Not getting along with people vs. being walked on

LegacyUser

Hi,
So here's my question. I have a core group of friends who I'd do anything for, say maybe 5 people tops (besides my family of course). They are good friends who have been through thick and thin.

On the other hand I find myself disliking or not wanting to really associate with many other people that much. I tolerate some, I'll be firendly to others if I see them and some just downright annoy me.

Sometimes I think I alienate myself a bit by doing that. I just don't go miles out of my way to be someones friend unless I think they're worth it. The reason being I think people are too wrapped up in themselves and people like to gossip a lot, that kinda stuff. You rarely find someone who'll go out of their way for you or won't let you down.

Just some examples lately. So we used to be a big group of about 15 people who all knew each other and when people made plans to do different things, they's usually text or email the group to let them know and stuff like that.
As with any group you eventually get a little bitchiness. So last year I hear 2 of the guys have started a rumour that I was scoring a girl in the group, this of course didn't sit well with 2 other guys who liked her, fair enough. So people star being odd towards the two of us. As it happens, I didn't which is what annoys me. I didn't do it but one of them started a rumour I was trying it on one night in a pub. So anyway, I've pretty much distanced myself from those few guys starting rumours and a few others who got bitchy even when I said it wasn't true. I didn't start any arguements, I just stopped hanging around with them, I don't really want much to do with someone trying to start something for their own amusement.

I just don't want to bend over backwards to be part of this group if people would rather act like this.

Then the girl in question and I have distanced ourselves due to this. Again, not a falling out, but while I would rather just stay away from people like this, she bends over backwards to accomodate them, like she owes them something or is desperate for their friendship. I just don't understand doing this, yes you have more friends but not real ones or ones that respect you or are there for you.

In other cases. My last housemates, no falling out but we just didn't match. My female housemate would just sit and watch TV every night before I got home and really wasn't a very chatty person. I tried my best for a while but then just gave up sitting trying to make awkward conversation with no responce and watching soaps when I'd like to watch a match.
So I bought a TV for my room and often just went out to play sports or watch a game in the pub instead of hanging around the livingroom in boredom. So the next thing I hear back is that she has told people I hide in my room for long periods of time and do some other weird stuff... again, I didn't start a fight, I just got out of there when my lease was up and although I still see her, I just don't bother myself.

I get on better with my current house mate but his girlfriend just winds me up. She comes over nearly every night and has the run of the place. He is a very nice guy but she controls him so much, I just don't like how he's changed, its just not him. But mainly my problem was that the first time I went drinking with them she said some really nasty things about my own girlfriend and I just plain didn't like it. My roomie is very addament for me to like her but she just sort of annoys me, I make an effort for his sake but even that is getting old the more she comes around the pout on our couch and stuff.

Is it weird? I mean, I don't deliberately fall out with people or cause arguements but if someone is going to be odd, bitchy, weird, I just distance myself and do my own thing. But I see some people going out of their way to be friends with everyone. The type where you see everyone invited to everything and people posting all of these posed pictures from nights out with everyone they can find. I just find it all so fake. It's all a front and I just can't be bothered with it. My good friends are people I spend a lot of time with and would die for, but beyond that, why bend over backwards and be walked on if people are going to let you down. If they do it once and you come running back, they'll know they can do it again and again.

LegacyUser

I can identify with your situation, I wouldn't be making time for or an effort with people such as the ones you've distanced yourself from.

However, maybe you should talk about things a bit more rather than immediately distancing yourself from people. You'd be better off as some things are just misunderstandings that get blown out of proportion.

You sound like you're good at making an effort with people in general though and I think thats good, there are lots of people who don't make an effort at all with anyone and it's always good to get to know new people. I know a good few people who'd be part of a night out type social circle but I wouldn't see or hear much from them apart from that. I'd love to have a proper friendship with some of these but nobody makes the effort (including myself admittedly, but that's mainly because I've known them like this for so long now that they'd just think I was weird if I started getting more friendly!)