I think he is loosing it

DubMam

My partner went through a really dark time last year, now its getting worse. He no longer speaks to his brother or sister, hates his stepfather and now has decided he wants nothing to do with his mother.
There was a huge row between himself and his mother last night which ended up with him screaming the place down and storming out. His mother was in bits, sobbing. She stood there and told me that she feels so sorry for me having to live with him!
These severe moods swings are getting more frequent and it seems that he is never happy unless he is fighting with someone. Its wearing me out! He wont see a doctor , laughs when i mention depression but Im the one who has to calm the kids down when he kicks off again. We are not fighting at the moment but it is only a matter of time b4 he runs out of people to hate and turns on me.

I'm not coping

LegacyUser

Hey OP,

Maybe he has a reason to fall out with these people. I do think it sounds inappropiate for his mum to say to you that she feels sorry for you having to live with him. Maybe he needs to cut the ties with them for a while. What makes you think he is going to turn on you, next? It is not clear from your post whether he has before, or if he is treating you badly. If he does not want to see a doctor that is his choice.

DubMam

I know he is going to turn on me next because he has done it before, there has been violence in our past. Im talking rocking back and forward screaming for his head to stop.
Its hard to pack up 3 kids and give him space for a while. He is using other things as crutches - drink drugs. Iam the one who has to sit through his ramblings agreeing with everything he has so he wont loose his temper with me. Constantly waiting for the next meltdown.

I have been through depression in the past and know how isolated you can feel and i am doing the best I can to be there for him but with the bills, kids and random mood swings I am struggling

Nevyn

You need to think about tough love, for the sake of you and the kids.
Tell him that you can't live this way it's not fiar on him, your and esp not the kids.
Give him an ultimatium that he gets help or else he will have to move out or that you are going to leave. It will not be easy but you have to protect yourself and the kids and that is no way to live.

Cheap Thrills!

It might be better if he left. The way he is behaving is abusive.
But would probably be very difficult to get him to leave though, if he won't even accept he has a problem.

OP, can you talk to a womans aid helpline and maybe get some advice and support?

You need to start preparing to get out if he won't leave. The behaviour he is carrying on with is very damaging to the kids.

estar

hi there he is clearly in a lot of distress. he is calling out for help or for limits to be placed so he can get help. although he wont see a doctor, all the anger aggression and shouting if they are not typical of him since you have known him and if they are escalating are outward signs of someone who is losing control of their emotions. when did this first start? has he always been like this or did some event trigger it?

you need to set clear and definitive boundaries over what you will and will not accept. you also need to sit him down and clearly express how living with him makes you feel. living with someone who is angry is very stressful one is constantly on edge. he has pushed everyone away that cares for him. its time to issue an ultamatim for change.

there are anger management classes in st john of gods and other hospitals - the problem is not really falling out with people per se - it is how he is expressing himself, and managing those fall outs.

he needs to learn to understand and express himself without hurting others. i would be saying that you love him, but will not continue in the relationship unless he changes how he expresses his anger and learns to fight with people without falling out with them if that makes sense.

tell him you are here to listen to him, but need him to show you that he is capable of committing to a less stressful life with less anger and fights.

best of luck.