Risking it all

[-0-]

I'm not sure where to start so I'll just jump right in. I was in a long term ( 4 years ) relationship that ended in 2005. We were engaged and living together. It was a nice breakup, and by that I mean we both fell out of love with each other. The first two years of that relationship were great, and after that it started to die off. That's the only other serious relationship I've been in. I waited a long while to start dating again because I needed time to myself and was not ready to fall in love again. I had a couple of short term relationships but I just didn't feel the spark I was looking for so I ended those.

Fast forward to now and I'm in another serious relationship. I have never been in love like this before. I thought I knew what love was until now. This relationship is absolutely amazing and has everything I have ever wanted. I would do anything for this girl, and she feels the very same way. I love her more and more every day; I still get butterflies each time we kiss. The only issue is that she is moving back home to America in May of this year. I've decided I'm going to move with her, so I've put in for a transfer with work. I'll find out if I get the visa, etc some time over the next few weeks. I'm expecting to move over some time between May - September. If my transfer with work doesn't get approved then I'm going to have to quit and get a job in the states. This is kind of a big deal because I'm in a well paid job here and it's something that's causing me a bit of anxiety. I'm nervous because I'm risking a lot and there's lots that could go wrong, and also lots of things out of my control here too so that's probably part of it. Deep down I know I would rather give it a go and have it fail, than to end it and never know. I'm actually going to propose within the next year.

So my question is would you risk it all for the love of your life? Leaving a well paid job during a recession seems like madness but I'm kind of fed up with Ireland anyway.

Opinions/advice are more than welcome!

Dymo

Your never going to find out if you don't do it. Whats the worse case scenario? It doesn't work out and you have to return to Ireland and find a job or it could work out great and you'll be happy. I'd be more weary about how your relationship will survive in the states. Surroundings have a lot to do with with peoples attitudes and even though America isn't a huge change it is a different culture.

Best thing to do is weigh up the cons and pro's, not having a working Visa is a major con and decide your self.

[-0-]

Dymo wrote: »

Your never going to find out if you don't do it. Whats the worse case scenario? It doesn't work out and you have to return to Ireland and find a job or it could work out great and you'll be happy. I'd be more weary about how your relationship will survive in the states. Surroundings have a lot to do with with peoples attitudes and even though America isn't a huge change it is a different culture.

Best thing to do is weigh up the cons and pro's, not having a working Visa is a major con and decide your self.

Yeah I wouldn't be going anywhere without the visa. I wouldn't move over until I had a job lined up and I'm hoping I can do that with my company without having to leave for a job somewhere else. We work with lots of guys in Boston and if the visa is approved I would actually be working with most of them. It would be so handy because I already know them.

That's another thing... she would be a 1.5 hour flight away when I would be living in Boston (just for 8 months) as she will be finishing school. The plan is for her to move up to me then when she finishes.

seenitall

If I had no dependants and other related obligations, YES I would risk it all for love, and I have done a helluva lot for love in my life. That's what love is for, imo.

But this is really a question of both personality and circumstances, and I am sure there are plenty of people who wouldn't be up for a big move like that, even for love, for various valid reasons (just like my reasons at the moment). On the whole, though, I feel life is wasted if it's not about taking chances. Again, a personality thing.

You have to decide what's best for YOU, and it seems you have already done so anyway. You don't need anyone on here to validate your choice, but I guess it is normal to feel a bit daunted in your situation.

I hope you get the transfer and the visa!

Best wishes.

greenprincess

I'd say go for it
Good luck

[-0-]

Thanks guys/gals.

astra2000

Yhea, considering you sound so sure I would say go for it too. But look at your options if you cant transfer with your current employment ask for a career break for 12mths. Best of luck hope everything goes really well for you!

Peanut2011

OP, you don't say why she is leaving? Does she have a good job back there? Will you be moving in together or are you living together now?

If she is in to you the same way I see no reason why she has to go back and you give up everything and move. Did you meet her here? How long are you together?

It is very hard to give you an advice when there are so many unclear things about your relationship.

bubbaloo

I would definitely say Go for It. I just think that true love can conquer all and no matter what challenges arise you will face them together. You may have diffiicult times, being apart, looking for job etc, but good communication will help you to talk them through.
You sound very much in love and I wish you both the very best of luck.

Taltos

Bit of a tough one.

If you don't go for it - you will always wonder - "what if.."
However - for me something that has to be considered are your respective ages & hence maturity.
You have not given us much to go on in that regard except for "when she finishes school" - I really hope you mean college there and she is not in her teens.

As many folk will tell you people continue to change mature and the type of person you are at 17 can be quite different from who you are at say 25.

At the end of the day though - a move in our current climate here might be the best thing either way...

[-0-]

Peanut2011 wrote: »

OP, you don't say why she is leaving? Does she have a good job back there? Will you be moving in together or are you living together now?

If she is in to you the same way I see no reason why she has to go back and you give up everything and move. Did you meet her here? How long are you together?

It is very hard to give you an advice when there are so many unclear things about your relationship.

She's leaving to go back and finish the last year of her degree. She has a job lined up for the summer over there and then she'll be in school from September-May of next year, and once completed she'll move up to where I am.

We don't live together at the moment but we do spend about 5 days/nights per week with each other.

She is old fashioned and won't live with someone until she is married to them, and I respect that.

Yeah I met her here last year, and we're together nearly a year now.

To be honest my job have been trying to get me to move for a while anyway, and with the current climate here I think I would be mad not to do it... providing they can get me the visa hehe.

The risk is exciting too. If it goes tits up I can always say I gave it a shot. I'm not sure if that's just a romantic idea but it's how I feel about it.

Taltos

Based on your last post - I would definitely go

LegacyUser

Yes.

Yes.

Yes.