is a letter sad?

LegacyUser

hi, just looking for small bit of advice or your thoughts really.

had a 'relationship' of sorts for last 2 years, was madly in love with someone who just couldnt commit to me. long story but keeping it short, he is a good guy, just didnt obviously feel strongly enough to be with me properly.

i understand this now, even though he just kept coming and going and never really explained the problem to me.

thing is, for my own sanity, i have to move on. he keeps in touch and it kills me. he is not great at talking so i have wrote him a letter. its not bad, nothing bad in it. just explains how i felt, how he is a good guy but i cant keep going the way it is.

question is, should i send it or not? sometimes i think yeah why not?
sometimes i think its just sad. i wouldnt want him to think im a sad pathetic fool.
sometimes i think maybe i should ignore him in future, dont know if i could though.

what would ye think if you got a letter like this? would i be sad? or would it be a good way to say goodbye?

thanks, im very confused at the moment.

Wompa1

thirysomething girl wrote: »

hi, just looking for small bit of advice or your thoughts really.

had a 'relationship' of sorts for last 2 years, was madly in love with someone who just couldnt commit to me. long story but keeping it short, he is a good guy, just didnt obviously feel strongly enough to be with me properly.

i understand this now, even though he just kept coming and going and never really explained the problem to me.

thing is, for my own sanity, i have to move on. he keeps in touch and it kills me. he is not great at talking so i have wrote him a letter. its not bad, nothing bad in it. just explains how i felt, how he is a good guy but i cant keep going the way it is.

question is, should i send it or not? sometimes i think yeah why not?
sometimes i think its just sad. i wouldnt want him to think im a sad pathetic fool.
sometimes i think maybe i should ignore him in future, dont know if i could though.

what would ye think if you got a letter like this? would i be sad? or would it be a good way to say goodbye?

thanks, im very confused at the moment.

I think it's a good idea. It would be a toss up between that and just ignoring him but the letter would be a much more classy way of handling things

Pebbles68

Absolutely not, in fact I think it has class.

The real question, and only you know the answer is, what is the content of the letter and what do you hope to achieve? If you need to move on is that what the letter is saying? Or are you hoping the letter will somehow work magic, make him see sense and change him into a man who is capable of having a relationship?

You said that he stays in contact and it's killing you. If you send the letter is it going to keep him in contact and you in the same limbo or will it help you break contact and give you the freedom to move on?

Sorry for answering your question with more questions. I hope things work out for you.

I am a friend

No don't send a letter. Just call him (tonight) and tell him you don't wantto be in touch and ask him to stop. On some level, he is using you as a crutch

IrishEyes19

I agree with "I am a friend," do not put anything into the written word that you might regret saying later, I know you feel that now, but I wouldnt want that guy having something so personal like that, its much better to do so over the phone or in person.

I am a friend

and sooner rather than later.... no need to delay.

PK2008

thirysomething girl wrote: »

thanks, im very confused at the moment.

Im gonna say no its not a good idea.....

Not necessarily because its a letter but because its general rule of thumb that people do things they regret when they are confused (and emotional). Give it a bit of time and when you feel better consider the letter idea again- you may think differently about it.

LegacyUser

I'll jump on the dont send the letter bandwagon too.

I don't think it's sad, in fact the sentiment of a letter generally appeals to me. However in this kind of circumstance I think you might regret it further down the line knowing he has something that personal written down.

I think this kind of thing also depends on the recipient and what kind of person they are.

LegacyUser

hi op here, the letter isnt really over emotional! there is nothing bad or insulting in it.

i have talked to him in the past about stopping contact but he keeps on now and again getting in touch. its like he doesnt understand how upsetting it is for me.

like i said he isnt very good at talking about emotions(part of our problems)
this letter just explains why i wont be able to keep in touch.

I am a friend

Well fair enough in that case but then you need to ignore him iv he does contact you as he may not believe you seeing as you asked him before and then talked to him.

He is very selfish if the above is the case...

Zipppy

If he's not a good talker and straight talking will do no good then perhaps yes send the letter and move on immediately,...
He may well be a 'good guy', but there are lots of good guys out there who would be more than will willing to give you what you desire....

Main point is you feel you need to move on....ss do so without delay

Best of luck with it

OP, do you think you might be able to phone him and just tell him how you feel? The letter is great, but if it is something that is bothering you so much, then you can't beat a phone call for the immediacy of getting your message across.

Elle Collins

I also think a letter is the classiest form of closure OP - as long as it is actually sent with closure in mind. Only letters sent with ulterior motives are 'sad'. Good luck with it.

curlzy

Hey OP,

I've a friend who was in a similar situation and she said she's getting a book called "men who can't love". I haven't read it myself but she said it's about commitment-phobes, maybe check it out as it could explain some things and stop questions circling around your head? I don't know whether you should send the letter, my inclination is no contact means no contact, sending it could just be inviting him to come back and mess with you again.

Best of luck.

R.D. aka MR.D

hi!

Just wanted to add my support for don't send the letter side.

The reason I say this is because while i was in college a guy in my class showed all the other lads a letter of closure that his ex had sent him. they all sat around and had a good laugh at it. The whole class was talking about it.

I'm sure that poor girl when she wrote it had no idea that her ex of 4 years was the much of an Ahole to show her personal feelings and writings to other people.

So unless the letter is matter of fact without any personal details, i wouldn't send it.

Best of luck!

I am a friend

curlzy wrote: »

Hey OP,

I've a friend who was in a similar situation and she said she's getting a book called "men who can't love". I haven't read it myself but she said it's about commitment-phobes, maybe check it out as it could explain some things and stop questions circling around your head?

Best of luck.

I don't agree. With all due respect to the op, 'men who can't commit' to one girl can commit to a different one!!! There are very few guys who can't commit to every single girl he meets. I also find these books can make you look for problems with subsequent guys unnecessarily...

Taltos

OP - can I suggest the following - next time he calls just SHOUT down the phone.
"Oh would you just F off and leave me alone for God's sake!!!! How many times do I have to say enough is enough" - then hang up

Or just change your number - anything at all to get the message through.
Or go on the offensive - instead of waiting for hm to contact you - contact him directly and tell him to just forget your number - as far as he is concerned you don't exist anymore. And then change your number anyway...

Otherwise you will just be waiting and waiting - and just when you forget about him he will do his usual number on you.