrible.

You didnt state if you were shy or if it was your situation, either way just expand how you meet new people. They are cliche answers but courses, clubs etc are always ways to meet new people. Of course lets be realistic you could do 3 courses and join 5 clubs over a six month period before you could pull one girl. Its all about right time, right place and luck. But the more you put yourself out there ... more chances you got. It is hard to do so when in a rut tho, but thats were the mental side of things come in.

Monkey Allen

Try online dating. I've no idea what their success rate is but worth ago I guess.

greenprincess

If you stop looking for someone and concentrate on being you it will make you more attractive

antz182

Well yea I'm kinda shy and I am in a class at the moment, there's this one girl I like and I've said hello/had a conversation with her, but I'm terrified of walking up to her when I see her and talk to her now, dont know why, but I am

whatsamsn wrote: »

No one gets used to being single Antz, People just cope with it the best they can.

If you have a problem scoring girls just look at your current situation. Are nights out the only thing you got going to meet new girls? either way... just realise pulling girls in bars/pubs can be horrible.

You didnt state if you were shy or if it was your situation, either way just expand how you meet new people. They are cliche answers but courses, clubs etc are always ways to meet new people. Of course lets be realistic you could do 3 courses and join 5 clubs over a six month period before you could pull one girl. Its all about right time, right place and luck. But the more you put yourself out there ... more chances you got. It is hard to do so when in a rut tho, but thats were the mental side of things come in.

whatsamsn

How old are you Antz by the way?
you say class... so in secondary school or college?

antz182

I'm 23, and yes I'm in college, I won't say where to keep my anonimity

sparkthatbled

Best advice i ever got in your postition was to stop trying too hard. I think they can smell the fear and desperation and i musta really stank of it! Anyways, a few months later i met someone on myspace by chance and 4.5 years later we're engaged. Try to get on with life. Find other ways to be happy and i'm sure someone will drop into your life at some point and change it's very course!

antz182

sparkthatbled wrote: »

Best advice i ever got in your postition was to stop trying too hard. I think they can smell the fear and desperation and i musta really stank of it! Anyways, a few months later i met someone on myspace by chance and 4.5 years later we're engaged. Try to get on with life. Find other ways to be happy and i'm sure someone will drop into your life at some point and change it's very course!

that sounds so easy to do, but I can't seem to shake the fact that what my ex did on me was horrible (she cheated on me for 6mts, knowing that my parents had a rough time because of a similar situation) and the fact that she's with someone and in 2 years I've kissed 1 person I don't know what to do, and now valentines is coming up again

Ickle Magoo

Perhaps the whole "desperately want to score with girls" thing is a bit off-puting? I'd agree with the above, as difficult as it may seem getting on with having an interesting life and being happy within yourself are a couple of the most attractive qualities you can have. Desperation is not attractive, and desperately wanting to score even less so.

All the best

antz182

Ickle Magoo wrote: »

Perhaps the whole "desperately want to score with girls" thing is a bit off-puting? I'd agree with the above, as difficult as it may seem getting on with having an interesting life and being happy within yourself are a couple of the most attractive qualities you can have. Desperation is not attractive, and desperately wanting to score even less so.

All the best

Oh I'd say it is very off-putting, but what can I do? I can't stop thinking about it, and its really getting to me now. I know I have to "be cool" to seem attractive, but to be honest, I think it's more a fear of talking to girls than actually seeming desperate. To be honest, I've never really chatted a girl up, both of my (ex) girlfriends were got by a mate either egging me on, or by him asking her. I don't know what to do

Ickle Magoo

Do something you enjoy and are fairly good and meet people while somewhat in your comfort zone. It sounds clichéd but joining a group or club where others that share your interest and you have something in common with, have the opportunity to chat and get to know people is a really good way of meeting a partner.

Why not make a pact with yourself to take the pressure off that you are actively going to avoid getting involved with the opposite sex for six months and set yourself a different challenge instead like making new friends at a new activity and see what happens?

Billy86

antz182 wrote: »

Oh I'd say it is very off-putting, but what can I do? I can't stop thinking about it, and its really getting to me now. I know I have to "be cool" to seem attractive, but to be honest, I think it's more a fear of talking to girls than actually seeming desperate. To be honest, I've never really chatted a girl up, both of my (ex) girlfriends were got by a mate either egging me on, or by him asking her. I don't know what to do

About the first part of 'seeming cool', you really don't have to be. I had huge esteem and confidence issues through much of the time I was a teenager, and to be honest had very little success as a result. I later found out that the biggest mistake I was trying to play it cool and come over as something I wasn't. Girls getting chatted up enough that they can usually smell bull**** like that a mile away, so it is best to just be honest and yourself. I can be a bit goofy at times (not in a 'class clown' type of way, I just don't take myself too seriously), so it makes far more sense to play off that.

Basically if you are smart, play off that. If you are funny/witty, then play off that. If you are competitive, then play off that (in a friendly way!! ). If you are easy-going, play off that, etc, etc. There is no such thing as a uniform attractive personality, so find what suits you and what you are comfortable with. In doing so, you are being honest, and it will boost your confidence by not having to put on a 'mask' in front of girls. While there is not 'uniform attractive personality' there are some uniform attractive characteristics - and honesty and confidence are amongst the biggest of them.

--

As for your second part, I have never really chatted up a girl in a pub or club before either to my recollection. I hate it. I absolutely detest it, actually - especially in clubs. I must be a little hard of hearing, because every conversation I have ever had in a club is basically just me and the other person shouting "what?" - "what!?" - "sorry, I didn't hear you" - "WHAT!?" back at each other. On top of that I am one of the clumsiest feckers you will ever meet; when I step on a dancefloor bad things happen! So I usually just don't bother in those places, unless it is in the beer garden or somesuch where you can actually talk.

I also never really go for a girl just on looks - and if you are worried about rejection (I used to be in the worst way) this is a great way to avoid it. Maybe the best advise I ever got was to try to put a girl's looks completely aside when talking to her and focus entirely on her as a person. Sounds kind of cheesy and/or obvious, but it works really well and is constantly overlooked by most guys I know. You want to be able to identify exactly what you want in a girl - for example I like somebody who is smart and can hold conversations about politics or society or what-have-you, who is not passive because the small 'arguments' we have tend to be good fun, but who is not afraid laugh at themselves and be a bit goofy - especially if they can give as well as take on that front.

It only takes a few minutes of talking to a girl to know if she has the qualities you like, and in that time you get a fair idea of if she is interested in you as well as giving her time to try and figure out likewise. If she is not, then no hard feelings either way and I very, very rarely even try because it would likely be a waste of time. It also breaks an incredible amount of ice for when you do move things forward and she will likely let you down swiftly (but gently!) or, and this is far more often the case, say yes. After all, she would probably have found a way out of the conversation beforehand if she was not in some way interested in you (or at least didn't find you friendly/likeable... and going back to the "don't judge her on looks alone" bit, you likely would not have approached her if you did not find her in some way attractive. So in short: find what you like in a girl's personality, talk to her casually at first, and see if the two of you 'click' at all, THEN think about chatting her up.

Also, when you go up to her in the first place you can talk about anything! Seriously, it doesn't matter what it is - asking for a lighter, getting her and her friends to settle a stupid/'jokey' argument between you and a friend, looking for directions... ANYTHING! Funny enough, the more innocuous and silly it is, the better response I seem to get, my guess being because it puts less pressure on them or whatnot. Look at how many people hook up on Hallowe'en for example, all starting from the stupid question of "so who/what are you supposed to be?", "cool costume", etc.

Never go up to a girl who is on her own though, is my advise - they tend to get a bit nervous then and (understandably) want to leave to find their friends ASAP. Of course, if the two of you happen to be at the bar or something like that, then by all means go ahead. It might seem less intimidating, but I guarantee you it will result in far more consistent rejection than going up to them when they are around their mates (and thus feel 'safer').

--

Also, a gripe I have with Ireland in general is that it seems 'weird' to a lot of people to go up to girls outside of 'specified areas' like pubs and clubs. I never bother with trying it on with girls in clubs like I said, and rarely in pubs/beer gardens. My friends think I am a bit nuts for it (and I think in turn think they are a bit nuts for thinking I am a bit nuts for doing so ), but if you see a girl that looks nice walking down the street, or in a shop, or in the college library, or wherever... do this. Just go up and talk to them, ask them something innocuous and just chat with them for a few minutes. You will know pretty quickly if they are not interested and you won't have asked them for their number or whatever, so the feeling of 'rejection' just isn't there. On the other hand if they are happy to keep up the conversation and are being very chatty back - that is usually a sign they are at least somewhat interested, so you feel a lot more secure in asking them for their number or whatever. College library is great for this by the way, because you can ask them to go for a cup of coffee if/when they are ready for a study break and thus there is not time for them to second-guess themselves between when they give you their number a when you text them a day or two later .

For example, a South American girl I am seeing now I met on a flight back from Milan on the first day of the big snow in December. Flights got delayed, I spotted her and her friend in the waiting room before boarding, thought she looked incredible, and so when we boarded I (travelling alone) saw a spare seat beside them and asked if anyone was sitting there. They said no, so I sat down and had a good laugh with them on the flight. Got back to Dublin, had a few pints with them in town, and arranged to meet up with them the next night, went on a pub crawl, and got eventually got lucky after telling her I did like her during the pub crawl.

If you are worried about picking up on signals from them, don't be. I have this thing called dyspraxia (very complicated, but amongst other things it makes it very difficult to read body language/'read between the lines' when talking to someone). So I just keep it friendly and very, very, veerrryy slowly push things forward until I am sure. You would be amazed the amount of times a girl will actually take the initiative in that situation and 'make the move' on you! And trust me, that does wonders for you ego/confidence going forward. :cool:

So, to summarise my advice:
1. Don't go up to a girl with a chat-up line or something cheesy like that, just start a random conversation about literally -anything- you can think of.

2. Take a few minutes to see if the girl has the characteristics you like, and if the two of you click. If not then be polite and say goodbye, but if so...

3. Try to pick up on signs she likes you and send some subtle ones out yourself. Slowly push things forward at a pace you feel comfortable with and see if she responds well and is trying to move things forward also. Eventually you will feel comfortable enough to tell her you like her, or she might even say it to you first!

4. If she says no, she will likely be very nice about it so it doesn't hurt your ego much. If she says yes, which is far more likely if she has stayed talking with you for 15-20+ minutes in an been increasingly flirty way, then happy days.

Sorry for the Biblical length of this post, but hopefully it helps.

antz182

Billy, thanks for your post, as long as it was, it was informative. I have this thing though about walking up to girls, It absolutly terrifies me, I crave intamacy, and I know I can be a briiliant boyfriend, but I'm useless at being single. Yet talking to girls isn't that much of a problem, for example most of my friends throughout college have been girls, but it doesn't seem to translate into getting a girlfriend. I have no desire to be an a-hole and just use girls, I consider myself too "nice" for that. What I want is to be a boyfriend and get to know a girl, sex isn't the end goal, and therein lies a problem, I've been told I'm too "nice" and lack a "killer instinct", so I really don't know what to do

um7y1h83ge06nx

antz182 wrote: »

Billy, thanks for your post, as long as it was, it was informative. I have this thing though about walking up to girls, It absolutly terrifies me, I crave intamacy, and I know I can be a briiliant boyfriend, but I'm useless at being single. Yet talking to girls isn't that much of a problem, for example most of my friends throughout college have been girls, but it doesn't seem to translate into getting a girlfriend. I have no desire to be an a-hole and just use girls, I consider myself too "nice" for that. What I want is to be a boyfriend and get to know a girl, sex isn't the end goal, and therein lies a problem, I've been told I'm too "nice" and lack a "killer instinct", so I really don't know what to do

Great post by Billy alright.

You saying that talking to girls isn't a problem, then maybe it's a case of being reluctant or shy to sexualise the conversation. By this I don't meant being a sleaze but let the girl know you are sexual interested rather than being just a friend.

That's admirable that you don't want to use girls but it's pretty difficult to know which girl could become your girlfriend. Between breaking up with my ex and meeting my current girlfriend I met lots of girls. It was fun and a great educational experience, I began to realise what exactly I wanted in a girl. I don't think I used any girl as they were obviously willing participants and I certainly wasn't nasty to them in any way. If I moved straight from girlfriend to girlfriend I feel I wouldn't have had the chance to understand myself and what I like better.

So I think you're putting too much pressure to meet a girlfriend. I think you should just concentrate on hooking up with girls and eventually a girlfriend will come along. My current girlfriend, I just chatted to her for about 5 mins in a nightclub, had a kiss and swapped numbers. I could never have imagined that night that we would be seeing each other now.

I was like you back when I was 20-21. Thankfully I gave myself a kick up the arse and I can actually meet women now so it's great.

Billy86

Mate, that is EXACTLY what I was always being told until I figured out what I have in the last 2 years or so, and I probably have more girls as friends than guys as well. Trust me though, once you figure out the exact type of girl you like (beyond looks) and just get talking to them and get flirtier at a pace you are comfortable with, it gets much, MUCH easier every time.

Bit of an aside, but if you are out of work and have some time to spare, go join one of those dodgy "no basic wage" door to door jobs. They hire literally EVERYBODY, and you have to call to 100 doors a day and try to win over as many people as possible. Quit after a week or two of course, but it is a great way to get rid of the anxiety of approaching and talkign to strangers.

antz182

Brayden Prickly Gateway wrote: »

Great post by Billy alright.

You saying that talking to girls isn't a problem, then maybe it's a case of being reluctant or shy to sexualise the conversation. By this I don't meant being a sleaze but let the girl know you are sexual interested rather than being just a friend.

That's admirable that you don't want to use girls but it's pretty difficult to know which girl could become your girlfriend. Between breaking up with my ex and meeting my current girlfriend I met lots of girls. It was fun and a great educational experience, I began to realise what exactly I wanted in a girl. I don't think I used any girl as they were obviously willing participants and I certainly wasn't nasty to them in any way. If I moved straight from girlfriend to girlfriend I feel I wouldn't have had the chance to understand myself and what I like better.

So I think you're putting too much pressure to meet a girlfriend. I think you should just concentrate on hooking up with girls and eventually a girlfriend will come along. My current girlfriend, I just chatted to her for about 5 mins in a nightclub, had a kiss and swapped numbers. I could never have imagined that night that we would be seeing each other now.

I was like you back when I was 20-21. Thankfully I gave myself a kick up the arse and I can actually meet women now so it's great.

A good kick up the arse is exactly what I need!! I wanna be with girls like, just not exploit them, maybe I'm not phrasing it right, I just dont know how to be as "cocky" as most guys, as you said though its a lack of letting a girl know I'm interested rather than just being friendly. I don't know how to do this and im sh!te with body language, either reading it or giving off my own

Billy86

Brayden Prickly Gateway wrote: »

I was like you back when I was 20-21. Thankfully I gave myself a kick up the arse and I can actually meet women now so it's great.

Haha, same as!

Billy86

antz182 wrote: »

A good kick up the arse is exactly what I need!! I wanna be with girls like, just not exploit them, maybe I'm not phrasing it right, I just dont know how to be as "cocky" as most guys, as you said though its a lack of letting a girl know I'm interested rather than just being friendly. I don't know how to do this and im sh!te with body language, either reading it or giving off my own

The funny thing is, I am still reasonably unconfident about this stuff (which is probably why I do a lot of talking before trying anything). You don't have to come across as cocky or whatnot though, a lot of girls don't like that. The same way a lot of guys don't like girls who have high opinions of themselves, but some do. Horses for courses, blah blah blah. If anything my making a joke of my lack of confidence works really, really well (but I also have to be careful to not overdo it otherwise it looks like a bit of a 'class clown' act).

Take this for example, if you are in a pub that is not too busy/loud:
- Go over and ask her and her friends anything! Literally anything.
- When the conversation goes on for more than 30 seconds or so, grab a seat and sit down and talk to them further. Upbeat, jokey stuff... nothing serious.
- When one or two of them finish their drinks, say you are going to the bar and ask them what they are drinking.**
- More talking and drinking. When the girl you like is talking, pay attention to her and keep eye contact. When she is not talking, still throw her the odd glance to see if she is looking back at you.
- Maybe one of them offers to get you a drink back, you might as well accept.
- Next time you are getting drinks, ask her to come up to help get them.
- Take your time ordering the drinks (it is helpful if there is a small queue at the bar of course), and talk to her more one-to-one. Again, just about anything, but try to be a little more flirty (laughing at her jokes, teasing her or her friendly in a non-offensive way, etc). If she is laughing and teasing back, you are likely doing well.
- When the two of you sit back down, you are likely to be sitting beside each other. Usually when people get drunker, the conversation breaks down into lots of individual conversations, as opposed to one big one with everyone involved. So take this chance to talk to her more and VERY gradually get a little more flirty (at whatever pace you are comfortable with).
- Try things like... I don't know... whispering to her about her and your friends, teasing them again. Nothing offensive, just jokey things and observations. Usually you wind up physically a lot closer because of having to whisper these things to each other. It also forms a close connection between the two of you, as opposed to the rest of the group.
- At this point, things will slowly continue to build and get a little more touchy-feely (small things, like her patting you on the shoulder, or briefly putting her hand on you knee 'for balance' are often very good signs). Maybe the two of you go for a smoke, or hit the dancefloor, or your friends and her friends make your way to a club, or whatever.
- At this point the two of you get a degree of privacy, if you are still messing about together then you can almost be sure she is in some way interested in you. So do something to let her know - tell her, brush the back of your and against the back of yours to see if she pulls away, holds your hand, or whatever. Lean in a bit closer when she is talking to you, and so on and so on. If she really is interested, even if you don't go for the kiss or whatever, she probably will lose her patience and do so herself.

**DO NOT EVER offer to buy a girl a drink straight away. Lots of girls don't like that, and if you ask some of your friends who are girls, they will openly tell you that they will often accept it even if they have zero interest in the person. It's a free drink, after all.

That actually sounds a little sinister reading back over it, almost pre-meditated :eek:! In truth, it is actually me just playing a scenario in my head that happened to me a few weeks ago. I was talking to an insanely hot girl in my class in college over facebook about an upcoming exam we were both dreading, so I emailed her some notes I had taken and she offered to buy me a pint for it. I had tried to get her out before (evening lectures, so there is not much of a social scene in it) and she had politely declined, so I figured she was not interested. I met up with her and her friend, and she told me she was almost on the bus to go home when her friend rang her, so I figured there was ZERO interest there, so I might as well just have fun with them as friends. Things basically went similar to how I have listed them above. A few hours later we are in D2 (I know, I know... I hate the place too) and the insanely hot girl turns to me and says -no joke- "stop teasing me!" I am like "???" and she says "you have been teasing me all night, about 6 times already", and now I am like "!?!?!?!? - I didn't even know you liked me hahaha!" So she pouncers on me like a 15 year old boy after a naggin of vodka would to a girl in an underage disco... and let's just say it was a very good night.

Basically what I am getting at is, after a while the whole 'subtle flirty' thing becomes very second nature -so long as you are yourself while doing so, and not trying to project some image of 'coolness' that they will smell a mile away- because you are not being so direct as to be chatting every girl you meet up or being sleazy or whatever, but just having fun. It takes a while to get used to and can be intimidating at first (but less so if you are patient and take it at a pace you are comfortable with - Rome wasn't built in a day, yadda yadda yadda), but after a while you actually do get girls being attracted to you seemingly without even trying. The reason being you are just projecting a very warm, positive, endearing and fun image of yourself... that really is yourself. I might be 100% wrong on this, but to me I think that is one of THE key things all women, regardless of their personal preferences, are very much into (along with good grooming and hygiene ).

Anyway, apologies for another Biblical post!

antz182

Billy86 wrote: »

:
- Go over and ask her and her friends anything! Literally anything.

This is what's impossible for me, I either don't have the stones to go say hi to a girl or I dont know what to say or else I completly over-think a situation and play everything out in my head from getting a drink thrown over me to actually getting with the girl in the 5 seconds or so from when I seen her to making my mind up that "what's the point" and not bothering. I wouldnt mind, but I used to be able to just walk up to a girl and talk to her but ever since I had girls make fun of me because "do you not know your name?" due to the fact that I have a stammer and sometimes have difficulty saying my name, I haven't been able to remotely chat to a girl besides "hi"

LegacyUser

whatsamsn wrote: »

No one gets used to being single Antz, People just cope with it the best they can.

That's possibly the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard. I'm single and love it!

LegacyUser

Simple advice here matey.

stop looking for the girl of your dreams

Girls come second.

Start living your dream - that comes first.
You obviously don't know what that is yet, so that's what you got to get a handle on.

stick with that negative feeling you have, that will be your drive.

Focus on self improvement, advancing your career, taking up a sport, lifting weights, looking better etc etc.

Find something your passionate about and that you would put ahead of a girl/girls you want.

Live in your dream, that's where you'll find your dream girl.
(but it takes hard work rmmbr)

Billy86

antz182 wrote: »

This is what's impossible for me, I either don't have the stones to go say hi to a girl or I dont know what to say or else I completly over-think a situation and play everything out in my head from getting a drink thrown over me to actually getting with the girl in the 5 seconds or so from when I seen her to making my mind up that "what's the point" and not bothering.

That is exactly what I used to be like, and it is why I recommended working in one of those dodgy no-basic-wage door-to-door jobs for 2-3 weeks if you have the time to. You only make money off commission in them, and you have someone that has been working there for a while going around with you in the same area, basically goading you on to be more chatty and everything the whole time. Not a good idea for a long term job or anything, but it's a great way of getting used to going up to total strangers and talking to them. You would be amazed how receptive and friendly the majority of people are, and the ignorant people are the funniest of the lot of them. That translates directly to girls, too - you would be amazed how many of them are DYING for a guy to just go up and be friendly with them, as opposed to ignoring them or waiting until that are sh*t-faced drunk and then stumbling over and slurring out some horrible chat-up line. It gets much, MUCH easier each time, also.

A good rule of thumb though - when you see a girl you like, go right over. Every single second that you don't it gets 10 times harder. If you see a girl you like and don't go over to her, in 7-8 seconds I can guarantee you won't. So don't even think - just go over and say hi. It is REALLY hard and REALLY intimidating... for about the first 3-4 times. Then it gets SO much easier, you actually, literally would not believe it.

I wouldnt mind, but I used to be able to just walk up to a girl and talk to her but ever since I had girls make fun of me because "do you not know your name?" due to the fact that I have a stammer and sometimes have difficulty saying my name, I haven't been able to remotely chat to a girl besides "hi"

F'k it, they are blatantly just a**holes. Their loss.

And 'hi' is grand to start things. She says 'hi' back, and then just say whatever you want. You can even try it with the charity girls on Grafton Street (assuming you are in Dublin?). Most of them get treated with unbelievable ignorance all day, so just go and have a 2 minute conversation with one of them. Not chatting them up or anything, just a "so how has your day been/how is this job?" type of chat. A good few of those girls are incredibly hot too, so if you are able to go and talk to them, it will give you the confidence to talk to more or less any girl.

Just think of it this way (again, one of the mantras from that door-to-door job that changed my life wit hregards to approaching women): if you go up to a girl and try to make conversation... what is the very worst thing that can happen? She says no.

But if you don't go up to her at all, what happens 100% of the time? She doesn't say no of course, but she also doesn't say yes. And that is far, faaar worse - not knowing if you would have had a chance or not with her.

Also, just kind of 'shadow' around some of your friends that are very good with girls. Hate to admit it, but that's what I did and just stayed on the fringe of the conversation trying to figure out what they did that made it work for them. You will notice what they are doing is really, really basic and the same for pretty much all of them - being themselves, being relaxed, just having a laugh and more or less just having a conversation with the girl/group of girls.

It is so easy, I guarantee when you get back into the swing of things, you will be kicking yourself over having lost/wasted so much potential time with girls. That is EXACTLY what I was like at least . The real question though is, do you want to be kicking yourself over 2-3 'lost' years or however long it has been since you broke up with your girlfriend, or 10-12 lost years when you are in your 30s? What is scarier... the thought of some girl -who you will never see in your life, EVER again- saying no to you, or the thought of being single for the next 10 years?

Just go for it. I guarantee you will be astonished at how easy it actually is. And if you just make general chit-chat, nobody is going to react poorly. Like for example if you were walkign around in town today, and someone came over to you and said "sorry there, do you have the time?"... would you launch into a tirade about how they can go f'k themselves? Of course not!

All that is getting in your way are your own irrational self-doubts. (Nearly) all guys have these irrational self-doubt, I certainly did for a long, long time. But it is only when you just say "f'k it" and try to break through them that you realise just how irrational they are. Trust me on this!

Givingadvice wrote: »

That's possibly the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard. I'm single and love it!

Horses for courses, again.

Billy86

Persian Devil wrote: »

Simple advice here matey.

stop looking for the girl of your dreams

Girls come second.

Start living your dream - that comes first.
You obviously don't know what that is yet, so that's what you got to get a handle on.

stick with that negative feeling you have, that will be your drive.

Focus on self improvement, advancing your career, taking up a sport, lifting weights, looking better etc etc.

Find something your passionate about and that you would put ahead of a girl/girls you want.

Live in your dream, that's where you'll find your dream girl.
(but it takes hard work rmmbr)

Also very good advise. I started dressing a lot better, eating healthier and making sure to drink 2+ litres of water a day (gives you surprisingly more energy) and paid more attention to grooming (nothing too much, just not having messy hair, or going to long without shaving, cutting my nails whenever necessary, etc). Next thing I started noticing a lot more girls were looking at me in a positive way walking through town or whatnot.

Catching somebody gazing over at you, even if you do nothing about it, is a serious confidence booster!

antz182

thanks for all the advice, I'm gonna try it this weekend, just to see what happens!

antz182

Thought I'd give this a bump by posting this: I went out with my classmates at the weekend, got talking to a girl who i never really thought I fancied, anywho, we danced, talked (I hate dancing - I have two left feet, and I'm usually shy so don't usually talk much) etc, and now I kinda want to take a risk and ask her out or something, but (a) I dunno if she likes me and (b) I don't wanna **** up with asking girls out like I have in the past. I like this girl but I also see her everyday, so I dont wanna look like an idiot or scare her off. any help people?

technologic22

Billy86 wrote: »

Also very good advise. I started dressing a lot better, eating healthier and making sure to drink 2+ litres of water a day (gives you surprisingly more energy) and paid more attention to grooming (nothing too much, just not having messy hair, or going to long without shaving, cutting my nails whenever necessary, etc). Next thing I started noticing a lot more girls were looking at me in a positive way walking through town or whatnot.

Catching somebody gazing over at you, even if you do nothing about it, is a serious confidence booster!

Ha I know what u mean man! Im kinda in da same boat as antz (same age, situation etc) In college but seriously too busy to go out and meet people, paddys day will be my next day out after that probably wont be till may when i finish up. Could do with a girlfriend was broke up with my ex round 2n a half yrs now n seen her with other lads which is heartbreakin il admit. But dey say whatever doesnt kill you makes you stronger i guess! Been with a nice few girls since but nothing serious. I guess im kinda feeling like il never feel what i felt with my ex again. (like im the 1st person to say that!) i reckon to stay positive and not too desperate is the key.

antz mentions below about not being able to dance. yup, same ere! with a few drinks however i feel like jacko! and antz i think you should take a risk and ask her out. Think it is vital to take risks every now and again. I asked a girl out before n she did the whole 'thought we could just be friends' routine. Kinda humiliating il admit but I still rather i did it so i knew for sure. Or else i duno maybe i am a fool!

Ickle Magoo

Hi technologic22,

If you have an issue please post about it on your own thread rather than bumping someone else's thread.

I also have to ask you, please don't use text speak. It makes posts very had to read and so is not permitted on this forum.

If you haven't already done so, please take the time to read the forum rules in the charter.

Cheers. :cool:

LegacyUser

antz182 wrote: »

I wouldnt mind, but I used to be able to just walk up to a girl and talk to her but ever since I had girls make fun of me because "do you not know your name?" due to the fact that I have a stammer and sometimes have difficulty saying my name, I haven't been able to remotely chat to a girl besides "hi"

I met a guy out one night in a bar. We started chatting, and it was taking him a bit of time to get his words out. To be honest, I thought he was very drunk (the reason girls don't like very drunk men is because they're usually very lecherous and will not take no for an answer). I became very short with the guy at the bar, he picked up on it and got annoyed. He told me the reason he couldn't get his words out was because he has a stammer. Of course, I apologised immediately and said I didn't realise. It took him a while to believe that I was genuine with my apology. We ended up chatting for the rest of the night though and he took my number.

If girls say to you 'do you not know your name', for gods sake admit you have a stammer! Nine times out of ten, the girl will be mortified. No decent person will take the piss out of you for that. And if you do, you won't have to waste your time chatting them up 'cos you know they're a b*tch already!