What should I do here?

LegacyUser

Well everyone heres the situation

Was in town (dublin) last night and got chatting to a girl. Long story short, we got on great, she came back to mine and we went at it.
The thing is - should I add her on facebook now or should i just leave it? (i know this doesn't seem to be the most pressing of issues, but I would appreciate any input) , cheers

curlzy

Well if you liked each other enough to do the deed it would be nice to be facebook friends, don't you think? Sure send a request anyways, up to her after that.

Larianne

I'd message her on FB for her number rather than adding her as a friend on it.

Ickle Magoo

Sometimes it helps to look at these things from a slightly different angle - why wouldn't you add her as a friend?

LegacyUser

I already have her number I got it off her last night. The reason im not sure weather to add her or not is because im not sure if she saw it as a one night stand or not. She had to leave this morning for a lecture in collage, so i rang her a taxi cos she has no credit. I text her after she left saying safe home etc.

Do you think i should text her tonight? or leave it seeing as she had/has no credit

Wompa1

Personally I would see it as a One Night Stand and not contact her but that's just the way I'm programmed. I didn't think I was that type of guy but I can't get over the one night stand thing to be in a relationship

Mammanabammana

At the risk of sounding terribly old fashioned, since you have her number, why don't you just call her and ask her out for a drink? If she says no, you'll know that's the end of that; if she says yes, go and meet her for a drink. And take it from there.

JohnMcNam

Hi, OP here (reg'd so that I could reply quicker)....my head is all over the place.

First things first I really like this girl. I have been thinking about her LITERALLY nonstop all day....

Anyway...I went ahead and texted her last night. But she wrote back over 3 hours later. I text back a few minutes later. Then she text back another hour and a bit after that. So I left it and just texted her back this morning. --- havent heard anything at all from her (except an email from facebook saying that she has accepted my friend request).

I really don't know what to do here. But to be honest, considering the length of time she's waiting to write back and the fact that I havent heard back from her at all today, i think i should cop the **** on and realise that she's not into me at all...based on the above, do you think this is the case? (please just be honest with me, I would really just like to hear honest opinions, no matter how harsh or true it may be)

Thanks, please reply.

john

Cheeky_gal

JohnMcNam wrote: »

Hi, OP here (reg'd so that I could reply quicker)....my head is all over the place.

First things first I really like this girl. I have been thinking about her LITERALLY nonstop all day....

Anyway...I went ahead and texted her last night. But she wrote back over 3 hours later. I text back a few minutes later. Then she text back another hour and a bit after that. So I left it and just texted her back this morning. --- havent heard anything at all from her (except an email from facebook saying that she has accepted my friend request).

I really don't know what to do here. But to be honest, considering the length of time she's waiting to write back and the fact that I havent heard back from her at all today, i think i should cop the **** on and realise that she's not into me at all...based on the above, do you think this is the case? (please just be honest with me, I would really just like to hear honest opinions, no matter how harsh or true it may be)

Thanks, please reply.

john

I'm a girl [go figure] and personally speaking, I would text a guy back within minutes if I liked him. Stupid texting games they destroy relationships!

solerina

John
Dont read too much into it yet, its very early days, wait until she texts again just in case she is someone who classifies a man who makes an effort as needy ( I wouldnt but lots of people have strange rules and do). When she texts reply but not straight way....behave exactly as she does and keep your fingers crossed !!! Good Luck

kerryman12

dude you are over thinking this.

Ring her up and ask her out!

simples

JohnMcNam

solerina wrote: »

John
Dont read too much into it yet, its very early days, wait until she texts again just in case she is someone who classifies a man who makes an effort as needy ( I wouldnt but lots of people have strange rules and do). When she texts reply but not straight way....behave exactly as she does and keep your fingers crossed !!! Good Luck

You see, I've been wanting to text her again but then i realise to myself "no, don't, that's pushy and needy"...so i see what you mean there. but maybe she's the type of girl who would want the guy to text her again?not saying I'm going to do that, just thinking.

i'm really all over the place here with this situation. I really like her, we got on great (or so I thought ha ha) but i dont know what to do...ive been checking my phone all day like a bloody eejit.

to be honest, I can't see her texting. and then theres the whole thing about facebook aswell now.

should i move on and just forget about her (even though, and Im being honest here, itll be hard to do because she's a really nice girl who i would LOVE to see again) or just wait for the text back.

ABajaninCork

Mammanabammana wrote: »

At the risk of sounding terribly old fashioned, since you have her number, why don't you just call her and ask her out for a drink? If she says no, you'll know that's the end of that; if she says yes, go and meet her for a drink. And take it from there.

Totally agree with this. Why not call the lady and invite her for a drink? You've nothing to lose. She can only say 'No'!

JohnMcNam

kerryman12 wrote: »

dude you are over thinking this.

Ring her up and ask her out!

simples

well man you see im the type of person who overthinks everything, its a bloody burden.

i would love to do as you say above but how can i ring her after she hasnt replied to my text and ask her out??

kerryman12

JohnMcNam wrote: »

well man you see im the type of person who overthinks everything, its a bloody burden.

i would love to do as you say above but how can i ring her after she hasnt replied to my text and ask her out??

I am that person to. some times I need a kick in the ass to get me to move, so consider this yours.

In the next 10 mins pick up your phone and call her to ask her out. If she dosent answear leave a voice mail.

Then you have done all you can, easy for me to say.


Best of luck

JohnMcNam

ABajaninCork wrote: »

Totally agree with this. Why not call the lady and invite her for a drink? You've nothing to lose. She can only say 'No'!

yeah i know what you mean, but as i was saying to kerryman, how can i ring and ask her out after she didnt reply to my text?

ABajaninCork

JohnMcNam wrote: »

yeah i know what you mean, but as i was saying to kerryman, how can i ring and ask her out after she didnt reply to my text?

Easy. When was the last time you texted? (You don't want to look like a stalker ) Leave it a day or so, then call her!

JohnMcNam

ABajaninCork wrote: »

Easy. When was the last time you texted? (You don't want to look like a stalker ) Leave it a day or so, then call her!

Last time i texted was this morning. Ha ha i know what you mean, hence why I havent called her. that sounds like a plan, im going to give that a try. thanks. (i hope i dont get cold feet when im about to call her!)

aaaaaaaaaaaaah but my head is still wrecked, because surely if there was anything there then she would have text me back? (im probably wrecking all of your heads being a little moany girl)

kerryman12

(im probably wrecking all of your heads being a little moany girl)

a bit yea, but thats ok we have all been there!

JohnMcNam

kerryman12 wrote: »

a bit yea, but thats ok we have all been there!

ha ha well ill just ask you this last question so: if there was something there then surely she would have text me back?

ABajaninCork

JohnMcNam wrote: »

ha ha well ill just ask you this last question so: if there was something there then surely she would have text me back?

Dear me - I know it's been a while since I dated, but might the girl be playing it cool?:rolleyes: Either way, unless and until you call her, you're doing your head in, not knowing. Just get on with it boy!!

JohnMcNam

I've decided to leave it at that.
If she was interested she would have text back. She hasn't text back, therefore she's not interested.

It seems she was just looking for a one night stand (kind of strange because its usually the bloke who does that :pac: ).

So, im moving on. It's going to be difficult (you may be saying "but you dont even know her", and thats true, but i just felt like i had a connection with this girl) but that's the way it is.

She's on my facebook, so maybe in time we'll talk over that. Even as friends, I'll be happy with that.

AH response: I got the ride!

Anyway, thanks for your help.

kerryman12

JohnMcNam wrote: »

ha ha well ill just ask you this last question so: if there was something there then surely she would have text me back?

alternatively, if there was nothing there why did she o home with u?

JohnMcNam

kerryman12 wrote: »

alternatively, if there was nothing there why did she o home with u?

possibly alcohol :pac:

Contessa Raven

Just throwing this out there as it is a possibility but maybe she still has no credit and is using web texts when she's online to reply to you? May explain why the texts are irregular.

Also, it's mid-week. Perhaps she has lectures and essays and projects due in? Or maybe exams? It is that time of year! She could be studying.

JohnMcNam

Contessa Raven wrote: »

Just throwing this out there as it is a possibility but maybe she still has no credit and is using web texts when she's online to reply to you? May explain why the texts are irregular.

Also, it's mid-week. Perhaps she has lectures and essays and projects due in? Or maybe exams? It is that time of year! She could be studying.

Yeah that makes sense. Considering that ive sent the last text im going to wait to see if i hear anything back from her. (i dont want to text again or ring, as that seems a bit desperate/clingey).

JohnMcNam

I think i might be stupidly clutching at straws here..but in any text i sent her i didnt put an "x" even though she did in hers. I know this sounds like teenager bull **** but im just thinking to myself if that has somthing to do with her not writing back/her not bothering to write back.

jesus christ, why cant i stop thinking about this.

I am a friend

Contessa Raven wrote: »

Just throwing this out there as it is a possibility but maybe she still has no credit and is using web texts when she's online to reply to you? May explain why the texts are irregular.

Also, it's mid-week. Perhaps she has lectures and essays and projects due in? Or maybe exams? It is that time of year! She could be studying.

This makes absolute sense - call her!

Eibhin

Call her.

If she doesn't answer, leave a voicemail saying "Hi ***. it's John here! Hope you are busy studying! Just wondering if you'd like to go out for a drink at the weekend. No pressure, just thought you could do with a break from the books! If not, it's cool, no problem! Talk to you later!

OR you could even text her something like that along those lines. If at that point you get nowhere then you will know for sure.

Just do it and stop over analysing.

Good luck!

Eibhin

Just had another thought. Maybe she is embarrassed about the ONS.
You could also leave a message/text her saying

"Hi ***. It's John. Listen I really want to go and see "The King's Speech" / "Black Swan" (or whatever movie you think would be good)this weekend and I was wondering if you'd like to come. Sure give me a shout if you'd like to you! Talk to you!

Pluck81

Life is too short man. If you like her just tell her. If she says no then at least you won't be tearing your hair out. There must be a spark if she added you on facebook and gave you her number. Take a chance the odds are 50/50

JohnMcNam

Hey OP here,

just a quick final update!

I bit the bullet and decided to give her a ring!..called her at about 8.30pm, but no answer, left a voicemessage saying 'hi [name] its john here, just calling to say hello and see how you are, anyway give me a text or a shout back when ya get a chance'

have heard nothing back, so im moving onwards and upwards lads!....life's too short to be stressing over these situations, so to anyone who may be in a similar situation to me - if a girl doesnt text you back, do not fret; just be yourself and relax...if it's meant to be it will happen (cliche, but its 100% applicable).

Anyway thanks for the helpful comments, they have helped me in more ways than you will know, i have finally got my about-to-go-out-of-control worry sorted so cheers!

John

Miss Fluff

OP all this stress and fretting and over-thinking is not good for you and I actually had to respond when I read this thread as I think you risk jeopardising other potential liaisions/relationships/friendships if you don't take a step back and actually relax.

Relaxing is easier said than done for some people and I can understand it may be tough for you, consequently you should really look at doing yoga or breathing exercises or something. Something to quieten that inner chatter that is obviously very loud in your own head.

You met this girl, you got on great, you went home, you had sex, you both enjoyed yourselves. Then within the space of TWENTY FOUR HOURS you added her on Facebook, texted her and called her. While it's nice for us girls to feel wanted and desired, there's a fine line between that and overkill. You seriously need to chill out hon and the next time you meet a girl you like contact her by all means but then busy yourself with the gym/study/meeting your mates so you're not there obsessively checking your phone every two seconds and coming across as needy and anxious. There are a plethora of reasons why she took a while to respond, not everyone is attached to their phone.

Give yourself a break and learn from this.

mood

Just ask her out. There could be genuine reasons why she didn't text back for a while.

JohnMcNam

Miss Fluff wrote: »

OP all this stress and fretting and over-thinking is not good for you and I actually had to respond when I read this thread as I think you risk jeopardising other potential liaisions/relationships/friendships if you don't take a step back and actually relax.

Relaxing is easier said than done for some people and I can understand it may be tough for you, consequently you should really look at doing yoga or breathing exercises or something. Something to quieten that inner chatter that is obviously very loud in your own head.

You met this girl, you got on great, you went home, you had sex, you both enjoyed yourselves. Then within the space of TWENTY FOUR HOURS you added her on Facebook, texted her and called her. While it's nice for us girls to feel wanted and desired, there's a fine line between that and overkill. You seriously need to chill out hon and the next time you meet a girl you like contact her by all means but then busy yourself with the gym/study/meeting your mates so you're not there obsessively checking your phone every two seconds and coming across as needy and anxious. There are a plethora of reasons why she took a while to respond, not everyone is attached to their phone.

Give yourself a break and learn from this.

Thank you. If I could thank this 50 times I would.

All the best.

stevejr

Mammanabammana wrote: »

At the risk of sounding terribly old fashioned, since you have her number, why don't you just call her and ask her out for a drink? If she says no, you'll know that's the end of that; if she says yes, go and meet her for a drink. And take it from there.

Spot on...technology is great but it does have it drawbacks. Technology NEEDLESSLY COMPLICATES RELATIONSHIPS. I'm not an old fogey OP I'm only 30, but my head spins when I see all these posts fretting about the ettiquitte of Facebook, texting etc vis-a-vis the mechanics of beginning a relationship.

Meet up, face to face contact is the only communication medium that properly facilitates the whole getting-to-know-you phase of a relationship. Goodluck OP.