Made a silly mistake today and dont know what to say

LegacyUser

Have only started seeing a girl for the first time recently and have asked for help on here already about things so that may serve as an adequate indicator of my inherent inability to deal with women in a romantic scenario.

Im 25 and have never had a girlfriend before and tbh in the short space of time we've been seeing each other (2 and a half weeks) there have been a lot problems, mainly me but some from her too stemming from a bad history with men. The main problem for me has been taking that leap from treating her as a friend (we've known each other a year) to treating her as something more which i know was frustrating her but today was the straw that broke the camels back. I had organised in a semi off-hand way to meet her when she was done in college and do something, i had thought of these as fairly casual plans and when the time came that she was leaving i had thought that she had maybe forgotten, it was also a bit late (5:30 or so) and i was quite tired so i asked if we could have a rain check and i would make it up during the week, try and organise something better. Her answers told me that something was up and i knew straight away that i had put my foot in it so for the rest of the day i've been trying to convince her through text and facebook that i was terribly sorry, that it was merely me completely misreading the scenario and that i would make it up to her but she was having none of it, not even taking my calls.

The point is i dont know what to do now, shes my first gf ever, so in other words i have a grand total of two and a half weeks experience dealing with this stuff. It was an honest to god mistake, i know its no excuse but i genuinely am clueless in every way and am trying to learn as i go, i would never hurt her but shes so angry. This is such new territory to me and i think i was shocked in an incredibly naive way that the psychological walls ive built during my life didnt magically come crashing down when we started going out.

Im nervous anyway but im shattered now, i just want to stick my head in the sand and not have to deal with any of this but i know thats what got me to this stage in the first place and i know i screwed up today so any advice at all appreciated, thanks.


One last thing, she just text me "nite" even though shes been very blunt with me all day and indeed that text is no different but when i text her back saying i'd love to meet up and chat tomorrow there was no answer, im quite confused.

astra2000

It does sound as if she is overreacting tbh. You have apologised asked to meet up and talk and to be honest it sounds as if she is making you grovel a bit over the top just because you were too tired to meet. On the other hand maybe she is really into you and would have moved the earth to have spent time with you and not allowed been tired to have put her off meeting you, if thats the case she may be feeling really hurt and unwanted.
Dont keep bombarding her with texts, maybe send her one last message saying your sorrry and miss her, but that the ball is in her court now if she wants to contact you.
DO NOT allow this type of behaviour to become a pattern in this or any relationship you have, just because you dont have a lot of experience doesnt mean you should be walked over or always the one having to apologise and crawl. Best of luck

solerina

She has totally overreacted in my opinion, In relationships things have to be reasonably flexible, both people have to be able to give and take. It wasnt as if you stood he up, you explained and said you would make it up to her, she should have understood and given you a chance. If she has created such a fuss about this you need to be very careful in the future, she may expect you to be constantly at her beck and call. Give it time but dont allow her to continue to throw tantrums over such a small issue.

dub_3

My suggestion would be to not use txt when there's any confusion about meanings/feelings. You both end up second guessing each others messages, or lack of them, or time taken to reply.

When you wanted a rain check a phone call would have worked a lot better.

You could have said you were tired and asked how she was, then maybe suggested postponing meeting, or if you were getting vibe that she was feeling put out, then say you would meet her but do something low key as you're really tired.

MissFlitworth

It sounds like what you thought of as fairly casual plans were not casual to her and she was probably very disappointed when you cancelled on her, especially if you text her after college, around the time she would have thought she was meeting up with you.

Nothing like opening a text you think is saying 'I'm round the corner, see you when you're done' and seeing 'can we have a rain check, I'll make it up to you during the week.' To me, so early on in a relationship, that would read a bit like 'I can't be bothered to see you'. She's probably feeling a bit sh1te and licking her wounds right now.

I'd give her a call or drop round to see her, you'll definitely be able to smooth this over (but probably not by text).

She's definitely over-reacting a bit but if, as you've said, you guys are having problems where you are treating her like a friend and not a girlfriend, it's probably just because getting cancelled on stung!

seamus

This isn't going to help, but you're going to make tonnes of little mistakes like this. The important thing is to remember that they're not as big a deal as they are in your head and she's not going to break up with you so long as you recognise the mistake

Yes, she is overreacting, but as others have said, ringing her would be the best course of action to clear up any confusion. Meet her today. Cancel any plans you may have had later on and make an effort. That's all she's looking for.

MissFlitworth

seamus wrote: »

This isn't going to help, but you're going to make tonnes of little mistakes like this. The important thing is to remember that they're not as big a deal as they are in your head and she's not going to break up with you so long as you recognise the mistake

+1 - really good advice! The first few weeks/months of a relationship are choc-ful of accidentally putting your foot in your mouth as you both get used to each other. Don't panic over it Also, it won't always be your fault so don't let panicking over this being your first relationship & a fear of messing it up make you think you're always in the wrong when something goes awry on you. She'll make plenty of mistakes as well!