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Who I Am

  • 26-01-2011 10:44pm
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    I just want to preface this as more of a statement of self than looking for advice, but of course any advice or encouragement is entirely welcomed and appreciated.

    I'm a male in my late 20's, and I've decided to look honestly and harshly at what causes my sustained inability to be happy in this life. For me, this is my awkward and confused sexuality.

    I'm not sure "what" I am, but I've also decidedly realised that I don't really care anymore. Sexuality and self-respect go hand in hand. I've never been comfortable with my sexual preference, since I've had a rather confusing introduction to it. At almost 30, i've had two sexual partners. I don't regret this, nor do I feel I should have more, or aim to have more. This composition is a statement of realisation rather than setting of a resolution.

    Outwardly, I am straight. All my friends (I think) would see me as a straight man, perhaps one who is timid or uninterested towards women. Inside, I find myself attracted to both females and males. My sexual preference, in a purely sexual way, directs towards men. I have a sexual attraction to women, but it is more latent. This is the confusing part, which I now want to start to make peace with.

    I've never been able to really understand my lack of interest towards women. Growing up, I have always found women attractive. I had a long-term girlfriend, and we had a healthy sexual relationship. Before this, I had a boyfriend, where we had a mainly sexual relationship. In fact, my formative teenage years and introduction to sex would have been with a fellow teenage male.

    At this point in my life, I now need to admit to myself that i'm not "just straight" or "just might be gay". I am whatever I am. Putting a arbitrary label on that just leads to confusion and damage to my own self-respect. I don't feel a need to "come out". I admit I would be apprehensive to do this, since this would label me and create gossip, and hurtful feelings. That is something I probably need to overcome. I know my close friends would be supportive in this.

    But, I won't deny this anymore. I won't tell myself anything, or be annoyed or disappointed in myself. I will simply remind myself that this is who I am, whoever I am.

    And i'm ok with that.


Comments

  • #2
    eddison
    Closed Accounts Posts: 164 ✭✭eddison


    Hi,

    Are you analysing a little too much? You have plenty of time to worry, so just enjoy life. Do you know how to have fun? If you do, then go and have lot, and lots. Ok your gay. ok your straight, ok your bi, ok your not interested at all.
    Life is for living, and not wondering- you seem to have your health, and that is so precious. The most important thing in our lives is not our parents, or our partners, or even children. The most important thing in our lives is our bodies.
    Be at peace with yourself, be kind to yourself.


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