Too honest

LegacyUser

K in hindsight this is a small issue but i'd like peoples opinions nonetheless. Been seeing the most gorgeous guy for the last 4 months, I love him and he loves me. Everything is super get on great with him and his family, just one thing niggling. My family are very private people and don't tend to tell everyone our business, which I have to say gets to me some times not that I want to tell people my business, but the whole "under the rug" attitude. My bfs family are the polar opposite. I've told my bf some very personal stuff about me because I believe in being open and honest with him and want him to be involved in my life and know who I am. BUT he's told family member some stuff i've told him, and the family often tell me personal stuff about relatives. I'm not entirely comfortable with him doing this and don't know if it's just because i'm not used to it or i'm just making a big deal out of nothing? Should I say something to him?

Wompa1

Am I being silly? wrote: »

K in hindsight this is a small issue but i'd like peoples opinions nonetheless. Been seeing the most gorgeous guy for the last 4 months, I love him and he loves me. Everything is super get on great with him and his family, just one thing niggling. My family are very private people and don't tend to tell everyone our business, which I have to say gets to me some times not that I want to tell people my business, but the whole "under the rug" attitude. My bfs family are the polar opposite. I've told my bf some very personal stuff about me because I believe in being open and honest with him and want him to be involved in my life and know who I am. BUT he's told family member some stuff i've told him, and the family often tell me personal stuff about relatives. I'm not entirely comfortable with him doing this and don't know if it's just because i'm not used to it or i'm just making a big deal out of nothing? Should I say something to him?

In future if you have something you want to remain between you make him aware. I am somewhat similar to him. I don't see the point of hiding thing, ya know if your hiding things that means your ashamed of who you are and what you're doing. But sure everyone is different. I think people that like to remain secretive are the one's who thrive on other peoples gossip. If you're honest there's no gossip

LegacyUser

Wompa1 wrote: »

In future if you have something you want to remain between you make him aware. I am somewhat similar to him. I don't see the point of hiding thing, ya know if your hiding things that means your ashamed of who you are and what you're doing. But sure everyone is different. I think people that like to remain secretive are the one's who thrive on other peoples gossip. If you're honest there's no gossip

I'm not ashamed of who I am but I have some family stuff that is very personal to me that i'm not ready to discuss with everyone as it's a sensitive issue with me. People are entitled to privacy.

sbsquarepants

Wompa1 wrote: »

In future if you have something you want to remain between you make him aware. I am somewhat similar to him. I don't see the point of hiding thing, ya know if your hiding things that means your ashamed of who you are and what you're doing. But sure everyone is different. I think people that like to remain secretive are the one's who thrive on other peoples gossip. If you're honest there's no gossip

I copmpletely disagree. I don't like people knowing my business especially people i barely know. I'm not ashamed of anything at all, not even remotely so, but if i want someone to know something, it's down to me to tell them, i wouldn't be too happy if my girlfriend went and blurted everything i told her to her family, even though i have no problem with them knowing anything in particular.

Wompa1

Just giving my opinion. I've got family issues but I'd be open enough about them because I rather have them out there and distance myself rather than hide them and have people find out for themselves and then draw their own conclussions. I come from a pretty small town so that kind of gossip is fodder.

curlzy

Hey OP,

That would drive me nuts. You have a constitutional right to privacy, it may not be important to everyone but it certainly seems important to you. I would be the same, I'd be very unimpressed if my bf told people my private business, even if it was his family, actually that would probably be worse! If I were you I would sit my boyfriend down and tell him that he's betraying my trust by passing on my private business and I don't want it happening again.

LegacyUser

curlzy wrote: »

Hey OP,

That would drive me nuts. You have a constitutional right to privacy, it may not be important to everyone but it certainly seems important to you. I would be the same, I'd be very unimpressed if my bf told people my private business, even if it was his family, actually that would probably be worse! If I were you I would sit my boyfriend down and tell him that he's betraying my trust by passing on my private business and I don't want it happening again.

I genuinely don't think he means anything by it. They just seem to have a very open family which in a way is lovely but even he once told me about one of his family members something personal happened to her and then my best friend pipes up and says terrible about such and such I nearly died my bfs bro had told my friend. I don't know how to approach this as I don't want him to think i'm being a bitch. I love that his family think enough of me to include me in everything and treat me like part of the furniture but there's some things i've told him that i'd be fuming if he said back.

Wurly

Am I being silly? wrote: »

I genuinely don't think he means anything by it. They just seem to have a very open family which in a way is lovely but even he once told me about one of his family members something personal happened to her and then my best friend pipes up and says terrible about such and such I nearly died my bfs bro had told my friend. I don't know how to approach this as I don't want him to think i'm being a bitch. I love that his family think enough of me to include me in everything and treat me like part of the furniture but there's some things i've told him that i'd be fuming if he said back.

You're not being a bitch. You're stating a preference. And you're entitled to do so. If you ask him to explicitly not share info that you've told him, then he should respect those wishes. His family and how they choose to go on is irrelevant. He needs to respect your privacy.

Wompa1

Trí wrote: »

You're not being a bitch. You're stating a preference. And you're entitled to do so. If you ask him to explicitly not share info that you've told him, then he should respect those wishes. His family and how they choose to go on is irrelevant. He needs to respect your privacy.

Agreed. If you've told him not too then he should respect your wishes. I'm open about my own family and my own personal stuff but I wouldn't be blabbing about my girlfriends family or anything. That is her business.

LegacyUser

Thanks guys.

I'm gonna sit him down when I see him next and say it to him, I think I have to otherwise it could put a strain on our relationship.