How can I over come shyness?

LegacyUser

How can I over come shyness? It make it very hard for me to make new friends and start relationships. I'm a female in my early 30s and really thought I would have put it behind me at this stage of my life!

LegacyUser

I'm mid 20s and find it really hard to meet new people as I'm so shy and always worried about what other people think of me. Can't really offer advice as I need it myself, just letting you know you're not in the boat alone.

annapolska

I totally understand where you're coming from. I've moved three times in the last three years, three new cities and each in a different country. :eek: Sometimes it's difficult to break out of the shell, no matter what age you are!

One thing that really helped me was to take classes. The subject doesn't matter, it's an organized meeting of people without the expectation of socializing. Inevitably you will get to know your classmates on some level, which helps to expand your circle.

Even just going out for a walk helps-- being out in the neighborhood and interacting with shopkeepers, etc in a very informal social environment.

When I am feeling shy around a new person and there's that awkward silence, I just think that they must be feeling the same way, otherwise they'd be talking to me. Then I just ask questions. If you are shy, it's often easier to ask questions and engage with others in that way rather than talk about yourself.

Hope this helps a little...

eddison

tooshystill wrote: »

How can I over come shyness? It make it very hard for me to make new friends and start relationships. I'm a female in my early 30s and really thought I would have put it behind me at this stage of my life!

Hello hun,
First of all, if you are a shy person, you have a very strong conscience. If you have a strong conscience, then you must be quite a caring person. If it is a relationship you wish for, and it is a guy, a really good guy, even a confident guy will look past shyness.
This is very important for Men, confidence or shyness is not the issue. What really matters to a good guy is what you are really like inside. Are you opinionated? Are you contrary? are you difficult to manage? would you be controlling?
There are lots of things guys consider before shyness, and these things are much more important.
You must learn to control your thoughts, and watch out for when you think the little things we miss every day. For instance- 'i'm so stupid I forgot my keys' little things like that constantly keep you down. Work, on the opposite. What qualities do you have? can you think of many? if the answer is no, then that is not true. If the answer is yes, then constantly remind yourself about every good quality you have, non stop, every day. don't expect result, as expectations are the bane of the human race.
Just quietly non stop, remind yourself of who you are, and be proud you are not insincere, fake, false etc etc.

tommy21

Its not a full fix by any means, but something that really helped me is a book by Paul McKenna called Instant Confidence. Its made a resurgence along with the rest of the self-help books given the time of year so you can pick it up in Waterstones, or else a good bit cheaper on Amazon. Its particularly useful if your issues are around public speaking or just generally low-self esteem, but if you use it you can see it can be tailored to any social problem. It has a "mind programming cd" included as well which is of far more use then the book. Stick with it and listen to it one a day for at least a week, after which 1 or 2 a week. Do the exercises in the book too - you won't regret it and nothing to lose!

LegacyUser

I feel my shyness mainly holds me back when meeting men. I know I have good qualities etc so don't think it's a self esteem issue. I just seem to clam up or am too concerned about how I come across when I meet a a man I like and don't want to mess it up, which usually results in me messing it up! Catch 22!