Getting slagged cause they think i'm.....

LegacyUser

I have a huge issue and it nearly has me in tears. I have a really great mate and we hang around with each other, we go to the same fas courses together and I have her as my sister on my facebook page ect ect..

Anyway, Myfriend has a b/f but I don't (I am just not intrested i men right now) Anyway thats a bit about me so here comes the problem..

My friends family keep calling me 'gay' and they keep making fun of me behind my back. For example my friend was on the phone to her dad tonight and he asked my friend ''are you with that lesbian'' (i was so upset and still am)

A few months ago my friends mother made the assumption that I was gay (i'm not) and since then my friends sister, da and mother have been callin me all sorts of gay names and slagging my friend cause she is hanging around with me.

Do I have to get a new best friend like? Help please I need advice.. I can't even knock for my friend now cause I can't go into the house knowing what they have been saying about me..

Peanut2011

The best I can advise you is to say to your friend how much their behaviour is hurting you and have the friend talk to her parents....

Busi_Girl08

So let me get this straight, your friend, I assume, knows that you're not gay, AND knows that your family are taking the piss out of you for being gay (wtf?), and she's doing sweet F.A. to set them straight ('scuse the pun) or to stand up for you in any way?

Does she know how much the comments are hurting you? Talk to her, if she was any sort of friend she would be mortified about her family's comments and their effect on you, and would at least try to but a stop to it.

astra2000

Shame on your friends family they sound really immature and childish. Tell your friend how you feel and its up to her from there. If she is a true friend she will take on board how you feel and speak to them, it may make no difference to their behaviour though. If your friend ignores your concerns then you need to decide wheather or not to continue the friendship.

prinz

Tell your friend how hurtful it is, and tell her you won't be coming near her family or home in the near future pending an apology. As above you may need to re-evaluate the friendship in the long-run depending on her reaction when you bring the topic up. A little bit of banter and fun is one thing. That kind of nonsense from her parents (bizarre behaviour) is ridiculous.

Wompa1

Are you gay? I suppose even if you are having that label throw about is a bit harsh.

IrishEyes19

Call them out on it, OP, next time it happens. It doesnt matter whether or not you are, but the fact that these people are using it as a means to insult you "hanging out with that lesbian," is just plain ignorant in my eyes. Next time it happens and you hear it, I would calmly say "excuse me but this is the _____ time you've said comments such as this and to be honest, its really rude." and then Id pick up my bag and leave. I can imagine they would be absolutely stunned.

Distorted

Their comments are really disturbing, particularly bearing in mind that you sound relatively young and they are adults and should know better. A one-off joke might be bad enough but they really ought to know better than to carry on like this. I agree with Peanut 2011 that you should explain to your friend how bad they make you feel, and if it doesn't improve, maybe you should avoid her family in future.

curlzy

Hey OP,

First of all your sexuality is no ones business but your own and you're not answerable to anyone about who you are or are not attracted to. Whoever you're attracted to is fine, be it male, female or male and female. The only person you have to be honest with with regards to your sexuality is yourself and maybe the person you're about to sleep with.

To be honest your friend's family sound pig ignorant and unbelievably childish. I know similar families and I know that talking to them about it will probably only make it worse. I've met families that think it's ok to call people nigg*rs or f*gs and it really is stomach churningly disgusting behaviour. Please don't let their scummyness make you feel bad. My abvice is to avoid them. You're quite young so I don't think standing up to them will do you much good so I'd avoid them at all costs. Just tell your friend you don't want to be around people who think it's ok to treat you like that and that you'll meet her in town in future.

LegacyUser

Hey guys I read all the comments and it's exactly what I thought of doing. A few thing I should have mentioned previously : My friends da knows my da (grew up together) so my friends da knows my whole family and anytime I talk to him he asks ''how you da?'' ''hows your granny?''ect.. which is why I am so suprised by the comments. I know somthing about my friends da and the other night I nearly through it in her face but i decided not to, I think if this carries on i might end up letting it slip..


And the other night when her da said ''are you with the lesbian'' my friend laughed over the phone when he said it.. Which is what annoys me even more and lastly and this is what i find the weirdest... my friend keeps telling me everything they say about me as if it's just some random news (she casually brings it up like it means nothing, which makes me think she doesnt realise how serious it is??)

tk123

OP I'm a girl and I have short hair so people assume I'm gay a lot. TBH I couldn't be ar$ed what they think - I had a friend tell me people thought I was gay and he even asked me if I was and it bugged me - not the fact they thought I was gay the fact they were all gossiping behind my back about it!! Did they not have anything better to talk about?! It annoyed me so much I grew my hair back at one stage to "show them" then it annoyed me so I got it all cut off again and I'm never growing it back lol - why should I be something I'm not to suit them - I like my short hair so there!

I'm not sure what you are finding the most difficult - the fact they they think your gay or the fact they they're all gossiping/making fun of you or both?

Busi_Girl08

You need to tell her how this is making you feel. And well done for restraining yourself in telling her that thing about her Dad. You are a much better person than any of them for doing that.

If your friend is so dim to think that none of this is bothering you (honestly, it's pretty weird that she is telling you all the stuff they've said behind your back like it's nothing. From where I'm standing, it's almost like a deliberate attempt to upset you. Either that or she is a tactless moron.) then she needs to find out.

If she sides with her family on this, then it just goes to show what kind of friend she is. If my parents or family spoke about my friend, whether she's gay, straight, whatever, they would get an earful from me. And if my friend happened to overhear any of it, that friend would get a big apology from me and my family.

Keep your head held high, OP, and know that you deserve better than this.

Aglomerado

I get this as well, just 'cos I'm in my 30s, with no kids or wedding ring on my finger, add to that the fact that I'm not a "girly" girl - never wear makeup or dresses - apparently to some people this makes me gay....

I find this particularly insulting from other, "straight" women for some reason, like I'm something "other" to them.

For the most part I avoid these people like the plague. If I'm in an evil mood though, I'll turn it back on them by saying "you wish" if they comment on it again.

They're too narrowminded to be bothering with on a regular basis so I'd agree with previous posters and just have nothing to do with them.

Lorrs33

If her dad is friend's with your dad, couldn't you tell your dad what his so-called friend is saying about you? No parent should tolerate their kids being slagged.

cafecolour

opneedsrelationshiphep wrote: »

And the other night when her da said ''are you with the lesbian'' my friend laughed over the phone when he said it.. Which is what annoys me even more and lastly and this is what i find the weirdest... my friend keeps telling me everything they say about me as if it's just some random news (she casually brings it up like it means nothing, which makes me think she doesnt realise how serious it is??)

Are you sure your friend knows you're not a lesbian? Perhaps she's repeating the comments thinking they might open a discussion about it.

claiva

This is what I say to my children when one of them is being called names by someone:

Are you Gay ?
No.
Do you know you are not Gay ?
Yes.
Well then, whats the problem ?
If its not true it can't hurt you.
Just ignore them and they will soon stop.

The more they try to defend themselves and deny that they are Gay, the more the other kids will push that button to get a reaction.

(In my kids case, its usually Stupid or Fat or Boring or whatever, but I'm sure this methodology will work for Gay name calling aswell).

LegacyUser

Aglomerado wrote: »

I get this as well, just 'cos I'm in my 30s, with no kids or wedding ring on my finger, add to that the fact that I'm not a "girly" girl - never wear makeup or dresses - apparently to some people this makes me gay....

I find this particularly insulting from other, "straight" women for some reason, like I'm something "other" to them.
.

that's smthing that annoys me also.. i'm (18) but because your not out 7 nights a week with guys people think your gay or strange.. some people really have horrible attitudes about life..

tk123

cafecolour wrote: »

Are you sure your friend knows you're not a lesbian? Perhaps she's repeating the comments thinking they might open a discussion about it.

I thought the same - dropping hints maybe thinking you might want to come out? Thats what I did lol when I knew my friend was gay but I didn't just say "Hey we all think your a lesbian!!" like your friends - I was a bit more subtle.;) First time we were all out and her friend was with us it took me about 10 seconds to see they were a couple - they couldn't believe they'd been found out and thought they were pros at hiding it (families didn't know) :pac::rolleyes:
You don't need to explain yourself to them OP but if they're your friends they should accept you for who you are and not make you feel hurt like this?