Best Friend Dilemma

yellowcanary

Would you kiss a guy your (best) friend has kissed??? This has caused problems with my best friend and I recently. Would love to hear others opinions.

Stheno

moved to PI

Depends. If they had kissed him a while ago I wouldn't see a problem. If she had kissed him in the same week or was hung up on him no. Kissing happens all the time with no intent. If we stayed away from everyone who had kissed someone we know, we'd either have to seriously limit the number of possible guys or seriously limit our number of friends. And also not be friends with anyone who kisses a lot of guys.
I can only think of one occasion I kissed someone who had also kissed a good friend of mine. I knew she wasn't interested in him anymore and I said it to her beforehand, asked her if she'd mind. I wouldn't have if I just wanted a kiss though, I actually really liked him and we went out for a while after that.

yellowcanary

Thanks for your reply. My reason for posting is this.... Im 27 and have been best friends with my friend for 10 years. We live in a relatively small area when it comes to talent (!). My friend goes out alot more than I do and so has kissed far more of the local guys... I kissed and slept with a guy a while ago that she kissed 4 years ago and didnt think much of it as it is distant past and alot has happened since then. Bearing in mind she has kissed loads of guys since then!!!!!!!! Things were bad between us after that for a few days but we didnt really mention it and got over it.
At the wkend however I was feeling down and mentioned it to her and she still holds it against me. Resulted in a big row and we're not talking at the moment. She said Im not allowed to kiss ANY of the guys shes ever kissed which amounts to alot of guys.... The thing is I dont head out half as much as her and Im much quieter. It just doesnt seem fair.:( Im very hurt about it.... Im not sure if I did an awful thing or if shes being unreasonable.
Just needed a rant before I talk to her to try sort it out. We both need each other and otherwise get on very well.
What do you think?

Busi_Girl08

You're 27. You do not need permission to go out with someone your friend kissed several years ago.

Get out there and enjoy yourself. Don't let her ruin any potential relationships and move you further into your own shell.

If she gets pissed off about you being happy for once, then it just goes to show how much of a friend she is.

The Lovely Muffin

Busi_Girl08 wrote: »

You're 27. You do not need permission to go out with someone your friend kissed several years ago.

Get out there and enjoy yourself. Don't let her ruin any potential relationships and move you further into your own shell.

If she gets pissed off about you being happy for once, then it just goes to show how much of a friend she is.

+1 to this.

yellowcanary wrote: »

At the wkend however I was feeling down and mentioned it to her and she still holds it against me. Resulted in a big row and we're not talking at the moment.

Why did you bring it up again? Was it long ago you kissed him?

yellowcanary wrote: »

She said Im not allowed to kiss ANY of the guys shes ever kissed which amounts to alot of guys....
What do you think?

What age is she?

Tbh, if a friend spoke to me like that and TOLD me I wasn't allowed to kiss any guys she kissed, I wouldn't want her a friend, regardless of how long we were friends.

Who on earth does she think she is telling you you who you can and can't kiss?

How would she feel and what would she say/do if you told her she couldn't kiss any of the guys she kissed?

yellowcanary

Thanks, talking about it is helping.... I dont think I did much wrong... She just said that now she actually likes him again and apparently told me this before I kissed him... (I dont remember.. Dont think she did at all!!!)
Thing is I am quite pretty but shes doing nothing for my self confidence at the moment (possibly because of her own insecurities). She told me 2 weeks previously that i couldnt buy a dress from Pennys because she had it already - she "couldnt believe I even bought it". Just feels like she has a monoply on things and I must comply.
Im aware that shes coming off quite badly and that theres 2 sides to every story... but honestly I think shes being out of line.
Im afraid of loosing her as a friend. Im not willing to fight over a guy with her (and would never intentionally go out to kiss a guy she liked or has kissed recently) but surely Im not expected to stay single forever!!!

Busi_Girl08

Pet, she's not your friend. She's using you to make herself feel dominant and superior, by taking away from you such privilages as choosing clothes and meeting guys.

You need to get out of that toxic relationship, pronto. You're still young. Get out there, join clubs, make new friends. This girl will continue to tear you down piece by piece until you are a ghost of your former self. You're not going to lose a friend, you're going to escape from a bully.

yellowcanary

Purple_Bobbin wrote: »

+1 to this.

Why did you bring it up again? Was it long ago you kissed him?

What age is she?

Tbh, if a friend spoke to me like that and TOLD me I wasn't allowed to kiss any guys she kissed, I wouldn't want her a friend, regardless of how long we were friends.

Who on earth does she think she is telling you you who you can and can't kiss?

How would she feel and what would she say/do if you told her she couldn't kiss any of the guys she kissed?

Shes 27 too... Kissed him about 2 months ago. Brought it up because I was upset about how she treated me badly after I kissed him (wouldnt talk to me for a few days/talk about him) we never talked about afterwards and I supposed it was unresolved. It was then that she told me that she had previously told me she liked him (days earlier) and that they were texting etc before I kissed him. I knew nothing about this. Not sure if its true...
I feel trapped cause we have great fun going out 2g but I just cant compete with her socially (she goes out alot more than I do and so knows/meets more people etc). Id miss her if we lost contact...

The Lovely Muffin

yellowcanary wrote: »

Shes 27 too... Kissed him about 2 months ago.

Who kissed him two months ago, you or her?

yellowcanary wrote: »

Brought it up because I was upset about how she treated me badly after I kissed him (wouldnt talk to me for a few days/talk about him) we never talked about afterwards and I supposed it was unresolved.

I understand your upset, but was there no one else you could have spoken to about it? Before talking to this friend. Maybe another friend could have warned you of what would happen and how this "friend" would react.

yellowcanary wrote: »

It was then that she told me that she had previously told me she liked him (days earlier) and that they were texting etc before I kissed him. I knew nothing about this. Not sure if its true...

Can you ask this guy? Not the best idea, but I wouldn't be too keen to believe your friend, have you any reason not to believe this guy

yellowcanary wrote: »

I feel trapped cause we have great fun going out 2g but I just cant compete with her socially (she goes out alot more than I do and so knows/meets more people etc). Id miss her if we lost contact...

Have you any other friends?

I totally agree with Busi_Girl08 and she has made some great suggestions about making other friends. This girl is not a friend, she is a bully and as Busi said, she will tear you down and destroy your confidence and self-esteem.

I don't have much confidence, and trust me it is a horrible thing, get out now before this girl ruins your confidence.

You say you don't want to lose her as friend, which is more important to you, this girl or your self condifence/self esteem? Because if you continue to see her as a friend, it won't be long before she tears you down.

yellowcanary

Thanks Purple Bobbin and Busi Gal... The thing is I actually have lots of confidence in other areas of life. I will chat away to people, do things (courses) on my own etc. I dont really feel like a victim and have never seen her as a bully before. However, she cant expect me to go out socially with her if I cant get close to any of the guys shes kissed, if Im ever to find someone!!

I kissed him 2 months ago. Shee kissed him 4 years ago. I asked the guy but hes not the most reliable source!! He said they werent in contact but I couldnt be fully sure hed tell me the truth... At the same time, I think shes lied to me about a different issue recently.
Basically, Im just tired bein lied to!!!!!!

I have other friends but not close ones. Im part of lots of clubs - partly to meet others so Im trying
I sound terrible!!! I am confident and pretty. Just never met any other close friends...

Corkblowin

4 years!!!!
I'm sorry, but I thought you were both 16 as I was reading it. If you like him let him know & put the ball in his court - your friend has had plenty of time to make something happen if she wanted it to. If neither of you are interested ( it's been 2 months since it happened) then why is it even an issue!!!!
This sort of agonising drives me mad.......I blame all these crappy tv shows!!

Oops.....must be past my bedtime.......rant over!

yellowcanary

Thanks for all of the (constructive) advice! Ill take it on board.