Younger Meeting Older?

LegacyUser

Hello, firstly i'd just like to clarify i'm not using this as a personal or a hook up thread, i'm just wishing to be pointed in the right direction please. also a sincere apology for my gross naivety.


I'm a 21yr old straight acting, bi-curious guy.
now whilst i'm very inexpeirenced and not-scene i've come across a common road block of trying to find sites, (more specifically Irish sites) that cater for Older straight acting men.

However the thing is, being a young guy, i'm of a narrow framed, athletic and not effiminate in the least but if you were too look at me you would not see me as "masculine"

So from what I get from a few sites i've browse most Older Striaght-acting men seem to being into men of similar traits. Older and Masculine.

Now i know it's not what I am, but who I am that matters, but its hard to get to know people when they turn a blind eye are aspects of your appearance you can't change (not that i would if i could) and I know if they're that kind of inconsiderate person they're not worth it, but you really can help who you're attracted to, and i think we all know that here.

Just wondering does anyone know of a site thats more straigh-acting focused but non age descriminate?

Sattwa69

register and people can message you with an answer.:D

SilverCircle

I actually prefer my men younger. If anything, I find the opposite to your problem. I find it difficult as an "older" gay man to meet younger men i.e. 18-30. I am 50.

pluto2

thats a pity

SilverCircle

What is a pity Pluto?

ongarboy

BTW OP, I think if you advertised a profile in any meetup/dating site using the title of this thread, I should think you would be inundated with offers from older guys (if you are just looking for no strings hook ups/ONSs). Manhunt and Gaydar would be a good port of call as they both have large numbers of Irish based guys. If you are looking for something more meaningful and relationship wise then you would still encouter a fair no of interested parties although I think all single guys looking for Mr Rights of any age face the same challenge of finding same!sorry if this is going OT but out of curiousity, is there a stigma or preconceived notions of any sort in the gay community about more senior gents/ladies going out with much younger gay partners? It seems among the straight community there is an element of assuming the younger partner is a gold digger and the older partner (sugar daddy seeking a trophy partner (the whole what's she doing with him??) . How do both younger and older guys/gals feel about walking into a packed gay bar arm in arm with someone 20+ years older/younger. Would you feel self concious? If I'm honest, I would probably take notice, not because I would find it inappropriate but because it's not something you would see very often. I have one friend who is majorly turned on by guys in their 50s (he is mid 20s) - he's not entirely sure why they turn him on only that he says they have that oomph factor that guys his own age just don't give him!

LegacyUser

Yes as a 20 year old male in to 50+ plus men, i find the whole situation funny as I dont quiet understand why. I have no interest in younger. Is there many else like this??

SilverCircle

Hi Ongarboy. To respond to your question in your post, yes there is a stigma/preconceived notion surrounding younger guys with older partners in the gay "world" (not so sure if it is as pronounced among lesbians). I am 50 and I prefer younger partners. I was in a relationship for 6 years with a guy who was 25 when we met and I was 44. I am single now (unfortunately), nothing to do with age though!

However, I do find it difficult to meet guys on sites such as www.gaydar.ie or www.squirt.org and I have had specific responses from guys that I have approached saying that "you are too old, I would be slagged off if I went with a guy of your age." Which is a pity, because older guys can be and are quite loving and loyal. They are not necessarily boring stick in the muds. Personally I am not a "clubbing" type, but there are lots of things guys can do together for a social life that does not involve clubs etc. I have a certain amount of "success" meeting guys for ONS but I am looking for something more than this and ideally would like to meet a friend/lover/partner.

I do not see a younger partner as a "gold digger" (there is not much gold to dig at the moment, LOL). But I have an ok career, my own place and have a lot to offer in a relationship (IMO). But the problem is getting over the initial difficulty of meeting a guy who is not "ashamed" to be seen with an "older" guy and then allowing a relationship to develop.

Hopefully this attitude will gradually change, once it is discussed more frequently in forums such as this.

Thanks for reading this, although it may be a bit "rambling".

Endymion

Hmm, but you yourself have no interest in older men.

SilverCircle

Not sexually Endymion, no. But i would meet with "older" guys and socialise with them. The point of this thread is that there is a stigma attached to a younger gay guy being in a relationship with an older gay guy where there is a large gap in ages e.g. 15 years or more say. It is not about personal preferences or attractions. Naturally if a particular guy is not attracted to a particualr person, whether he or the subject is younger or older, then there will not be any spark to light a potential relationship. The point of the thread is that there are younger guys who WOULD be attracted to OLDER guys, but do not follow up on it because of this stigma/perceived notion that there is something weird or maybe even perverse in the idea of an older guy being with a younger guy. We are not all pervs, if that is what you are hinting at. Nite.

Endymion

The stigma is founded on the idea that the older person will assert an unfair control over the younger.

SilverCircle

Control???? Unfair control even???? The mind boggles!!

Endymion

Really? It's never crossed your mind that an older person could assert an unhealthy level of control over someone whose potentially seaking out a father/mother figure? I've seen older men prey on younger confused men, as you yourself have no doubt seen. It's unfair to tar everyone with the same brush but you do have to wonder when you see teenagers dating men old enough to be their grandfathers. Alas, you won't do anything to change perceptions if you don't acknowledge why these preceptions exist in the first place, they didn't appear in a vacuum.

Aard

I guess I fit the bill of this thread. I'm early 20s, and my boyfriend is early 40s. We've been together over 3 years after meeting on Gaydar. It was the first time I'd chatted with anyone for more than two messages, and the first time I'd ever met up with somebody from th'internet. Fortunately, we clicked immediately, but I understand that a lot of people can be on dating sites for years without any luck.


The reason I'm with somebody almost twice my age is simply that I don't really find guys my age attractive.

is there a stigma or preconceived notions of any sort in the gay community about more senior gents/ladies going out with much younger gay partners? It seems among the straight community there is an element of assuming the younger partner is a gold digger and the older partner (sugar daddy seeking a trophy partner (the whole what's she doing with him??) .

If I'm a gold digger then I chose the wrong guy! And I wouldn't exactly describe myself as a trophy partner! I can't really answer your question about the "gay community", as I don't go to gay bars.

How do both younger and older guys/gals feel about walking into a packed gay bar arm in arm with someone 20+ years older/younger. Would you feel self concious?

Apart from the fact that we wouldn't be walking arm in arm, nor would we be walking into a gay bar, I wouldn't really feel self conscious. We'd hold hands in the street or something, but then again I think we both have a built-in "dangerous people" sensor so when skangers get close we automatically stop. I'd imagine though that that's not particular to us, but that most gay couples would operate similarly.


Tbh, I think it takes a certain amount of self-confidence in both parties. Often an older guy will be equally "unsure", understandably, about dating a younger guy. In the past, too, I've found that a lot of older guys are just looking for a shag, and have no interest in getting to know the younger guy, assuming we're all brain-dead drop-outs who can't handle a proper relationship. The stigma works both ways.


Another more practical reason for such relationships not working is that older guys are less likely to be out, or if they are they're really cagey about any kind of "being seen in public together", let alone PDAs. They build this wall of "discreteness" around themselves, which isn't practical for anybody.



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@Endymion:
I'm not really sure where you're coming from. Have you ever actually seen "teenagers dating men old enough to be their grandfathers"? I haven't. I think I might have heard about it in the papers once in my life. We're talking here an age gap of around 20 years or so, which is completely different.

And as for the power thing, I would think that it's the younger who would "assert an unhealthy level of control" over the older. Personally, I have never been worried about being controlled!

SilverCircle

Endymion, i do not deny that there is that perception out there. I suggest though that it is wrong in most cases. I am a firm believer in "love". If two people feel that way for each other then they are entitled to enjoy their relationship without "aspersions" being cast on either partner's "motives". Live and let live is an oft used expression when str8 people are asked how they feel about gay people, let that attitude also apply to any couple who decide to be and want to be together irrespective of an age gap.

Aard, thank you for a very well written post. It made me so happy to read it, because sometimes it does get very difficult to keep rising above the negative attitudes to gay people and in particular to "older" gay people. It is comforting to know that there are genuine guys like you out there who are comfortable and confident in their own sexuality. I wish you and your boyfriend continued happiness. (I only wish my relationship had survived and continued. Tá brón orm. )

LegacyUser

OP here

hi, thanks for all the replies.

the thing is, i'm not exactly sure what it is I want at this stage.
Only recently coming to terms with possibly being Bi-sexual.
So while i'm not looking for 'the one' or for long standing relationship, though i'm not closed to the idea.
This is whole ne territory for me, I basically would like to take my time, get comfortable, just talk to people first, get to know someone a little and if things happen, they happen.
And I dont mean that In a No-Strings Attached sense.

I wouldn't be necessarily into the whole clubbing and social scene, i would be more private person (even with girls) though I've no problem being in a regular bar and resturant with an older man.

keepkeyyellow

I'll admit, I've dated older guys and at one stage he was twice my age. Although I've no regrets about any relationship I've had but it can be a bit stifling. Being 19 in college but dating a 27 year old, you feel like you miss out on some things.

All I can say is just make sure the guy is genuine and be safe.

SilverCircle

Hi OP. Dont be alone. Available for chat anytime, and I am NOT hitting on you. LOL.