My Son?

LegacyUser

Hi. I am a father of 5 brilliant boys and 1 gorgeous girl and recently my youngest son wants to go through with Hormone therapy. I'm so shocked, I've one son who's gay and that didn't bother me but my youngest gave no signs at all. He acted like a normal boy, we did father-son actives: sports, games etc. He's very masculine but he says he's felt like a woman for a very long time and that he can't hold it in any longer, he says it was all a act because he was afraid to show his true colours, what's going on? Is it a just a really long phase? He's been to a psychiatrist who prescribed him the Hormones and he seems sure that he wants to go through with it. But even after he told me that he was a a woman he didn't act feminine, he walked, talked and acted like a boy. Have I don something wrong that's stopping him from expressing himself properly? Should I visit his Psychologist with my son to try and understand what on earth is going on?

Thanks.

Nevyn

Not all women are girlie, not all gay men are effeminate and many Trans people work hard on trying to fit is to what is expected of them from family. I get that your in shock but give your child the space to grow and change into who they are, sometimes it can take a person getting space/persmission before they start to figure out how to express who they are.

Yes I do think that if the Psychologist will see you or refeer you on to someone who can help you with this disclose it would be helpful for you.

BanzaiBk

Daddy123 wrote: »

Have I done something wrong that's stopping him from expressing himself properly?

No. Far from it.

Your son told you that he wanted to go through with hormone therapy, I think that speaks volumes about the kind of father you are.

oisindoyle

Daddy123 wrote: »

Hi. I am a father of 5 brilliant boys and 1 gorgeous girl and recently my youngest son wants to go through with Hormone therapy. I'm so shocked, I've one son who's gay and that didn't bother me but my youngest gave no signs at all. He acted like a normal boy, we did father-son actives: sports, games etc. He's very masculine but he says he's felt like a woman for a very long time and that he can't hold it in any longer, he says it was all a act because he was afraid to show his true colours, what's going on? Is it a just a really long phase? He's been to a psychiatrist who prescribed him the Hormones and he seems sure that he wants to go through with it. But even after he told me that he was a a woman he didn't act feminine, he walked, talked and acted like a boy. Have I don something wrong that's stopping him from expressing himself properly? Should I visit his Psychologist with my son to try and understand what on earth is going on?

Thanks.

Without sounding flippant or dismissive,My answer to you is YES.
Go visit your sons psychologist ,hes the professional .
We mere mortals on boards wontand do not have all the answers you are seeking , a professional will.
Good luck

Coeurdepirate

You've already done the first step, which is accepting and understanding him. A lot of people would kill for a father like you! So maybe you should go along with your son to the psychiatrist to get a clearer idea of his feelings, but make sure he's fully comfortable with it first.

deirdre_dub

Hi Daddy,

First of all, let me introduce myself. I am a 41 year old transgender woman (i.e. genetic male who identifies as female). I've been on hormones for over a year. Please feel free to send me a private message with any questions or comments you have.

It wasn't until I was 39 years old that I discovered that I'm transgender. The main reason for that was because of society - in particular, because of what society taught me about gender. My own father is one of the most loving, supportive people I could have hoped to have as a father. It was most definitely not his fault that it took me so long to come to terms with who I am.

I never gave any outward signals that I was female - I just spent my life in confusion about what this whole "gender" thing was about.

I'm now going to give a quick answer to some of your questions. Note that I am going to refer to your child in the feminine - I imagine that it is going to be difficult, or at least jarring, for you when I do so, but I simply don't feel comfortable doing otherwise.

Daddy123 wrote: »

He's very masculine but he says he's felt like a woman for a very long time and that he can't hold it in any longer, he says it was all a act because he was afraid to show his true colours, what's going on?

More than likely what's going on is that she is transgendered and, due to pressures of society, couldn't express herself in the way she needed to.

Is it a just a really long phase?

It is something that will last the rest of her life. And, it's not a phase - it's who and what she is.

But even after he told me that he was a a woman he didn't act feminine, he walked, talked and acted like a boy.

That may change once hormones kick in, and/or once she finds the space to properly express herself. Or, it might not change - she could be a butch transgendered woman (yes, such people do exist!).

Have I don something wrong that's stopping him from expressing himself properly?

It's impossible to tell from this distance, but I seriously doubt it. The biggest thing pressuring her from not expressing herself properly is more than likely not you, but society as a whole.

Also, understand that the phenomenon of transgender itself has nothing to do with upbringing. Science seems to be converging on an explanation that involves a development issue with the brain in the womb - your daughter literally has a female brain in a male body.

Should I visit his Psychologist with my son to try and understand what on earth is going on?

Well, your first port of call for finding out what is going on should be your daughter. But, if you are finding the whole thing difficult, then by all means seek out professional advice and support. And, as I said, please feel free to send me private messages with questions, concerns or comments.

All the very best.

Meesared

I guess i should throw in my 2 cents in here.

First of all welcome to the forum

Basically im in a similar situation to your daughter (im sure she would prefer female pronouns) but basically its very difficult to change over night, although your daughter does have one major advantage i dont, a supportive family (im not actually out to my family, as they would disown me, and im not in a stable enough place emotionally to take that right now)

You should be very proud of her though that she told you though, its a huge deal for us. Just be there for her, and talk to her, its a extremly tough thing to go through

LGiamani

Daddy123 wrote: »

Hi. I am a father of 5 brilliant boys and 1 gorgeous girl and recently my youngest son wants to go through with Hormone therapy. I'm so shocked, I've one son who's gay and that didn't bother me but my youngest gave no signs at all. He acted like a normal boy, we did father-son actives: sports, games etc. He's very masculine but he says he's felt like a woman for a very long time and that he can't hold it in any longer, he says it was all a act because he was afraid to show his true colours, what's going on? Is it a just a really long phase? He's been to a psychiatrist who prescribed him the Hormones and he seems sure that he wants to go through with it. But even after he told me that he was a a woman he didn't act feminine, he walked, talked and acted like a boy. Have I don something wrong that's stopping him from expressing himself properly? Should I visit his Psychologist with my son to try and understand what on earth is going on?

Thanks.

Hi Daddy123,
I think you are wonderful person for what you are doing. Looking at the time you sent the thread seems that this is stressing you out big time. You said you had another son, do they get along maybe with his support and the phylogist help you will get to understand him. On the other hand he seems pretty young to know truly who he is and it may take time for him to know this. Continue at what your doing be as supportive as you can but he may not turn out as you hope to.

Azure_sky

Daddy123 wrote: »

Hi. I am a father of 5 brilliant boys and 1 gorgeous girl and recently my youngest son wants to go through with Hormone therapy. I'm so shocked, I've one son who's gay and that didn't bother me but my youngest gave no signs at all. He acted like a normal boy, we did father-son actives: sports, games etc. He's very masculine but he says he's felt like a woman for a very long time and that he can't hold it in any longer, he says it was all a act because he was afraid to show his true colours, what's going on? Is it a just a really long phase? He's been to a psychiatrist who prescribed him the Hormones and he seems sure that he wants to go through with it. But even after he told me that he was a a woman he didn't act feminine, he walked, talked and acted like a boy. Have I don something wrong that's stopping him from expressing himself properly? Should I visit his Psychologist with my son to try and understand what on earth is going on?

Thanks.

Hi,

It's obvious you have a great amount of love and respect for your kids. I'm an M2F T.S. myself. Well, many gender dysphorics try to adopt typical masculine activities to surpress it, hope it will go away or cure it. Sadly, it never goes away. I postponed my own transition in the hope it would go away, as I felt I couldn't tell my Father and sadly transsexuals are pretty much treated like gays were thirty years ago. It was a futile endeavour. I'm resuming my transition now and it was naive of me to put it off. It certainly was not a phase for me and based on what your kid is telling then it's not a phase in this case either.

There's a mass of evidence which strongly indicates that transsexuals are born, rather then made. We, male to female transsexuals, have female brains( and vice versa for the female to male transsexual). You've certainly done nothing wrong, far from it.

I think you should definitely visit the therapist, if it's the same one I went to he's a really nice and down to Earth guy.

I wish you all the best.

sycamore87

I recommend you and your son get all liqueured up, get behind the wheel, and go cruising into the night. Find a bum, kick the bastard to death, and then find some 'tutes to sex the night away with.

There'll be no more talk of all this gender-change stuff the next morning, I guarantee you.

Dr. Baltar

sycamore87 wrote: »

I recommend you and your son get all liqueured up, get behind the wheel, and go cruising into the night. Find a bum, kick the bastard to death, and then find some 'tutes to sex the night away with.

There'll be no more talk of all this gender-change stuff the next morning, I guarantee you.

. . . . . .. . . . . . . . . . . ,.-‘”. . . . . . . . . .``~.,
. . . . . . . .. . . . . .,.-”. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .“-.,
. . . . .. . . . . . ..,/. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . ”:,
. . . . . . . .. .,?. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .\,
. . . . . . . . . /. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . ,}
. . . . . . . . ./. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . ,:`^`.}
. . . . . . . ./. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . ,:”. . . ./
. . . . . . .?. . . __. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . :`. . . ./
. . . . . . . /__.(. . .“~-,_. . . . . . . . . . . . . . ,:`. . . .. ./
. . . . . . /(_. . ”~,_. . . ..“~,_. . . . . . . . . .,:`. . . . _/
. . . .. .{.._$;_. . .”=,_. . . .“-,_. . . ,.-~-,}, .~”; /. .. .}
. . .. . .((. . .*~_. . . .”=-._. . .“;,,./`. . /” . . . ./. .. ../
. . . .. . .\`~,. . ..“~.,. . . . . . . . . ..`. . .}. . . . . . ../
. . . . . .(. ..`=-,,. . . .`. . . . . . . . . . . ..(. . . ;_,,-”
. . . . . ../.`~,. . ..`-.. . . . . . . . . . . . . . ..\. . /\
. . . . . . \`~.*-,. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . ..|,./.....\,__
,,_. . . . . }.>-._\. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .|. . . . . . ..`=~-,
. .. `=~-,_\_. . . `\,. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .\
. . . . . . . . . .`=~-,,.\,. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .\
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . `:,, . . . . . . . . . . . . . `\. . . . . . ..__
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .`=-,. . . . . . . . . .,%`>--==``
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . _\. . . . . ._,-%. . . ..`

rainbow kirby

sycamore87 wrote: »

I recommend you and your son get all liqueured up, get behind the wheel, and go cruising into the night. Find a bum, kick the bastard to death, and then find some 'tutes to sex the night away with.

There'll be no more talk of all this gender-change stuff the next morning, I guarantee you.

Perma-banned. Do not advocate transphobic violence.

Azure_sky

rainbow kirby wrote: »

Perma-banned. Do not advocate transphobic violence.

I think he was trying to jokingly parody A Clockwork Orange as a cure for gender dysphoria rather than advocated transphobic violence. Still deserved a perma ban though. There's a time and place for jokes and this ain't it.

Zaph

sycamore87 permanently sitebanned

JajaD

Male/ Female is a biological, feminine/masculine is socially constructed. There are multiple ways of 'being' male or female. Just because he doesnt behave like what is socially expected as a female doesnt mean anything. He is just being himself.

You seem like a great Dad, goodluck with everything. Happiness is the most important thing in the world, and by the sounds of things, you will have no problem with that.