How to meet people!

fifomania

An age old topic I know!
I'm stuck in a rut!
I'm a mature student at college and my social life for the past while has consisted of college nights out i.e. nights out in student clubs with 18/19 year olds! I've gotten a bit tired of this, it's not a good way to meet people or talk to people, especially people my own age! People my age are all working or living abroad, they don't go out at all! Some of my fellow mature students never want to go out either.
I know the pub is the dominant social scene in Ireland but I find this difficult too, for example many men can go out alone to pubs but I feel I can't do this, it's incredibly lonely and desperate!
I don't have anyone to join groups with and the groups that I have joined have consisted of 18/19 year olds or 50/60 year olds! I'm just wondering where all the 20 somethings are? working? at home?
I heard a reader on ray darcy's show one morning saying she was in the same dilemma, noone socialises outside their own group and people seem to have enough friends and don't want anymore!

Where are you based?

Stheno

moved from tLL

LegacyUser

From just reading the threads here there seems to be a lot of people in this situation. I myself have a fairly limited social circle at the moment, I'm mid 20s, female, dublin, and it's largely due to the amount of my friends who have emigrated, are travelling or others that are in long term relationships and just dont seem to have as much interest in going out doing things as I would.

There seems to be a distinct lack of ways to meet new people at this age, a lot of people don't make an effort, perhaps they have enough friends and don't need any more or whatever, but its very frustrating because I'd like to meet new people and I can't figure out a way to do it best!

mood

It's not just that age group. I find it harder now (early 30s) as most people I know are in long term relationships, getting married, having kids etc. Being shy make is all the more hard. People (in the other threads) are making suggestions but I don't think many of them have experience of being shy etc.

Dravokivich

a lot of the forums here have meetups every now and then. from what i've noticed going to them is the age range is generally 20's to 40's for the most part.

mainly mid late 20's at that.

if any of the forums with something you are interested have a meet up organised, i'd recommend trying that.

i'm terrible at getting out and getting to know new people myself. but i've made a few friends here doing that.

LegacyUser

Dravokivich wrote: »

a lot of the forums here have meetups every now and then. from what i've noticed going to them is the age range is generally 20's to 40's for the most part.

mainly mid late 20's at that.

if any of the forums with something you are interested have a meet up organised, i'd recommend trying that.

i'm terrible at getting out and getting to know new people myself. but i've made a few friends here doing that.

I agree it's a good idea in theory but given I'm very shy I just wouldn't be able to head to one of those alone and start chatting, very daunting

Dravokivich

to be honest, it was for me at first as well, but through out the meet up it got easier.

i didnt know anyone going to it and i'm usually kinda rigid around people i don't really know.

but sure thats just one idea from what's around here on this site.

Klingon Hamlet

www.plentyoffish.com isn't jsut a dating site, it's for meeting like-minded folk for friendship, try it out, ya never know!

FleurBelle

I feel like this also, stuck in a rut! Like a previous poster said, it's largely due to close friends gone traveling/to work abroad/in long term relationships. I am barely mid-twenties and a very sociable person so it's quite frustrating having a lack of people to hang out with!

I'd like to meet new people too, I always hear the expression of how the best friends you make in life are made in school/college...I really hope that isn't true as I am past that stage!

Up-n-atom!

Oh god, this sounds like me too! Maybe we should all meet up and start something! Majority of my friends are in relationships and we don't really go out anymore (just to cinema and each other's houses)...recession doesn't really help with people being able to afford to go out either. I'm only in my mid-20s too, it's like, where do I go from here?! I want to try to go to some of the drinks/meetings some of the forums on boards arrange, but it can be difficult esp at weekends because I live a little bit outside Dublin and I can't get in and out late at night!

I joined Couchsurfing.org a while back too - they seem to have lots of different activities/meet-ups/nights out-type things in Dublin, but, again, it's awkward for me due to where I live. I've met up with people through it abroad however, and it was a really nice way to socialise.

I'd like to meet new people too, I always hear the expression of how the best friends you make in life are made in school/college...I really hope that isn't true as I am past that stage!

All the new friends I've met in the last couple of years have been through travelling - it seems much harder to meet new friends when in Ireland.
I'd like to meet new people too, I always hear the expression of how the best friends you make in life are made in school/college...I really hope that isn't true as I am past that stage! Today 11:56

LegacyUser

Looks like there's a lot of people in this boat, wish there was a specific meet up for mid twenties first timers! I'd have fears of going to a beers night or somethin alone and everybody there already knowing each other, I'm not outgoing enough for that kind of scenario!

On the couchsurfing... I was talking to a guy about that in a pub a few weeks ago randomly, had never heard of it before, it does sound like a great idea and the guy I was talking to seemed like a really nice guy too.

Up-n-atom!

I dunno, I wouldn't have too many issues with going to a boards meet-up or something similar where people already knew each other - sure, there'd be the possibility that you could feel a bit left out if they were all matey and had history, but sometimes it's nice when there's a bit of a chatty atmosphere already, rather than have to awkwardly break the ice...I'd have far more reservations walking up to strangers when I'm out by myself, you have to break the ice and find common ground - at least with meet-ups and such people are there coz they're already open-minded about talking with new people!

FleurBelle

Yeah I've noticed that too, it's a lot easier to get chatting to people abroad...not sure what it is about Ireland?! I suppose when you're at home you are in a routine of seeing the same faces and so it's harder to widen your social circle. But as another poster said, sometimes it does seem that when people have their group of friends they are happy with that and not too bothered meeting new people! Would be great to meet some like-minded people, just not sure how!

There's no way I'd turn up to a beers session where everyone knew everyone, and I'm definitely not shy!

LegacyUser

FleurBelle wrote: »

Yeah I've noticed that too, it's a lot easier to get chatting to people abroad...not sure what it is about Ireland?!

I previously moved abroad for College and in the last 4 years have moved back. Since then many of my mates have moved abroad etc.

Now I have picked up one or two folks since that I can have a laugh and be social with, even a Significant other and I find my social life is returning.

While abroad in college (for the last 2 years of a Honors degree so i was mid 20's) I still found it easy enough to meet new like minded people and have made good friends there.

When I came back I noticed it takes a longer time to get into "the friend zone" with people here in Ireland.

One thing that I found helped was that I went to meet ups and Club nights of things I was interested in. True I did not know everyone, but I gradually found my place and things got easier.

TLDR: go to meet ups or Sports clubs or any place you can to meet like minded people. Its a bit slower but you will meet folks soon enough.

FleurBelle wrote: »

There's no way I'd turn up to a beers session where everyone knew everyone, and I'm definitely not shy!

It is hard alright, best to start slow and get to know people gradually. Have known others in a similar situation to try push their way into a circle only to be left out.