I want a child and marriage but my girlfriend say no

topman84

should stay with her and wait till god knows when? or move on? i love her very much i want everything with her, but hearing no and the time is breaking my heart! im falling apart. can i have advice off some girls! is there a reason shes saying no? other than im not ready for that.

Shelli2

I guess it depends on how old you both are, how long you've been together and what your current situation is?

opinion guy

What age are you ?
What age is she ?

Are you born in 1984 as your name might suggest ?

topman84

im 27 she 25 both have good jobs

Neyite

She has to have given you a reason Topman - it would be callous just to say 'no' and not explain why.

Does she love you? Do you know if she thinks you are 'the one'? Is her reason that maybe she is a bit young yet or wants to travel or have a house first? You don't say even how long you are together.

topman84

she just says shes not ready! thats all

Nevyn

Have you asked her 'when' she migth be, what should you both have gotten or achieved before you start a family?

topman84

she said she cant give me a date just in case that date comes along and she says in still not ready

psycho-hope

tbh Topman, if shes not ready theres not much you can do about it, theres obviously a reason she feels that way, maybe she wants to advance her career a bit more, maybe she wants a few more years of not being tied down by a baby, but only she can answer those questions

topman84

thanks for ur comment

Ayla

OP - there are a thousand reasons she could be saying this, and as other posters have mentioned, only she's the one who can explain it. Maybe she likes her job & doesn't want maternity now, maybe she's scared of being the first out of her friends to go that route, maybe she had a bad experience seeing her parents marry young...who knows? Could be anything.

Worst thing you could do now is push it. You have two choices: (1) let it rest and give it some time - as much time as you can justify - to see if she becomes ready, or (2) cut your losses & move on. You don't want to go forcing her into a corner she's not prepared to be in...she'll either run or surrender to your wishes (only to regret it later).

psycho-hope

no problem, i hope you manage to come to some sort of compromise.

dave1982

Have a friend who was in same situation he wanted a child,she did not ever 2 years on they now have a child.So give it time did you want this at 25?

You're 27 she's 25 she will probably feel different when she your age

opinion guy

topman84 wrote: »

she just says shes not ready! thats all

Dude she is 25. She is probably planning on enjoying her twenties child free. She possibly wisher to pursue career goals for another few years before thinking about children.

To be honest, and I don't mean this judgementally but I'm sure I'll get people's backs up anyhow, I find it a bit odd that you are so keen to have kids so young. Most 25 year old women would prbably find it a bit much also. Chill out like.

LegacyUser

I'm with my partner for 10 years, he's 37 and I'm 33. When we were about 3 years together, we started talking about kids. He said he definitely didn't want them and I said I definitely did. Gave him an ultimatum, which was really difficult and upsetting at the time for both of us, that while I didn't want them there and then, I did want them, so unless he could confirm that someday he'd want them, then we'd have to break up, as I couldn't go through life without them.

Took him a few days & he decided that yes he would like them eventually, but just not at that stage in his life. About 2 years ago, we started trying for a baby. Unfortunately we haven't been lucky so far, but at least he's totally behind me now. I would have been ready 5 years ago at least & I do have regrets, because it might have happened quicker if I was a bit younger, but there's no use 1 of you wanting it & the other not. It'll just cause fights & problems down the line.

You need a decision either way, even if she tells you she doesn't want them for 5 years or something. It's hard to push the subject, but you need a definitive answer, because otherwise it'll eat away at you.

cynder

opinion guy wrote: »

Dude she is 25. She is probably planning on enjoying her twenties child free. She possibly wisher to pursue career goals for another few years before thinking about children.

To be honest, and I don't mean this judgementally but I'm sure I'll get people's backs up anyhow, I find it a bit odd that you are so keen to have kids so young. Most 25 year old women would prbably find it a bit much also. Chill out like.

Just to point out my husband had testicular cancer at 27, you never know whats round the corner, we had our 3 kids at 19, 25, 26. Is quite possible we will never have another one. At 40 our youngest will be 14 happy days ,they do say life begins at 40;).

Zulu

Ask her if she sees herself married to you later on in her life. (you don't need to give her a deadline) If she says yes, then you can discuss is she thinking next 5 years, next 10 years, & is not in the next 10 years - why not?
Be definite. Tell her it's important to you (and thus she be important to her). Don't let her fob you off. You have a right to know - it's your relationship as well, & you're investing your time in her also.

If she doesn't see herself married to you, you have your answer. You'll need to think about walking away.
If she sees herself married to you, but not in the next ten years, you need to figure out if you can be bothered waiting that long for her. You'll need to figure out if such a fundamental difference in outlook is something you two can manage.

You are not the only person who wants to settle down and start a family. (Comment to the contrary should be disregarded)

Cat Melodeon

I've always known I'd want babies at some point, but I also knew I wouldn't want them until I had X, Y and Z achieved, and that I was unlikely to be in that place before my mid-thirties. And that's exactly how it panned out.

I also knew that the 2 long-term boyfriends I had in my early and mid-twenties were not going to be the ones I had babies with. I pretty much knew that from day 1. I wasn't stringing them along or anything, the second relationship in particular was a good one and we were loved up and everything, but we both knew it was going to end at some point. Cliched as it is, the first time I laid eyes on my now husband I knew we would be making babies together.

Give your girlfriend a chance to grow up a bit (25 is extremely young in these times of equality of the sexes!) but equally demand honesty and make sure you're not her 'practise' boyfriend.

okiss

Your girlfriend is 25 and your 27. Your both a young and your girlfriend is right not to have a child yet as it will be a life changing event. I would ask her would she like to get married some day or when would she like to have a child.
She may not want a child and if you know then it is time to move on.

Could you cope if your baby is not well - I know of 2 couples at the moment who babies have major health problems which has been very hard for everyone.

I would enjoy this time before getting married and having a family. I know of many couples who have babies in there mid to late 30's. They enjoyed holidays, days out and they knew each other well a couple before having children. They were married, had there own homes and had savings. They were happy when there children were born and could cope with problems better due to life experience or had a backup of other friends who also had babies and children.

common sense brigade

Its probably her age, alot of women wait till late twenties early thirties to get married. Then consider babies. Personally though i married at 26, husband 25. but we didnt try for kids till age 29. we had discussed that we both thought 29-30 would be right for us for kids. Could you not ask her would she like to get engaged now for a few years. at least then you will know if shes serious about you cos you sound like your type of person who really wants marriage. and theres nothing wrong with wanting those things as long as she does too. even ask her is she planning on marrying you when she is older.And find out if she wants kids when she is older. Just so you know where you stand.