Want To Fall Into a hole

PTH2009

IM a 21 year old guy and i feel like i want to jump into a hole because valentines day is coming up and even at 21 i have no one. I never had a serious realtionship and my chances of having a family are slim now. I just dont know what to do.

I tried Smooch.com but nobody likes me on that and would feel nervous using others like Plentyoffish and tagged.

I wish god would answer me one question What is wrong with me and How can i improve on it.

I have Education, decent Job and reasnable good looks (when i put the effort in) but wtf am i doing wrong that i cant get a girlfriend. I know the past i had might get me down but thats the past.

Any advice

thesituation51

dude....you're only 21....I know it sucks not having anyone on Valentine's day, especially if your mates are all coupled up, but it's just one day, then relationships go back to not being in so in-your-face. I know LOADS of people your age and older, who have never been in a serious/long term relationship. Honestly, do NOT worry about this. The more you stress about it, the more your feelings of insecurity will come across when you talk to girls, which won't do you any favours. you're better off at your age not being in anything too serious anyway - these are the years to be enjoying yourself. If youre a relationshippy person, i know that it sucks not being in one, but you will be. be patient, and just keep your confidence up - most of the time,being single is no reflection on the person you are, or being good looking or otherwise. these things work out at different times for different people. Chin up!

Contessa Raven

PTH2009 wrote: »

even at 21 i have no one. I never had a serious realtionship and my chances of having a family are slim now.

Now, you know that isn't true. You are 21! You have your whole life to find a lovely woman to settle down with. Assuming you end up with a woman close to you in age that leaves 15-25 years to find her and settle down and have children.
Relax. There's no rush.

Also, Valentines Day is just another Hallmark holiday. IMO, it's one of the most unromantic days of the year. I don't understand the buzz from it. I'd rather my boyfriend did something romantic and special for me on a random day in the year than do it on February 14th just because Hallmark said it's "romantic".

If you think about it the way I do then it's just another day.

PTH2009 wrote: »

I wish god would answer me one question What is wrong with me and How can i improve on it.

There is nothing physically wrong with you. However, I'd say your confidence has a lot to do with it. If you're down then girls will pick up on that and avoid you.

Do you go up to girls and talk to them? If not then perhaps you need to start. It's a trial and error method. But the more practice you get, the better you'll be.

PTH2009 wrote: »

I have Education, decent Job and reasnable good looks (when i put the effort in) but wtf am i doing wrong that i cant get a girlfriend. I know the past i had might get me down but thats the past.

Any advice

If your past gets you down still then maybe it's worth looking into counselling? Like I said girls want a guy who's easy to talk to, who'll make them feel special and beautiful and someone who they can have a laugh with. If you sort through your past and learn how to deal with it, you'll become a bit more confident. That will help you and it will help when it comes to talking to girls.

Best of luck!

tinkerbell

You're only 21 .... give yourself a chance, man! You're still soooo young! Stop worrying about it and feeling sorry for yourself, and just get on with your life. Love will happen when the time is right.

PS
Valentine's Day is stupid anyway - it's the dumbest holiday in existence.

Canluum

PTH2009 wrote: »

I have Education, decent Job and reasnable good looks (when i put the effort in) but wtf am i doing wrong that i cant get a girlfriend.

You're being a desperate needy lump of depressive self-pity, that's why. Seriously, you might as well be walking around having rolled in dog-crap. Wipe it off, it's disgusting.

You'll get rejected, big wah... Stop giving such a sh*t. Learn to take it in your stride and keep going. Fake it 'til you make it. It'll get easier... then if you let it, when it rains it will pour.

And who gives a donkey about valentine's day? It's an invented holiday, mostly for women!

LegacyUser

Jesus OP, you're 21!! I have friends of 26/27/28 who have never been in relationships.
Just relax a bit, try to enjoy life and not dwell on your love life...

LegacyUser

Canluum wrote: »

You're being a desperate needy lump of depressive self-pity, that's why. Seriously, you might as well be walking around having rolled in dog-crap. Wipe it off, it's disgusting.

You'll get rejected, big wah... Stop giving such a sh*t. Learn to take it in your stride and keep going. Fake it 'til you make it. It'll get easier... then if you let it, when it rains it will pour.

Some tough love there, but I agree 100%! Your low self esteem comes across so strongly in your writing, I can only imagine what it's like in real life! I wouldn't go near a man who constantly says 'What's wrong with me' about himself. I wouldn't date a man if I had to mammy him the whole time and say 'there, there'. It really is very unattractive, and would make going out with you seem like hard work. Nobody likes hard work.

But guess what, we all have our insecurities, it doesn't mean we have to go on about it all the time. Most people have a bit of a moan to themselves, dust themsleves down and carry on. That's what you need to do. Don't dwell on your shortcomings (we all have them, we're only human after all!), accentuate the positive. That's what guys who get the girls do!

Above all, start enjoying your life. You're young, you're healthy, you have everything going for you-don't throw it all away on a self pity fest.

tenchi-fan

Agreed, you're only 21.

Stay away from dating sites. I met a girl who told me she uses dating sites.. wow, she's an insecure mess who creates so many problems for herself and blames men for them all.

In fact, stay away from any relationship that primarily involves the internet, facebook messaging or texting.

Zen65

PTH2009 wrote: »

IM a 21 year old guy and i feel like i want to jump into a hole because valentines day is coming up and even at 21 i have no one. I never had a serious realtionship and my chances of having a family are slim now.

Op,

I'm sure you're just having a bad day. Stand back and think about what you've just posted.

So you're 21. I guess it's possible that you might have been looking for a relationship from about 17yrs of age (really anything you're doing before that is just kids' stuff) and most people have a decent chance of maintaining a love life up to age 60. No reason it couldn't go on for longer, but let's accept those ages as approximates for now.

So you have passed though the first 8-9% of your relationship years and you want to throw yourself into a hole? How long have you been feeling like that? If you feel that way you aren't likely to attract anyone's interest (desperation is most unattractive). Every day you mope around feeling sorry for yourself is a day of your life wasted, and life is too short to be wasting days like that. Sports teams who give up 9% of the way through a match where they have not scored never go on to become champions. That's the behaviour of losers.

Stop wallowing in self-pity and do something with yourself. You haven't explained what you meant by your past issues, and in fairness you're right to write that off as being the past. And well done for getting yourself a good education & a good job. But if your aim now is to attract a woman's interest you have to make yourself interesting, not just financially viable.

PTH2009 wrote: »

I have Education, decent Job and reasnable good looks (when i put the effort in)..

This conveys an impression of somebody who really doesn't try that hard to get what they want. Ask yourself the following:

• Do you "put the effort in" regularly? Do you think this is just something to do when you're going out for the night? That kind of thinking / behaviour limits your options because the people you meet by day may also be among the people you meet by night.
• Do you try being optimistic in your outlook generally? Optimism is attractive, pessimism is unattractive. Simple as that!
• Sarcasm counts as pessimism. I mention that just in case you're of the disposition to try being witty by being sarcastic. Don't!
• Do you do anything interesting in your spare time? Nobody wants a relationship with somebody who cannot hold a decent conversation about themselves and their interests. Get off your a*se and join some clubs.
• Do you talk confidently in groups? If not, you should join Toastmasters or some similar group to practise your communication skills. Confident talkers are attractive and interesting.
• Do you think about finding a girlfriend all the time? Stop that; it shows and it's very unattractive.
• Do you ever ask people out on dates? Have you stopped because you got rejected a few times? Everyone gets rejections, get over it. However don't start by asking people you work with out on dates. That's just asking for trouble (yes, there are exceptions.... but ask more than 2 and you'll find yourself having a reputation.... for many years to come)

So in summary Op, stop this feeling-sorry-for-myself nonsense and get out there and play.


Be at peace,

Z

Wompa1

I didn't have my first proper relationship until I was 23 going by most peoples definition of a proper relationship. Don't worry about it fella. You just need some confidence, I'd bet there's something about you that other guys don't have. Most 21 year old guys are lads and are f'kin immature morons, I bet your more mature. So be confident that you are more mature than most guys because girls do like mature guys.
Also bit of advise for talking to girls. I found when I was having problems talking to women in nightclubs or pubs that's theres some general topics that any girl can talk about...TV shows, music, college/work....I'm sure you can have a conversation about those?

Good luck