Coming out.....

prickleberry

Hi I was just wondering if anyone has any coming out advice? I'm out to friends but not family. I really want to tell them but i chicken out everytime. I don't want to do it drunk but think it would make it so much easier.

L.Jenkins

I'm out to my friends but not my family, so I don't know if I'm best to offer advice. I basically sent a few emails and texts then dealt with the aftermath, which was no big deal because they were understanding. Wait for better advice though.

Chuchoter

What age are you?

phic

http://www.scarleteen.com/article/gaydar/dont_let_the_door_hit_you_on_the_way_out

I'm not out to most of my family yet, but I found this article pretty helpful when coming out to my mom! good luck!

prickleberry

crayolastereo wrote: »

What age are you?

19 year old guy

Chuchoter

Well then really all you can do is bite the bullet and do it, there is no easy way round it. I mean every time I tried to come out I would literally feel physically sick for hours before and after. What you could always try is a letter or something. Drunk...I don't know how well that would turn out if it went badly. Its pretty hard to argue your case when your drunk :P

prickleberry

crayolastereo wrote: »

Well then really all you can do is bite the bullet and do it, there is no easy way round it. I mean every time I tried to come out I would literally feel physically sick for hours before and after. What you could always try is a letter or something. Drunk...I don't know how well that would turn out if it went badly. Its pretty hard to argue your case when your drunk :P

Well that's true, just my dad i'm concerned about, I would love to not be living at home when i tell them just in case. Can't afford to move out.

Dr. Baltar

You're the best person to answer your own question. Do your parents know any LGBT people? How do they feel about the issues?

If you're unsure how they feel about gay people I'd throw in the stories (like I used to do) of "my friend John is gay he's sound... we were having a debate about gay marriage and he made a good point". See how your parents react.
I did this for a couple of months to ease them into the idea firstly that there were gay people my own age around and that they were normal people just like their son.

Having been out to my friends for over a year, I decided one day I was gonna do it. So both my parents were there in the front room relaxing and I literally sat down and my Mother asked me what was wrong. I said nothing at all, and after mumbling for a good five minutes I told them I wasn't straight.
In that moment, I felt such relief and peacefulness, I can't describe it. A weight lifted off my shoulders.

We were awkward for a week or two afterwards but now it's fine. Just make sure that you are ready.

prickleberry

Dr. Baltar wrote: »

You're the best person to answer your own question. Do your parents know any LGBT people? How do they feel about the issues?

If you're unsure how they feel about gay people I'd throw in the stories (like I used to do) of "my friend John is gay he's sound... we were having a debate about gay marriage and he made a good point". See how your parents react.
I did this for a couple of months to ease them into the idea firstly that there were gay people my own age around and that they were normal people just like their son.

Having been out to my friends for over a year, I decided one day I was gonna do it. So both my parents were there in the front room relaxing and I literally sat down and my Mother asked me what was wrong. I said nothing at all, and after mumbling for a good five minutes I told them I wasn't straight.
In that moment, I felt such relief and peacefulness, I can't describe it. A weight lifted off my shoulders.

We were awkward for a week or two afterwards but now it's fine. Just make sure that you are ready.

Thanks for that, much appreciated.

Coeurdepirate

You should start with a sibling if you have any, in my experience anyway, my older brother was incredibly accepting and supporting.

giveth

I would think of everything that you want people to know and write it down so that you have it clear in your head. When I came out, there was a lot more I wanted to tell people other than just "I'm gay". For example, I wanted to reassure my parents that I have always been happy and always will be (Because I thought that would have been a worry for them). Anything like that, I would write it down so you know what to say.

Best of luck with it. While it is probably one of the more difficult things you'll do in life, I think for almost everyone it is a very positive experience. If you're finding it difficult to work up the courage, I would think more about how good it will be after coming out rather than the coming out process itself. It is really such a relief and you can just be completely open and honest with people.

And for all the family/friends I have told, their reaction has been really great and positive. Hope it goes as well for you.

Aishae

for some, its easier than others to just blurt it out casually. only you can know whats best with your folks. im close to mine. but even i was afraid of telling them,

so follow your heart and let your head do the talking. i think seeking their reaction to stories is a good idea and it eases them into it

prickleberry

Thanks for the advice people, really helped me. I decided i'm going to tell siblings first and then the parents eeeek. I'm really ready to do this and I think everything should go ok. Can't stand hiding something from my family everyday, It makes me physically sick to keep it from them. I'd prob prefer to say it without being drunk but I know if i'm drunk around them i'll blurt it out.

Coeurdepirate

prickleberry wrote: »

Thanks for the advice people, really helped me. I decided i'm going to tell siblings first and then the parents eeeek. I'm really ready to do this and I think everything should go ok. Can't stand hiding something from my family everyday, It makes me physically sick to keep it from them. I'd prob prefer to say it without being drunk but I know if i'm drunk around them i'll blurt it out.

Good luck, but before you do it you should realise that it likely will be a suprise to them and it'll be something that they'll need time to adjust to.

tara king

Hello...i know its a very difficult thing for you to do...But talking from a parents view...I think you could be very surprised at their reaction to your'' coming out''
Most parents want whats best for their children..& if they had to choose between you coming in & telling them you are gay...or you coming in & telling them you have a serious illness...guess which one they would prefer...
Your sexual prefrences are your own business & you havnt changed from the Son you have always been to them....You are still the same as you were yesterday & the day before....Ok...they may be a little disappointed that you will never take a wife or give them grandchildren...But Things & times are changing....Tg for that...My advice is take the bull by the horns & tell them before you tell your siblings..that way they wont feel they are the last to know....
Remember your parents Love you & only want your happiness,Go for it & do it sober..Best of luck:)

Aishae

i told my folks not long after i figured it out for myself - and when i did they told me theyd known for years. so baasically they knew i was bi before i did. so it can be surprising how theyll react