Diary upset

LegacyUser

I'm a fan of writing things down for various reasons.

I regularly write things down as a way of venting. I work with a close friend. She was a friend before we began work together. I found myself constantly cleaning up her messes and telling her what to do (when she asked). It was wrecking my head, ruining our friendship and making me angry in work.

I began writing down things that annoyed me in a little diary, just little bits, nothing like "my god I hate her", more like "had to show her how to do X again" , "Spent all day watching 4od while the rest of us were up to our eyes".

I generally keep this diary locked away in work or in my bag. It's only a tiny little thing, like a micro planner or something. Anyway, rushing home on Christmas Eve I put it into a work laptop bag that we share. Didn't even think about it, just had my rucksack on my back and no spare hands.
Anyway, didn't think about it anymore. Was using the laptop over Christmas and didn't even notice that the diary was still in the bag.

Exchanged the bag to colleague when it was her turn to take it home. Completely forgot diary was in it.

After New Years she was giving me the silent treatment in a very very obvious way. I was confused for a bit, thinking "I haven't done anything wrong", then I realised the diary was missing and remembered it was in the laptop bag.

The laptop came back, but the diary was missing. She still has my diary, she's keeping it. Things were weird for months, now they seem like they're more normal, but I know she's read my little rants and I know she's keeping my diary... I don't know how to act. No doubt she didn't openly confront me because we work so closely together. Similarly I don't think I can confront her for the same reason.

No doubt she feels betrayed because she found all this negative stuff, but who out there doesn't have issues with their friends, nobodys perfect, it's not like I was bitching to anybody. I don't dare think what other private stuff may have been in the diary, though it wasn't my "deepest feelings and emotions" type diary :P

Just wondering what people's opinions are as I can't really tell any of my friends in case I cause a massive rift, yet I have to get it off my chest.

Anon 1234

Anon 1234 wrote: »

I'm a fan of writing things down for various reasons.

I regularly write things down as a way of venting. I work with a close friend. She was a friend before we began work together. I found myself constantly cleaning up her messes and telling her what to do (when she asked). It was wrecking my head, ruining our friendship and making me angry in work.

I began writing down things that annoyed me in a little diary, just little bits, nothing like "my god I hate her", more like "had to show her how to do X again" , "Spent all day watching 4od while the rest of us were up to our eyes".

I generally keep this diary locked away in work or in my bag. It's only a tiny little thing, like a micro planner or something. Anyway, rushing home on Christmas Eve I put it into a work laptop bag that we share. Didn't even think about it, just had my rucksack on my back and no spare hands.
Anyway, didn't think about it anymore. Was using the laptop over Christmas and didn't even notice that the diary was still in the bag.

Exchanged the bag to colleague when it was her turn to take it home. Completely forgot diary was in it.

After New Years she was giving me the silent treatment in a very very obvious way. I was confused for a bit, thinking "I haven't done anything wrong", then I realised the diary was missing and remembered it was in the laptop bag.

The laptop came back, but the diary was missing. She still has my diary, she's keeping it. Things were weird for months, now they seem like they're more normal, but I know she's read my little rants and I know she's keeping my diary... I don't know how to act. No doubt she didn't openly confront me because we work so closely together. Similarly I don't think I can confront her for the same reason.

No doubt she feels betrayed because she found all this negative stuff, but who out there doesn't have issues with their friends, nobodys perfect, it's not like I was bitching to anybody. I don't dare think what other private stuff may have been in the diary, though it wasn't my "deepest feelings and emotions" type diary :P

Just wondering what people's opinions are as I can't really tell any of my friends in case I cause a massive rift, yet I have to get it off my chest.

To be honest id ask her for the diary back, its your privacy no matter what you said in it and if she actually did read it then shame on her. That's another unattractive quality to stick in the diary when you get it back.

thebigleap

Deleted User wrote: »

To be honest id ask her for the diary back, its your privacy no matter what you said in it and if she actually did read it then shame on her. That's another unattractive quality to stick in the diary when you get it back.

I agree. You're entitled to your opinion and diaries ARE for your private thoughts and feelings, she had no right to read it. You definitely should ask her to give it back, it's not hers to keep. She might need a polite reminder on that score.

The only other thing is if she thought you had deliberately left the diary in the bag for her to read...you might want to explain that you simply forgot to remove it when you gave her the bag.

Don't wait any longer, it's only going to get harder to confront her if you continue to put it off.

Good luck.

Monkey Allen

I think you accidentally did her a favour. Although, request your diary back. Its your property.

LegacyUser

I disagree with the other posters. You wrote rude comments down about a work colleague in a diary and left it in work! How foolish. She could go to H.R. and log a complaint. Work place rule number 1 never, never ever write anything unprofessional concerning a work colleague down in black and white.

Honestly if I found a little diary in a bag that had been given to me I would open it to see who it belonged to, and if I or you saw your name lets face it we would read on, it's human nature. You owe her a huge apology. If it was me the friendship would be over.

kerryman12

OOuucchh!! That is unfortunate isnt it.

I always keep a work diary but it's work stuff more the feelings/thoughts etc. I am very carefully and dont want anyone to have it all the same, I never really keep it under lock and key etc but I would be pissed off if others when through it.
That said you did levae it in the laptop case and, yea she probably shouldnt have read it but I think the majority of people would have a quick look. When she realised what it was she should have put it back.

If she is a resonable person then she will realise you are human, maybe she thinks the same about you in other ways; work related or not - just hasnt commited it to paper. We all know that we have flaws and can reconsile that, its just hard to be confronted with them.

I can suggest two courses of action;

1. The adult approach. You should talk to her, if you work that closely with her this will become a problem again at some stage if you dont deal with it now. It would be better to clear the air be professional.

2. Non adult approach. The next time she is taking the laptop home place another note book in it, mention something funny something nice and suggest a few drinks to clear the air.

I think option 1 is the best way to proceed, but option 2 would be novel! :pac:

Best of luck

PS be more carefull in future!!!!!!!!

Monkey Allen

really77 wrote: »

I disagree with the other posters. You wrote rude comments down about a work colleague in a diary and left it in work! How foolish. She could go to H.R. and log a complaint. Work place rule number 1 never, never ever write anything unprofessional concerning a work colleague down in black and white.

Honestly if I found a little diary in a bag that had been given to me I would open it to see who it belonged to, and if I or you saw your name lets face it we would read on, it's human nature. You owe her a huge apology. If it was me the friendship would be over.

But then you'd be avoiding the issues. The OP did nothing wrong. Just vented, privately. Made a mistake of leaving it visible to her friend. But, she broke no code of conduct at work. This might have killed the friendship but the OP's friend should toughen up and give some thought to the things that she read. She should also ask if it was private or not as there is a real chance she will think everyone has been laughing at her, which is incorrect (I would think).

Katgurl

I would ask for diary back immediately. Then I would ask if she read it. Then I would say I was sorry if I inadvertently upset her but I find writing things down to be therapeutic and it certainly wasn't intended for her eyes. Then I would forget all about it. It was unintentional mistake, yes her feelings are hurt so leave it with her to get over.

LegacyUser

Monkey Allen wrote: »

But then you'd be avoiding the issues. The OP did nothing wrong. Just vented, privately. Made a mistake of leaving it visible to her friend. But, she broke no code of conduct at work. This might have killed the friendship but the OP's friend should toughen up and give some thought to the things that she read. She should also ask if it was private or not as there is a real chance she will think everyone has been laughing at her, which is incorrect (I would think).

Well no, she could easily bring the diary to h.r. and use it as evidence of bullying. In a way it is. The O.P.'s friend is not in the wrong here she didn't write down any rude comments about a work mate. The O.P.'s indignation is unfounded, her friend is the injured party therefore the onus is on the O.P. to fix things.

Monkey Allen

really77 wrote: »

Well no, she could easily bring the diary to h.r. and use it as evidence of bullying. In a way it is. The O.P.'s friend is not in the wrong here she didn't write down any rude comments about a work mate. The O.P.'s indignation is unfounded, her friend is the injured party therefore the onus is on the O.P. to fix things.

She'd get a telling off from HR for leaving this lying around but nothing else. The OP is entitled to her opinion and didnt share these opinions with anyone else.

Neyite

really77 wrote: »

Well no, she could easily bring the diary to h.r. and use it as evidence of bullying. In a way it is.

The work mate is not going to bring it to HR. There is no bullying in the phrases "had to show her how to do X again" , "Spent all day watching 4od while the rest of us were up to our eyes". If anything, HR will see this as proof that the friend is a slacker, cant pick up new tasks easily, and nobody would be daft enough to bring your own shortcomings to the attention of the bosses in this current economic climate.

The OP is right to keep these things in a diary. I had a case where I was being blamed for another persons mistakes. I was able to show that I worked on more than my share of the tasks on any given day and also that I was not involved in the ones that got messed up. It saved my job.

really77 wrote: »

The O.P.'s friend is not in the wrong here she didn't write down any rude comments about a work mate.

How do you know that? The workmate may well have. What the OP wrote was not rude. It was private opinion based on a persons performance in the team, nowhere is that bullying. If anything, witholding private property belonging to the OP icould loosely be considered theft.