What am I doing wrong?

LegacyUser

Hey all,

Not sure if this is a relationship issue, it's more of a lack of relationship issue.

Basically I'm a 25 year old girl. And lonely. I'd really like to meet someone I like and see what becomes of it, but for some reason I can't fathom it's just not happening.

On the looks front, I'd estimate I'm average looking. No stunner but I wouldn't consider myself ugly. I'm pretty shy but of late I've tried to make more of an effort talking to people when out etc.

I suppose I'm just looking for advice on how / where / what I should be doing to improve this situation?

Zen65

Lonelygirlirl wrote: »

I suppose I'm just looking for advice on how / where / what I should be doing to improve this situation?

What have you tried so far?

Can you give some indication of your circumstances (town, rural, working, student, interests, activities)?

Obviously you won't want to identify yourself in any way, but without a little more information any advice would be very generic.

Be at peace,

Z

LegacyUser

Thanks Z

I live and work in Dublin. Lots of my friends have left for Australia and the remaining ones have long term boyfriends or don't live in Dublin, so basically I don't go out as much as I want to, so I've been trying to make extra effort when I do go out. Not working!!

I dont have any major interests to be honest, I work full time in an office dominated by married men, in my spare time I read, go to the gym, go shopping or visit friends.

I'm trying to think of ways to meet new people but I'm very shy and can't think of anything easyish to break me in!

funloving

OP,
there are some many ways of finding new people out there.
Why don't you take a look at the Meet up website and see if there is any gropu you you would like to join?
Anyone there has been a first timer so I am sure they will put you at ease and doing activities together the chats and so on will take place automatically without efforts :-)
the fact the your friends have long term relationship should not be a reason for not going out with them or them with you..IMO

LegacyUser

im in the same boat, 25 f dub..its so hard to meet people and so many of my friends have emmigrated, are travelling or in relationships. i work long hours and theres no social life there...ive tried! Im not into groups like meet up ect I guess im looking for somewhere like a sports club etc or something with a good social outlet.

Anyway Op i cant recommend anything in specific but have you considered moving from where your living... ive moved apartment and thats improved the situation...

LegacyUser

same boat 11 wrote: »

im in the same boat, 25 f dub..its so hard to meet people and so many of my friends have emmigrated, are travelling or in relationships. i work long hours and theres no social life there...ive tried! Im not into groups like meet up ect I guess im looking for somewhere like a sports club etc or something with a good social outlet.

Anyway Op i cant recommend anything in specific but have you considered moving from where your living... ive moved apartment and thats improved the situation...

I actually am considering moving at the moment, I live with a non national, not very friendly, own schedule. I've looked around a bit but it's hard to find something I'm interested in, I will make the move over the next few months though.

I'm not really into the meet up thing either, well I think it's a good idea but it's too daunting for me! I'd like to find some kind of club with a good social side too, I haven't come across anything yet though. And I'm not very sporty either

If I find anything I'll post it here!

Wompa1

Have you thought about trying the internet? If I was single I think I'd give that a go now. When I struggled to get girls before I would never have tried it but it seems to be less taboo now...

eddison

Hello,

Have you considered voluntary work? You meet societies kindest people in this sector. Maybe doing some work for a charity shop a few hours a week, just to get into chatting, and meeting people. Then you can do a bit of networking to meet someone nice!

Kimia

I would totally go for internet dating if I was single. Everyone's doing it these days, who has the time or the social circle to do it the old fashioned way?

As far as being shy goes, you'll have to just suck it up. If you go on dates with people from the dating sites you'll have to make an effort - there's no point in resting on your laurels because you're shy, even though it's scary.

Taltos

Hi OP

just looking at your interests as Z picked up on - none of them naturally lead you to meet new people. They are all quite solitary - even the gym unless you are attending loads of different classes...

Also when you go out clubbing/pub - you may not meet a wide range of people there. Personally I rarely enjoyed those scenes - but I know others love them.

Would you consider trying some new activities - try some different things - NOT with a view to meeting that special person - but more with a view to finding new things you enjoy doing, meeting just different people - and who knows after that. The reason I say that is if you are going out just to meet the person - well you might just be sending the wrong type of signals.
Maybe try one of the following - just suggestions to get you started - there are loads of options if you look into it.
> Mountain biking
> Sea / River Kayaking - 2 v different sports
> Hill walking

Ideally - just find something you love doing - you will be surprised what a change that can make to you.

FYI - some of the best looking women I have met over the years - considered themselves "average looking" - it is amazing what a little confidence (not cockyiness) will do - hence the activities...

desmurphy

you are very young so you will meet lots of people, its just a matter of being in places where you will meet them. have you had previous relationships? if yes where did you meet them?

valleyoftheunos

Okcupid.com

Its a relaxed dating/social network/new friends site.

Its a bit of craic and ther are groups who organise to meet up for activities etc, I know two happy couples who met there and if the idea of internet "dating" doesn't appeal to you, you can just use it to make some new friends.

kerryman12

Hi OP

I cant imagine being out looking for someone now, I can imagine it would be very difficult.

+1 on the internet dating think. I think it would be a bit daunting in a way but in another way maybe a bit liberating
I have no experiance so I cant really say. One thing I would say is that dont go into it expecting immediate results - it wont be a silver bullet but I would try it.

Best of luck

PS your doing nothing wrong, people are different.

TGQ

my suggestion would be to join Macra. it has 3 clubs in dublin and is a great way to meet new people.

Before people come back and say that is only for farmers, it is not. i meet my wife through it 4 years ago at an event in dublin and neither of us actually live in Dublin or near it. if interested ring 01 4268900 and tell them that Tom Quirke suggested it.

LegacyUser

desmurphy wrote: »

you are very young so you will meet lots of people, its just a matter of being in places where you will meet them. have you had previous relationships? if yes where did you meet them?

I've had previous relationships, none overly serious, met those on nights out, pubs and clubs basically.

I might go down the finding new things to do route, don't really know where to start but I'll have a look around!

I don't think the online meeting / dating thing is for me but thanks for the advice everyone

LegacyUser

sunflower27 wrote: »

Hang in there OP, you're young and the world is your oyster.

I know that sounds cliched, but you have plenty of time to meet someone. Just dont fixate on it, let your life move along and some day down the line you will meet someone.

We never know who is around the corner. I've met boyfriends in the most random of situations - when I'm not even looking.

You'll be fine

Thanks sunflower appreciate the upbeatness (that's a word yeah?!!). I suppose this is just the time of year that's making me feel like this. I just need to make more of an effort myself I think too

valleyoftheunos

Think someone else mentioned it earlier in the thread but perhaps try volunteering in something you are interested in or that you think is a god cause, I've made many new friends that way over the last year or so.

Taltos

valleyoftheunos wrote: »

Think someone else mentioned it earlier in the thread but perhaps try volunteering in something you are interested in or that you think is a god cause, I've made many new friends that way over the last year or so.

+1 - like a local pound.
Have found dogs are a great judge of people - also folk tend to be more open around dogs so you get a chance to see the real them without the masks.

Neyite

Would you consider going on one of the Boards Beer nights? Lots of friendly people on here.

Aim for making general friends who in turn widen your social circle. A lot of romances start from friend-of-friend situations.

Its nearly always how I met any guys I went out with.