Does personality count

LegacyUser

Hi Ladies, I'm a 28 year old male and I'd like some female opinions on something, I'm 6'2 and overweight, I'm often told that i'm a nice person but I just don't seem to have any luck in getting beyond friendship with women, I have plenty of women friends that I get on very well with so i've no problem talking to women,
( I know that you can't answer for all women, I'm just looking for individual opinions) Is personality all that matters when you look at a man for more than friendship or is being overweight an instant turn off. Thanks in advance,

I'm asking here because I know friends don't want to hurt my feelings and I'd like some honest opinions

Stheno

Moved from tLL

Black Swan

hopefull101 wrote: »

Hi Ladies, I'm a 28 year old male and I'd like some female opinions on something, I'm 6'2 and overweight

I do daily strenuous exercise, watch my diet, and am consequently fit, and appreciate lads that are into fitness too. Losing weight and becoming fit may not be the total answer, but a good place to start?

booboo88

Yes personality and sense of humour do count, personally i'd rather a guy over weight with personality than a slim dull guy

Personality does count.
But looks count too.

It depends how overweight you're talking. There's being overweight and then there's being so overweight that channel 4 wants to make a documentary about you. If a guy was so overweight he couldn't/wouldn't leave the house, was very lazy etc, then not a chance. I'm going to assume you're not in that extreme a situation. (and apologies if you are, I don't mean to be insensitive)

But personally at 6 foot 2 I wouldn't be put off by a guy being overweight if he had a good personality. I find that guys over 6 foot can be attractive regardless of how much weight they carry, once they're confident about it. In fact I generally amn't attracted to thin guys.

I'm about 5 foot 7, which isn't that tall, but nearly all the girls I'd go on nights out with are tiny petite little things that when I stand next to them make me feel like a big man-giant. You have the advantage of making girls like me feel petite, and you should use this to your advantage. Girls really respond to guys who make them giggle, feel girly etc, so try to use your size to your advantage. Obviously, I should agree with Black Swan and advise for your health that you look into getting fitter, but as far as getting girls go, you've got nothing to worry about

Cheap Thrills!

It depends.

Personality for me definitely counts.

But if you're finding your personality on it's own is not enough to attract a mate then it could be time to think about losing some weight. It can't do any harm anyway.

Jenneke87

The most lovely guy I've ever been with was quite overweight.....looks do count but so does personality. A pretty face and body is not going to keep anyone satisfied for long if you can't have a decent conversation with it, share your troubles or a good laugh about something together.

Chuchoter

hopefull101 wrote: »

Hi Ladies, I'm a 28 year old male and I'd like some female opinions on something, I'm 6'2 and overweight, I'm often told that i'm a nice person but I just don't seem to have any luck in getting beyond friendship with women, I have plenty of women friends that I get on very well with so i've no problem talking to women,
( I know that you can't answer for all women, I'm just looking for individual opinions) Is personality all that matters when you look at a man for more than friendship or is being overweight an instant turn off. Thanks in advance,

I'm asking here because I know friends don't want to hurt my feelings and I'd like some honest opinions

Theres your problem. Personality counts but so does looks. For me its like 60:40 personality:looks. If I'm not attracted to someone I'm not going out with them.

Stu

Usually, the initial impression people get of you OP is how you look and hold yourself. If you look fit and dress well you will attract women no problem regardless of your height. After that its up to you to show a bit of personality and charm but unfortunately a hot looking women who looks after herself is most likely going to be looking for the same in a guy.

Mind you, women are not as shallow about looks as men are in my opinion and if you have a good personality it might be the case that you are not putting out the signals that you like a particular girl and end up in the friend zone.

At 6 feet 2 you should be scoring no problem even if you are overweight. Maybe you need to start flirting with and paying compliments to women you find attractive. In the meantime you could hit the gym and get rid of the excess weight if its bothering you.

I look after myself heath wise and have never been as fit as i am now aged 33 and as a consequence i am getting more female attention than i ever got in my 20's and off much younger women so if that doesn't inspire you to hit the gym i don't know what will.

unreggd

I dont think it matters what women look for in this case

I dont wanna sound harsh, but if your 6ft 2 and overweight, you most likely need to exercise more and really clean up your diet

You'll look and feel better, which will prob give you a confidence boost = personality boost

I dont think anyone goes for one or the other, its mostly a mix of the 2

Firetrap

Depending on how overweight you are, it can be unfortunately I'm not saying that is always the case but it can be.

LegacyUser

For me, personality defo wins out over looks. But a few things about that:

1. There has to be an initial spark, to make someone see 'potential bf/gf' rather than friends - maybe you need to slim down to increase your chances in that regard? Or maybe it is down to confidence/how you come across? (not meaning to be harsh there!)
2. I've really really fancied someone ... and then they open their mouth - and boom! Attraction gone.
3. I've also not been too pushed about someone ... and got to know them, and if the personality thing really clicks, they become far more attractive - but this bit is always with somone that I've got to know at least a bit; not just in a pub/club a night out.

So I think that personality really does win out - but perhaps on a more longish term basis. Sounds like you need to create more chances to let that happen for you - whether that's a bit of getting fitter/healthier/losing weight - or maybe the way you approach things, I dunno!

The very best of luck OP, I hope you things go well for you in the future!

unreggd

Also, I think looking after yourself physically is a personality trait people like

thefeatheredcat

personality, values and being beautiful on the inside would win me over. It's more about the person than looks for me, as long as there was attraction/spark and chemistry there too.

being over weight wouldn't be a deal breaker or major issue, as long as they're secure in themselves for who they are. And if they're insecure about their weight, I would be more concerned that they're either accepting themselves physically and being secure or doing something positive about it to gain their own security, but as long as not living in denial about it if it's an issue.

Distorted

Extremely overweight to the point of obese might be a turn off to some. A few extra pounds I doubt would put many women off, particularly if the guy has an interesting and kind personality. But there are plenty of overweight women out there, so for one of them to turn down an overweight man for being overweight would be hypocritical?

Wompa1

As a guy who's been put through the mill. Personality will only count if you get to a courting stage but to get there the girl has to be attracted to you. I lived with a few lads that had little to no personality and would get a lot of women, mostly for short relationships because once they got past the guys looks they were out the door. But those relationships and one night stands just boosted those guys egos and cockiness. One of them hooked up with a couple of girls by literally kicking them up the ass in a night club and looking away, then the girl would go confront them and a few minutes later kiss the face off them. Another one would talk work and how much he makes, in a nightclub to a stranger! And it would work most times!

I have a friend who was about the same height as you and a bit overweight and really struggled to get girls. He went on a crazy strict diet, lost over 5 stone and now is batting them off with a stick. So in my opinion women are interested mainly in looks..then personality if a lousy personality comes through a few months in

Elle Collins

hopefull101 wrote: »

Is personality all that matters when you look at a man for more than friendship or is being overweight an instant turn off.

Sorry but the only situation in which personality will be the only deciding factor is when women are looking for platonic friendship only. When it comes to relationships (of which physical intimacy is a big part) women look for both a lively and intriguing personality and a strong sexual attraction. For most women, myself included, obesity is an instant turn off and a man would not even get as far as being considered relationship material if he had a significant weight problem.

This situation is obviously affecting you negatively otherwise you wouldn't be posting here about it, so my advice is that it's time to moderate your food, make sure what you do eat his healthy and non-fattening, and hit the gym. It's hugely empowering when you see those lbs melt off, so go ahead and, like the Nike people say, just do it! Best of luck to you.

Pluck81

Alright Man

I am in the same boat as you. I had a thread on here a few weeks ago about a similar topic. You are lucky with your height as I am only 5 ft 8 I can look like a human beach ball sometimes:D. You should try and lose some of the weight. I shed 3 stone last year just from power walking every day. I am still fairly big but I see it as a work in progress. If you work up a sweat it actually makes you feel better about yourself. I also have low self esteem but have been gradually becoming more confident as I lose the pounds. I have been told that I am a genuine guy with a good personality like you were. Here is a tip that I learned about women. THEY LOVE CONFIDENCE If you walk into a place with your head held high and shoulders back, believe me the ladies will notice. I am hardly a love god but since I have been acting more confidently on nights out, people pick up on it and are drawn to it. It is amazing who you can meet by just doing this. I was even hit on by a man on saturday night and believe me I am no oil painting. It is all about being comfortable in your own skin:)

Good Luck Man

solovely

I've just been asked out on a date by an overweight guy and was debating the same question in my own head.

I didn't have much conversation with him, and I don't really fancy him (yet) but think there was enough there to (or not enough lacking) to warrant a date.

But to be honest, the weight thing would be a bit of an issue, not because I'm shallow or obsessed with looks or anything like that, but personally I think weight can say a lot about the type of person you are. I know that's very judgmental so shoot me. But I am very into my fitness and what I eat, and for me to see a guy who is lazy, who doesn't have self control, determination, etc. would be personality traits that I just couldn't go for. I know some people really struggle with their weight, and try really hard, so this doesn't apply to everyone. And I would like to think I'd give everyone the benefit of the doubt before jumping to this conclusion.

But if I saw a guy shovelling burgers or sitting on his ass with a remote control surrounded by crisps, I have to say it would be a real turn off! So it'll be interesting to see where he suggests for the date...

Fluorescence

I'm going to be really annoying here and say... it depends. If we've been friends for a while and we click a lot, I might go out with a guy solely for his personality. BUT: looks do count. A few extra lbs are not the end of the world, and generally will bother no-one except active people who need active partners. However a significant weight problem will put a lot of people off at first. If they got to know you they mightn't care, but tbh unless there's a strong sexual interest there you won't really get too far with the vast majority of people.

I'll tell you a personal story: I was friends with this guy for ages, and we got along really well. It was great. I knew he liked me, but I didn't really like him back the same way. However, when he eventually asked me out, I said "Yes" because I was trying to prove to myself that I wasn't shallow. In the end, I cancelled because it wasn't fair on him - I didn't feel a sexual attraction to him and without that there would be no point in persuing anything.

So, what I guess I'm trying to say is that while a little extra weight won't put most people off (in fact they prob don't notice), a significant amount might very well do so. It's just the way most people are - they can't force an attraction if there isn't one there. If this bothers you, you could look into losing some weight. It will be good for your health and could improve your love life too It's important to be confident in yourself too; I can safely say that a man who isn't self-assured and is looking for validation and reassurance all the time is extremely unattractive to me.

Wompa1

I was with a girl before that was a bit more than just a tad overweight but I was actually attracted and kept attracted for a few months by her personality....then the personality started to show through as just immaturity which then left absolutely nothing to be admired and things ended very fast. The physical end of things wasn't so bad either but I think she enjoyed that more than I did...

annetted

hiya
well you are a fine tall fella which most women like. overweight can mean lots of things - like do you have a bit extra on the tummy or does your weight actually stop you doing things.

personality is so important and i think it always wins out. but if you feel being overweight is getting in the way of your happiness, i guess you should try and do something about it. we are our own biggest critics - so go easy on yourself..

get out and about and enjoy 2011 and see what happens

Stu

I think "Solovely" made a good point there. When you see somebody of the opposite sex who is overweight or badly groomed it sends out the message that you lack self control or are a bit lazy or plain just don't love yourself enough to look after your health although this isn't always the case.

As a guy who looks after himself, why would i be attracted to a couch potato, sure what would we have in common if its obvious we live completely different lifestyles.

At the end of the day men and women are always judging each other from the moment they lay eyes on each other so all we can do is try to look our best so we can give ourselves the best chance of meeting our ideal partner.

LegacyUser

For me it is the whole package - not one factor. I have to like their personality, find them attractive and see compatibilities in character and lifestyle. Personality alone is no better than looks alone. Both do not a good relationship make. I know lots of guys with great personalities who I have no interest in dating. The good thing is that everyone has different ideas of what makes up the whole package for them. Someone may see you as the whole package. Obsesity may bring with it health issues, sedentary lifestyle, poor nutritional habits, lack of confidence or poor self-esteem, mental health issues, etc...and therefore is often not part of many people's idea of the whole package. Some people are fine with extra weight and all that comes with it, others aren't.

prinz

hopefull101 wrote: »

Hi Ladies, I'm a 28 year old male and I'd like some female opinions on something, I'm 6'2 and overweight..

Lose the excess weight for your own sake. It's healthier, you'll feel better, and your confidence will get a boost... as for your other question yes personality counts for a awful lot. As for when you lose the weight, I'd be wary of any woman you already know (who would have no romantic interest previously) who suddenly starts paying attention.

LegacyUser

It's the op here, I appreciate the honest answers, I suppose I already had a fair idea what people would say but seeing it written down in front of me has made me decide that even though I'm trying to loose weight that I'm going to have to try harder!!

To me the most beautiful part of a woman is her smile, but making a woman smile and laugh and showing her respect and honesty doesn't seem to get me anywhere, I have noticed that lads that are normal weight or lads that talk bull$#!t and treat women badly seem to be the ones with the most luck but I don't want to change who I am.

I'm going to give my best shot to loose some weight and if I don't then I've no one to blame but myself, Thanks again to everyone that took the time to answer!!!!

Wompa1

hopefull101 wrote: »

It's the op here, I appreciate the honest answers, I suppose I already had a fair idea what people would say but seeing it written down in front of me has made me decide that even though I'm trying to loose weight that I'm going to have to try harder!!

To me the most beautiful part of a woman is her smile, but making a woman smile and laugh and showing her respect and honesty doesn't seem to get me anywhere, I have noticed that lads that are normal weight or lads that talk bull$#!t and treat women badly seem to be the ones with the most luck but I don't want to change who I am.

I'm going to give my best shot to loose some weight and if I don't then I've no one to blame but myself, Thanks again to everyone that took the time to answer!!!!

Cool. Good for you OP. I know some people on Weight Watchers that loose a tonne of weight my friend that lost 5 stone actually did it himself. He changed his eating habbits, he seemed to be starving at the start of it but the body will adjust and suddenly the smaller portions are enough and anything more is too much.

My ex girlfriend had lost over 3 stone on Weight Watchers, she didn't go to the classes either, she went for a while, got the info and then stopped going. It depends on your personality and how driven you are.

I'm sure you know what you have to do.

I'm a little plump at the moment myself, I'm fine weight wise but lack of excercise has given me a belly. I got a rowing machine at X-mas in Argos, very cheap. If you look up online you'll see what areas each machine works out. The rowing machine seems to tone the muscle and work out legs and arms. Could be a cheap alternative to a gym, plus I know friends that are too self concious to go to gyms so it would be good in that case too.

I know you didn't ask for any advise on that but figured I'd sound off on it anyway, hope some of that is helpful. Good luck again.

Cheeky_gal

Initially - looks do count.

But then they don't...

Personally speaking, I think most girls are shallow, I could be wrong but majority of my girl mates wouldn't go out with a guy who's overweight. Having said that if I was a guy I wouldn't want to go out with a girl who's that shallow minded anyways!

If I was in a club and an overweight guy approached me I'd still talk to him out of manners, and if I found him to make me laugh/smile then I defo wouldn't hesitate to say yes if he asked me out on a date.

As another poster said "whats better? a skinny dull guy or a friendly humourous overweight guy?" - defo the latter OP!

Flaunt it Mr

Stu

OP, don't be too hard on yourself. Remember, women can afford to smug in their 20s and dismiss guys because of their weight or because you aren't ticking all their boxes but by the time they get into their 30's most women are way past their best and are having to compete with younger more attractive women for a mans attention. As a guy you'll only be coming into your prime in the next few years and the shoe will be on the other foot and if you get yourself fit you'll be fighting them off from age 18 to 50. Good luck with everything OP.

Corkblowin

Stu wrote: »

women can afford to smug in their 20s.... by the time they get into their 30's most women are way past their best and are having to compete with younger more attractive women for a mans attention.

Hope you're wearing your helmet stu!!! Theres going to be bricks flying your way.

Fairly sweeping condemnation of women in both their 20's and 30's. What is the perfect age then?

prinz

Corkblowin wrote: »

Hope you're wearing your helmet stu!!! Theres going to be bricks flying your way. Fairly sweeping condemnation of women in both their 20's and 30's. What is the perfect age then?

Stu's got a point. It's common especailly amongst younger generations these days to look for perfection. That's rarely if ever going to work. If you spend your life waiting for Mr/Ms Right, you may end up waiting a long, long time, despite what Hollywood would have you believe.

Stu

Yeah, i expect a few women won't be happy with what i said but thats my personal opinion. I think a women is in her prime around her mid to late 20's but a guy can be in his prime into his late 30's in my opinion if he looks after himself. There are some stunning looking women in their 30's but they are few and far between in my opinion.

booboo88

OP don't ever change just to satisfy someone else, cuz you wont! I know from experience!
Live live, be jolly, Join a group for something YOU like, you could meet someone with a common interest

but definitly, personality is number one. Alot of my boyfriends were over weight, which I never hap a problem with, they made me laugh and that was good enough for me